Be your own leader… and motivate yourself

 

Leaders motivate - that’s one of their main roles, regardless of the type of leadership they embody.
So, if you are the leader of your own life, shouldn’t you also motivate yourself? Let’s explore this comparison.

• Leading by example. Some leaders motivate simply through their actions. People follow what they see more than what they hear. Think of Gandhi, who reshaped his entire lifestyle so others could walk the path of his ideas.
• Leading with words. Others move the world with powerful speeches or writings. Martin Luther King and Karl Marx, in very different ways, stirred minds and hearts with the strength of their words.
• Leading quietly. Some leaders don’t look extraordinary at first glance, yet their impact is immense. Eunice Paiva, a housewife, changed her own life and transformed her family’s life after her husband was kidnapped; not only that, she became a pioneer in the fight for indigenous rights - opening a whole new field of social change.

Now, what about self-leadership?

• Discipline - no excuses. Sometimes you just have to act. Doing an action sets an example for yourself, proving you truly can.
• Read, write, record. The words you absorb become fuel. The words you express - whether written or spoken - strengthen your values and shape your world.
• Start small, move big. Small steps, especially during challenges, can transform everything. That one move forward might seem ordinary, but it’s enough to create momentum - and motivation to keep going.

Self-leadership is about becoming both the example and the voice that follows. When you learn to inspire yourself, you’ll find that motivation is no longer something you search for - it’s something you generate.

Like a frog, or not?

Change is everywhere, that means ADAPTATION is needed everywhere. In reality, even when someone does not adapt to the change, it is a sort of adaptation.

However, there are good and bad ways to adapting and while some empower the person, others make the individual depressed.

Let’s dive into the different types of adaptation a person can experience when there is a change in their lives or environment, and how to improve it.

• An accurate adaptation means decisions are aligned with the changes, there is not a big conflict as a result of the change and the person feels comfortable with whatever is taking place. The person will be able to reflect and overcome obstacles that come on their way without stress.
• Many years ago, when I was still a child, my grandmother and I went outside and meanwhile, she left a big pot with water for boiling. When we came back, I saw her face and she was very upset; a frog had jumped into it! This is an old tale and although many think it is false, my experience says differently. The comparison with changes is that sometimes our adaptation makes us weak, powerless or simply unhappy. Be careful! Watch for the signals you are losing yourself and jump off the pot!
• Quick adaptation can come because of an expertise, a tendency or luck. The problem is the outcome is temporary and it may generate some type of disenchantment. I saw it with the boom of the crypto currency as many people tried and gave up, or even failed. It was a wave that some people took it, but it faded away… It is important to have a backup plan or savings, because it will fade away…
• Nature teaches us three main things about changes and adaptation: 1) change is inevitable, don’t fight and don’t surrender to it; 2) survive and thrive, as much as possible, and 3) adaptation is a show of strength. There is a cactus nearby, even though Bogota (at least looks like it) is very humid and it grew out of a stone! A few years ago, it was almost dead, but it survived… and it is back! Sort of; it is crooked and very ugly, but in terms of life, I think that is what it matters. So, if the change you are going through is tough, look at nature and you will learn many lessons for your survival and beyond.
• A last type of adaptation is based on compromise: I stop doing this, but I will be doing that. It may be not so positive, such as the example of people who stop smoking and start eating up to their obesity, but it may be a last resort for lots of people. If you are going to compromise, work on minimizing the side effects.

What is the type of adaption you mostly use with the present change you are facing?

What comes out of your mouth defines

The way you speak and the things you say have power. Speech gives us the power to create or destroy.

I give you an example: Brahma Baba. He was a spiritual leader whose words are still echoing in many people’s hearts. The knowledge he gave and even the stories he used to share are still guiding people, decades later after his departure.

And another example: you! Yes, you!

You have said things that touched others’ hearts and they are still echoing in their minds.

You have spoken in such a way that you changed others’ lives.

You are a leader and your words have changed others.

So… it is possible you have spoken some bad things, maybe you could even put some people down with those comments, but remember those words that changed people’s lives for better.

And from now on, invest time and energy to improve the wealth that comes from your words.

The art of teaching others

If you are a teacher of some kind, you probably agree that teaching is complicated and at the same time it is a wonderful call, a real art. It challenges and it gives a beautiful return too. As a proof there are so many books, movies (To Sir, with Love[1] anyone?) and TV series showing that noble profession in its best form.

However, when you are not their teacher and yet you need to teach them, things are different, whether you are a neighbor of someone who loves cats too much or you are the boss who wants to emphasize the value of a certain report to a rebellious employee.

In this case, wisdom will be the source instead of knowledge and there are a few things you can work to explain to other people when you are not their formal educator:

• Being the example. Particularly if you are in a long-term relationship, example is the best tool and it teaches with a few words. Just make sure your pupil is paying attention!
• Reflect about what you want to talk. It is fundamental to take some time by understanding what the lesson is, just like a good teacher who prepares their class.
• Look for the best tactic to talk to someone. Yes, you have a clear message, but how to impart it? There are several ways or methods, many different methodologies that can help you to do that…
• A dialogue. …but by opening a room for this person to enter and talk with you, you will see the lesson will be easier. The best way to teach someone, with the exception of a technical subject, is to let them to learn by themselves. That is…
• Be their coach! A wonderful alternative is to help them by using coaching techniques. There is a simple one which is asking open questions, questions with no YES/NO answer.

A final point: your attitude is the key for teaching other people. A problem with a few teachers is to think of students as ignorant people; if you do that with people who are not students (and, by the way, with students too), your lesson won’t reach them.

Wise people would never treat others as stupid, but they will see them as very intelligent capable people who want to learn something different, something they know.

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[1] To Sir with Love is a 1967 movie that shows the teaching profession in its brillance.  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/To_Sir,_with_Love

Shifting from having to being

In 1976, an interesting book[1] by psychologist Erich Fromm touched the subject, trying to stimulate readers to understand the consequences of focusing on having instead of being.

The surge and growth of materialism has stimulated intense rebellions and a new way of seeing the world. Not new in the sense that never has happened before; it is new in terms of occurrence as nowadays people are questioning what they are doing and why they are doing it.

And the consequences are clear when we see or hear about climate change or the effects of greed in humanity.

But the desire of having makes us keep on increasing and accumulating possessions. What is the solution? More protests? More laws?

Maybe, reflecting and refocusing could be a shift point in our civilization. For instance, instead of valuing people who attained things like big cars or jewelry, let's value people who ARE.

We could start from ourselves and value more the experience of being well, happy and peaceful, instead of valuing having the last cell phone in the market.

We could start by being an example to others and inspiring them to focus their energy in being instead of just having.

Then, one day we will be able to give more importance to what we really are…

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[1] To have or to be? 1976, by Harper and Row.

You live in a palace of mirrors – Reason 75

Life is like a game of living mirrors and knowingly or unknowingly, willingly or unwillingly, we replicate others’ gestures, expressions and their way of life.  At times; at other times, they replicate ours…

Normal people don’t like that idea as they thrive to be genuine, but this is not something to be afraid of, after all we are part of a whole.

Leaders go beyond copying as they learn from others and they are comfortable with that.  Although many people have the idea leaders always lead by themselves, going through a unique pathway, it is not totally true…  Most of the time, they are following a path someone else has designed.

When it is time for a leader to be an example for others, she or he is always ready in their awareness and attitude.  They do it not out of arrogance, but as a means of gratitude, paying forward all the lessons they have learned.  They do it because they know they are designing a path for others to follow.

(Excerpt from the book 82 Reasons to be a Leader)

Your own example helps others in their change – Reason 44

Of the people I know, to change another person is a desire most of them have.  Parents try to change their children’s behaviour, bosses correct their employees and even rulers suggest a few changes into other politicians’ acts from time to time.

However, it is rare for that change to take place…  In these times of the Internet, parents just give up and live with the way their children act - at least until something really bad happens.  If an employee does not like her or his boss, they just look for another job and politicians will fight against their ruler’s suggestions.

But, there is a way to change others, and you have probably done so at some point, maybe without even realising.  It is just one word: Example.

A leader is able to see clearly how useless is to try to change someone else through bringing something to their attention in the form of a correction; in fact, that bad thing will get even stronger.

His or her example plants a seed for change, and its beauty is that there is no argument or opinions; after all it is really in that way.  It may take a while, but it is consistent and others don’t feel invaded or manipulated by it.

With the power of example, leaders create more leaders.

(Excerpt from the book 82 Reasons to be a Leader)

Your character impacts many others and changes their lives – Reason 41

Leaders have a range of influence far beyond any normal person and it may even transform other people’s lives as many real life stories support this.

Within the range of the concept of influence, character is a very distinct element, because you cannot teach someone how their character should be.  Well, you may teach them, but what they will really absorb is you as an example, not your lecture.  How do you teach someone to be generous or perseverant?

There is a story of a grandmother who furnished her small beach house with very ugly and flimsy plastic furniture.  Used to her eccentricities, her grandchildren tried to tell her they weren’t good and necessary, but she refused to listen to them or to give an explanation.

It took some time for them to learn the truth and many years to understand the lesson: a neighbour single mother with two kids was desperate in need of money to buy food, so the older woman bought her tables and chairs to provide the woman with some money.  That grandmother left a powerful legacy to her grandchildren in the form of an example.

Leaders don’t give lectures to help others in their own character development, as they teach with their actions and intentions, instead of words.

(Excerpt from the book 82 Reasons to be a Leader)

A leader can always forgive… - Reason 6

It is generally accepted the power of forgiveness:  it heals and it creates an impact on different levels, even on the economy of places torn apart by civil wars or different upheavals[1].

But there are not many people who are able to forgive others.  When they do, they may do it for some people, but not everyone; even then, just some times, not always.  And if you coexist with other people, you probably agree that everyone makes a mistake from time to time and lots of people make mistakes many times…

That is why it is so good to be a leader, as there is the possibility of forgiving everyone as we live in a state of co-dependency, and leaders are a fundamental part of that.

It does not mean that a leader won’t supervise or correct something that is wrong, but his or her heart keeps clean in relation to that person and there will be always another opportunity for the other one.

Maybe It sounds as something impossible or saintly, but it is not like that.  On one hand, there is a practical reason for a leader to forgive and leave the doors open to others: the need of people, good and skilled people, pushes leaders to be pragmatic and invest more of their time and energy in training and education.

On the other hand, by forgiving a person there is an example for others who won’t fear to make mistakes, after all, if you really want to be innovative and do great things, errors are part of the process.

(Excerpt from the book 82 Reasons to be a Leader)

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[1] The Role of Forgiveness in Reconstructing Society After Conflict.  https://sites.tufts.edu/jha/archives/140

Your example convinces others - Reason 3

Convincing others to do something is a big part of doing your job as a manager or being a parent, which is not an easy duty; you don’t have even the option of yelling at them!  Frustrating, right?

It would be if you were not a leader.  But as you are, it is a wonderful challenge you accept from the heart, because there is the understanding that there is no need to convince anybody. Besides, it is a waste of time.

Your way of dealing with others is based on your life and that is your main power: you are an example for others.

Giving example is a task in itself because it does not work automatically.  A model takes time to have the desired effect and the reason is very simple: everyone has their own way of doing things.

So, when people see someone doing the same thing but in a different way, there is a clash between the way I do and the way others do.  A leader solves this conflict by either giving them proof their way is the best, or by being humble enough to accept others’ way.

(Excerpt from the book 82 Reasons to be a Leader)

How to inspire other people?

Working in a team or just living in a family can be a challenge bigger than its purpose or mission, due to the way relationships go.

When there is a conflict, corrections and lessons have become short in our present time and inspiration is probably the best, if not the only, solution. The question is: how to inspire people?

Trying to inspire others by telling your own story… sometimes that will work, but not always as people have more criteria today and don’t accept things told to them as easy as before.

Being an example? That does work, but it takes its time and in some environments, like the corporate world, that won’t probably be effective.

What to do then?

The best way to inspire others is to inspire the self. Endlessly and tirelessly inspire this person you are and naturally others will feel inspired by what you are, not by what you say or what you show.

The reason is that your energy will be of first quality, your intentions will be clear and your actions will express the best of you.

How inspired do you feel today?

Values: satisfaction from within

Values are not only nice words… they are effective means to accomplish success.

Every action comes into reality due to a value or another. Its role is narrowing the how’s in relation to the action’s purpose. For instance, if your purpose is to help other people, then your values will help you to define how to do it – by becoming a nun, a good parent or a visionary entrepreneur.

If your values tended in such a way that being a nun would make you act and help more people than being an entrepreneur, but you made the wrong choice and you are working everyday until ten pm, your life will lack in satisfaction and the sense of accomplishment. If you made a good choice and still working until 10 pm, you will feel happy everyday with the sense you are doing what you always wanted to do.

By following your values, your actions are full of meaning and they come directly from within – it is not something artificial, done just because of the present fashion or someone else’s wishes.

It means you need to pay more attention to your personal values and understand them very well.

• Differentiate what you really are from what you would like to be. In every culture, there are some values people assume everyone has and so, they don’t work on them. Be careful about it and very honest with yourself; if you don’t have a value or at least you don’t use it very often, it is important to accept it and work on that, developing it at a satisfactory point.
• How to develop a value? After identifying the value to be developed, or adopted, there are basically two ways for a person to do it. First, find a role model who helps you to understand what that value means in life – if I am honest, how does that look in a couple relationship? Second, to go on a spiritual path and by reflecting, contemplating and meditating, naturally improving the presence of a value in your life – by meditating, I feel more secure within, so honesty is easy, my words and actions express what I really am to other people, including my partner.
• Being a value keeper. Values are very fragile in the present environment where there are too many options and ways to perform an action. It is important to keep reflecting or meditating. Also, become a role model yourself, showing others how to tap into that value and make it part of your life.

By valuing your values, you are changing your own life.

Time management in unmanageable times

When I was just starting to work on IT, trying to understand computers and users, my job was pretty boring... So, I got distracted with some booklets I found scattered around. They came from a Time Management course my boss took and two things stroke me: first, the interesting ideas and, second, how my boss just ignored them...

Time management is a wonderful tool and an incredible theory, but its use in the practical life, a VERY BUSY practical life, is not so easy for it demands discipline and focus.

Besides, some of the champions in Time Management consider their success based on their ability in managing their time and not in its results. Life, especially corporate and business life, is not happy with a manager, a coach or a CEO who is able to manage his or her time very well... Others would want to see an outcome for that.

Results are quite hard to be experienced and one of the reasons is the unmanageable times you are living. We are living a very particular period of our history, a time that Peter Drücker, a consultants' prophet, has foreseen: a time we are not sure what is going on and we are less sure what will happen in the future.

We can go and make changes in our way of managing times (as I am doing this year), but still we cannot catch up with reality as it was probably more possible twenty years ago.

What to do then? Just flow and let it be? Or maybe creating even another tool to help you managing your time? I would like to explore that…

Let's talk about consciousness. Since I have seen those booklets, I have started my own way of managing time, which helped me to create a basis for courses and seminars I give. My main focus, however is not the method as it is, but the awareness of time the person has to develop.

As humans, we have created a very complex way of considering time. Although we can understand easily concepts as VERY SOON or LATE, we are ruled by a psychological sense of time rather than a real one. For instance, if you enjoy a two-days holiday somewhere, a place where you are happy and everything works fine, you will feel the time is very SHORT, even though it is the same time as when you had to work and finish your company accounts, which probably looked as very LONG.

The trick in Time Management is to reconcile your own perception of time with others' perception and the real clock-time. That means you need to do three things:

• Strength your own leadership. The only way to do something as mentioned before and survive in the process is when you are a leader. Although there are many concepts of leadership, three things are important in relation to Time Management, and you can cultivate them: your self-control, your own sense of being an example and a clear picture of your vision of the present and future for both, yourself and the organization you are leading.
• Value your own values. Rushing around or procrastinating do not only affect your health and others' patience, it may also affect your values. For a check-up on your values and, in relation to Time Management, check these three values to see if they are being put into action or just serving as a decoration for your speeches: patience will help you when others are not committed enough, perseverance will help you to educate others and try again, and introspection (or calmness)will help you to check your own commitment and make the needed changes.
• Use real methods. Ah, that is a must!! You can take as many courses of Time Management (want my cell phone number?) or attend to a thousand seminars, and yet, all of it may be is inapplicable to your reality. Ask three questions and make the necessary improvements: is what I am doing aligned with my needs? Are we, other people around me and i, really experiencing benefit by using these methods? Is there any way i can manage time better?

Well... time is up!! Get up and start to apply your own consciousness into your time.

Leaders without followers

I have the fortune to know many leaders who help in different ways within their communities, families or serve as example to others, creating an impact in others' lives. But one thing I have been noticing: a few of them have followers. As one person of those few put it very clear to me that, "he never asked for it".

The image of a leader is forever connected with that of followers at such an extent that when leadership is failing, some people started to blame their followers. However, in the last two decades, leaders and followers became different concepts.

The main reason is because the real leadership today is a form or another of self-leadership, a type of leadership without followers. For me it is very clear that the traditional macho leadership cannot serve today and female leadership, which can be its replacement, is still in the oven. By being absent, leaders have given us a unique chance of being our own leaders.

Whatever we do is because we really want to do and we are convinced this will be good, as it is by reading this blog... Yes, others can tell us something and we may accept that, but it is us who have the power to decide on it. And if besides being our own leaders, we are able to generate impact that leadership will be of a different flavor.

Today leaders are more authentic and their words and deeds are example for a so many people who want to improve their lives completely, without following them necessarily but feeling they tune into those people, those leaders' ideas.

We may copy them, follow some of their advice and read about their lives, trying our best to apply that into our own life. But if anyone asks me if I am so-and-so's follower, I will immediately say NO.

One big issue of this stage the world is going through in terms of leadership is that these leaders, who are examples, rotate too much and their leadership life-span is very short. Many times as they are not replaced in people's hearts, these people, who are not their followers, start to live from their leaders' past, following their example by proxy. And that is not good, because the main strength of today leaders is their authenticity, which is something you can only take benefit in the present. To solve that, if you are one of these "leaders without followers", invest more of your time in your own self-leadership. By mastering it, you will be an example in all stages of your lives, giving benefit to millions.

If you are not, learn more on self-leadership and use other leaders' lives as examples not by following it blindly but by understanding their reality and applying whatever you feel you should, into your own life.

Why do singing bowls sing?

A new "toy" came to me recently: a singing bowl. After struggling a bit, with the help of a YouTube video, I was able to do what most people like to do: make it sing. If you never heard one, check the video...

It is amazingly easy and somehow soothing, but it can also be annoying. It made me think about humans. If a piece like that can do a sound which is almost eternal and it can be similar to Om, why not us?

In fact, we are all singing bowls... When a situation emerges, it touches us and we keep on "singing" about the situation, living and reliving it. We spread whatever happened to us all around our person, influencing others and the environment where we live.

Sometimes that effect is positive. For instance, when you have had a wonderful realization, it is good to widespread the sensation. It is important to show others so they can follow your example too.

Other times... If you had a bad experience with someone, you tend to talk about that person to everyone else, trying to make their minds feel the same as you.

It all depends on the master of the singing bowl, in this case, you. You are the one who has to see what you are doing and control the effect you create on others.

Our society is a big network, everything someone does impacts another and another and another... We can't avoid that, but what we can all do is check the quality of the impact, so that the sound of so many living singing bowls can heal the world.

Learning wisdom

You can learn knowledge in many places using different methods. Especially during certain times of our economic cycle or our own lives, the knowledge we have is measured and taken in consideration. You can earn more or less according to how much you know, and not only money: that can help you in relationships, your health or spiritual choices.

But there is a moment when knowledge is not enough. If two tech guys apply for a job, yes, their knowledge will be taken in consideration, but sometimes their experiences are more valuable. So, at some points, knowledge becomes less important than skills. In normal life, it is that moment when your son does not believe in what you say but in what you do...

Then, later, success starts to be important and that is a very crucial point in anyone's lives, when that really starts to matter. So, it is not only knowledge - now at the bottom of priorities - but your experience will be considered according to how much success you have experienced, and not only that: success that matters for the company in case. It is when your son does not believe in your actions anymore, except when they give good results.

Again, there is a subtle point in life when success is not that crucial. Maybe because people tend to be surrounded by peers and one successful person among many others does not count so much. It is in that point your wisdom starts to be valued.

In our world, as I said, there are so many places to learn knowledge and many different methodologies. The same applies to skills and there are easy tactics to get experience and to reach success. What about wisdom?

That is probably the last place in a person's timeline. It is that point when the person feels completely assured by whatever he or she does. She does not bother so much with others' opinion and he has a wise smile in his face all the time.

The question is: how to learn or attain wisdom? There is no school for that and no management tool to help you get it. And as it is the end of our success pathway, it is good if we can really work on that. I have a few suggestions, and I hope they are useful for you:

• Reflect about your path. Take out some moments of your busy schedule to just figure what happened in your life up to this moment.
• Be holistic about your life. Although we tend to compartmentalize, it is important to know life is just one... look at it as a whole thing avoiding focusing more on your work area than your relationships, for instance.
• Contemplate about your future. Planning is good, but for wisdom, contemplation is much more valued, which means take some time looking into the horizon of your life with your intuition or your spiritual awareness, accepting what is coming and embracing it.
• Meditate daily. Meditation awakens certain parts of the self that helps wisdom to come faster and faster.
• Before making any decision, stop even for a minute and talk to yourself. It does not matter if it is a big or small decision, stop and reflect on that.
• When in doubt, talk to a wiser person. Not Google; ok, "talk" to Google, but then go and talk to a wiser person about the issue in your mind.
• Value silence more than sound. An easy way to recognize someone wise is his or her silence, which is deep and powerful.
• Enjoy life as a child. Wise people are like children, they are able to play, sing and dance, and enjoy good and innocent fun.
• Don't think too much. A common mistake is to feel wise people think a lot; that is not true, their time is more in contemplation, reflection and meditation, states of mind when thoughts are fewer.
• Speak what is necessary. To know exactly what to speak is an art a wise person masters.
• Act as if everyone is looking at you. A wise person always acts as if she or he is giving examples at every step.
• Act as if nobody is looking. A wise person does not act according to others' opinion.
• Treasure the contradictions in life. For an ordinary person, contradictions are synonym for confusion, while for a wise person it means an efficient way to generate a powerful thinking.

And much more... If there would be a university with a Wisdom course, that would take a couple of years, and it would be different for each person. My feeling is that when you start to awaken your own wisdom - which is how we learn it - then success becomes easier too.

A common mistake...

When I was a child, one of the things that I liked most was to learn how to sing the Brazilian National anthem.

But, I was the only one - being considered one of the most difficult in the world (at least, we Brazilian think that), its lyrics are not only old in age, but very unique and elaborated.

In fact, most people don't know how to sing it. Those who know usually make mistakes at the time of singing.

This is why I was very empathic when Shakira, a Colombian singer you probably have heard about, made the mistake and spoke a word that did not exist. Jokes were everywhere in the web. In fact, she did not create a new word, it was just that she forgot one letter. One letter, and the whole meaning was lost.

On the other hand, that shows something very important: even though you don't realise, your steps as leader are being watched very closely.

We are on the stage of humankind, at a time of need, a time of decision and a probable big inflection in human history. Everyone is watching those who are creating the next era for humanity.

That means you do need to study, research, to be coached and taught. You do need to learn, and keep on learning, and rehearse and change, and be humble.

That mistake overshadowed completely her speech during the Summit of Americas. Which was more important, the mistake or the speech? A leader in many ways, Shakira has created her foundation for poor people to be able to learn much before than other celebrities in Colombia, opening a social branch that was almost non-existent before. Her Barefoot Foundation is an inspiration.

As a Colombian, she helped the name of the country, tainted by so many bad news, to improve. Even though she dared to enter the English-speaking world, she is Colombia for many people, and I still remember the intense emotion of reaching a simple hotel in Bombay, turn on the TV and watch Shakira singing there...

So, what is more important? And yet, one-letter mistake and a whole life can be forgotten.

Next time, don't be afraid of learning again whatever you learned in the past. Specially your National Anthem.