If you do envy someone, what to do?

I don’t like the topic of envy or jealousy, but it happens to all of us. I would like to explore envy in the context of personal success, and what to do to rectify or to prevent its negative effects.

 

All of us want to be successful. It is natural and it doesn’t matter our way of life, just like nature, we will look for success. However, there are different types of success, as you know, and I would like to talk about 3 categories which can create some negative feelings within the self.

One type of success is quite superficial: a person reaches a goal and objective. Most of the times, success means going BEYOND those aims. However, it may not be possible and yet, the neighbor/cousin/former boss got that!! It can create a feeling of disappointment or disheartenment. The solution is to go back to school, that is, to understand what is the lesson to be learnt, learn and move on.

Another type of success is to get it through other people. It happens to parents, children, siblings and even bosses: others are successful and the person feels they are successful. It is a very special and pure sensation, something close to selflessness and it enables the individual to move forward. The only problem is the sense of an empty nest, particularly when the effect of that success by proxy fades off. Create a good life along with others’ success and there will be a personal feeling of achievement.

The last category of success may be called a holistic success, which means to be successful in all ways possible: spiritually, in terms of work and family, as a personal fulfillment and more. It is the sense of success of having done a wonderful job in life and nothing else remains to be done, it is pure satisfaction. There is nothing lacking in that type of success, but it is possible others are not so satisfied. I have seen people renouncing their dreams because of others’ feelings. The solution is to talk more with others and share some of the success with those people, reassuring them about their importance.

Is there any future in my horizon?

Images can be inspiring… A picture I have taken shown a foggy road and although you could see the beginning and a few meters further, nothing was waiting for you ahead.

At these times, that is future for us.

For some unknown reason, humanity has been obsessed in learning about their future; so many things were created for that. And then the uncertainty paradigm has become predominant, so there is no horoscope that can really tell you the future now, and no consultant or coach can really guide you in these very foggy times.

You are on your own…

But…

There is another wonderful possibility: you can create your own future. Step by step, action by action, thought by thought. That is, you are your own leader.

Taking into account that, here are a few suggestions:

• To be in uncertain times does not mean to not plan your future. Just be deeper and think in terms of a future vision instead of only objectives & aims.
• Be prepared to adapt, but don’t lose focus or important things related to life such as values and relationship.
• Make your present a real present for yourself and the people who live and work with you. Whatever you do now, its fruits will become your future at some point.
• Develop your resilience in such a way that you will face obstacles from a high energy.
• When you fail for some reason, just turn the failure into a step towards your success. Learn, change and implement the lessons onto your life.

Learning in teaching

You could say teaching is learning in disguise.

The reason is simple: when you teach, you are making effort to transform ideas, particularly those that are ethereal into something more tangible, which makes you looking for great examples, research more or simply involve the class by asking questions. After this, the idea that you knew will have been transformed; in other words, you have learnt even more about that.

Many years ago, I went to a special 15-day course in India. When I arrive there, however, they had a lack in co-facilitators and I was asked to step in… That means, I really didn’t seat much during the course, as I had to help others to learn things that I was learning at the same time! The benefit was visible for me, as I was able to assimilate very difficult concepts because I had to invent new ways to explain them.

That does not mean you will just start teaching anything with the hopes that you will learn; you do need some basics for that and a good methodology, but it would help a lot if you teach more, share more and contribute more to others’ personal development.

Just be aware and at the end of a class, formal or not, check: What did I learn?

5 questions to end your year

• Which changes am I experiencing this year?
• What have been my main success events or accomplishments this year?
• What are the main lessons I am learning?
• What are my main realizations?
• In the rest of the year that still remains, what will be my focus?

Years are just a ritual, they really don't pass, not even exist. But we can use that as a concept and help ourselves to change in a more methodical way. For that, we need to check and change whatever has happened with us, and as the time passes faster and faster, it is better to start even before the year ends.
The questions before can trigger something deep in yourself. Yes, they are pretty general, but they can be helpful in making sense of the year that is almost finishing.

• I went through a big earthquake this year in my life. It was a crucial moment of decision and I have experienced a powerful breakthrough in relation to a situation that was as long as 7 years ago. The main change for me is to realize the total control of my life, which is in my hands. Yes, I knew that, but it was more than a realization, it was a practical fact. By the way, still in process.
• I think the main accomplishment for this year has been to come back into the consulting world and to start coaching. I felt so relieved, but it was more than that. It was a feeling of a person who has been through a heavy storm and finds out there is still dry soil somewhere... I felt like my feet touched the ground, and it has been great.
• This year, I have taken a powerful course by the University of Life. How many lessons I have learnt? I don't know. Possibly the biggest one is to shape my mind and comments and always express myself. I've realised that although I am a good communicator, I am not so good in expressing sensitive issues and that has harmed my relationships and myself.
• Realizations... I think my main realization, not mentioned before, has been the power of a spiritual life. If I had to decide between going back to a former lifestyle or keeping the present one, I would have decided to keep this one as I had this deep realization of the benefits of the life course I have chosen.
• For the rest of the year... I am catching up with everything, and not only for the year as I had the "7-year storm" realization, so I want to do as much as I can and experience as much as I can. I am catching up even with my blog...

What about you? What are your responses? I would love to hear (read) them. Take care, Marcelo