Can values motivate?

 

Many years ago, I started exploring the topic of values. It was… interesting… but honestly, I didn’t see much value in values.

One day, I gave a lecture on values – actually, several lectures – so I had to explore, research and learn that values are much more than a nice thing: a value is one of the most vital aspects in life, part of our inner compass.

Values play two key roles in our lives, and both are deeply motivational.

The first role is to connect us with ourselves. Some would say that values are spirituality translated into the physical world. Motivation, in this case, arises when we live and work in alignment with them and it is important to avoid activities that somehow suppress them.

For instance, a doctor needs patience to deal with patients. When patience is one of their values, their motivation flows naturally. But if their focus is only on the technical or scientific side, they may feel drained or demotivated in their interactions.

The second role of a value is to encourage action. Many of the things we do - reading this post, talking with a child, taking care of a garden - are driven by an inner value. When what we do doesn’t align with that, it doesn’t matter how interesting or profitable the task is, it will still feel empty.

When I joined the Air Force school (EPCAR, Brazil), I felt inspired by the strong educational environment. Certain values - like self-improvement and social mobility - were almost pushing me to go there. However, because military values were not part of my own inner set, at some point I started feeling dissatisfied, even rebellious.

The good thing about values is that they can be developed. Through reflection, dialogue, and consistent practice, we can cultivate new ones. So, if you are that hypothetical doctor who struggles with patients, you can learn to treat them with care and empathy, developing the necessary values for that.

And perhaps, if I had insisted a bit more and overcome my rebellious feelings, I might still have found my place in the military, this time in the Navy.

In the end, any lack of motivation we feel might just be a sign that it’s time to rediscover and develop the right values.

 

This is a post in a series about motivation - starting from within.

Silence and its incredible power

 

I am surrounded by the lack of silence: cars, people talking and shouting, music (don’t ask!)… So much, really... And yet, since I was a child, I used to be attracted to the simplicity of silence. It used to be healing, an opportunity to go beyond my present situation and even to feel different than I really felt, without pretending.

It is still an integral part of who I am, as it is present in my meditations, my work style and my reflection. It contributes to my wellness, my spiritual practices and my mental state.

So, for me it is not a tool; it is who I am, what makes me refining my silence again and again.

For other people, it is a tool and I think it is great. I remember reading about this Asian businessman who used to experience one hour of silence in the morning, every day. This was his way to clear his mind and prepare himself for the challenges to come.

It can be a tool for a person trying to gather their thoughts, an artist during inspiration or a mother thinking of a gift for her family…

A silence experience may be moments of silence, an hour or a full retreat, even a pause in life; silence changes the way our minds think. Even though silence will be present at my most important moments and for other people, only when they need, its power is unmeasurable.

If you don’t practice it yet, just try it out…

Silence…

In the quest for a better world

It may sound frivolous to talk about a new word when this world – our world – is kind of crumbling down… But this is the best and the right time for it, because a new world can replace the old structure we lived for so long.

The basis of a better Earth comes from the idea that something is not quite right about the world we live. However, we often forget we are the ones responsible for this world as it is… that means until we change something in our mindset and deep behavior, whatever we create will turn to this again.

Maybe instead of looking for a building a better world, we should build a better ME. Not because I am not OK, but because I can be better.

As soon as I am better, naturally I will inspire a few others to improve too.

And those few will inspire other few… and maybe one day, that wonderful world will come up from this personal transformation.

 

What are you waiting to be the better version of yourself?

The present is a present hard to hold

Present is… fast… you just think of something that is taking place right now and it is over!

So, what to do?

Well, we often prefer to think of the past and dwell in past wonderful experiences, or relive regrets.

Or we keep on thinking of the future we want or we expect.

But, what about the present? Let’s reframe it!

In our present, we are living the fruit that have come from seeds sown in the past.

In our present, we are sowing the seeds for the fruit we will be reaping in the future.

Do we realize how important is the present??

Let’s plan it better…

Every thought is a seed for all that will happen in the future and they have come from a past that is so valuable.

Every word is a full of seeds that they will inspire so many and they will generate a very powerful environment. Every word brings up the best of mine, cultivated along the years.

Every action I do is a seed for someone else to change their lives, besides it turns into a brick of the house I will live in the future.

It is a present we should treasure at every moment.

The art of getting feedback from others

One of the easy ways to improve your life is to learn from others’ experiences and lessons. For that, you can just watch them and try your best replicating whatever you see, listen or understand. Or, you can let others say what they think.

As children, we learn from our mistakes. A lot: we raise and fall, and we learn we shouldn’t fall; we go and play with a dog that bites us, and we learn we shouldn’t pull its tail, or we arrive late for lunch and mommy gives us cold food, teaching us to arrive punctually. Of course, the love we receive and the unconditional forgiveness for every mistake compensates any bad situation.

As adults however things are not that simple: we often don’t learn from our falls, we keep on pulling another dog’s tail and our punctuality does not improve. It seems adults don’t learn at all, at least not as a child would do. We learn differently and there are many theories about that, but I would like to talk about feedback, which means others telling you what to do.

I consider an art to be able to get feedback from others. When there is an opportunity to improve – in other words, we did badly – what we hear is complaints or accusations; to turn those into a positive experience and help the self to improve is a hard work for the listener rather than the speaker.

It is useful to separate whatever others speak in categories. A typical example is when someone indicates about your lack of punctuality; put aside their anger or the fact they are upset by that. Then, focus on the need of the other person, ask yourself: How can I be more punctual?, and listen to their advice.

Second step is your own reflection on whether you implement that feedback. Maybe you simply can’t; if that is so, just talk and explain that to the other person. If you can, make a plan to turn it into reality. In case you need to talk to the other person, look for an agreement that makes them happy with your own situation.

The third step comes when you yourself ask for feedback, checking if everything is alright after making some experiments.

Feedback is a cyclic process… after the third step, go back to the first and start all over again, which guarantee you will have a very interesting and dynamic life.

Who am I? REALLY!

An old joke a friend of mine used to tell was about this person who was very blunt and used to have an answering machine with a message asking Who are you? What do you want? Then, he went through a self-development course and one of the results was the change in that message: Who are you REALLY? What do you REALLY want?

Although governments and main powers, everything in the main stream and in our day-to-day life point to the development of things and situations, societies and civilizations, reality is what really matters is how I develop as a person and human being.

Our profession, our tastes and preferences, our family and friends… all of that only contributes to what I am, but knowing it is the basis for any relevant development.

Think about this: if you run a company, one of the things you need to know is what that company is: its mission, values and vision, production and service, its culture and influence. When you know that REALLY, that means, with knowledge and experience, and then you can proceed to develop it, otherwise you may make many mistakes on the way.

By developing the self from that point of self-knowledge, I create a wave, inspiring many others to change their own reality – after all, that is the meaning of development; the change by emerging potentials. Eventually that wave transforms your house, family, city, country and, why not, the world.

Yes, world transformation can come from self-transformation, by knowing what I REALLY am.

Deep change, a key for a REAL better life

For improvement in your life, there are many different ways such as getting a new job, take a few courses or getting involved with an exercise routine.

But all of this only touches the surface, and surfaces change too; after being able to improve your life in some area, something else happens and there is a tendency of going back to the former situation.

Some researchers say that our brain is not able to differentiate reality from thinking and feeling. So, it is possible that by making small changes and getting some improvement in life, people just get happy with that. They don’t try to go further and make deep changes.

However, deep changes are what we really need to experience a life that is worthwhile and meaningful.

There is a simple way to start your deep change and as a consequence, to step into a much better life. There is no simple way to make the change happens and there is definitely no easy way to reach transformation, the final result of a change. But this is a start…

1. Identify the things that will make your life better after changing them. You can check for your own heart and the emotions that make you sad, or the moments when you have caused harm to others. Maybe the ways you behave with your body or your pocket are indicators of things to change.
2. Elaborate a bit on that. Clarify them and choose the ones that will really impact your life.
3. Now, talk to yourself and go deep into that. For instance, if you think your mother had anything to do with you being uncomfortable with your body or the new government is the reason you are not well financially… well, think again. You need to reach a point of domain where reasons are within your reach and not on anybody else.
4. Maybe the former step will take a while, but you will reach a moment in this reflection process where you are able to identify something that is inside you. It is part of your personality, character or it comes from time to time, but it is you. And that is good, as you can change yourself.
5. Visualize, think or write about how your life would be with that part of you changed. That is an important step. An example is someone who gets projects done by getting worried; if that person choses to change his way of being and don’t worry anymore, how will he accomplish his projects? So, it is not only a question of eliminating something, you have to develop something too.
6. After visualization, you have to make a decision about what you have to eliminate from yourself. Sometimes, it is just you have to change it into something else. Other times, you really have to erase it and there are many forms of doing it, depending on you. For me, meditation works. For other people, reflection and even therapy is the solution. A common ground exists however: the will to change that part of yourself.
7. It is good to think of what you will do to yourself when you fail in this process of change. Although I wouldn’t recommend whipping, you have to have some kind of light punishment to help you with that. For instance, a week without television… It works!
8. It also works if you give yourself a small prize when you have a special victory. Nothing big, a chocolate bar or spending some extra time with your child would be enough.
9. Last piece of advice on these steps to perform a deep change: develop something in yourself that compensates whatever you are erasing. In the former example, that person may develop some planning skills to do the project. Sometimes, it is a bit fuzzy, particularly when it has to do with a part of your personality, so take your time and understand what has to be done. Then, do it!

I must say there is no real final result in this, but I am sure you will reach transformation and improve your life in the best way possible.

Gratitude as a key to a great life

Life is great. That is the basic conclusion I reach at this point of my existence.

Only a few years ago, I wouldn’t say this, at least not loudly or writing for the public, but now, yes, I realize how great life is.

And because of that, I feel so grateful for everything I have and for all that I don’t have. After all, those things I have, I try my best they reflect who I AM.

About those things I don’t have help me in two different ways: on one hand, they support my humility so I don’t ever think I am what I am not. On the other hand, they stimulate me to work harder to get them, if they are necessary.

See? Be grateful is important for your own development. There are so many things to be grateful for: your body, the computer you have, internet, family, friends, neighbors, governments, people, life… It does not mean you love that fully or you agree with it.

Just the other day, someone gave me and a friend a wrong information, but she did it with a good heart and certain effort. I said thank you because I meant it. What is the logic behind? It was not a big issue, we could fix it very easily and the person will feel happy in her heart because she helped someone, one of the most wonderful feelings the soul can have. By not saying thank you or even reproaching her for a wrong information, nothing of that would be attained.

If I may suggest you: Just sit quietly somewhere, just let your heart opens, just smile genuinely, and say: THANK YOU! Say it with words or thoughts, feelings or emotions, actions or reflection…

Evolution depends on you

After studying about evolution in school, my first thought was: Why did we stop?

Yes, in terms of science and technology we are evolving. There is no doubt about human greatness when you see the first moons of Pluto or a vaccine for Ebola.

Yes, as a community we are more open to embrace differences. And it seems we run faster and are older than our ancestors.

However, when we see the killing on the name of religion or ethnicity, or we hear on how violence is increasing inside the otherwise safe home, we see a different reality.

In fact, we have lost so many values along the time. Take HONOR for instance and try to find it around. It is extinct, living in our memory of what our grandparents used to say, books and movies.

In fact, we have lost touch with our spiritual side so much and our own humanity. We are destroying our environment - not the governments or big companies, WE - and it seems there is no way to stop it.

My realization is that if we want to really evolve, stopping the killing, violence, recovering values and our natural environment, we have to work on our own evolution. I am not saying here we should drink medicines or change our arms into bionic ones; I am talking from inside.

Different than a natural evolution, human evolution happens on a total different level. It starts inside from a realization and normally from one person or a small group of people. Then it spreads around until it reaches the whole world. We have that already: when someone realized enslave another person is wrong or the other gender has similar rights. But we need more and we need it faster.

Otherwise one day, we will be the case of study, not some birds or tortoises.

How to eliminate the shield of excuses from your life

Our defense system is complete, in psychological terms. One of the most useful "inner gears" we have is a shield that protects us from most things we don't want, can't do or simply don't know how to do it. We make excuses.

If we take a macro example, the main difference between a developed country like Japan and another in development like Colombia, is the amount of excuses given in Colombia to not make the right thing: for instance, to not follow strictly laws.

I know it is not only that, but it is a fact if we remove our own excuses, face reality and dare to change our lives, it is quite possible some change will happen.

Question is: how to do it? This shield helps us feeling good, guiltless and at peace with ourselves. I have seen the effects of removing these shields and it is not so nice at a first stage, when all fears come out. This is a little step-by-step on how to do it.

1. Take all your I can't in account.
2. Chose one of these affirmations and start to work on that.
3. Before daring to change anything in your life, understand the reason behind. Also, create a firm inner space for yourself, for instance by starting to meditate or by telling your best friend about it and making him or her available, in case you need to talk.
4. Dare. Just do it, without postponing, delaying or making up something to avoid it. Dare to do it.
5. If you feel fear or insecurity, just remember your own unique power, the power of your personal inner space and use it. Don't fear your fears; just enjoy the experience as an adventure.
6. Experience the greatness of a change in your life. When you break a shield, you open yourself for many new possibilities and opportunities.
7. Check your experience and its balance: positive and negative. Imbibe the positive and consider the negative as a positive learning experience.
8. Wait for a while and go to another item, another shield of excuses.

The art of developing (The 16 celestial arts)

As humans, we don't stop growing. Well, physically things work differently... but in terms of mental, social and spiritual skills, we can grow as much as we want, no matter the age or body conditions.

Learning is a skill, and you can also learn that. With time and comfort, we get attached to the convenient way of doing things. We prefer to stay at our comfort zone and we don't dare to go beyond that. This makes us to stop growing, or even shrinking...

Learning is a special art of life, where you are able to renounce some convictions and allow yourself to experience with something else. It is not that you only assimilate knowledge; your awareness stretches and you become a different person with that.

Learning creates change. Not the change that comes from outside, but the change that comes from a deep realization and experimentation.

How to learn? That is the question today more than any other moment in history as everything is really available, so there are no excuses to not learn. And if you are a person with difficulties to learn something, try this:

• Understand the reason you should learn something. Is this worthwhile? Do you really need that? Will this contribute for your growth or for others'? If the answer is YES, then go ahead, but if the answer is NO, learn an important lesson: learn only that is valuable for you, otherwise your learning process will turn into a struggle.
• Look for a method to learn. Not all methods are good to everyone. Try yours! Talk to others and check how they do it. Rehearse, change and rehearse again until you feel you are really learning.
• Don't get enticed by knowledge. Learning is a dance for two, and experience is also very important.
• Don't let yourself get lost into experience. Theory is fundamental so that experience can be repeated or reenacted.
• Fix certain aims for learning. Not too high, not too low, something that can be achieved.
• Enjoy learning! A lot! It has to be funny, interesting and motivating by itself.

The main advantage of this skill in your life will the easiness to change, as change means adaptation and adaptation means learning.

The skills of the self

An old book talked about the sixteen celestial arts, a series of skills the self needs to be happy in life. It included things like the art of developing, friendship, thinking and even the art of remaining happy and content.

Not, it is obvious nobody will put this into his or her curriculum... And no sensible company would hire someone because she masters the art of "concealing and revealing" or he is an expert in the art of "refreshing".

However, when people are working in a day-to-day basis, these arts turn to be the key for a person who wants to grow in the company because even though companies value techniques, knowledge and skills, the skills of the self are the ones which will help you to move forward. Even though you are in a company, you're still human.

The skills of the self are those virtues, values or qualities in general, plus those abilities that allow people to live with people, enabling them to overcome obstacles and to face the challenges that come on their way with victory.

Although some would have that naturally, developing those skills are not that different than any other skill. You will need for that:

• Knowledge. You really need to understand what patience means to develop it. Study and research are key.
• Attitude. A skill is nothing without a proper attitude to back it up. If you, for instance, want to develop patience, you need an attitude of understanding, perspective and maturity.
• Practice. A big part of any skill to be developed is to rehearse it. When you think of patience, you probably acknowledge there are situations which are easier for you to be patient with, and other situations that are much more difficult; practicing means trying first with those situations that are easy for you and then, gradually, trying the more difficult ones.

Even though you won't be able to mention these skills to your future client, I tell you one thing: many times, that is the real reason they are hiring you.

How to work BETTER, or how to be a BETTER person working?

What do you value more: to work better, or to be a better person working?

There's no doubt we need people who work better and better. At a time of crisis as it is the present one, we need people who are able to produce more with less or who can break records in sales. Most leaders I know are very concerned about that factor.

Unfortunately, not all these people are really good, in terms of their attitude or even ethics. Under the pressure of productivity, they can cheat or make false promises to their customers. Eventually, some of them are caught and they have to re-evaluate their own behaviors; others become billionaires.

What about putting ethics and attitude as a priority? It does not work necessarily to increase productivity. I remember that piece of Senge's book, where a company decides that Honesty was good enough to be their value. According to the book, a new salesman questioned that by simply putting a probable situation: if a customer wants to buy something we don't have, should we tell them that? Initially  others acted as that was a silly question: of course, you don't tell that to a client. But then the leader in charge was clear that if they put Honesty as one of their values, that is one of the things they will have to tell their customers. After a heated discussion, they finally reached to a compromise and the company did experience losses for sometime, but after that, its sales went up and up. Naturally, if their company did not have a product, possibly others didn't; customers slowly realized they were telling the truth and they started to value that.

Possibly, this is what will happen:

1. If a person starts to focus more on the self, it is possible that at the beginning his or her productivity will decrease. That will happen because of some decisions - not working after such an hour - or new courses to help them in their decision - a meditation course which proposes moments of silence during the day.
2. During that time, it is important the person talks a lot with her or his co-workers, spouses and friends in general. That means, whatever the person is doing should be very clear in his/her mind.
3. After sometime, productivity should start to increase. That will come mainly from some changes in the behaviour - punctuality, for instance - or a better attitude - helping increasing sales.
4. What if productivity is not improving? Possibly, the main answer is that the person is in the wrong place. A career research will be excellent to understand which position will be better served by a person like her, or him.

The main point here is that there is no better reward than the feeling of inner success, but its outcome should be an external success too.

So, what do you value more: to work better, or to be a better person working?