Changes when you are not well…

Often, change comes from the small tragedies in life. A few times, from the big ones.

Most of the changes in our lives, changes that we generate, come from something bad or inadequate that is taking place.

Very few changes happen when all is OK… and yet…

Many years ago, when I was still living in Santiago, Chile, a very wise yoga teacher gave a class, from which I remember very well a point related to this subject: she was saying if someone is well, that means they have more possibility to change and grow as a person. The well part can be that the person has a good position, respectable finances or a decent family situation, which can be reinvested and turned into a leverage for personal change. Instead, when the individual is not well, it will be difficult to keep pace with the change.

So, if you feel great in most of the areas of your life, this is the moment to change! Do it now!

If you are not feeling great in most of the areas of your life, and yet the change is taking place or it is necessary…

Do your best to adapt to the situation you are living, don’t struggle or fight against the change.

Discern and find a way to overcome at least the subtle effects of a harmful change, by finding the maximum cooperation from others.

Train yourself and prepare yourself for that change.

Meditate a lot, reflect a lot… Spirituality works very well to help you in overcoming the obstacles that come along with the change.

The possibilities to transform the impossible

Several times in life a person reaches a situation or circumstance that comes with the tag IMPOSSIBLE: it is something unattainable and unreachable, difficult and hard to make it, something that many try to avoid at all costs.

And yet, there are millions of IMPOSSIBLE things surrounding you and me right now… at least, they were IMPOSSIBLE at some moment in history. So, we can conclude IMPOSSIBLE things can take place; they can become POSSIBLE.

By exploring that possibility, there are basically 3 ways to turn the IMPOSSIBLE, POSSIBLE:

Magic is the first thing you could think, but of course, magic does not exist. Right? Well… we can use the word Magic when something really unexpected happens. I remember the first time I travelled to India; I was earning monthly around US$ 300 while the ticket was about US$ 2,000, I didn’t even have passport, and yet, I’VE GOT IT! It was magical… Magic happens when there is faith on the IMPOSSIBLE becoming POSSIBLE and clarity on the results to be obtained. Try it!

 

The second possibility is simply called a Wonder, and that is the moment when the IMPOSSIBLE melts away and the POSSIBLE emerges from it. I live in the result of a wonder, a house belonging to an organization that does not charge any fees for their services. More than 15 years ago, we started having the aim for this house and eventually, it came up as a fruit of everyone’s effort. Wonders take place when there is a clear goal and others’ cooperation.

 

And, yes, we have Miracles. I had a few experiences in that area, but I am not talking here about the religious miracle; I am talking about miracle as that thing which is REALLY IMPOSSIBLE, UNATTAINABLE, but it happens. For so many years I used to have asthma attacks during winter, which was bad for me and my mother, whose sleep was deeply disturbed and she was full of worry about me. Then, at the age of 21, I went to India, DURING WINTER… but I didn’t have an asthma attack. In fact, it never came back! I am almost 60 and although my lungs are not excellent, asthma left my life at that point. The reason, according to my reflection: 1) of course, years of treatment helped; 2) I was more aware of my health and the environment I was living was much better than before, and 3) I was doing meditation and for me that was key for this Miracle. If you want a miracle, do your homework (treatment, dialogues, education, training, etc.), improve your life environment and have a spiritual practice.

 

Next time you face an IMPOSSIBLE situation, check about these possibilities and see how the IMPOSSIBLE changes into POSSIBLE. Good luck!

Finding hope

Many times, things don’t work. A few times, you will feel like in a very dark tunnel. What to do?

There are plenty of things to do, but there is one thing that must be present.

Hope.

And there will be times in which hope will be hidden behind many layers of fear, uncertainty, lack of courage… And so on…

Still, even when hope seems to have been disappeared, it is there… somewhere…

In those cases, a few tips can help:

• Be patient with yourself.
• No matter what happens, don’t give up.
• Talk with very positive people.
• Avoid people who tell you, you can’t.
• Don’t read bad news or bad books.
• Read A LOT of wonderful articles that show you things are WONDERFUL.
• Smile a lot, even when there are no reasons.
• Work hard, enjoy even harder.
• Be a friend to others.
• Take cooperation from your friends.

Then, hope will come to your mind and will shine like a sun within that dark tunnel.

To count with someone

 

In a world in which the tendency is to be by yourself, it is good to remind everyone the sweetness of having another person by your side and I want to share two stories about that.

Many times, I have stayed at a friend’s apartment in Mumbai, India and I remember when his father was staying along with him; old and with no duties at the house, the couple used to take care of his needs. In fact, his wife, a doctor like him, left her job to help in taking care of her father-in-law. I would never question their culture and that dedication to the elderly, but the fact she left her job…  Eventually, her father-in-law passed away; next time I went to stay with them, something magical took place. First, I noticed a different vibration at their place and then I heard the news she got a new job: this time, she was working as dean at a medicine college for women. By taking care of that old man, she enriched herself, the magic of having someone around or, in her case, to be the one that others have around.

Even though I am single, I have been living in a community for many years. The dynamic is very different than a family, but there is a special energy of cooperating beyond our own limitations. This time, it has been my turn to feel the enrichment by other points of views, by the chance to help others to change their points of view and by understanding sometimes, it takes time to match different points of view. An interesting example is food – by the way, they come from a different cultural background and what is delicious for them, for me it is… ok… My main contribution was to introduce PIZZA to special occasions and I was amazed one day, by knowing someone was able to cook it better than me. They also enriched me in so many ways…

Do you realize how rich you are becoming by counting with others?

Do you know how rich others are becoming because they can count with you?

Living among wolves

Imagine you are living among wolves… Scary, right? It depends.

First possibility is that you are a wolve yourself: you follow the rules, you hunt for living and you work in close cooperation with others. The problem is when you meet another pack and a battle takes place.

The second possibility is that you are a lamb and, sorry, but you are already dead! Maybe they keep you for a while, but one of these days, your life will end and you will be feeding these hungry wolves.

The last option I am seeing in my mind is that you are a human…

In the first possibility, you may not even realize you are that wolf. Violence, anger and constant threats is part of your life and cooperation is a tribal word for you and it does not work for those who are outsiders. Growth will be limited and your life will be restricted by what the society, tradition or culture tells you to be.

Of course, that is much better than being a lamb – it is that person who does not want to comply with the rules, with how society works, but they don’t have enough power to face it either. Eventually, life will be over – either you will resuscitate as a wolf or you will be just a skin of a person, barely living.

But what about being a human?

You can fight against them, but if you are LIVING WITH THEM, how can you fight for decades?

Maybe you can avoid them… You could build a fence and so, they are not allowed to come too close to you. But, without realizing, you are the one imprisoned, not the wolves; this is after all THEIR world.

You may try to imitate them, but, well, they figure out one day and you will be in danger.

You can try to domesticate them. However, it is not so easy, you will spend lots of energy and you will end with fake dogs instead of powerful wolves.

Best solution: you must learn how to live with them. They are beings that are so different than you and yet, they have many similar traces: negative (violence, difficulties to adjust to another person or group) and positive (cooperation, norms).

If you are aware you are surrounded by wolves, don’t be afraid; instead, start watching them and communicate in a very assertive way. Look for the beautiful things (cooperation for instance) and work from that perspective. Don’t deny who you are, but focus on find long-terms solution for your coexistence.

And one day, you may smile watching the beautiful people with whom you have the honor to live.

About love and compassion, mercy and understanding

Many times, while reading the news, the conclusion is that our world has turned into a very dry place…

So, would you try to use a bit of water of love? Just give other people something: a smile, a kind word or an object wrapped with good intentions.

Maybe a bit more water: the water of compassion. Embrace the other one – it could be physically or spread your warmth around the other person, telling them I am here for you.

More and more water… this time the water of mercy. Like a nurse, help others in their healing, by tirelessly offer them something special – maybe your role as mother, your capacity as an engineer or your ears as a friend.

But it is the last water that will make all your effort fruitful: the water of understanding. With understanding, forgive and open new doors of opportunity for people; with understanding, change the best you can and help others in their own change, and with understanding, help the world.

Zeppelins & kites

The desire of humans to break from earth, to fly above and beyond is very old, and it seems we have all made it.

But there are means of flying that have been restricted to a mythical realm, like flying carpets. And other means have stimulated the myth so much that they turned to reality… and it is a good point of reflection about its meaning.

After all, we can easily fly nowadays, but we are still trapped by the gravity of our situations and maybe there is a response in those artifacts that turned into myths.

 

Zeppelin

The Zeppelin had a very interesting story and helped changing the communication and transport between Europe and America. Just to know, the Queen Mary ship could take 5 days to cross the Atlantic, while the Zeppelin spent half of that time.

Even though it had a very tragic end and it was mixed with war during its existence, it shows the importance of crossing distance, even with a pending danger.

In relationships, many times we must be the ones to cross the distance and to come close to another person. There is always a danger that relationship may explode… so we have to be careful and dream even higher.

 

Kites

They look like very common objects, but if you have one of them in your childhood, no doubt you experienced its magic.

In a very famous tale, Ray Bradbury uses the magical kite to solve a conflict between two cities: one city, pictured a Golden Kite at their gate, showing its beauty and the other city showed a Silver Wind. The wind without a kite is not so beautiful; a kite without wind can’t do much.

As a person, you can fly very high in your dreams, but you will always need someone’s help, so that your dream can turn into a reality.

Being an agent of change

Probably the normal method people use to face bad changes, which is considered to be a proactive way of dealing with it, is to resist to them. The problem is that there is a law of change: any change to which you resist, will grow even more.

Probably the best method people could use to face bad changes is to increase their own resilience, that is, by being an agent of change.

The way of doing it is quite simple (in writing):

1. I notice a change that is happening would have a bad effect for me or my community.
2. Instead of fighting or fleeing, I fly… I start to increase my resilience by accepting this is happening and understanding it.
3. I also start to have inner experiences by contemplating, reflecting or meditating; in this way, I look for self-empowerment.
4. I start a change that will help to work against this bad change. It may be my attitude or an interesting plan that will involve others.
5. I cooperate with others, by creating a powerful network and I help others to increase their own resilience too.

To put that into practice requires some energy and focus, but it is much better way to reacting to situations.

Besides, you will experience being the leader of your own self, instead of being led by situations from which you are not taking benefit.

The lost key and what you need in order to find it

Many years ago, I heard this story and it touched me.

One day, John was walking back home when he saw his neighbor, Peter, behaving very strangely; he was crawling on the floor, near his house. Even though they were not friends, but out of a community sense, John approached Peter, greeted him and asked what the problem was.

‘I lost my key… I just dropped it somewhere and I can’t find it!’

John decided to help him and, knees on the floor, started to look for it. After some time, however he couldn’t find anything so he asked another question:

‘I can’t find it either… Do you remember where you dropped it?’

‘Yes! I went to my backyard to see something there and I let it fall.’

‘Backyard?’ John looked at Peter with his back straight, but with the knees still on the sidewalk. ‘So, why are you looking for it here?’

‘Well, it is so dark there…’

John got very angry as he thought it was a prank. He got up and went to his home, leaving Peter crawling on the sidewalk.

I asked myself: where is my key, really? And to be honest, I think I have lost many keys along the years.

It is not uncommon people try to avoid the inevitable – acceptance of mistakes and weakness, problems in relationships, stress, bad health – by sticking to their comfort zone. But, of course, you can’t find a key where you did not lose it which creates confusion and a kind of eternal quest.

Now, let’s retell the same story with a different approach.

One day, Peter arrived late at his house. He took out his key and he was about to enter the house, when he remembered he needed to do something in the backyard.

When he went there, it was too dark… ‘I do need to fix this bulb.’ he thought to himself. Carefully, he did what he went there to do and he was about to go toward the front door when he tripped and fall. After getting up, Peter went fast to the front door, determined to fix the bulb.

But tragedy does not come alone; when he was about to open his door, he realized he lost his key.

Because it was dark there, he rummaged around to see if there was anything he could use to illuminate the backyard, when he heard someone coming; it was John, who greeted his neighbor.

Peter called for him and explained his situation.

‘You know what, don’t worry, I will get a lantern and we both go and look for it together.’

Less than 5 minutes later, Peter was able to enter at his house. He took leave from John and at last he went to fix the backyard bulb.

As you can see, the two tales create a total different outcome. What is the difference between them?

The first thing is self-realization. In the second telling, the neighbor realized he lost something important and tried to fix that, instead of going to his comfort zone and pretending he could fix it from there. Even though it is true the front of the house where the street light gave a sensation of security, it didn’t help him to find the key. One of the main results was that he was able to get cooperation from an outsider to solve the whole situation. His attitude was proactive instead of reactive.

The second thing is a sense of self-empowerment. You can read the first tale as a person who is not empowered enough to solve his own problems whilst in the second version, he is the owner of the house and he is the one who has lost the key because a bulb was not working. By taking over that responsibility, he is able to think straight and go for help.

What is that lost key you can now go and claim again, by looking for it in the right place, even though it is a little dark?

A leader can easily remove clouds from another person’s mind – Reason 69

What do you do when someone comes to you with sadness, confusion or weakness in their mind?

Probably you will try to give assistance, helping them to face these difficult period, which is very good and it shows an important feature of our human society: solidarity.

Along with doing that, leaders will give others an opportunity to see beyond the clouds in their mind and to perceive the sun that shines over and above the situations.

Leaders inspire, and inspiration works to enable people to understand there is hope.  More than hope; leaders will also show others their real potential, helping them to start a new path in life.

A path to which clouds are not going to hang over them…

(Excerpt from the book 82 Reasons to be a Leader)

Everyone feels you are part of their lives - Reason 53

We live in a human society, which could be defined as a huge network of people who share values, resources, teachings and much more.  If it could be seen physically, it would look like an archipelago of connected living islands.

This definition does not cover however the feelings of belonging and that is exactly where leaders work more efficiently, while managing and dealing with people.

Dadi Prakashmani[1] was a leader who rose up to the head of an organisation of thousands of people at the time, after its Founder passed away.  She could have faced hard opposition if she was not able to make others feel part of her life and reciprocally, she made others feel she was part of their lives.

Her awareness as a spiritual leader was one of a pure spiritual attitude and the intention of serving others.  She went beyond the sense of connected-living-islands and entered people’s hearts, with her smile and practical support.  She would receive co-operation by stimulating others to be happier and more peaceful.

It does not matter who the other person is, a leader always finds a door or a window through which to enter their heart.

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[1] Dadi Prakashmani (c.1920 – 2007) was an Indian woman of Sindhi origin who administered the Brahma Kumaris World Spiritual University from 1969 until the time of her death 38 years later.  The number of students increased from about 3,000 to almost a million during that period.

(Excerpt from the book 82 Reasons to be a Leader)

The power of cooperation gives context to the world – Reason 29

If someone would describe the world today in about 50 years’ time, they could use a spider web as an analogy.  On one hand, the web we are living is strong and interconnected; on the other hand, just as a child could break it, our huge human network is as fragile.

For everyday people, to know how to manage life in this web is part of the big challenge and many times the person can feel like a fly that is caught up in it.  For a leader, the fact we are a network is an advantage, since she or he constantly has a task to perform, or an activity that is probably bigger than her or his capacity.

Leaders replace old paradigm of bosses who use their authority as a means to impose order and to get people to contribute with cooperation as a natural skill to get the same results but with different consequences.

Leaders easily learn to navigate in this big human web and how to capitalise this huge potential.  An example of that comes from former USA President Bill Clinton who touched that topic in a notable paper for the International Monetary Fund, with the indicative title The Power of Cooperation[1].  He describes the possibilities of cooperation and results, silently showing their advantages in relation to former paradigms like conquer and win.

That goes beyond politics and global scenarios: for a leader, cooperation starts from within, from his or her own conviction and the natural sense of giving help to others.

(Excerpt from the book 82 Reasons to be a Leader)

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[1]The Power of Cooperation.  http://www.imf.org/external/pubs/ft/fandd/2012/12/clinton.htm

8 attitudes of self-leaderhship

Seeing the news and the confusion of people and government, employees and employers, there is something missing in the air: LEADERSHIP.

How is it possible that in such a world, with so much information and knowledge flowing around, we don't have capable leaders to solve things that are quite simple? One response is the lack of leadership on the self; due to that, the leader cannot manage his or her own emotions and desires, preventing good decisions to take place.

And how to become a leader of the self? Self-leadership can't happen without some thinking and reflection. In fact, it only happens that way.

To lead the self quite often is more difficult than leading a company. At least, in the case of a company, it is easier to see its results, vision, mission, etc. In the case of an individual, that only comes with deep reflection. Sometimes the person does not have any kind of support from other people for self-leadership.

But there is an easy way to develop self-leadership. Reflection will be there too, but it won't be that you will need to contemplate for twenty years to start seeing glimpses of that. It can start right now...

The eight attitudes are based in an Eastern knowledge on how to deal with inner and outer situations. After all, that is what leaders do: they deal with whatever comes to them. The basic and main difference with a manager is that a leader will look into each case with depth, thinking in the long term, while a manager has to solve things right now.

In other words, when you have a problem in front of you, instead of just reacting and solving the problem as it shows, you prepare yourself, you check possible solutions and you implement that which will last longer.

I will give an example: if you find out you have cancer, a common person will just get desperate and will try as best as he or she can to cure the sickness. If the person is a good self-manager, she or he will research a little bit in relation to the best possible solutions. A self-leader will go beyond, understanding what is going on and accepting whatever can happen, either healing or not.

So, what are these eight attitudes?

• Introversion. It is the attitude that helps preparing the self for action.
• Tolerance. It helps to live in a world full of contradictions and differences.
• Adjustment. It enables the self to be flexible and adapt in any environment.
• Discernment. That is a key attitude, as it enables the self to understand what is coming and make his or her own mind in relation to what to do.
• Decision. It is very important to implement whatever the person feels it is right to do.
• Facing. Not hiding, escaping of fighting; facing means to accept and see how to solve tough circumstances.
• Cooperation. Another key attitude, as it helps the individual to cooperate with others and get cooperation from others in tasks that bring benefit to many.
• "Packing-up". Healing and moving on.

Even when you think in terms of leadership, these eight attitudes can cooperate with your leadership. For instance, Tolerance and Adjustment are key attitudes at the time of making a team come out of a crisis. There are however three ways to use these attitudes, and I will give examples related to that.

The first one is that of a manager: she or he uses tolerance, but after the argument. Typically, a person like that (supposing it is a manager) will send some sweets or a soft email trying to get the team together after screaming at some of its members... It is not a bad use, and no doubt, if you have a situation like that, do it. But it is not what a leader would do.

The second and third one are the ways a leader would use these attitudes. Let's understand the PROACTIVE way of using these attitudes: a leader won't wait for the crisis. He or she will prepare the self through contemplation, studies, dialogues with other people, and other means to improve tolerance. In that way, when some problem emerges, the leader naturally will be able to manage it.

In other words, being proactive is to prepare the self in relation to all of these attitudes so that they come naturally when time comes to use them.

It is possible the situation is really critical and the preparation was not enough. Even though that can happen, the leader will make her or his best to not react. He will listen to the situation, or she will look at what is happening and, instead of tolerance, the leader will use another attitude, for instance, making a decision that can help the moment (Guys, I invite all of you to come to my place this evening...).

The ACTIVE way is all about humility and self-esteem. The leader acknowledges his lack of capacity to solve the present situation, but at the same time recognizes there are other capacities within that can help it.

I will talk a bit more on these when I talk about self-empowerment, but I hope with what was written, you can start using these at least in a basic level.