Self-transformation: is that easy?

At so many places, people are talking about self-transformation as if it is the easiest thing anybody can do. Maybe not so much a complete self-transformation, more a constant advertisement of the possibility of change: Easy, very easy change.

I am in a self-transformation path and I should tell you it is that easy… and yet, so difficult!

The easiness comes from the fact real transformation is often going back to a natural state of life, and what is easier than being natural? A big part of a transformation process is to get rid of the unnatural parts of a personality and lifestyle.

The difficulty comes from getting rid of something so unnatural that has turned into natural due to its use.

For instance, a common aspect of self-transformation is a big change in the routine: getting up earlier, including exercises in the routine, starting to meditate, etc. In fact, all of these are natural, I assure you, but after a while of getting up late, not doing exercises and not meditating, all of these must be relearned.

Easy and difficult… that’s the challenge!

So, if you want to make a big change in your life…

1. Understand what you are going to change and how.
2. Develop the awareness of how natural is that state – a retreat, for instance, can help that realization.
3. Walk your path with that awareness and whenever things don’t go as planned or desired, just remember you are going back to a natural state.
4. Don’t struggle with your own inner resistance; instead, develop resilience by meditating, studying or other methods.

Good luck with your self-transformation!

Inside, outside

Most of us are under the influence of what happens outside: climate, economy, company of another person, and so on.

But what not many know is that what takes place within also influences the outside… Many years ago, I was working in a company and the photocopy machine had a paper, in which it was written something like: Calm down, this machine reacts to your mood.

Have you noticed it? When you are anxious, things get stuck and they don’t work properly; when you are angry, things tend to break all over…

Well, you could say that your state of mind influences how you act and this is why there is damage, but anyway, that is the influence from inside to outside.

It is not only the bad reaction. Try this whenever you are facing a very bad situation:

• Calm down by thinking positively, focusing on the solution or just breathing in a controlled way.
• Smile! Yes, smile… just think of something funny or tender.
• Look ahead, face slightly high.
• Open your hands and arms, don’t cross them. If you are uncomfortable, occupy the hands by writing or holding something.
• Speak less, speak with care towards others

After that, just check what is going on around you. It is possible you will see things turning better…

What to forget, what to remember

Forgetting and remembering are two sides of the same coin: consciousness.

I am not talking here of oblivion where memories are erased or blurred as if they were behind a fog.

Nor do I speak of the memory as the obsessive thought that does not allow us to erase something from the mind.

I speak of the conscious act of recovering valuable memories, since along with them, virtues, values ​​and inner powers will arise. These memories can be the solution to a problem present at work, a conflict with another person or they can give rise to hope in the face of a serious health situation.

I speak of the conscious act of reducing guilt, both of oneself and of others; forget so much that we stop blaming. I'm talking about the conscious act of forgetting bad times with a person because you understand them and you know that we all go through bad days. I speak of the conscious act of instead of allowing negative memories, to strengthen the present wonder.

For this, do this simple daily exercise:

Think: What will I remember today that will bring into my life qualities or powers that I need so much?

Think: What are the alternatives I have to relate to a person, so that I forget bad moments of past interactions?

That will help you improve your quality of life and will also give other people an opportunity to improve in your eyes.

Am I still me?

Something a few people talk about is how crisis change people, for better and for worse. Maybe a new temperament emerges or an incredible ability of dealing with tough situations that turn a common person into a hero.

That’s also part of taking care of the self: to prevent the self to be contaminated or suffer of a post-traumatic stress so serious after a crisis that they may become almost unrecognizable.

Self-care in this case starts with knowing exactly the answer for this interesting riddle: Who am I? The idea behind is if you don’t really know yourself, it is easy to get lost in the hurricane of situations and adapt in a negative way like the frog…

Many years ago, I used to stay during holidays on the beach along with my late grandmother.

Once, she was cooking something and so let a bit pot of water in the stove while we went out to do an errand.

When we came back, the water was boiling. We could see the smoke, but she has left the pot open and there was a surprise…

A frog was inside it!

Legend says a frog would jump into boiling water and because its physiology, it would adapt to the temperature; unknowingly it would start to cook and when it realizes the danger, it would be too late…

Maybe that is the case when a crisis happens, because we adapt, which is good, but it is possible we start to lose some of our principles, most precious values, awareness and attitude. We start to change as people

By reflecting on the self and its depth, the individual learns more about him or herself and is able to keep their values, principles, awareness, attitude and all that is important and precious, no matter the crisis that is taking place.

In fact, this will help to overcome the obstacles and advance onto another level, taking care of the self all the way.

This is part of a series of posts on self-care.

Changing others by changing yourself

Try to change someone and you will possibly fail. Possibly means 90% or more of probability of failure…

What to do then? If they are really doing something bad or worse, something that is hurting them or others, what to do about that?

There is a short tail, attributed to Gandhi in one of its versions. There was a mother whose child like sugar too much and that was causing damage to her health. She went to the Mahatma to ask help, as she knew her daughter liked and respected him. He just looked at the mother silently and then said: “Come back in one week.” Without understanding why the saint man would need a week to tell her daughter to stop eating candies and other things with sugar, she obeyed; next week, she was at the same spot along with her child. Gandhi welcomed both of them and after a while, he looked at the young girl, went into silence for a moment and said: “Child, sugar is not good to your health. From now on, stop eating things with sugar… Instead, eat lots of fruit.” Both, mother and child were very happy, they left the room and for the next months, the daughter’s health improved noticeably. It was then that the mother had a chance to meet the Mahatma, this time by herself, and she asked what was troubling her: “Mahatma ji, why have you taken one week to tell my child to stop eating sugar?” Gandhi smiled in a humorous way and told the woman: “Well, I had to stop eating sugar myself…”

Yes, the only way to change another person is what should be the simplest way: Change yourself. So, next time you see an error in someone, try at least for a week to not make any similar error and see the results of that effort.

How many candles?

In some cultures there is the habit of putting a number of candles corresponding to the number of years the person is celebrating and for some people it may be embarrassing as they have an age consciousness.

For me it is pretty good, as I carry my 54 years with the greatness of being such a special person and the humility of so much I have to learn yet… However, as part of my personal tradition, I have been doing a double birthday.

The reason is that on the same day I was born, I became aware spiritually, 36 years ago. Both summed up to 90 years. So, yes, I am 90 years old...

As the sum of its two digits is 9, if you ask me, that is the number of candles in my cake… But which candles?

Candle # 1 must go for GOD; without Him, I can’t even imagine how my life would be. I think candle # 2 is for GRATITUDE, for all I have had the chance to be, for the greatest opportunity of all to be born. The # 3 is for ACCEPTANCE… I took some time to accept myself as I am and to change on the basis of what I have accepted. I tell you, this procedure is working… Number 4 is CHANGE and my life is dedicated to change every day, towards my self-transformation. SPIRITUALITY was not in my map, it was not part of my paradigm and now it is my paradigm; number 5 is for this important aspect of my being.
 The candle # 6 is for LOVE, a feeling with which I have struggled for some time, but I realised it has been within me all the time. Definitely, I need a candle for DETERMINATION, which is # 7. Particularly In my darkest days, being determined was the way to come out of situations and re-create my life, again and again I was thinking # 8 should be hope, but then I remember another pillar of my personal process has been CREATIVITY. I am not sure how I became a creative person, but that is what I am, and I love it. For a deep reflection, UNDERSTANDING is my last but not least candle, # 9. I am not always looking for understanding from others, but my main effort in life is to understand what happens and get the best from it.

And you, how many candles in your next birthday cake?

A Happy birthday from me to myself…

Open to adventures!

As a young boy, I was the last person anyone would think to be adventurous. A nerd-to-be, I was even scared to cross the street…

But situations helped to open something in the soul. First, due to a lack of finances, I had to go walking to school every day. It was about half an hour, a long time for a little boy, and that time helped me to develop some physical resilience and even mental as at some point, I was attacked on my way back, which was during the night… Nothing bad happened, but I developed some sense of how to deal with the world around me without running away or isolating myself.

Years later, because I wanted an education my family would not provide, I’ve enrolled into a military school. Those three years at the Air Force were a big adventure and they opened my taste for the different and the risk.

My first life outside my birthplace, Brazil, was in Chile. Learning Spanish was very complicated and getting a job without speaking the local language, at a time when Portuguese was not a fashion as it is today in Latin America… The only position I got was as a salesman, but I was such a bad salesman that I ended being the boss.

That is the reward of risking and the adventure: you learn, a lot. It is much more valuable than any course or anything other people may formally teach you, because you are embedded in the environment like a weird rock at a beach, being molded by others and circumstances.

Every time there is a challenge, I know it is an opportunity to experience something that is there, just waiting for me…

Come on; let’s embrace our next adventure together!

How to change your behavior?

Can you stop eating your nails? Hummm… I knew you would act just like that! Did you lose your job again? Can’t you make something about the way you treat other people?

When people want you to change, that means your behavior. However, it is not that easy as you probably already know.

Behavior is influenced by the way we think and see the world, which may be called attitude and awareness. So, if you are able to change any behavioral feature but you did not change your attitude and awareness, that will come back when you less expect.

For instance, if you are able to stay at a job longer than normally, that is something to celebrate. However, part of the reason you used to lose your job was your bad temper and it happens in this job each person is nice; what will happen when your boss hires someone who starts to upset you then?

The inner concept you have about yourself tells you something like this: whenever someone starts to create problems for you, just move away from that person. That means your time in this job is limited by those circumstances; when you change your awareness, you will be able to keep any job.

This is why this idea of quick change or 21 days to get rid of a habit is a myth if you don’t change those invisible aspects along with those nasty habits.

How to change the way you think? How to change who you are? That means deep reflection and inner work; it means you need a method that helps you with that too.

In my experience, the easiest part is attitude and there is a basic 3-step process that may help a person to do that:

1. Identify. First of all you have to understand your attitude; it works as a template for your thoughts so that when you react to situations or you start to reflect on something, those thoughts will work a pattern. Identifying and understanding the pattern is the first stage of a personal change. OK, I have the tendency of being pessimistic…
2. Check and change. During sometime – ok, it can be 21 days… – you will be your own observer. You may use some tools like meditation or a journal, but the main important point is to be aware of those patterns; whenever a bad attitude emerges, stop a few seconds or minutes and review it, replacing it with the thoughts or ideas you would like to have instead. I think I will lose this job… Wait a second! Why am I even thinking like this? I will work with quality and intensity, and I will prepare myself better by studying and researching, improving that quality.
3. Dare. After a while, you will feel things have changed and bad patterns are not emerging as much as before, or have completely disappeared. That is the point when you have to challenge yourself and get into a situation where you will test your ability, see what happens with you and go back to the first stage of this process. I will go and talk to my boss, seeing if there is the possibility of losing my job, but I will do that from a positive point of view, knowing how capable I am.

With your awareness, it is a similar process, but deeper and subtler. Meditation is probably the best tool when you feel it is not enough to change attitudes, and the reason is that by meditating, you have another perspective of who you are, beyond all labels you have tagged in yourself; so, you can identify that you want to change, being an observer and eventually, challenge yourself to see if the change really happened.

When both have changed you will feel a behavioral transformation. Even if one of those – attitude and awareness – has changed, you will feel some level of transformation.

Values: how to accomplish your goals

Values are normally kept to be used as a preaching method: when something goes wrong, we tend to talk about values to others, showing how good we are (or our parents, partners, relatives, etc.), and how things should be done.

In fact, values are very powerful tools. The reason is they are connected to the core of a human being. This is why when we work on something that is linked to at least one of our values, we feel enthusiasm and motivation, and it is as strong as that value is for us.

Then just imagine about the impact of values in the economy and a country development. Yes, it has lots of influence, but we normally don’t pay that much attention to them.

An easy way to bring values to our mind is connecting them to our goals. It is a very easy process…

1. Think about your goals – all of them, or just one.
2. Ask yourself: Which values I have that will help this goal to be fulfilled?
3. A second question is necessary: Which values I don’t have in my personality or they are not well developed and that would help this goal to be fulfilled?
4. Related to the former questions: How do I check whether my values are present in the actions corresponding to the goal? In which way can I develop the values I am missing?

That will help particularly in the area of emotions and motivation. After all, achieving a goal is not that easy; if it were, it wouldn’t be necessary to be a goal; we would just go and do it.

A few more tips:

1. Be very clear about your goals and it is better to focus on just one at a time.
2. Be very honest about the values you have, no moral judgement will help you. An easy way is to think about the last time you have used that value in your life; if it is more than one year, you should think of including it in the list of values to be developed.
3. There are several ways to develop a value. If you are a religious or spiritual person, your practice will help you. You may also check on another person you feel who has that value and check with him how he does it; don’t try to copy her or him, but just use that life as a foundation for your own development.
4. Checking is fundamental here. If you are serious about this, you could get someone else as a coach, mentor or a good friend, who may help you doing it.

By doing this a few times, it will become natural and you will develop your own way of doing it too. I am sure it will work for you as it has worked for me.

Next evolution: back to the past

You have probably noticed that some things seem to go backwards. Not talking about fashion here, which is of course very temporary, but we are talking about habits and customs.

For instance, have you realized people prefer to write rather than talk? Come on, most sci-fi movies, books or ideas were pointing to people sitting down somewhere and starting to talk to their TV set saying open the window; and the window would open!

However, what is happening is people writing and writing... It is not only the WhatsApp wave, but the SMS and all kind of gadgets and software that allow it. If I could back in time and tell someone about twenty years that would be the future, they really wouldn't believe in me...

That is the reality of life: things don't happen because someone thinks it is cool, but because it is useful, powerful or really beautiful.

So... let's look at ourselves in relation to that: is there anything you have imagined you would be doing right now but you are not? Perhaps you imagined an incredible work, a marvelous family or strong health and that entered into the self sci-fi list...

Well, let's apply the same concept: whatever is now, it is because it was more useful, powerful or beautiful. WHAT???!!!!

Yes, part of you like what you see now, much, much more than what you have imagined it. So, if you want to change yourself, you have to go back to the past...

You have to understand what your thoughts were at that point in time when you visualized a different future... Did you? If you did, tune into it, enjoy that attitude or awareness you had at that moment.

After that, understand that perception and compare it to what you have in your mind at present. And, if you feel it is needed, just change the present...

Start with your consciousness and the way you think. Teach yourself, dialogue with yourself and experiment with another way, the way you have thought you would be living right now.

If you do that for some time every day, you will start to see some changes in yourself and then, it is possible those changes become permanent, and your self sci-fi imagination pays off.