When coaching can’t work a miracle

I’ve started to study about coaching many years ago, but my first real experience to coaching was as an unwillingly coachee and the coach in this case just attacked me, by firing a series of questions. Of course, one of a coach’s skills is to confront the coachee, but I am sure that was coming from a very dark place as she just wanted me to change and I am sorry if I could not change in less than half an hour.

Maybe that is why I’ve taken time to embrace my role as a coach, because I do believe in it and my coachees have had very good experiences, but I don’t believe in miracles as my first unintended coach wanted. Unfortunately, many people advertise coaching as a way of doing miracles.

Coaching technique is fascinating and it really works, but we have to bear in mind any change is limited by three main actors: the coach, the coachee and life.

The coach must provide the best of themselves, making the effort to help the coachee to find new ways to attain whatever is not possible at present. Skills are important, but more than that is the will from the coach to benefit the other person and the energy she or he contributes to the process.

A coachee is not a passive actor and they require committing themselves with the task at hand: a personal change. Even though the coachee allows the coach to direct the process, they should be aware all the time and not fall into the trap of what the coach wants for me.

But life will play a valuable part here, by providing or not resources for the impossible to become possible. And there are times when even though both worked hardly and efficiently, things won’t work well… If that happens, both actors should remind themselves to find success in the failure in the form of a lesson or something intangible attained during that process, such as patience, and move on.

So, no miracles, but coaching is a very clever way to get changes taking place.

The art of teaching others

If you are a teacher of some kind, you probably agree that teaching is complicated and at the same time it is a wonderful call, a real art. It challenges and it gives a beautiful return too. As a proof there are so many books, movies (To Sir, with Love[1] anyone?) and TV series showing that noble profession in its best form.

However, when you are not their teacher and yet you need to teach them, things are different, whether you are a neighbor of someone who loves cats too much or you are the boss who wants to emphasize the value of a certain report to a rebellious employee.

In this case, wisdom will be the source instead of knowledge and there are a few things you can work to explain to other people when you are not their formal educator:

• Being the example. Particularly if you are in a long-term relationship, example is the best tool and it teaches with a few words. Just make sure your pupil is paying attention!
• Reflect about what you want to talk. It is fundamental to take some time by understanding what the lesson is, just like a good teacher who prepares their class.
• Look for the best tactic to talk to someone. Yes, you have a clear message, but how to impart it? There are several ways or methods, many different methodologies that can help you to do that…
• A dialogue. …but by opening a room for this person to enter and talk with you, you will see the lesson will be easier. The best way to teach someone, with the exception of a technical subject, is to let them to learn by themselves. That is…
• Be their coach! A wonderful alternative is to help them by using coaching techniques. There is a simple one which is asking open questions, questions with no YES/NO answer.

A final point: your attitude is the key for teaching other people. A problem with a few teachers is to think of students as ignorant people; if you do that with people who are not students (and, by the way, with students too), your lesson won’t reach them.

Wise people would never treat others as stupid, but they will see them as very intelligent capable people who want to learn something different, something they know.

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[1] To Sir with Love is a 1967 movie that shows the teaching profession in its brillance.  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/To_Sir,_with_Love

About coming back to work

As I said in a former post, this blog was designed because of my lack of proper work. Something happened in my life, and companies were not calling me for help. In fact, they were not calling me for anything, really.

I really had the opportunity, the golden chance of learning that having a job is more than working, and that is the reason of this blog.

Now, work is coming back. Slowly, but steady, I am being called by many companies to help them. They are still small projects, but for me they are BIG, because they are a direct fruit of a long work on my own self.

Then, I see other issues emerging, and I feel it is good to revise them, turning them in valuable lessons others can be benefitted:

• The need of having humility and high self-esteem. Working with spirituality, I always know and talk about to have the balance between these two qualities, but I have been faced with them a lot. After all, you cannot tell others something you are not doing, but you have to value your conquests and ideas, as they are your real wealth. As a consultant, one of the techniques is to share examples, and sometimes you think your examples are good, when they are not. But at other times, your example will be the perfect one for the situation, be ready to know the difference.
• The need of researching and studying. One of the opportunities I've got was to deliver a course that I did not do for at least TEN YEARS! It evolved, and I realised (unfortunately, during the same course) that I should study more and research more. One of my mistakes would be too embarrassing, if it was not noticed by a good friend, who did not push.
• Focus, more focus. During my time without job, I generated around 10 areas of work. But, as I am performing again, to keep up with 10 areas of work is not easy, and it would be stressing in the long term. With the help of a coach, I was able to group those 10 areas in... well, 7 areas... As you see, I am still working on that focus.
• CLEAR AIM. I've put myself an immediate aim - 10 days of work! And that is what I have got. So, I have to clear my aim a little bit, remind myself the year has 365 days and my life won't finish on 2012, no matter what fake Mayans are saying. So, don't talk about such a short aim, rather than that plan it better.
• Don't lose courage. When I am working, I feel sometimes a little "rusty". Courage is needed to keep on doing, to just keep on performing and little by little rust will fade away eventually and you will see your optimum performance coming back.
• Don't be afraid of checking yourself. It is harsh. That course with my friend... my God, he was calling me apart, telling me what was wrong with me, with no mercy. And that was wonderful. You do need to check yourself, or being checked by someone else, so that you can improve.

Take care and keep on moving.