Instead of blaming, responsibility is encouraged – Reason 60

Just visualise a room with a very beautiful flower-vase.  Now, imagine two little children playing, running around the table where the vase is and then, crash!  The beautiful vase is now part of history…  But, wait, their mother comes to the room and first thing she asks is: Who did this?  Now, can you see both children pointing at each other?

Blaming turns part of our general culture: you do it wrongly and you look for someone to get the blame for it…

However, a leader lives in a different way, by taking over responsibility as those who are responsible have the duty to correct their mistakes; instead, those who are guilty are excluded from our society.

As an example, Claudia Palacios[1], a Colombian journalist, quoted a very interesting statistics during a panel organised by Images and Voices of Hope (IVOH) in Bogota[2]: 70% of prisoners in the jails of Colombia continue on their same criminal path after leaving the institution, while only 30% are able to rehabilitate.

Mrs Palacios went on to compare these statistics with those of another organisation[3] that helps people from guerrilla and other illegal groups to come back to society, without the use of imprisonment.  They consistently achieve rehabilitation levels of 70% where one main element is to inculcate in those people a sense of responsibility.

Leaders encourage a responsible awareness, so, no matter how serious the error is, they will uphold the person’s dignity, by helping them to be responsible instead of punishable.

(Excerpt from the book 82 Reasons to be a Leader)

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[1] Claudia Palacios works actively in journalism.  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Claudia_Palacios

[2] The panel was related to the present situation of the media in the country.   Besides Claudia Palacios, IVOH founder Judy Rodgers and publicist Ricardo Leyva were also present.   For more on Images and Voices of Hope: http://ivoh.org/

[3] Agencia Colombiana para la Reintegración works with people from a variety of illegal backgrounds.   They serve more than 50,000 people, helping them to rebuild their lives.   http://www.reintegracion.gov.co/en

Delegate or empower? That is the question…

If you are a boss, manager or have another position of authority (like a parent), let’s admit to ourselves at least: bosses are overwhelmed, stressed and under too much tension. It does not matter the culture of the organization or how things are working (good, bad), tension is taking over everyone. There are too many things to do. Period. So, it does not matter how many seminars or courses you attend, it will never be enough.

However, there are ways to diminish the burden; one of them is to sharing it with others. From the manager’s point of view, there are two easy methodologies that help him or her with it.

Before talking about them, the manager first of all has to understand her or his own team – strengths, weaknesses and their bond as team. Second, he or she needs to have a clear idea of the culture of the organization, and that is very important for this sharing to succeed. Last but not least, the task or project has to be clear for that person.

One technique, tool or methodology is delegation. OK, don’t jump out your seat yet!!! I know, it is as old as the Bible, but the idea is a bit more complex than what is roaming around in the management market, which explains why there is fear from either of the sides to take over on this subject.

When a manager delegates a task or project, or a piece of it to a person or team, she or he is aware of their limitations. To delegate means someone else will act on the manager’s behalf, so the manager is traditionally consider being responsible, but they need to have enough margins for maneuvering particularly when negotiation is necessary, and most of the times, negotiation is necessary.

In other words, it is not because a boss does not like to check on the prices of paper in the market, then he assigns the duty to another person. Neither it is a question of, at the time of choosing whom, the first person coming into the manager’s office will receive a particular job. Both situations are quite common and that is one of the reasons of fear of delegating.

The solution comes from a deep reflection and these questions may help:

• How much do I know the task in hand, its requirements and consequences?
• Knowing the project, who are the people who can be the best option to fulfill with the terms of that project?
• How much do I trust these people and what is the type of bond we have?
• In which extent the rest of the organization will support this team, even though I am behind them?

If what we are talking on delegation looks a little different than many people do around the world, what about empowerment?

In fact the basic premise for that is wrong: everyone has power and nobody can really give power to another person. Empowerment is more a question of helping others to identify their own capacity and potential, allowing them to handle a broad range of situations that go beyond their normal functions.

This time the main difference is the responsibility remains with the team or person in charge and that is a bigger burden for them, but it frees the boss, who will have a role closer to an overseer or a facilitator.

There is a deep reflection needed, and you can use these questions for that:

• I know the task in hand, its requirements and consequences, how is the best way to proceed with that?
• Who are the people who can take care of that project as if it is their own?
• How deep do I know these people and what is the way to increase our bond or relationship?
• In which extent the rest of the organization will support this team and how can I help with that?

Be careful with two deadly sins when you are using empowerment. First, you are a manager, not Pontius Pilates, no washing hands here; even though they are responsible, you still keep some type of responsibility and you will need tools for managing that – like meetings or small reports to check their development.

Second, be aware of signs you have chosen the wrong people or you have chosen people wrongly... Maybe you can train them, maybe not, and it is important to be able to accept your error – not theirs – and move on with the task in hands.

Remember that by doing this you will be relieved of a big part of your tension, which will increase your sense of wellness and it will increase your personal productivity.

Focused communication

It is common nowadays to consider communication as the very essence of all we live and experience. After all, what is life but a constant exchange of ideas, feelings, emotions and facts lived through our subjective lens.

However, it is not an easy experience. People may try to explain the reason why they can’t express their feelings or plans, or how difficult is to breach the gap between generations, genders or cultures, but in summary, it is tough to communicate.

This is a list of things you can do to improve your communication as communicator, recipient or part of a community.

• Understand the message. As humans we tend to flourish our messages or use various tactics to send it to others. It is important to have a much focused communication that you apply your energy into understanding what the real message is. On the other hand, if the message comes from you, make it as clear as possible for other people.
• Recognize the context. Any message is given within a context and it is a key process to acknowledge it. For instance, if someone who loves you, reproaches you, the context will be important to avoid anger.
• Know more about the receiver or the messenger. In this way, you can give the message in the way you want others to understand it, or you can go beyond the many words used and grasp the real meaning behind it.
• Communication is easier with values on your mind. Someone once defined values as the mufflers in the road of life. Without values, you can communicate and receive information, but it won’t be enjoyable and part of you will resist to that.
• One subject at a time. Even though many people make effort to multitask, it is not that easy. If you want to clearly communicate something, it is better to focus on one thing only or related themes, instead of showering others with your words.
• Beyond words. It is obvious words are not the only thing that communicates. Your gestures and the way you look at others also impact on people. Even the time you send a message to others will relay some information about who you are. Be attentive to those invisible details.
• Check the results. After the communication process, verify if the outcome was the expected one.
• Never take the blame, always take on the responsibility. Whenever communication fails, don’t take blame, but take responsibility at least in relation to understand why things didn’t go well.
• Correct your communication process. With humility and patience, change whatever you can in relation to the communication process that did not work.
• Try again. How many times did your mom tell you to brush your teeth? Human communication is an ongoing and eternal process. Fill yourself with patience and determination, and try it again. And again.

Improving your own quality

It is part of History now, at least Management History, when Total Quality Management was the big trend in business. Everybody wanted to manage their 5S’s…

It was not a bad idea and it worked very well in many places, but it is difficult to resist to times of change, when storms of situations come and you can’t even remember the first S.

In reality, it is not difficult to understand that quality cannot start from outside and this is why it takes so much effort. In fact the place where Total Quality became part of their natural lives was Japan, where honor and a very simple lifestyle contribute for its success; their quality started from inside their minds and culture.

Any fashion or trend in any area of life can only resist time when it becomes part of people’s nature. It is only when it is part of the self, thinking process and is present in emotions and feelings that you can say it was really successful.

But we can learn from History, of course, and it is interesting to revisit the concept of quality this time focused on the self:

• The quality of the process will reflect upon the quality of the outcome. If you want anything in your life to improve its quality – your relationships, career, writing and even a smile – go and look for the process behind it, working on its quality.
• You are responsible for your own quality. Right, situations influence and people too, but it is you who is your own leader. It is important to make time for reflection and meditation as these two processes can help you to increase your own quality from within.
• Systematically. You won’t change overnight and things won’t improve overnight either. It takes time and methodology, and you need patience and perseverance if you want a life of quality.
• Your quality will help others’ quality. Maybe it will take time, but as you improve your own quality, other people will experience that too by following your example or getting help from you.

The power of facing consequences

One of the most common games played in our society is the blaming game, that silly contest to see who is the most stupid to take the fall… And yet, that is probably what we are all looking for in our leaders today: someone who willingly takes the fall.

How refreshing is when someone says sorry or it was my fault. But quite often what we hear is I am not going to apologize or they are the ones to blame!

When I wrote my first book, The pathway towards Self-Leadership, I was able to discern very clearly two different concepts which are used in similar situations: guilt and responsibility.

The first one is behind the attitude most people have and, really, who wants to be guilty? After all, they are sent to jails or exiled somewhere. They are even legally killed in some places.

When someone makes a bad decision, guilt is hardly the solution. It only makes things worse and everyone becomes very heavy and upset with whatever happens.

But responsibility is something else as people naturally like to be responsible; it is part of who we are. A responsible person is admired and praise, these people are able to change their own lives and other people’s existence.

However, you see, it is easier to be guilty… A person goes to jail and he does not have to bear anymore the responsibility of whatever happened, while a responsible person has to be working and living with his own mistake, looking for solutions and working on that.

This is why we all should take some course on how to face consequences. It is really enriching and it helps to build our own personality.

A friend was telling me about his realization when he saw that all the businesses he started failed. He told me about the emotional burden he felt; relieved by his religion and the presence of his family, and at some point he decided to take over one business. He took over responsibility over it; he talked to very angry clients and rebuilt their trust. Slowly he started to see things get right.

Responsibility has an interesting effect in people and it can be compared with going on a roller-coaster: it is scary, but with the right attitude you will enjoy a lot.

In the case of my friend, the support from his religion, his wife and parents helped a lot, it was crucial in his success. The technical part – budgeting, strategy and calculations – was of course what customers saw, but I am sure that was not what they felt… After a while in the process, a project came through, associated with the embassy from another country, to represent part of their interests. He and his company were just in the crawling stage of their recovery and yet, he decided to try it out. You can probably imagine the amount of documents they required, how much scrutiny he would have to go through and yet, he got it. I am sure it was more due to what they felt than what they saw.

A few tips to develop that sense of responsibility, so that you would never ever again would go through the blaming game:

• Don’t whine or complain, just understand what is happening.
• Firstly in private, accept your own responsibility and see what you can do to fix what needs to be fixed.
• Don’t think, at least initially, about things that are out your responsibility limits, leave that to other people.
• If others are somehow responsible for what is going on, completely or partially, create a strategy to talk to them and get them to do the right thing.
• Learn the lesson and create a plan, so that error does not happen again (don’t trust your own promises).
• Talk to people you trust, embrace your responsibility in front of them.
• Do whatever is required within the limits of your responsibility; don’t think about the present cost or time you would need to spend.
• From time to time, follow up.
• When you start with the fixing part of your responsibility, celebrate your actions, by buying a nice chocolate or enjoying the sunset. Seriously, do it.

Welcome to the I am responsible-game. Enjoy it and win as many times as you want.

This article is dedicated to the Brahma Kumaris and particularly to its founder, Brahma Baba, who faced all consequences with a smile and a spiritual attitude.

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Marcelo Bulk is a Brazilian business consultant, author and coach, resident in the beautiful city of Bogota, Colombia. He has been working for more than 30 years in his own personal development and he has been a volunteer with the Brahma Kumaris, travelling worldwide.

Hey, you are on stage!

Many years ago, a famous Brazilian actress stumbled upon a rug during a play. Without losing her style, she looked at her uncle, performed by another famous actor, and said: Uncle, I have told you many times to be careful about this rug!

It was an improvised and brilliant moment. For us, who are also actors on this world stage as Shakespeare used to say, many times the rug is not where it was supposed to be. But, different than that actress, we often react badly to unexpected challenges.

This awareness can be helpful, that we are all actors and we are on stage, all the time. That will make us take every step with care, love, compassion and energy.

Whether we are with our family or in our workplace, we will be conscious that any thing we say will be recorded by their powerful minds and memories, and that will shape their relationship with us. Any error we do will be seen, heard and felt.

Hummm... Ok, that can take you to a very paranoid stage of mind. It requires some balance by using your private moments in a very worthwhile way. Even when you are just having fun, remind yourself that will help you to make better decisions or it will strengthen the bond within your family. A hero is always a hero, but relaxing, enjoying and being yourself is extremely important.

So, check your lines for today. These are some questions that can help you:

• How prepared am I to face this situation? Which kind of training, coaching or resources do I need for that?
• What will be my attitude when I meet a person? How do I want to express my feelings and needs to them?
• If anything happens outside my schedule, something I am not prepared for, how will I deal with it? If I realize I couldn't deal, what should I do, during and after the situation?
• How do I want to feel at the end of this day? How to reach to that point?

Ready for an Oscar award from life? It is waiting for you...

Self-empowerment

Leadership is a very complex thing, you can talk and write about it for years and still there is always something else to talk about. For instance, what about the fact that leaders today have EVERYTHING, in terms of information, knowledge, etc., and still they make so many mistakes...?

Well, I myself wrote a lot in this blog about it and about some of its by-products. One of them is empowerment.

Empowerment could be seen as the first "taste" someone gets of leadership - it is that moment when your mom trusted in you to buy the right brand of butter, or your boss trusted you that big project. It is different than delegation as in the last one, mom and boss will be hovering around all the time and you will be only their arms, their worker...

A fully empowered person has the chance to practice some leadership and test some concepts too in a quite safe environment, as the final responsibility still will go to mom (if the cake is not tasty, nobody will blame you) an boss (if the project is successful or no, he will be known for that). But it is a good beginning for many people. When you are the leader, success or failure always comes to you.

And that responsibility weights... it is heavier than many burdens. And if you have some personal life, then the burden seems to multiply itself.

As a coach, I have to deal with situations like that from other people. As a consultant, I have to tell others what to do, nice suggestions from a bright mind. As a leader, I have to deal with the situations... myself. And I know how heavy they can seem.

So, it is very important to empower the self too and that has two different meanings: you start to trust yourself in dealing with the situations with whatever you have learned or with advice from people you chose to trust. The second meaning is to fill you with power. Both have the same intention: enable the self to face situations, the burden a leader carries, and to start the self on the pathway towards self-leadership.

Thinking about self-empowerment and its impact in my life, I have difficulties to even imagine myself as a non-empowered person. I have known many like that; for them, life is always threatening, people are always wrong and they are always right. It is the life either of an eternal victim or someone who thinks only his ideas are right, and they are not...

I will mention here what I do for myself. I am sure you can add or adapt that for your own life:

• Meditation. First things first; I need some time with myself, I need to understand what is going on in my mind, why I am having thoughts like these... Meditation is also for me a mean to get the eight powers I need (check my post on 8 attitudes) and a way to relate to God, and other people better. When I meditate, I feel the self, filling with energy, I feel my decisions are clearer and I have the power to implement them.
• Study. Leadership is a road where you have to study forever. Same applies to self-leadership and, of course, self-empowerment. What I have in consideration is that my study is useful, it creates an impact in my life an in others' lives and it "tunes" with me. When I was a high-school student, I used to love Math and hate Biology; the last it was because it didn't "tune" with me. Your study has to respond to questions like "Who am I?" and "What am I doing here?". Of course, it has to help you to solve the riddle "What will I do in this situation?".
• Blessings. Yep, that is it, I live on blessings most of the time. Let me explain what I mean: do you know when you do something good to another person? First, there is the soft sensation inside your mind, the pleasure of helping another human being. Second, there is a subtle energy you will feel, probably later and when you are under stress that will help you to overcome it - that is what I mean by "blessings". It empowers the self because it gives us a relief during moments when otherwise you would feel the pressure.

When you are a fully empowered person, the world will change around you as there won't be anything you can't do and your leadership will be a real one, as you would have started with yourself.