Times of hyperconnection: making friends

We live times of hyperconnection… Do you remember that time? I was listening to a very beautiful song in Spanish, Vida más Simple[1], and one of the lines was a coffee was the price of friendship.

Well, I don’t want to make you nostalgic, but the reality is the world we are living is completely different, but our needs remain more or less the same. And friendship is one of them.

Here are a few points about how to make friends at these times of emoticon greetings and very brief helloes:

• Make sure you are developing yourself in terms of career, personality or intelligence. Don’t try to use the idea of other people supplying you with what you can get by yourself.
• In fact, think of friends by common tastes, preferences or mindset, not as someone who can go to parties or who can sponsor a trip with you…
• Unplug yourself consciously every day for a few hours, and use that time for personal reflection or, if you are with other people, to listen to them and to talk from the heart.
• If you are REALLY with the other person, I mean, in person, forget your cell phone for a time. That will show them how much you value their friendship.
• If you are having a virtual relationship, as much as possible try to get together in person. Nothing replaces being side by side.
• When there is an argument, don’t close the door to that person. Remember the good moments with that human being and be thankful for them to be your friends.

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[1] To check on this song, sung by Nil Lara: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GJoVHpY04IM

When your health makes you anxious

Some time ago, I posted about anxiety and someone sent me an interesting article*; even though it is some type of publicity, and I don’t do publicity, it was a different dimension of anxiety that I didn’t know: when you have a health problem and you are waiting for a diagnostic.

Many years ago, I had a friend how was diagnosed with cancer, which he beat. He was so happy, he called me from the other side of the world to tell me the good news. And then, he started to have some problems again and I remember his anxiety, waiting for the response from doctors. It was not good news, but maybe the anxiety itself was the worst.

In his very influential book, Emotional Intelligence, Daniel Goleman talks about his own experience when he was sent for a lab to do a test. Because of his background, he knew it could mean cancer… He analysed about the emotions he felt.

A study of patients in physicians' waiting rooms found that each had an average of three or more questions in mind to ask the physician they were about to see. But when the patients left the physician's office, an average of only one and a half of those questions had been answered. This finding speaks to one of the many ways patients' emotional needs are unmet by today's medicine. Unanswered questions feed uncertainty, fear, catastrophizing.

The focus of Daniel Goleman was about a change in the medical people’s attitude, but I think there are a few things we could do to minimize the anxiety that comes when there is something wrong with our body or mind, but there is no clarity about a diagnosis.

1. The first thing is to keep calm. Easy said than done, but meditation and other practices can help.
2. Stick to the facts, don’t overthink or try to be your own clairvoyant. Just wait and see what happens.
3. Talk to very good POSITIVE friends. They will surround you with their positive aura and that will be healing. I had that experience with a lady, a friend’s sister, while she waited for her diagnosis; about 10 people were there in the room with her sharing nice stories and just giving her good company.
4. Read and feed yourself with positive information. Avoid a reading about your current problem as much as possible.
5. At the day of your diagnosis, act normally. Routine has power in these cases and it will help you to focus your mind on the present.

If you or other people have anxiety before a diagnosis, I hope this may help.

 

* About scanxiety - https://www.asbestos.com/blog/2021/07/29/mesothelioma-scans-scanxiety/

Finding a very good friend

Friends are very scarce nowadays and there are so many theories on the reasons, but we may focus on having VERY GOOD ones.

First of all, why? Friendship gives us a different point of view as it is a detached relationship – someone who is an outsider and so it is impartial – and at the same time, very loving – a friend appreciates you and values your company because of what you are, no matter what you have or do.

Now, how to get very good friends? Here are three things that may help:

1. Befriend yourself! Talk to yourself by meditating, contemplating or simply reflecting, and help yourself to make the best decisions.
2. Know yourself! By knowing yourself very well, you are aware of certain aspects of your life, enabling you to look for people who are like you.
3. Just be yourself! Real friends, very good friends prefer people who are what they are, without masks or make-up. After all, they want to be themselves too…