Satisfaction is so natural – Reason 38

When you eat something nutritious and tasty, you feel that wonderful sensation, as if the world is the most wonderful place…  But, after a few hours, that type of satisfaction will end, and the same could be said to toys, cars, holidays and people’s company.

Most of the world is looking for a different type of satisfaction, but only find the one that is as ephemeral as it was sung in the 1960’s by The Rolling Stones[1].  Ultimately does not give long-lasting gratification.

One of the reasons is that most of time we take satisfaction from actions and external situations.  However, leaders find satisfaction inside themselves, using the external not as a source, but as a means to make other people realise what the leader is inside.

For instance, maybe a person will look for a friend with whom to talk and go out, and his satisfaction will rely on that interaction.  On the contrary, a leader will have something to talk about and when a friend comes their conversation will happen.

It is good to be a leader as she or he IS a satisfied person, and has no need to create external means in order get to that point.

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[1] (I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction is a song composed by Mick Jagger and Keith Richards, the leaders of The Rolling Stones, launched on June 6^th 1965.

(Excerpt from the book 82 Reasons to be a Leader)

Is this new age or just passing moments?

From time to time, there is news circulating around that the world is changing, things are improving and it is much better. And then, things change… back… or worse.

What is going on really? Is there any fate related to our civilization that we must get worse instead of improving?

First of all, we have improved in many different aspects… on a physical level. The mere fact we wash our hands and how much that impacts our health is amazing. And what about all the benefits that come with the Internet…

The problem is in terms of perception: maybe we are better, but internally we are not adapting to welcome the changes in the world. Maybe we are living a new age, but internally we are still in living in the old age.

And there are two paths we may follow if we want to live this new age that is just there, ahead of us:

1. We can adapt externally and hope for the best, focusing on new generations; maybe they will be able to take full advantage of this new era.
2. We should reflect more and check what is to be done internally, so that we don’t miss the new possibilities and at the same time, we feel satisfied internally.

What is the path you are going to follow? Are you going to wait for the next generation to eat the fruit of all the advancement of our civilization, or are it is going to be you who will eat that and then share to others? Make a decision and quick, as the world keeps on changing.

From disempowerment to empowerment

I have been working on the topic of empowerment for many years, since I realized the importance of power in life: that’s what we have that comes from within and helps us to defeat obstacles, to reinvent ourselves and to attain success.

However, I have noticed that there has been a decrement in the awareness of power; I would dare to say we are reaching very high levels of global disempowerment. How to turn this around? I would like to explore three of the present paradigms that show disempowerment and how to change that:

• Aloneness and short-term relationships. People are either choosing to live by themselves or they have relationships that last very little time, creating a unique situation for the family-based societies, governments, the economy and many other levels.
• The deep dissatisfaction, from citizens to government officers. In the past, this was a common trace of a dictatorial government, but nowadays even very well consolidated democracies are facing this, which may be considered a worldwide movement.
• The fake media. Instead of a media that covers matters and subjects into their depth, the social network has opened the doors to all kind of information and news are often short and inaccurate, generating the chance for fake news and deepfakes.

Why does this indicate the growing disempowerment and how to reverse this trend?

First of all, the main reason people are alone is not that they don’t need others because they are so satisfied and fulfilled; reality is there is not enough strength to try and live with other people, by accommodating to others’ way of living. One way of solving it is to invest time in developing more assertiveness and dialogue techniques, which will help in creating new bridges between people.

That dissatisfaction also reaches the social level, which used to happen in non-democratic countries and people of democratic countries used to point and say well, that’s the result of dictatorship. By happening in a democracy, it shows people’s disempowerment as the big irony is that people are marching and protesting against people they themselves have put in that position... The empowerment in terms of citizenship comes from developing better criteria to use at time of election and to know more about the government and social structure, so learning ways of promoting change in a more effective way.

Last but not the least, information has always had a deep impact in our mindset and good powerful information helps us to feel more empowered. Let’s add to that truthful; if the news is not real, the effect tends to be the opposite, particularly when facts come out and the person realizes they believed in something false, losing self-confidence. On one hand, control the news that come to you and don’t believe in them just like that; on the other hand, prioritize more in relation to which information is relevant to you, and focus on that, leaving other pieces of data aside.

Values: satisfaction from within

Values are not only nice words… they are effective means to accomplish success.

Every action comes into reality due to a value or another. Its role is narrowing the how’s in relation to the action’s purpose. For instance, if your purpose is to help other people, then your values will help you to define how to do it – by becoming a nun, a good parent or a visionary entrepreneur.

If your values tended in such a way that being a nun would make you act and help more people than being an entrepreneur, but you made the wrong choice and you are working everyday until ten pm, your life will lack in satisfaction and the sense of accomplishment. If you made a good choice and still working until 10 pm, you will feel happy everyday with the sense you are doing what you always wanted to do.

By following your values, your actions are full of meaning and they come directly from within – it is not something artificial, done just because of the present fashion or someone else’s wishes.

It means you need to pay more attention to your personal values and understand them very well.

• Differentiate what you really are from what you would like to be. In every culture, there are some values people assume everyone has and so, they don’t work on them. Be careful about it and very honest with yourself; if you don’t have a value or at least you don’t use it very often, it is important to accept it and work on that, developing it at a satisfactory point.
• How to develop a value? After identifying the value to be developed, or adopted, there are basically two ways for a person to do it. First, find a role model who helps you to understand what that value means in life – if I am honest, how does that look in a couple relationship? Second, to go on a spiritual path and by reflecting, contemplating and meditating, naturally improving the presence of a value in your life – by meditating, I feel more secure within, so honesty is easy, my words and actions express what I really am to other people, including my partner.
• Being a value keeper. Values are very fragile in the present environment where there are too many options and ways to perform an action. It is important to keep reflecting or meditating. Also, become a role model yourself, showing others how to tap into that value and make it part of your life.

By valuing your values, you are changing your own life.

Being a voluntary is having a new life

As a volunteer of many years, I can’t imagine what life could be without that great feeling of doing things without an immediate reward, or no physical reward at all.

As a human, we need to do four things to be in balance:

• Working and earning an income.
• To work without an income.
• Processing what is happening.
• Awakening or broadening awareness.

Without one of these aspects while living your life, you will feel some emptiness, but it is by not volunteering that you would lack the big satisfaction whilst being productive. You would probably be complaining eternally about your work and how underappreciated you are.

We are used to think of productive people as the ones who have proper skills, who went to a good college or work hard. In reality, it comes from a deep realization you have on a specialty you own, what can be called a calling, or vocation. When you are working based on your calling, all is good and what is not good, is a challenge you know you can overcome.

That energy we all have, it wants to come out, flow along our community and change life as we know it. We use some of that to get our livelihood, the result of our combined forces of mind and body.

Another part is used without waiting for an income. In fact it gives back, that is my experience: smile, gratitude, blessings and good wishes are my salary for being available to people, and cooperate as best as I can. But of course, I need to pay for this computer and smiles don’t work with it…

This subtle income is powerful and it changes you and other people’s lives. If you are not into volunteering, here are some suggestions:

1. Check for your own specialty, that thing you know how to do or to be that is unique.
2. Look for places where it will be appreciated, either because it is necessary for them or to complement what they already do.
3. Do a trial. Work with an organization or two for some time and check how you and others feel about your presence there, and your invaluable contribution.
4. After making a decision, create a routine in relation to what you are going to give there.
5. It is better to not exceed, otherwise that can affect your livelihood and, remember, balance is the key word.

After volunteering for one year or two, share your experience and help others to receive the same energy you are.

The communication power: your smile and features

As a frequent customer for airlines, one thing I notice is how less and less my providers smile. And when they do, it is really not convincing...

I did not research or check statistics. It is more a feeling than anything. At some airlines, their employees are visibly tired and unhappy; others they seem to be upset you are travelling with them so they cannot have a nice time as they have to attend you.

Part of the power of communication comes from your features and a smile, a very genuine and sincere smile, is a fundamental part. Well, you cannot buy smiles nor do a Joker, but you can always learn how to smile more and more...

Smile comes from a deep sense of satisfaction. So, the easiest trick for an easy smile is that: be satisfied. Satisfaction comes from four sources:

• The self. First of all, you need to be happy with yourself, your efforts, your capacity and energy. Satisfaction is not a static thing; it does not mean that you don't improve because you are so satisfied with whatever you are. It means you are happy with your own self and from that happiness, you will pursue your own growth or transformation.
• Others (close). As everyone influences everyone, when others are satisfied with you and you are with them, the exchange of energy is wonderful. You will feel your life is a huge continuous party! The close ones, friends and close relatives, are the main people that influences in your own sense of satisfaction. If someone is not satisfied with you or you are not satisfied with them, it is time for reflection and to make a decision about it.
• Others (far, far away). There are other people you are not that close, or maybe you have been close in the past. Still, our sense of satisfaction relies on the feeling of being satisfied and if your airline pilot is not doing that or your local baker, then it is time to check on what to do about it. A part of the stress experienced in big cities comes from the interaction between people who are basically strangers.
• God or a Supreme Source of energy. Yes, God is present in our smiles too... Our relationship and its level with this Supreme Force will interfere in our personal sense of satisfaction. If you don't believe in God, it is still possible you believe in something; that point you believe, God or something else, means a lot for you and the way you feel satisfied with His or Her role in your life will help you to shape that smile in your face.

By increasing your sense of satisfaction, your smile will be easy and your features will be influenced by that, which will change the way you communicate. A smile express trust and confidence, joy and calm, so when you communicate with others, they will get that feeling from you.

Present, past and future

Practically speaking, we all live in the present and no matter how much we remember our past or plan and dream our future, we still live in the present moment. However, over and over we think of our past and future, and they clearly interfere in our present.

Good or bad, this creates some stress in people as they can't change their past and they can't really control their future completely. Probably, that's why in many meditation practices the person starts by focusing in the here and now.

It is healthy to learn how to deal with those subtle pressures we put on ourselves, after all we have many other real pressures to deal with...

• Your present is the key. The more satisfied, happy and peaceful you are, the less your past and future will affect your present life. So, make some effort to sort circumstances out and live a life you really want to live.
• Your past is, well, past... Anytime our past tries to creep into your life, remind yourself that is already past and it cannot change. Of course, if that past gives you some kind of positivism (as good memories do), it is OK, but don't let it unfocus of your present effort and life.
• Your future is not! It will be at some point, and nobody can really foresee that. Yes, you can plan, and it is good to have a vision, objective and aims in life, but with detachment in case they don't happen.
• Every day, live your day. At the beginning of the day and at its end, focus in the here and now. Experience the life you have, the thoughts you think and appreciate that effort.
• The present is a present for you. After all, your present contains a summary of your past and the seeds to your future. Focus on the present and you'll be honoring the past and generating a brilliant future.

From dream to vision...

A vision without an action is just a dream.An action without a vision is a labor.A vision with action can change the world.

I heard that quote many and many years ago. Along the time, other time was mentioned as its author - as far as I know, nobody knows it, but it was engraved in an old church...

It doesn't matter - it touched me in a different way.

I have been a dreamer, I have just declared that to you, but it was after this quote that I started to give importance to the action that turns the dream into a vision, into a reality.

Dreams are good: physical dreams help your body somehow, "cleaning" your brain of useless images or warning you that something is wrong; mystical dreams transform lives around the world by creating new paths for human race to follow, and spiritual dreams help you to develop certain qualities you perhaps did not realize you need to do.

But the most fascinating of all are those dreams we have with our open eyes... Perhaps looking at something or just talking with other people. Those dreams when you challenge your present reality and you wonder if it would be possible for you to live life in a different way. Then, you wake up and go on to another direction eventually forgetting that dream.

However, if you are able to catch your dream and start to change whatever you have to change so that dream becomes a reality, which means you had a vision, a glimpse of a possible future.

There are no real statistics, but it is known that visionaries are able to fulfill their dreams at some point in their lives. And, in the cases they couldn't, still the generated so much change in their own lives that it was worthwhile to even try.

And that is what I did. I still remember that day, living a low middle class area in Sao Paulo, my birthplace, when I saw a plane crossing the blue sky. And I wondered if one day I would be there... Now, I look behind and I can see my visions have been fulfilled. Now, I can say I have a very wonderful life because one day I did not allow that dream to go dormant; I pursued it, and made it real. I am sure you are doing the same too.

And from dreamers we become visionaries, in the creation of a new world and a new life.

While looking for balance in life, what you are really looking for is basically the experience of five things. You can call them feelings or emotions. They are basic qualities all human beings look for and here we will be talking about this wonderful idea Brian Bacon had on how to get them.

Which qualities? Satisfaction, Comfort, Contentment, Fulfilment and Bliss.

When you meet that point where your career correspond to your own passion, you are able to satisfy your life completely. That means, you will take so much joy from that work that you will feel it is really worth to wake up, get up and do that everyday. On the other hand, you can do well in a job without passion, but you will always want to have more of something else, that is, your passion will take you, or try to take you, somewhere else.

The feeling of comfort in the heart and mind comes when your career allows you to do charity too. That is the case of many consultants and coaches that I know, who use their jobs to help the world somehow. It is true; you do feel a kind of "I am really helping these people". If you just work and earn money, without using that for others in an altruistic way, that feeling won't come and you will be restless. If you do charity to others, but that charity does not help you in other areas of life, you will be disheartened at some point.

Beyond satisfaction there is contentment, the feeling that you don't need anything else, you just are! That comes when your acts of charity meet your vocation... That is much more than comfort, it is a supreme feeling that you are doing something important for the world. You have found your own truth in life. If you know your vocation but you don't apply that in charity, then you will do well, but you will feel you are still looking for something.

Beyond contentment, you have fulfilment in life - that is, you are in the right place doing the right things with the right heart and mind. This comes when your vocation and passion meet on the way. All of us have a call, but few of us have the passion for that, enough energy that enables us to break all bondages and do what we are really supposed to do.

Then, when you have the experience of all of that, you reach bliss in life. That is balance, when you are always smiling, your mind is always positive and your actions are constantly meaningful.

This is for your thoughts. Take care.

Balance in life

By Brian Bacon, the bliss of balance

Do you agree with this idea?

Brian is a good friend of many years, he is the founder of Oxford Leadership Academy, a company to which I am linked (and doing my best to start it in Colombia).

Take a look and think about it. See you next post.