Recreating a map to navigate our world: the importance of patterns

Should I go right or left? I look around and I see on the right a beautiful stone-laid path, flowers from both sides and it is a little steep, but the left path is muddy, the plants are wild and it looks quite dark.

No need to think there! Of course, the right path is…

 

That’s how we navigate our lives: turning left, right or center, staying for a while at some place or setting goals and move on. We find a job, a new friend, we reconnect with an old friend, we lose our job, we got a health problem, etc.

Sometimes the path will be idyllic, other times will be muddy. So, which one is the ideal for my life?

There are basically three ways to deal with that…

Intuition will be preferred by some people. They will just think where do I go and they will feel which way is the best for them.

Logic will be the favorite path for other people. They will see the muddy path and, of course, will chose the next one.

But both ways have big flaws. Intuition is often considered a manifestation of the unconscious mind, that is, things that have been picked, but not prioritized by the conscious mind, come up in the form of an intuitive thought. It may work, it may not work, it all depends on whatever has been picked. Logic will be restricted by the normal logic restrains of AND/OR, TRUE/FALSE, HYPOTHESIS/THEORY, and there are things that go beyond all of that. Maybe the muddy path is the right one…

So, there is a third way which I would like to explore with you: patterns.

Wait, what? I know people don’t talk about patterns nowadays, but they should be doing as we are living surrounded by patterns and we are letting them to lead us in our decisions. That is, patterns are drawing the map of our lives. Here are a few examples:

I follow my mother’s options in life in terms of jobs, relationships, etc.

I follow what my neighbors do during week-ends.

Even though I am retired, I still do shopping as if I was working, that is, on Saturdays, instead of a sale Tuesday.

I watch movies and TV series episodes which are basically equal, because those are the patterns…

It is bad… or it can be good too.

I follow my mother’s options on her courage and honesty, values that are transcendental.

I follow the specialties of my neighbors, appreciating they are around me and the example they set for me and my family.

As I am retired, I do as many retired people do: I volunteer. I help people with whatever energy and time I have.

I watch things that educate me or improve a bad day, because those are the patterns…

This is the third way to create your map, just use what is available, but use it in a good way, in a positive way. It will be easier to draw that map and it will give benefit to everyone who follows it, not only you.

How to change your behavior?

Can you stop eating your nails? Hummm… I knew you would act just like that! Did you lose your job again? Can’t you make something about the way you treat other people?

When people want you to change, that means your behavior. However, it is not that easy as you probably already know.

Behavior is influenced by the way we think and see the world, which may be called attitude and awareness. So, if you are able to change any behavioral feature but you did not change your attitude and awareness, that will come back when you less expect.

For instance, if you are able to stay at a job longer than normally, that is something to celebrate. However, part of the reason you used to lose your job was your bad temper and it happens in this job each person is nice; what will happen when your boss hires someone who starts to upset you then?

The inner concept you have about yourself tells you something like this: whenever someone starts to create problems for you, just move away from that person. That means your time in this job is limited by those circumstances; when you change your awareness, you will be able to keep any job.

This is why this idea of quick change or 21 days to get rid of a habit is a myth if you don’t change those invisible aspects along with those nasty habits.

How to change the way you think? How to change who you are? That means deep reflection and inner work; it means you need a method that helps you with that too.

In my experience, the easiest part is attitude and there is a basic 3-step process that may help a person to do that:

1. Identify. First of all you have to understand your attitude; it works as a template for your thoughts so that when you react to situations or you start to reflect on something, those thoughts will work a pattern. Identifying and understanding the pattern is the first stage of a personal change. OK, I have the tendency of being pessimistic…
2. Check and change. During sometime – ok, it can be 21 days… – you will be your own observer. You may use some tools like meditation or a journal, but the main important point is to be aware of those patterns; whenever a bad attitude emerges, stop a few seconds or minutes and review it, replacing it with the thoughts or ideas you would like to have instead. I think I will lose this job… Wait a second! Why am I even thinking like this? I will work with quality and intensity, and I will prepare myself better by studying and researching, improving that quality.
3. Dare. After a while, you will feel things have changed and bad patterns are not emerging as much as before, or have completely disappeared. That is the point when you have to challenge yourself and get into a situation where you will test your ability, see what happens with you and go back to the first stage of this process. I will go and talk to my boss, seeing if there is the possibility of losing my job, but I will do that from a positive point of view, knowing how capable I am.

With your awareness, it is a similar process, but deeper and subtler. Meditation is probably the best tool when you feel it is not enough to change attitudes, and the reason is that by meditating, you have another perspective of who you are, beyond all labels you have tagged in yourself; so, you can identify that you want to change, being an observer and eventually, challenge yourself to see if the change really happened.

When both have changed you will feel a behavioral transformation. Even if one of those – attitude and awareness – has changed, you will feel some level of transformation.

When making mistakes is a good strategy

When the young Lewis tried to fix an equipment and failed, his spirits went down and he got very sad. However, the Robinsons celebrated his failure in this unforgettable movie on the meaning of success.

In fact, no matter which way you look, all people who are successful have one common point, and probably just one: they all failed at some point in their lives.

Mistakes are good; they work as excellent teachers who help us to understand life in our way towards success. These are some points for you to remember about mistakes, small or big:

• Be open to accept criticism. Keep it in your heart as another person's gift.
• Always "pack-up", ending all the processes with some reflection and improvement points.
• If others are mocking you, just punt in your mind an image of success and keep moving.
• Mistakes only happen once. Second-time mistakes are in fact habits being created; stop, check in you and change that habit.
• Don't be shy at the time of looking for help. Just do it.
• By meditating, you clarify your intellect, that is, your making-decisions capacity, which improves the chances of overcoming errors.
• Remember: the quantity of mistakes is an indicator of how much you want to reach success in some task.
• Remember: the quality of your mistakes indicates how close you are of reaching success in any activity.

I wish you lots of mistakes and failures, in this wonderful path towards success!!!