If things don’t go as planned…

 

Almost two hundred people I know had their flights cancelled or postponed, due to the war. I saw in their faces that mixture of powerlessness and silent anxiety.

I was in India recently, and those scenes stayed with me. They left me with a question that feels more relevant than ever: How do you plan your life in a world that refuses to be predictable?

Because let’s be honest… we love plans (at least, I love them). They give us a sense of control, direction, even identity. But life, every now and then, reminds us - gently or abruptly - that control is often an illusion.

My reflection is about what to do when things become unclear.

Our first instinct is usually to do more things: think more, calculate more, try to fix things faster. We check our resources - time, money, skills – and we try to increase them, save them.

Of course, all of this is important, but what I saw there was that it is simply not enough. There were people who were glued to an app, trying to find a way out, or those who could buy a new ticket just like that; still, there was no response, no ticket…

Situation sometimes are bigger than our tools and resources, our capacity. It results into an inner pressure, so we try and force solutions, pushing our way through.

There is however, one thing that was useful. In many faces, I saw plenty of smiles and calm, a fresh sensation that said things will be OK. That is the one possibility I saw that was the most successful: resilience.

It is an inner strength and quietly steps in, not as a dramatic force, but as a deeper power. It helps us adapt and, instead of denying the horrible reality, we learn from it and move on.

So, how do we plan when certainty is not available? I don’t think the answer is to stop planning… but let’s plan differently:

• Avoid rigid expectations. Plans are useful, but expectations can turn into traps. Hold things with openness.
• Plan for the best, prepare for the worst. Not from fear, but from maturity. It creates inner stability.
• Think beyond “Plan B”. Sometimes even alternatives fail. Go further - visualize yourself after the situation. How do you want to feel when this is over?
• Stay calm, wherever you are. Calmness is not a luxury; it is a tool to be used in these cases.
• Look for help… in the right place. Not all advice is helpful and not all voices bring clarity. Choose wisely.
• Accept what you cannot control. Not as resignation, but from resilience. Save energy and use that strength in dealing with this reality.
• Stay focused. When the outside is shaking, the inside must be steady. That’s where a real direction comes from, a possible solution.

The Superhero of Your Life

 

When you hear the word superhero, what comes to mind? A cape, a mask, someone flying across the sky to rescue the world at the last second. We usually imagine strength, spectacle, something extraordinary and almost unreachable.

But if you pause for a moment and look carefully at your own story, you may discover something surprising: you have already met your superhero. In fact, you have probably met more than one of them.

In my experience, everyone has someone who saved them at some point. Not necessarily in a dramatic, life-or-death scene, but in quieter, more human ways.

Someone saved your job when they defended you in a meeting or another person saved your grades when they stayed after class to explain what you didn’t understand. There is that person who saved your marriage by offering perspective at the right moment or saved your confidence when you were about to give up on yourself.

And sometimes, yes, someone truly saved your life. It might have been a teacher who believed in you when nobody else did, a friend who answered the phone at two in the morning and simply listened, a colleague who stood by you when it was uncomfortable to do so or a stranger who spoke one sentence that changed the direction of your thinking. Those moments may look small from the outside, but in the context of a person’s life, they can be decisive.

Although psychology and resilience research remind us that timely support and simple acts of encouragement can have long-term effects on a person’s growth, we often underestimate how powerful it is to be present for someone at a critical moment.

We have all superheroes and the point, however, is not to worship them. It is not about building statues in our minds. It is about learning and cultivating whatever they did to us. It's about telling their stories, keeping their memories, and understanding that, at the end of the day, even superheroes fall sometimes, and you can be the legacy that will make them rise again.

Some of my own superheroes are no longer alive, and yet they continue to teach me through their words, their example and the way they faced adversity. When I remember how they handled pressure, disappointment, critical situations or injustice, I find guidance for my own challenges. Their physical presence may be gone, but their influence is still active.

I invite you to ask yourself a few questions:

• Who believed in me when I doubted myself?
• Who challenged me instead of just comforting me, helping to get out of my comfort zone?
• Who stayed by my side when it would have been easier to walk away?

Your superheroes are not outside your story - they are woven into it. Many times, in strange ways…

A harsh correction, a painful disagreement, even an unfair criticism can become the spark that pushes us to grow. There is a concept often discussed in psychology called adversarial growth: the idea that opposition and difficulty can strengthen us more than comfort ever could. None of my superheroes ever wore a cape, but in this case, not even a friendly face.

They did not applaud us, instead they confronted us. They questioned us and they exposed our weaknesses. At the time, we may have labeled them as enemies, we may even cry or run away.

And yet, because of them, we became better. They saved us in a very strange way, just like some superheroes from comics look like bad people.

One more layer to this reflection: even if someone extended their hand, you were the one who decided to hold it. Even if someone opened a door, you were the one who chose to walk through it. Even if someone offered guidance, you were the one who applied it. Help can be offered, but transformation is always a decision.

In the end, the greatest superhero of your life has always been you. Not because you never needed anyone, but because you accepted help when it came and you allowed yourself to learn. You transformed pain into maturity and support into strength, you stood up, you continued, you chose to grow.

Maybe today is a good day to remember the people who helped you rise with a smiling face or not. It is a beautiful day that you are your own hero too and celebrate it.

And maybe it is also a good day to recognize that somewhere, in someone else’s story, you are the superhero they quietly thank in their heart.

Are challenges a curse?

 

I have faced so many challenges in my life that I could write a book about them… Of course, that would be yet another challenge for me.

Challenges have a strange dual nature: they can be the worst thing that happens to us - or the best.

At their worst, they drain our energy. They interrupt our plans. They reduce our sense of success. They whisper quietly that maybe we are not capable enough. If we label them as a curse, they become heavy and once something feels heavy for long enough, it begins to dishearten us.

But here is the uncomfortable truth: the challenge exists. Whether we complain or deny it, it remains there.

At their best, however, challenges are like test papers. Not punishments - evaluations. They reveal where we are strong and where we are fragile. They stretch our patience. They expand our capacity. They force us to use muscles we didn’t even know we had.

The same event can either shrink us or shape us and the difference is not the challenge.

It is the meaning we give to it.

If we think challenges are curses, we will slowly lose hope. If we see them as training, we begin to access something deeper - resilience, inner power, creativity, courage.

Perhaps challenges are not against us, but you are the one who can answer this:

Are challenges a curse?

Problems? Try to use your resilience.

When there is a problem, a normal person like you and me often jump to the solution. Many times, it turns to be a jump to conclusion…

Another way is to reflect upon the problem, visualize or feel the possible solutions and then, to make a decision. In this case, we are using a small part of our own resilience.

In terms of problem solving, our resilience has a different role and it is useful to understand it.

What is resilience? It is basically our inherent capacity to bounce back after a crisis or a serious problem. Even though it is inherent, it can be increased or diminished…

What is it in terms of problem solving? Well, for small problems there is a chance to use your own resilience:

1. The problem comes, causing a small storm in the mind, too many thoughts, and it turns decisions into a difficult task.

2. We face the problem, we are able to diminish the storm in the mind, we make certain decisions.

3. We are back to where we were before the problem, according to our resilience.

However, resilience is a human quality or faculty, it is part of the self, so we could say resilience exists since before the problem, that is, it may help at every stage of the problem:

1. The problem comes, causing a small storm in the mind, too many thoughts, and it turns decisions into a difficult task. I meditate, I calm my mind, I talk with someone because I know I am strong and I don’t stop growing because of that problem. I am a resilient person.

2. We face the problem, we are able to diminish the storm in the mind, we make certain decisions. My decisions come from my own reflection, from my own power. They start in my mind in the form of a discernment process, and then I implement them.

3. We are back to where we were before the problem, according to our resilience. I see the storm of problems and bad situations departing from my life and I prepare myself to keep on moving on… I never stopped, but it is possible my personal change was affected by it; now, I move on with full force.

If we do this exercise, not only we will be able to overcome a problem without much effort, we will be also increasing our resilience.

 

Self-transformation: is that easy?

At so many places, people are talking about self-transformation as if it is the easiest thing anybody can do. Maybe not so much a complete self-transformation, more a constant advertisement of the possibility of change: Easy, very easy change.

I am in a self-transformation path and I should tell you it is that easy… and yet, so difficult!

The easiness comes from the fact real transformation is often going back to a natural state of life, and what is easier than being natural? A big part of a transformation process is to get rid of the unnatural parts of a personality and lifestyle.

The difficulty comes from getting rid of something so unnatural that has turned into natural due to its use.

For instance, a common aspect of self-transformation is a big change in the routine: getting up earlier, including exercises in the routine, starting to meditate, etc. In fact, all of these are natural, I assure you, but after a while of getting up late, not doing exercises and not meditating, all of these must be relearned.

Easy and difficult… that’s the challenge!

So, if you want to make a big change in your life…

1. Understand what you are going to change and how.
2. Develop the awareness of how natural is that state – a retreat, for instance, can help that realization.
3. Walk your path with that awareness and whenever things don’t go as planned or desired, just remember you are going back to a natural state.
4. Don’t struggle with your own inner resistance; instead, develop resilience by meditating, studying or other methods.

Good luck with your self-transformation!

Being an agent of change

Probably the normal method people use to face bad changes, which is considered to be a proactive way of dealing with it, is to resist to them. The problem is that there is a law of change: any change to which you resist, will grow even more.

Probably the best method people could use to face bad changes is to increase their own resilience, that is, by being an agent of change.

The way of doing it is quite simple (in writing):

1. I notice a change that is happening would have a bad effect for me or my community.
2. Instead of fighting or fleeing, I fly… I start to increase my resilience by accepting this is happening and understanding it.
3. I also start to have inner experiences by contemplating, reflecting or meditating; in this way, I look for self-empowerment.
4. I start a change that will help to work against this bad change. It may be my attitude or an interesting plan that will involve others.
5. I cooperate with others, by creating a powerful network and I help others to increase their own resilience too.

To put that into practice requires some energy and focus, but it is much better way to reacting to situations.

Besides, you will experience being the leader of your own self, instead of being led by situations from which you are not taking benefit.