You are different than the rest of your team; what to do?

 

A team can look like many things: a group of colleagues working toward a goal, a family sharing a home, a community gathering around a belief or a purpose. In all cases, a team is not defined by similarity, but by coexistence and a common goal.

And that’s where challenges come up.

Focusing on coexistence, at some point, you may realize you think differently, act in a unique way or even value things that others don’t. Maybe you are more reflexive in a fast-paced group or more expressive in a quiet environment. Perhaps your priorities don’t quite match the collective rhythm.

The first instinct is often resistance (I am different, nobody can tell me what to do) or expectation (They should understand me, they should adapt) .

But reality is simpler: you cannot shape a whole group around you. What you can do, however, is something more powerful.

You can learn to adapt without losing yourself. Adapting is not betraying who you are, in fact it is choosing how to express who you are in a way that others can perceive in a positive way. It is intelligence, not submission. It is awareness, not weakness.

I know we all want to be accepted as we are, but let’s understand this: there is a subtle but important difference between being accepted and adapting. While acceptance comes from others, adaptation comes from you.

If you wait to be accepted as you are, particularly when, for that reason, you are unable to participate fully in the team, you may be resented or avoided by others.

On the other hand, if you adapt by observing, understanding the dynamics, respecting the space and adjusting your approach, you may create the right conditions for acceptance to naturally grow.

A team doesn’t need you to be the same as they are as individuals. In fact teams enrich from people’s individuality and particular specialties, but they do need your participation and commitment.

The bridge between being different and belonging does not start from others’ side; it often starts from your willingness to take the first step.

Living among wolves

Imagine you are living among wolves… Scary, right? It depends.

First possibility is that you are a wolve yourself: you follow the rules, you hunt for living and you work in close cooperation with others. The problem is when you meet another pack and a battle takes place.

The second possibility is that you are a lamb and, sorry, but you are already dead! Maybe they keep you for a while, but one of these days, your life will end and you will be feeding these hungry wolves.

The last option I am seeing in my mind is that you are a human…

In the first possibility, you may not even realize you are that wolf. Violence, anger and constant threats is part of your life and cooperation is a tribal word for you and it does not work for those who are outsiders. Growth will be limited and your life will be restricted by what the society, tradition or culture tells you to be.

Of course, that is much better than being a lamb – it is that person who does not want to comply with the rules, with how society works, but they don’t have enough power to face it either. Eventually, life will be over – either you will resuscitate as a wolf or you will be just a skin of a person, barely living.

But what about being a human?

You can fight against them, but if you are LIVING WITH THEM, how can you fight for decades?

Maybe you can avoid them… You could build a fence and so, they are not allowed to come too close to you. But, without realizing, you are the one imprisoned, not the wolves; this is after all THEIR world.

You may try to imitate them, but, well, they figure out one day and you will be in danger.

You can try to domesticate them. However, it is not so easy, you will spend lots of energy and you will end with fake dogs instead of powerful wolves.

Best solution: you must learn how to live with them. They are beings that are so different than you and yet, they have many similar traces: negative (violence, difficulties to adjust to another person or group) and positive (cooperation, norms).

If you are aware you are surrounded by wolves, don’t be afraid; instead, start watching them and communicate in a very assertive way. Look for the beautiful things (cooperation for instance) and work from that perspective. Don’t deny who you are, but focus on find long-terms solution for your coexistence.

And one day, you may smile watching the beautiful people with whom you have the honor to live.

Going back to religions

Is religion good or bad?

Implicitly, this idea or question is daily present in the media, talks and dialogues. Crimes against people or by people are easily profiled according to a certain creed, even when, days later, is proofed that was not as such.

I believe the question is not much about the goodness of religion, but how religions may coexist. In reality, that has been the reality in many places for so many years and it is all based in a simple formula:

1. I believe in what I believe, this is my Truth.
2. You believe in what you believe, but I don’t share the same beliefs.
3. As long as I don’t try to convince you or otherwise, we can keep on working and living together.

Even in old beliefs of religions, that formula was present and it was very common that while professing a certain religion, people would keep distance from other religions without saying the other belief was wrong.

Unwillingly, as religions go against each other – or more precisely, religious people go against other religious people – they are becoming weak. Well, they are not clearly linked, but if we check the history of religions, we may realize that when they used to coexist there were more people following them, religions had more strength and positive influence than nowadays.

Maybe we cannot impact religions, but we may impact other people who follow a religion by working on these 3 aspects:

1. Believe in your own Truth, very strongly…
2. …even though I don’t believe in it.
3. I won’t try to convince you, please don’t try to convince me.
4. EXTRA: let’s do something together; let’s create something new, creative and powerful.

In this way, it will be possible people from different faiths to coexist and thrive.