Solitude… the power of being by yourself

What is that thing, which is so good and yet, it causes so much sorrow?

 

I am an introvert and so, to be by myself looks quite good, actually. But I am not a perfect introvert… Many years ago, I was about to have my first Christmas by myself and it really touched me in a bad way that I didn’t have anyone else around me at that time of the year.

I was living in Santiago, Chile, and most of the people I knew, travelled. I was just there by myself.

Alone.

Almost lonely; I worked until a few days before, so I was still surrounded by other people. In that situation, I decided to call a few people I’ve met as a yoga teacher and I invited them for lunch, after my holidays started. It was wonderful, a really beautiful experience and I never forget it!

 

Solitude.

 

To be alone is not a bad thing in itself, but it can be according to the circumstances and situations.

After that Christmas, I did spend next Christmas by myself and it was OK, because I didn’t feel lonely.

It was then that the idea emerged: there is a difference between being lonely and being in solitude.

To not have people to whom to talk, to feel their presence and to share accomplishments… that is loneliness. It is considered by many as the door to several illnesses, besides I think we all agree it is not good…

To not have people to whom to talk, to feel their presence and to share accomplishments because you chose that moment to be by yourself is called solitude. It is considered by many as the door to healing the self.

Solitude brings about inner powers, so that we can sort things out, solve situations or accept whatever is taking place in our lives. Solitude is the perfect environment for meditation, personal growth and contemplation.

Next time you are by yourself and loneliness is filling your mind with too many thoughts, change your attitude, meditate and transform being lonely into the gift of solitude.

To count with someone

 

In a world in which the tendency is to be by yourself, it is good to remind everyone the sweetness of having another person by your side and I want to share two stories about that.

Many times, I have stayed at a friend’s apartment in Mumbai, India and I remember when his father was staying along with him; old and with no duties at the house, the couple used to take care of his needs. In fact, his wife, a doctor like him, left her job to help in taking care of her father-in-law. I would never question their culture and that dedication to the elderly, but the fact she left her job…  Eventually, her father-in-law passed away; next time I went to stay with them, something magical took place. First, I noticed a different vibration at their place and then I heard the news she got a new job: this time, she was working as dean at a medicine college for women. By taking care of that old man, she enriched herself, the magic of having someone around or, in her case, to be the one that others have around.

Even though I am single, I have been living in a community for many years. The dynamic is very different than a family, but there is a special energy of cooperating beyond our own limitations. This time, it has been my turn to feel the enrichment by other points of views, by the chance to help others to change their points of view and by understanding sometimes, it takes time to match different points of view. An interesting example is food – by the way, they come from a different cultural background and what is delicious for them, for me it is… ok… My main contribution was to introduce PIZZA to special occasions and I was amazed one day, by knowing someone was able to cook it better than me. They also enriched me in so many ways…

Do you realize how rich you are becoming by counting with others?

Do you know how rich others are becoming because they can count with you?

¿Am I alone or lonely?

A few years ago, my sister married a Colombian and moved to this country, where I live. My mother then found herself literally alone... At the beginning, I felt anxiety in her and maybe she was a little scared, but what she did was to use her bright and natural creativity, by creating systems that gave her a sense of security, for example, with a hairdresser, organized to call her daily...

Some may argue that loneliness has become an epidemic[1]. And if we think about it, about 30 years ago it was difficult to find someone who lived alone; nowadays, it's too easy.

Nothing against it; actually, I like to live alone - well, almost alone, since I live in a small community, but I have a separate space. OK, the issue here is not that; the theme is the growing loneliness.

We may not be able to prevent someone from being alone, but we can avoid the experience of loneliness, and the first thing, as my mother found out, is to connect with the community.

If you reflect for a moment, you will perceive that there is an invisible network that unites all the people around you, generating a beautiful network of protection and care; this is the community.

My first conscious experience of really being alone was in Santiago, Chile. I was new to that country and I still didn't feel being part of a community, something that was later generated. So when Christmas came and I had no one to share... I had never really given much value to this holiday, but that day, yes, I realized that I really wanted to be with other people. So I reflected a while, look inside me and used creativity, one of my specialties. I called some people who were in contact with the organization I was coordinating and we planned a lunch together. I was never a good cook, but that day everything went amazing; not only was the food delicious, about 7 or 8 people came and I experienced a real Christmas.

The other way to overcome that feeling of loneliness - and if it is an epidemic, it is likely to affect you soon - is to look inside, find your own specialties and make use of them.

We will not always have a community and the reasons are diverse, in such a complex society, but we will always have our own inner wealth. In making use of this treasure, we will naturally experience satisfaction and change our perspective not being lonely even though I am alone.

Then, we will deliver these specialties to the world and the world will return us company of some kind.

I don't know if it's the cure to loneliness, but this is my humble suggestion: connect more with your community and look inside yourself, finding specialties that you can give to the world.

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[1] Check these articles on lonelines as an epidemic in relation to:

Global Youth: https://www.weforum.org/agenda/2019/10/1-in-3-young-adults-are-lonely-and-it-affects-their-mental-health/

United States: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/envy/201902/loneliness-new-epidemic-in-the-usa