The meaning of connection

 

Have you ever noticed that, although we live in the most connected age in history, many people have never felt so alone?

It sounds like a contradiction, yet it is becoming one of the defining challenges of our time. In recent years, the World Health Organization and the U.S. Surgeon General have described loneliness and social isolation as a major public health concern. What became painfully visible during the pandemic did not disappear when the lockdowns ended - it simply changed shape: human beings are designed for connection.

We don't simply enjoy it; we need it. Meaningful relationships influence how our brains function, how we learn, how we work, how we cope with stress and even how our immune system responds. When genuine connection is missing, all dimensions of our health - emotional, mental physical, social, financial - begin to suffer.

Yet there is another side to the story: being constantly connected is not the same as being deeply connected.

Our phones rarely stop vibrating with messages arriving around the clock. News never sleeps and social media invites us into hundreds - even thousands - of lives at once. We are expected, or at least we think so, to respond, react, compare and keep up. Eventually, our attention becomes fragmented, stress quietly settles in, and for many, chronic exhaustion evolves into burnout.

It makes me think the problem is not that the number of connections, but the majority is superficial. What takes us to spend too little time to nurture the ones that truly matter.

Interestingly, the word yoga literally means connection, a union, as if we consciously return to what is essential.

When we deliberately reconnect with ourselves by experiencing yoga, we begin to listen to the inner voice that stress has silenced. We heal wounds left by hurried relationships, unrealistic expectations and a life lived on autopilot. And when that connection extends to God, we stop depending solely on our limited emotional reserves and we draw strength from a Source that is constant, peaceful and unconditional.

Maybe that is the invitation for all of us.

Not to collect more contacts.

Not to chase more conversations.

Not even to spend less time online.

It is time to reinforce those meaningful connections, to avoid the pointless ones and to dedicate more time in beautiful yoga experiences.

Do you know the secret of a healthy relationship?

 

Relationships are in crisis. Any relationship… and when we face problems in a relationship, our first instinct is often to wait for the other person to fix it. He should apologize. She must change. They have to act first.

So, if all relationships are in crisis in the world, that means we are waiting for LOTS OF PEOPLE to apologize. To change. To act first…

Of course, I am sure, in your case, not all relationships are in crisis, and that is my case too. But this secret I want to share will work even when there are small problems, disagreements or moments of doubt, and I am sure we all have moments of illness even in the healthiest relationship.

The secret I want to share is: you don’t need to wait for the other one.

Yes, both sides matter. Yes, a relationship only works when both sides are synchronized.

But healing often begins with just one person taking the first step and it is a show of courage.

Healthy relationships are built on that particular initiative, the will to approach the other with a sincere open heart, not just when things are perfect, but particularly when things feel broken.

Reality is you can’t always fix everything, but you can create the conditions for change by choosing to be the best version of yourself, especially when you are with others.

Don’t underestimate the power of a gesture, a conversation, a moment of empathy.

Don’t think your small message to that person with whom you had a problem is just courtesy or it will be ignored.

By taking the first step, you are laying the first brick to fix a bridge between you and others, which is often enough to start, to reboot or restart a healthy relationship.

How to help someone who is far from me…

During this pandemic, I have had many situations in which the people going through problems were far from me, physically, and the problems were very big.

Sometimes, I was able to talk with the person and give some comfort. Other times, I just talked…

And at other times, I’ve failed and probably, I’ve made it worse.

But there is something I am sure it works, ALWAYS: to send good wishes.

It may sound something… ethereal… and I don’t have proof it works, but we may all do a few experiments:

Think of someone who is in need and who lives far from you. Think of that person in their best, with a big smile and much energy, and do that exercise during some time, at the same time (hour) and for the same length of time.

When you talk with someone who is in trouble, before talking with that person, do the former exercise, seeing them in your mind in their best. Make sure you are talking with the person in their best moment…

After talking with someone going through a bad period in their life, take some time out to wish the best to that person, in your heart.

Don’t forget that you can only help others if you help yourself first, particularly if you are going through a similar scene in the play of your life. Meditate, empower yourself, study, talk with other people and then extend the hand of your ears and heart to others.

Empathy

A short story mentioned by Daniel Goleman in his book Emotional Intelligence describes a young boy who was natural in terms of emotional intelligence. At one occasion, when another boy got hurt, he went to him and he showed how he also got hurt in the same way, calming down the boy’s pain.

And that’s Empathy 1.01: to create a bond with another person by showing them you can also feel the same. I am sure you would agree our society needs more people like that boy as too many people are getting hurt in a daily basis. Here I am talking about empathy and a few realizations I have had along the years, in the form of a list of points.

• Empathy does not heal, but to be with an empathetic person help in healing, besides being a soothing experience.
• Now, empathy does not mean to walk in someone’s shoes. I am sure you have heard that and it is understandable that is probably the closest illustration possible, as the boy in the example has shown. I realized a misperception of empathy when I saw a cashier at a supermarket assisting a customer, who was a rich lady; it was obvious for me the cashier couldn’t walk in the lady’s shoes, but she had a good level of emotional intelligence… That was the click!
• Empathy is not about feeling EXACTLY what the other one feels, but it is about creating a bond, showing the other person it is possible to feel the same even though their situations are so different. Even though they cannot walk in each other’s shoes.
• After that click, I had another one: many times, kindness will work quite well. It is what many of us do when we meet someone who is going through a rough day… Although kindness is one of the components of empathy, it can work by itself, that is, without forming a bond.
• Think about empathy as a formula: BOND + KINDNESS. It there is only a bond (a family, co-workers, doctor/patient) it does not guarantee empathy; it there is only kindness, it may sound false, particularly with people know each other.
• Definitely, Emotional Intelligence includes empathy at some level and this is why is so effective in terms or relationship and even productivity while talking about a team working together. But there is an extra factor which is the intrapersonal intelligence, the emotions we feel and how to handle them.

I hope this list may help you in your life.

If you do envy someone, what to do?

I don’t like the topic of envy or jealousy, but it happens to all of us. I would like to explore envy in the context of personal success, and what to do to rectify or to prevent its negative effects.

 

All of us want to be successful. It is natural and it doesn’t matter our way of life, just like nature, we will look for success. However, there are different types of success, as you know, and I would like to talk about 3 categories which can create some negative feelings within the self.

One type of success is quite superficial: a person reaches a goal and objective. Most of the times, success means going BEYOND those aims. However, it may not be possible and yet, the neighbor/cousin/former boss got that!! It can create a feeling of disappointment or disheartenment. The solution is to go back to school, that is, to understand what is the lesson to be learnt, learn and move on.

Another type of success is to get it through other people. It happens to parents, children, siblings and even bosses: others are successful and the person feels they are successful. It is a very special and pure sensation, something close to selflessness and it enables the individual to move forward. The only problem is the sense of an empty nest, particularly when the effect of that success by proxy fades off. Create a good life along with others’ success and there will be a personal feeling of achievement.

The last category of success may be called a holistic success, which means to be successful in all ways possible: spiritually, in terms of work and family, as a personal fulfillment and more. It is the sense of success of having done a wonderful job in life and nothing else remains to be done, it is pure satisfaction. There is nothing lacking in that type of success, but it is possible others are not so satisfied. I have seen people renouncing their dreams because of others’ feelings. The solution is to talk more with others and share some of the success with those people, reassuring them about their importance.

Thoughts are powerful, very powerful

Let’s talk about the power of thoughts.

We could go scientifically and there are lots of research supporting that. Or we may go to the mystical side of thoughts; not much in terms of research, but people love it.

However, I would like to share with you three experiences related to the power of thought, so you can… think… about them.

The first experience is the fact that I was brought up thinking I was poor. Yes, that was said at least once a week in my family and by other people too. And yet, we had our own house and there were other things that contradicted that affirmation.

Thoughts create prosperity and abundance in a very real way. When I came to my spiritual path, and even before that, I started to see reality in a different way. It was as if an exit door for my situation just opened. It took time for me to believe it, to go through it and at last, to be free from that limiting belief, and it all started with my thoughts…

 

My second experience is related to sickness. I am clear about the need of using medicine, and I use it, but I value the energy of the self.

I was in India just now, walking around, when a friend of mine insisted that I meditated and sent some of the energy to my foot (long story...). I did that, and the sensation was amazing. Maybe thoughts can’t cure all the time, but they can give a relief.

 

The last experience is about a relationship. He was an acquaintance and one day I met him, when I found out he was very upset with me. It was a strange feeling, since we were from different countries, we didn’t talk much and, well, our relationship was almost zero.

Initially I felt quite annoyed with that, but I started to change my thoughts in relation to him. I started to send good wishes and good vibrations to him. It was a process of years, but at last, when we met many years later, he was OK with me…

 

Thoughts work very well; it is time we use this resource more.

Discovering that part of yourself that is hidden, but others do know it

Many years ago, I came in contact with the Johari Window model. It was such a realization!

For those who don’t know it, I strongly suggest you to research on that.

The model comes from the understanding that our qualities, talents, potentials and everything that is valuable for us (I will be calling this our treasure) can be distributed in 4 different areas of a matrix:

An area that is known by you and others. Most people know that you have that treasure in yourself and it is the thing you can put down in your CV without thinking. It is natural and that gave you your job position or your friends.

Another area is that in which your treasure is known by others, but for some reason, you don’t know it. It is often due to self-doubt or the lack of self-esteem, but others recognize you for more than what you think you are. Good managers and friends will help you to develop that part of yourself.

The opposite is in another quadrant of the same matrix; you know your treasures and others don’t. It can generate frustration, but if you manage it well, it will create surprise to others that you do have that skill!

The last quadrant is the most mysterious as it corresponds to that part of your treasure that neither you or others know. Although many will consider this a problem for the self, it is in fact the guarantee all of us have that we can always change. There is always a potential to be explored and new experiences to be lived, no matter our age or condition.

Explore it!

But I would like to work on those parts that are hidden. We may call them potentials or seeds and for some reason they are invisible, at last for some people, maybe ourselves.

First, why are there things others see about us that we can’t see?

OK, there are lots of BAD stuff others see that we don’t, but again, I would like to focus on those POSITIVE things: our ability to crack a joke when things are tense, the fact we cook gnocchi very well, our talent with kids or the fact we smile, even when things are going bad.

As per my experience, it means we are missing our own greatness… it can be because of self-doubt or just very negative thoughts that as horrible landlords evict positive sensations from our minds.

The solution may not be easy, but it is healing: talk to other people. Talk more.

Learn from them what they see from you. Yes, some things won’t be nice to hear, but others will be ABSOLUTELY WONDERFUL.

And believe it over those horrible landlords… You and I, and everyone, have so much more inside that comes to the eyes, even our own.