A dysfunctional life

Life is basically a question of balance. When there is balance, life goes well.

When balance is lacking, life goes badly…

OK, it is not that simple, but balance is a key factor to experience a life of plenitude.  And the reality supports balance is not that common.

Every day, we hear stories about people who hurt themselves or others. Every day, we hear about people who lost their aim in life. Every day, we hear about people who makes other people lose their goals.

There is no easy solution for reaching that level of balance, particularly if the person is way out of balance. but there are a few things to do to restore its balance:

• Breath before acting, or at least reflect upon whatever you are going to do.
• Talk with other people, hopefully wiser than you.
• When you really feel disbalanced, don’t lose your heart, keep on moving, keep on trying.
• If all fails, take a break by travelling or going for a retreat.
• New habits are hard to form, but they are the best solution to keep balance.
• Be happy! Enjoy happy news, the company of happy people and act with that happiness.

An unplugged life

Disconnect yourself.

Not now, you are reading this! Plan a time for that and live an unplugged life even for a few hours. Or minutes, if you are too busy.

The benefits are enormous, it is called tech detox and it can give you another perspective for life.

Before disconnecting yourself and therefore, stopping to read this, a few points to take into account:

1. Some of the things to which you are connected are under your responsibility. Before unplugging yourself, start a backup plan for them.
2. Tell other people who should know you won’t be available for a while, but don’t brag about it. In fact, just tell them you are not going to be available; if you start to explain yourself, they may argue and you will be involved in trying to justify what you are doing. And of course, you will need to be connected for that…
3. Have something to do during that time: cleaning, sorting your clothes, donating your clothes, reading a wonderful (paper) book, talking with that special person (in person), enjoying life.
4. After you come back from this detox, understand what happened to you, check about what you got for doing that. Tell others and inspire people to disconnect themselves too.

Enjoy it! I am sure it will improve your health, if you do that a few times during the week.

A scholarship in the University of Life

A scholarship is given according to a set of criteria, like merit, diversity or inclusion, athletic skill and financial need[1].

Now, many people consider life as a university – I am included in it. So, what are the criteria in this University so anyone get a scholarship?

Probably the main criterion is effort and endeavor. In my experience, life does reward when someone goes beyond their limitations.

The second criterion is their contribution to the community. I feel EVERYONE contributes something to their community – family, neighborhood, city, country and the whole world. According to that, a reward is waiting for them.

A third criterion is their energy and vibration. Seriously, it is extremely important what others spread around, even though it is invisible.

And the scholarship? A few examples:

• Help will come when the need is there.
• Basic needs will be fulfilled.
• There will be an abundance of opportunities.
• Angels will come on the way, that is, people who will extend a hand or will teach an important lesson.

What are you waiting for? Inscriptions for a scholarship in this unlimited university are open.

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[1] According to a definition in Wikipedia. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scholarship

 

The sunset of a life

We all know when sunset is coming… The Sun is above us, but it is a certainty that it will set. The same is for life.

At some point, we all reach our sunset point and it comes in this way:

We first realize life is on the other side. The mid-life crisis or just a complex series of changes in our lives, sometimes our bodies, makes us realize things are changing and fast. The best thing to do is to check our dreams and work on them very fast.

When we count years by Christmas and New Year… Well, I wouldn’t be so dramatic, but there is a point during or after the life on the other side period that we start to realize time differently. In fact, many of the things we used to love, we just appreciate now, and life is balancing in the rope of a routine. It is time to find something new, like being a volunteer.

And then, retirement! It should be a time for rest, but it represents an end for a big part of our lives. Ironically, at this era, less and less people are really retiring, but the mentality of this is the end is still around. So, what to do, living in pajamas from now on? Volunteer is a wonderful opportunity, with no limit in terms of age, but this is also the time to go back to your old dreams and live them, finally.

Then, it comes that point, that moment in which the car is not working anymore. It is that time when even to get up is a huge effort and it seems at last sunset has come. It is the time for packing up, forgive and rest deeply; but, more than everything, admires the beauty of the sunset of the great sun of your life.

Religion and spirituality: reflecting and living

We need a religion, so that we can see life under a different light. Religion shows that which is invisible as something you can live in your life: God, love, peace…

We also need spirituality as it is a background that can adapt to any reality: family, work, health…

Some could say spirituality is the feeling behind all the religious practices.

Lately, things have changed; in the past few years, many people started to dissociate themselves from religion and live their own spiritual pathway.

Other people have left spirituality behind and they live religion as a series of rituals or an obligation.

So, what to do? Live both as complements or just live one of them?

As times are getting rough and the world is spiraling down, we do need something that is not related to the situations and circumstances. We need that invisible energy and that powerful feeling.

If you are having this type of doubt or your life is not as you would like it to be, there is an easy solution to discern about what to do: live your own spirituality.

By starting from the background, you can understand your role in life and what would be the best life for you.

Reflect on that.

Live it.

 

The puzzle of our lives

I loved puzzles for a big part of my childhood. They used to help me deal with the situations I was going through, they stimulated my mind and they gave me an odd satisfaction when I was able to solve them.

And even when I was not able to solve them, I still felt so happy! After all, the effort itself gave me a new energy to do other things in life.

So… one way of looking at my life has been to see it as if it is a big puzzle. Sometimes, it requires patience; other times, determination. There are times I must take a break and other times, I have to work on it until completing it.

Puzzles have a few components to bear in my mind and maybe this will help you solving the puzzle of your life:

They have a very clear aim or objective. Although, its clarity is relative and many times it comes from reflection. What is your aim right now?

They have several pieces or clues, which don’t have meaning individually, but when you join them you are able to create a whole picture. Check for signs life has left you; it maybe a new opportunity, the loss of a chance or something someone spoke.

There is a method to solve. The method will help to glue the pieces together and create a meaningful picture at the end. How are you going to solve your puzzle?

Ah, you also need some reserved time and space… You have to create the proper environment so you can solve them faster. Which environment is the right one to dedicate and solve the puzzle of your life?

Good luck, I am sure you will be able to solve it and help others solving theirs.

Stop binge-watching your life

I was reading a very clarifying article on binge-watch[1][2] and it struck me how much it is related to the present time, even though it is an old article, in terms of IT.

It struck me that people are binging their own lives, not only TV shows… Maybe I am doing it too!

Time for reflection: how many episodes have you been watching, of your own life?

Let’s pause here… I just ask you to pause watching your life in pieces and instead focus on the relevance of every scene you have been living...

Because different than TV shows, this is life, this is something alive and dynamic, and it cannot be restricted by a script.

Just pause… and understand the relevance of you reading this article.

Your present job.

The present family situation.

The last time you were with a friend.

The pandemic.

Your hobby.

New projects.

ALL… they are not for binging, they are alive, they are to be enjoyed each one in itself and as a whole.

 By doing this reflection you will be able to focus more, to experience more success and plenitude.

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[1] binge-watch: to watch several episodes (= separate parts) of a television series or programme, one after another.  https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/binge-watch

[2] How To Stop Binge-Watching From Ruining Your Life, Press Play On Your Life, Not Next On Netflix, by Niklas Göke.  https://betterhumans.pub/how-to-stop-binge-watching-from-ruining-your-life-cd0e92f51750

To letting go and to let it flow

What is life? A swimming pool or the ocean?

Several years ago I heard that comparison; the person who used it told a group of us how he was an excellent swimmer… in a pool.

As he comes from a surfing country, he thought it would be very, very easy for him to surfing, but when he was out there, he realized he was doing everything different than the rest of guys and his experience was not nice. After all, the ocean is not a swimming pool.

And the main difference is the sense of control that is present in the pool and absent in the sea.

Many decades later, I remember that example to help me understand what is going on in the world right now…

 

I am in the middle of sea, after being in a swimming pool for quite a while. I have lost my sense of control and I feel I am at the mercy of the big and omnipotent ocean called life.

But then, I become a surfer… Instead of trying to control the sea, I use strategy, intuition and wisdom to find a way to flow with the waves.

However, I must go to the beginning and need to let go of the shore. In the case of a swimming pool, the shore is just there, at hand; but in the sea, it is far away. I let go of my past and present, things I like and dislike, hopes and expectations. I just let go.

I let go of my support, my comfort, maybe my personality or my way of thinking and behaving.

I let go and I flow, feeling the wonder of being a master of my own life, a leader of the self.

 

By letting go, I may flow, and this way I turn this year into a wonderful adventure.

 

This post is part of a series for a better year. Good luck!

Your life is a big adventure! – Reason 82

Someone said once that we are not human beings having a spiritual experience; we are spiritual beings having a human experience[1].

For a leader, that human experience is really an adventure!  Leaders can impact so many people and their own adventures; this is why it is so good to be a leader.

Being a leader is not about being the boss, mother or president; it means to be able to navigate in this adventure in such a way that at the end, there will be the pleasure of a fulfilled duty and the legacy you leave behind.

Just let your inner leadership flows through you and your life… And welcome the adventure of being a leader!

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[1] Pierre Teilhard de Chardin, a French philosopher and Jesuit priest.

(Excerpt from the book 82 Reasons to be a Leader)

Your goals are easily fulfilled - Reason 73

Life is like a big and apparently endless game and, whether you want or not, as you are playing, you are looking forward to score a goal.  Many goals…

However, it is complicated and that is part of the game.  The adversary won’t allow you to do that easily; similarly, in life, we have many adversaries, which are the many circumstances that look like they are trying to prevent us to succeed, to score a goal or fulfil an objective.  Most people simply enjoy playing the game, forgetting their own goals.

A leader doesn’t follow that idea; she or he has always a strategy or tactic to overcome these obstacles and to fulfil his or her aim.  After all, when leaders score a goal, they are doing for all the people in relationship with them as they inspire them to do the same with their own lives.

(Excerpt from the book 82 Reasons to be a Leader)

Life becomes a challenging wonderful game - Reason 12

Have you ever been to a game and felt horrible because your team or country was not winning?  And yet, after that, you probably went to ‘celebrate’ anyway, even though it was in a bad mood... 

Just like the people who celebrated victory, your team’s defeat turned into a subject to talk about with friends, so it became a means for enjoying a relationship with others.  Eventually, you forget the loss and start to hope for victory next time.

That is the magic of games: even though you lose, you are still a winner inside.  The reason is the effect games have on people: they enjoy them, but also want to win.  Enjoyment and competition coexist, which allows you to see the loss as something small, something that will make you laugh at some point.

For leaders, life is THE game, and so being a leader is to be enjoying and competing all the time.

(Excerpt from the book 82 Reasons to be a Leader)

You love your life as it is - Reason 8

We all love our lives, at least at a normal stage when things are working well and those things that are not doing well, they are not severe enough for us to feel too bad.

However, that is not always the case… all humans have to face at least a crisis period in their lives and that is when loving your own life may be a challenge.

As a leader, because of your inner strength, your life is amazing as it is.  The good parts are the roses and the bad parts are the thorns, but who want roses without thorns?  It is not natural, right?

How does a leader do it?  Life has many dimensions, but by taking just one dimension, the spiritual one, a leader will meditate, contemplate or reflect, getting in touch with the inner self in an easy and natural way.  That will naturally influence other dimensions, because real leaders lead from within, all acts and thoughts are aligned and generating change.

It is a change that makes life even more beautiful, even more loveable and colourful.

(Excerpt from the book 82 Reasons to be a Leader)

Is God part of your life?

Sometime ago, there was an intense campaign to declare that God was dead; the message was There's probably no God. Now stop worrying and enjoy your life.

However, I would like to propose the opposite to this message: God does exist, so stop worrying and enjoy your life. Well, almost the opposite…

It happens that many people feel themselves persecuted by God or religions that use His name to do whatever they have to do. The image of a judging God is very strong in the collective mind of millions, maybe billions of people.

However, that image coexists with the idea of a Creator – a very loving and merciful Creator, whose love was able to shape the universe.

And maybe – just maybe – it is more a question of which idea tunes with you.

For me, God is personal. I’ve left Him when I was 14 as I realized He would not change my life. A few years later, I’ve met Him again and I have been receiving so much from Him since then, my life is totally new.

If you are interested, my suggestion is for you to ask yourself: What do I really want God for and how do I visualize my relationship with Him? In this way, you may start to feel God is more than words or ideas; He is real, as real as you and me.

Do you live to serve?

A saying has been told me many years ago:

If you don’t live to serve, you are not worthy to live

In theory, this is in the Sao Paulo Fire Brigade Headquarter, but I was never able to check the validity of that and yet, I could not agree more with the idea of service as the foundation for a fulfilling life.

In a society focused on the person and personal satisfaction, we got into a cycle of taking and taking that is parallel to a cycle of being dissatisfied and unhappy. However, when you live to serve, something different happens…

The reason is that you can only serve someone if you have something to give the person: a doctor will give her or his knowledge and expertise, a priest will gave others his faith and guidance, a mother will give her time and energy, and so on.

So, when you dedicate yourself to serve others you automatically develop some skills and capacities that otherwise would take too long to being developed.

For instance, if I want to serve others by writing this blog, I need to reflect, to write well, to improve my English (thanks for your patience, by the way!) and make many more efforts so that the person on the other side of the screen can get something out of this, something valuable.

But those skills are not restricted to the task in hand; it will also help me to improve my relationships, to get better professional projects and so on.

By living to serve, automatically you start to feel you are alive, because you are much more than what you used to think you were.

Fearing death or living forever

Some people think of life as the time they spend between being born and dying. Quite often they are the people who are always worried and complaining, criticizing and creating problem. Nothing is totally good for them and satisfaction is a word they don’t know much. The good side is that they don’t create much attachment to others, but lots of attachment to their own body and personality, their own way of living.

Other people think they will live forever and they dedicate themselves to have more and more. They don’t mind about the future as such, because… future? What future? All will be OK… A big advantage is that they are frequently in a good humored stage and they easily adapt themselves. But, of course, one day they get old and the fragility of human life knocks at their door.

An alternative thought?

Spirituality helps you to live the now, without forgetting the tomorrow and honoring the lessons of the past.

Although death is certain, spiritual people neither fear death nor avoid thinking about it. When it is time to go, a person knows he has to go, and that is ok; meanwhile, life is to be lived at its full extension, full of love, peace and happiness.

A spiritual person knows he will live forever, but not physically. A soul is thought as being immortal, but its container, the body, is perishable. To deal with this ambiguity, we can remind ourselves of that old quote: We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.

It is easy: live fully by connecting with the best of you and think of life as a big experience that will enrich you as a being.

Gratitude as a key to a great life

Life is great. That is the basic conclusion I reach at this point of my existence.

Only a few years ago, I wouldn’t say this, at least not loudly or writing for the public, but now, yes, I realize how great life is.

And because of that, I feel so grateful for everything I have and for all that I don’t have. After all, those things I have, I try my best they reflect who I AM.

About those things I don’t have help me in two different ways: on one hand, they support my humility so I don’t ever think I am what I am not. On the other hand, they stimulate me to work harder to get them, if they are necessary.

See? Be grateful is important for your own development. There are so many things to be grateful for: your body, the computer you have, internet, family, friends, neighbors, governments, people, life… It does not mean you love that fully or you agree with it.

Just the other day, someone gave me and a friend a wrong information, but she did it with a good heart and certain effort. I said thank you because I meant it. What is the logic behind? It was not a big issue, we could fix it very easily and the person will feel happy in her heart because she helped someone, one of the most wonderful feelings the soul can have. By not saying thank you or even reproaching her for a wrong information, nothing of that would be attained.

If I may suggest you: Just sit quietly somewhere, just let your heart opens, just smile genuinely, and say: THANK YOU! Say it with words or thoughts, feelings or emotions, actions or reflection…

Your generosity is required at your work

According to reports and observations, sometime ago, life and work were completely separated… Every Monday, you would give up on your life until Friday when you would resuscitate. Of course, along the years, people had glimpses of life during the evenings, but still it was not enough…

A few decades back, someone had the strange idea that work is part of life. Even without proper confirmation, people started to assimilate that concept by changing the rules of work and being be more humane there.

Even crazier, someone talked about values and love AT THE WORKPLACE CONTEXT. Absurd, right?

Anyway, nowadays it is considered by many that work is part of life and so, there is no real separation between both. That means all that love and dedication you have your family, or all that fun and sharing you have with your friends, you should also have something similar for your job, enterprise or work project.

It is a change of attitude that is not yet registered in our general culture (take Dilbert for instance). But it is growing and dominating the general landscape of society.

A good worker, a good employer or an excellent entrepreneur is valued not only for his or her achievements, but also on how they behave in relation to the whole community. It is expected some volunteering work or donation, some care about animals or plants, or at least a different behavior, with more values there.

A few years ago, while working at a company with a team, our leader started to have some headache. With no questioning, the rest of us took over her duties and responsibilities and we all insisted she should leave and go home, since she had an operation just a few weeks ago. That was just one case among many I have been seen.

There is a logical background that favors the company: by showing mercy on an employee, the rest of us felt motivated to work even harder, with the certainty something similar would happen to us if we were the ones to get sick.

But, beyond logic, by integrating work with life we opened a door for deeper reflections on human behavior and communities in general. Qualities as generosity, solidarity or patience are now important at places we normally don’t associate with those values.

Yes, being a good person is not enough to get a job or to keep one, but being a bad person is enough to lose one.

So, think about that, reflect on the invisible power of being generous, showing solidarity or expressing patience with another co-worker, customer or provider. It is important for your own career and the community where you live. And work, of course…

Giving meaning to your life

At some point last year, an image came to me. It was a funeral with very few people there, and a woman was talking to a man, saying: "You would expect many more people, since he had thousands of friends in Facebook..."

We have probably reached that point in our civilization predicted and foreseen many and many years ago; that point where and when our own humanity starts to be tested. What makes the difference with other species in the planet is not only our intelligence - which has been the main focus. There is also the way we handle emotions and feelings, awareness and values...

We went a step beyond other species when we started to question and dream, when we started to reflect about our own life and brought a sense, a meaning to it. Then, that same step is trying to send us backwards.

By focusing on our intelligence and not so much in our awareness and values, we start to take that meaning off. With intelligence we were able to create many things that helped our sense in life, but others that can destroy the same life. With intelligence we were able to reach anyone in the planet, and yet people feel their loneliness more than ever.

Yes, intelligence was able to make us getting Facebook, but not mourners for our own funeral...

By focusing on our awareness, things can change. That doesn't mean to refuse whatever our intelligence has given us as the hippie movement tried to do, but to use that to tap into our awareness.

That means to have your Facebook account or whatever social media you chose, but also have a few friends. Read and read in internet, but also go and dialogue with others and share what you have learnt. Face to face.

Feel how meaningful is the life you have within you. Meditate and contemplate. Enjoy the real landscape, that cannot compare with the most beautiful picture posted somewhere in the web. Live with meaning.

And one day, you will leave more than posts in your wall; you will leave behind your footsteps to guide others on their own way...

Learning wisdom

You can learn knowledge in many places using different methods. Especially during certain times of our economic cycle or our own lives, the knowledge we have is measured and taken in consideration. You can earn more or less according to how much you know, and not only money: that can help you in relationships, your health or spiritual choices.

But there is a moment when knowledge is not enough. If two tech guys apply for a job, yes, their knowledge will be taken in consideration, but sometimes their experiences are more valuable. So, at some points, knowledge becomes less important than skills. In normal life, it is that moment when your son does not believe in what you say but in what you do...

Then, later, success starts to be important and that is a very crucial point in anyone's lives, when that really starts to matter. So, it is not only knowledge - now at the bottom of priorities - but your experience will be considered according to how much success you have experienced, and not only that: success that matters for the company in case. It is when your son does not believe in your actions anymore, except when they give good results.

Again, there is a subtle point in life when success is not that crucial. Maybe because people tend to be surrounded by peers and one successful person among many others does not count so much. It is in that point your wisdom starts to be valued.

In our world, as I said, there are so many places to learn knowledge and many different methodologies. The same applies to skills and there are easy tactics to get experience and to reach success. What about wisdom?

That is probably the last place in a person's timeline. It is that point when the person feels completely assured by whatever he or she does. She does not bother so much with others' opinion and he has a wise smile in his face all the time.

The question is: how to learn or attain wisdom? There is no school for that and no management tool to help you get it. And as it is the end of our success pathway, it is good if we can really work on that. I have a few suggestions, and I hope they are useful for you:

• Reflect about your path. Take out some moments of your busy schedule to just figure what happened in your life up to this moment.
• Be holistic about your life. Although we tend to compartmentalize, it is important to know life is just one... look at it as a whole thing avoiding focusing more on your work area than your relationships, for instance.
• Contemplate about your future. Planning is good, but for wisdom, contemplation is much more valued, which means take some time looking into the horizon of your life with your intuition or your spiritual awareness, accepting what is coming and embracing it.
• Meditate daily. Meditation awakens certain parts of the self that helps wisdom to come faster and faster.
• Before making any decision, stop even for a minute and talk to yourself. It does not matter if it is a big or small decision, stop and reflect on that.
• When in doubt, talk to a wiser person. Not Google; ok, "talk" to Google, but then go and talk to a wiser person about the issue in your mind.
• Value silence more than sound. An easy way to recognize someone wise is his or her silence, which is deep and powerful.
• Enjoy life as a child. Wise people are like children, they are able to play, sing and dance, and enjoy good and innocent fun.
• Don't think too much. A common mistake is to feel wise people think a lot; that is not true, their time is more in contemplation, reflection and meditation, states of mind when thoughts are fewer.
• Speak what is necessary. To know exactly what to speak is an art a wise person masters.
• Act as if everyone is looking at you. A wise person always acts as if she or he is giving examples at every step.
• Act as if nobody is looking. A wise person does not act according to others' opinion.
• Treasure the contradictions in life. For an ordinary person, contradictions are synonym for confusion, while for a wise person it means an efficient way to generate a powerful thinking.

And much more... If there would be a university with a Wisdom course, that would take a couple of years, and it would be different for each person. My feeling is that when you start to awaken your own wisdom - which is how we learn it - then success becomes easier too.

Words for a New Year

Some people are arguing, saying that time is passing faster, really faster. Whether it is true or not, reality is that 2011 was over and now we are entering 2012. And it did look fast.

2012 will be an interesting year. Many things are programmed everywhere in the world, but also crisis will tend to happen more often in various scenarios and dimensions of life. With that in mind, it is good to start 2012 with some words which can be powerful for your life. These are an extract of a small text I have sent as my Christmas gift to everyone - just to explain a bit of the background, it is a fictional idea of 2012 being the last year of my (ours) life(ves).

• If someone hurts your heart, talk to yourself and talk to God. God is the doctor of the soul, He will heal you and give you even more love.
• Never think negative of others, because the first person who experiences that negativity is yourself.
• If you want to take revenge on someone who causes you harm, the best way is to give him or her love, mercy, understanding and a new chance.
• If sorrow knocks at your door, don’t open it.
• Even though happiness does not knock at your door, open it and invite her to come in.
• There are no excuses to not do something: responsibility and action will help you to grow.
• If at some point a smile vanishes from your face, talk to God, with a friend or remember something pleasant. Don’t stay without a smile, not even for a second.
• If you think of something unpleasant that happened in your life, pretend it is just a movie and clap at the protagonist, which means, yourself.
• When pain comes, don’t stand it. With love and respect for your own body, surrender it to whoever can heal it. But don’t allow the pain reaches inside your being; to avoid that, talk to God and feel His healing love.
• Don’t deceive yourself about your situation, but do not exaggerate in relation to your destiny. Each day is more valuable, when you know you will be leaving someday – it is better to enjoy these days rather than think when they will be over.
• Don’t be afraid to say “I am leaving”. Understand better its meaning, talk to yourself and with others.
• Don’t be afraid of what is waiting for you. You will reap the seeds you’ve sown, so take advantage of your last days to sow even more seeds, not in the fear of what will come.
• Love. Don’t stop loving, never.