The challenge of real independence

Before being a teenager, the only thing I wanted was to be independent. I used to imagine myself making decisions about my own life in relation to career, work, personal life… but I didn’t imagine myself having to wash my own clothes, to cook my own food and, worse, to earn my own money!

The dream of independence is a strange fantasy in which a person only thinks of benefits, without their cost; still it is not bad. In fact, the idea of independence took me to where I am today and I do recommend anyone to exercise it.

I would like to give you two tips for a successful experience of independence.

A real tip is to be PATIENT with yourself and life in general. Your independence depends on several factors and it takes time for them to be ready for you, meanwhile it is good to feel INTERDEPENDENT, instead of dependent. It is much more than washing dishes once a week or going to the shopping for the house, it happens when you recognize the other’s independence, you respect it and you help them to develop it, which will help you in your own independence.

Second tip: be PERSEVERANT. Lots of obstacles will come your way, either because it seems life is conspiring so you don’t become independent or you are thinking you were not made for that and it is better to go back to your mum’s house. Just keep on going a bit more and you may set some dates in terms of aims to be fulfilled, which is quite helpful. Another thing that is helpful is to increase your capacity by attending a few courses, meditate more and changing your lifestyle.

How to REALLY get success?

Success is a slippery thing, but it is attainable and there are plenty of people out there to help you getting it.

Here are four things that will definitely make you reach a high point in your life, a definition of success:

• Preparation. Many years ago, I listened to this question, which has helped me for many years: if everything you have gone through has been a training, what have you trained for? Success is the fruit, it is the result of all we have done and by recognizing what we really have done, we would understand the depth of our own success. Yes, right now, you and I are preparing ourselves for a big event in our lives, the moment in which success turns into reality.
• Perseverance. Many things I am doing right now are not successful, but I don’t consider them as failure; for me, they are part of a process and there is always some benefit for me and others. Success is like a fruit, but it has to be taken care until it is ready for ripening; most of the things a normal person does are normal and success is the final result, the extraordinary fruit that comes from a very regular ordinary seed. Instead of giving up after failing, to get success try take one more step or change the way you do things.
• Strategy and tactics. We often realize the need to change something when there is no force and no energy to do it. Then they come; by thinking in a strategic way, like a chess player, an individual can foresee future threats and empower themselves to face them, or future opportunities for which they need training. A good strategist will be humble enough to accept their mistakes and weaknesses, while keeping a good self-esteem, by acknowledging their strengthens and powers. But, be careful, because too much strategy can take you into a state of paralysis. Implement the decisions, by design tactics and methods. The victory is just ahead!
• Keep swimming. A very wise yogi told a group of us that to get success, just keep moving ahead. Don’t stop, just walk forward… It seems a little simplistic, but many times, that is the best tactic. Success will come to those who never stop trying. Try, do it, don’t stop, just keep swimming in the ocean of possibilities the world is.

The challenge of real independence

Before being a teenager, the only thing I wanted was to be independent. I used to imagine myself making decisions about my own life in relation to career, work, personal life… but I didn’t imagine myself having to wash my own clothes, to cook my own food and, worse, to earn my own money!

The dream of independence is a strange fantasy in which a person only thinks of benefits, without their cost; still it is not bad. In fact, the idea of independence took me to where I am today and I do recommend anyone to exercise it.

I would like to give you two tips for a successful experience of independence.

A real tip is to be PATIENT with yourself and life in general. Your independence depends on several factors and it takes time for them to be ready for you, meanwhile it is good to feel INTERDEPENDENT, instead of dependent. It is much more than washing dishes once a week or going to the shopping for the house, it happens when you recognize the other’s independence, you respect it and you help them to develop it, which will help you in your own independence.

Second tip: be PERSEVERANT. Lots of obstacles will come your way, either because it seems life is conspiring so you don’t become independent or you are thinking you were not made for that and it is better to go back to your mum’s house. Just keep on going a bit more and you may set some dates in terms of aims to be fulfilled, which is quite helpful. Another thing that is helpful is to increase your capacity by attending a few courses, meditate more and changing your lifestyle.

By having this this couple by your side, your change will be successful

When life is moving along according to plans, you just need to dance… Life is often a performance and of course, we would enjoy it greatly.

But, many times the rhythm changes and the music you don’t love starts to play… Fights... Arguments… Betrayals… Losing a job… Broccoli…

And yet, you can’t stop dancing as life doesn’t end with one song. You have to keep on dancing…

For that, the best is to count with a wonderful couple who will be along with you, partners in this dynamic dance.

On one hand hold on to patience and let your life feels like a living experience of bliss.

On the other hand, hold on to perseverance and never stop trying…

When you are dancing forever, obstacles come: sometimes you may get disheartened and other times, others get disheartened in relation to you. Patience gives you certainty that if you have been sowing the right seeds, at some point good crops will come up. In this way, patience motivates you to not give up.

However, many times the outcome of your acts will take too long to emerge; perseverance enables you to not give up and keep on trying. But being perseverant is much more than being stubborn – real perseverance will make you check the self and understand what is going on as many (most of the) times it is because of you that things are not taking place as they should.

And that is the formula for success, especially when you are promoting a change: be patient and perseverant.

 

This post is part of a series for a better year, and this is the end, so I wish you good luck with this wonderful year!

Step 1…

We are just starting to live a new year, so this is a time for a transition.

That means you are probably so busy celebrating (with mask and all) that you are not thinking much about the remaining 362 days or so, and yet this is the right time to start thinking of it.

Consider these first days as the first step to have a MUCH BETTER year and here are three suggestions, which are stages of this first step:

• To let go – the first part of this step is to let go not only the bad things, but even the good things. You need space to generate a new experience, and to start from a blank mental whiteboard is the best option.
• Trust yourself – this is the part in which you design the New Year and you have a style that is completely different than mine, your spouse’s, children’s, neighbors’, mother-in-law’s and anybody… Let your ideas flow by brainstorming, using creative methods like journaling or just sitting down and reflecting. The basis of this stage is to trust your inner voice and maybe you want to use this powerful question: What are the ways to be successful this year?
• Perseverance & patience – you will need this couple of virtues this year. On one hand, perseverance will help you to put all those beautiful ideas into reality. On the other hand, patience will help you to trust yourself and wait…

 

In the next posts, I will get into each of these stages, but you probably would like to start something. Good luck!

How to open the door of your learning?

Being an autodidact at some point was something as strange as the word itself; there has always been, but not many.

One of the reasons is that the Western teaching system has highly valued the role of the teacher, professor or guru and in some places or environments, it feels like there is no way to learn something without someone else teaching you.

Of course it is valuable to have a teacher, but today, in such a complex society and with so many learning needs, there are not enough teachers and YouTube, books, countless websites as well as many other platforms have become teachers in an unofficial way, training us to deal with new laws or how to plant carrots at home...

However, it doesn't matter if there is a teacher literally in front of you, a young girl with dyed hair talking on your computer screen or a fascinating book, the key to learning will always be YOU.

You and your mental openness, your thirst for knowledge, your desire to learn even while making mistakes... If we could use an analogy, we would say that learning is opening a door and no matter how splendid this methodology is or how necessary the subject is, that knowledge will not get in if the door is closed.

And although there isn't really a method that teaches you to open it, there are three elements that I think will help you learn anything:

• To give importance to the topic by learning, without exaggerating or minimizing.
• To be very humble, patient and determined since many of today's learning topics are updates of what you already know or not all methodologies give results in the time you expect.
• Practice a lot what you learned.

                                                                                                                                  

Let's look at the following scenario: you want to learn a new language.

• What will you learn it for? This question will open the perspective of importance, because if there is not really a strong or necessary reason, it will be difficult for you to separate the time and energy to learn. Another question you can ask is: Really, how long can you live well without knowing this?
• Second, be open to what they will teach you. In this case, it is fundamental that the apprentice gives his teacher time, because not all methodologies come out teaching you what you want immediately. If you want to confirm the validity of the methodology, talk to other students or people you know who are similar to you and reconfirm.
• Finally, find ways to practice. You can even go somewhere to volunteer and teach children this language you are learning. To teach always helps to strengthen what has been learned.

A magic lamp!

It's like Aladdin's, but brighter. This lamp is called mind.

To activate this lamp, just rub it, that is, use your mind with a purpose instead of just letting it wander around... Let the hand of your best intentions touch your mind, making the best of it emerge.

In this magic lamp that we all have, there are unlimited treasures; really, you can achieve everything, not only for yourself but for people who are connected to you. When there is a clear purpose and focus, everything is possible.

But check your intentions while using your mind. One tip: the more selfless you are, the more powerful the outcome will be.

Like every lamp, there is a hidden genius waiting to be released, which is the force that your mind will use to bring about what you need and want to achieve. Actually, your magic lamp is so broad that it contains THREE GENIUS. The first and most important is that of a determined thought.

Sit peacefully and focus your mind on what you need, touching it gently with pure intentions. Now, let your mind generate the thoughts that can make the impossible become possible.

And do not be diverted! A determined thought is the match that transforms a candle into light... Think, speak and act.

The second genius is very special and important, helping you to overcome the obstacles of the path, because it will MOTIVATE you all the time. It's about constructive emotions.

One of the key reasons why we do not achieve what we have in mind are obstacles and adversities in general, which take away our desire, and frustrate and discourage us.

Therefore, fill yourself with positivism by talking with optimistic people, watching news that helps you increase hope, and discussing topics related to love, peace and happiness... The more you feed your constructive emotions, the more easily you will overcome obstacles.

The last genius is related to a process of introspection and reflection necessary to process what is happening. They are the feelings that exist on a deeper level than the emotions.

From time to time, stop along the way, look in the mirror of your own existence and recognize what exists within you, the feelings that come before emotions and even thoughts.

They come from your beliefs and serve to turn into memorable the incredible effort that your lamp will make: change your reality.

How many candles?

In some cultures there is the habit of putting a number of candles corresponding to the number of years the person is celebrating and for some people it may be embarrassing as they have an age consciousness.

For me it is pretty good, as I carry my 54 years with the greatness of being such a special person and the humility of so much I have to learn yet… However, as part of my personal tradition, I have been doing a double birthday.

The reason is that on the same day I was born, I became aware spiritually, 36 years ago. Both summed up to 90 years. So, yes, I am 90 years old...

As the sum of its two digits is 9, if you ask me, that is the number of candles in my cake… But which candles?

Candle # 1 must go for GOD; without Him, I can’t even imagine how my life would be. I think candle # 2 is for GRATITUDE, for all I have had the chance to be, for the greatest opportunity of all to be born. The # 3 is for ACCEPTANCE… I took some time to accept myself as I am and to change on the basis of what I have accepted. I tell you, this procedure is working… Number 4 is CHANGE and my life is dedicated to change every day, towards my self-transformation. SPIRITUALITY was not in my map, it was not part of my paradigm and now it is my paradigm; number 5 is for this important aspect of my being.
 The candle # 6 is for LOVE, a feeling with which I have struggled for some time, but I realised it has been within me all the time. Definitely, I need a candle for DETERMINATION, which is # 7. Particularly In my darkest days, being determined was the way to come out of situations and re-create my life, again and again I was thinking # 8 should be hope, but then I remember another pillar of my personal process has been CREATIVITY. I am not sure how I became a creative person, but that is what I am, and I love it. For a deep reflection, UNDERSTANDING is my last but not least candle, # 9. I am not always looking for understanding from others, but my main effort in life is to understand what happens and get the best from it.

And you, how many candles in your next birthday cake?

A Happy birthday from me to myself…

Real freedom

More than ever, people are mixing freedom with having the right to do whatever they want. And there is a big difference.

A real free person is completely sure about his life, there are no doubts about his decisions and his steps are full of determination.

Many times, a free person follows what others say, laws and regulations not out of compulsion, but because they believe in that. When they don’t do it, it is not because they don’t like others, laws or rules, but because it is not aligned with their own sense of being and their values.

The space around a free person is full of possibilities and the person’s creativity turns it into something alive.

The time of a free person is full of opportunities and complaints don’t have a slot into their schedule.

To be free is not about others or situations, it all depends on you…

Do you have patience?

In a very fast-paced world, some virtues are not so cool and patience is one of them for it is connected to slow-moving men and women, weak individuals or very old people.

In fact, patience is connected to the reality of the world. If it is not for patience, your parents would not have expected you to be born – after all, NINE MONTHS!! So many things you can do during that time!!!!

For example, food and maturity come from a season and it is hard to be sped them up. When humans mix science with nature, results are not pleasant to everyone and there is a big wave in the world trying to revert that we did to our own food; same thing applies to maturity, which has its process and it is different to each person.

My observation is that patience is not the problem. The real challenge is how to discern between having patience and being slow. It is not that simple… Let’s take the example of a career.

On one hand, patience will help you to develop it in a pace that won’t stress you out but it will guarantee a good result at the end of the road. You will be focused on learning more than having immediate success as you know achievements will come along the way.

However you cannot just wait for things to happen. You will be pushed, threatened, taunted and even blackmailed by your bosses, co-workers, spouses and relatives to go for it! After all, your youth won’t last forever and maybe is already fading away…

Patience is good, it helps with health and it helps you to reach those goals you want to get, but it is not enough. No virtue or value is enough, they all need a partner. In the case of patience, its partner is perseverance that will help you to not accommodate to the situation but break reality and start your own change process.

OK, if you leave patience aside, you will be hurt as you will succumb to others’ and yours own desires, instead of waiting for the right season when fruit will be ripe. But if you don’t engage patience with perseverance you will live a very dull and boring life, and it is quite possible many of the things you are expecting won’t happen. After all, it is not only sowing seeds, you have to water and take care of whatever you have sown too.

Just perseverance without patience… Well, your life will be a big adventure, but you will probably miss some opportunities to just relax and flow with the flow.

At the end of this wonderful journey we all live, the most important thing will be the sense of balance. Life is all about balance… So, go and start it right now. Patiently…

Time management in unmanageable times

When I was just starting to work on IT, trying to understand computers and users, my job was pretty boring... So, I got distracted with some booklets I found scattered around. They came from a Time Management course my boss took and two things stroke me: first, the interesting ideas and, second, how my boss just ignored them...

Time management is a wonderful tool and an incredible theory, but its use in the practical life, a VERY BUSY practical life, is not so easy for it demands discipline and focus.

Besides, some of the champions in Time Management consider their success based on their ability in managing their time and not in its results. Life, especially corporate and business life, is not happy with a manager, a coach or a CEO who is able to manage his or her time very well... Others would want to see an outcome for that.

Results are quite hard to be experienced and one of the reasons is the unmanageable times you are living. We are living a very particular period of our history, a time that Peter Drücker, a consultants' prophet, has foreseen: a time we are not sure what is going on and we are less sure what will happen in the future.

We can go and make changes in our way of managing times (as I am doing this year), but still we cannot catch up with reality as it was probably more possible twenty years ago.

What to do then? Just flow and let it be? Or maybe creating even another tool to help you managing your time? I would like to explore that…

Let's talk about consciousness. Since I have seen those booklets, I have started my own way of managing time, which helped me to create a basis for courses and seminars I give. My main focus, however is not the method as it is, but the awareness of time the person has to develop.

As humans, we have created a very complex way of considering time. Although we can understand easily concepts as VERY SOON or LATE, we are ruled by a psychological sense of time rather than a real one. For instance, if you enjoy a two-days holiday somewhere, a place where you are happy and everything works fine, you will feel the time is very SHORT, even though it is the same time as when you had to work and finish your company accounts, which probably looked as very LONG.

The trick in Time Management is to reconcile your own perception of time with others' perception and the real clock-time. That means you need to do three things:

• Strength your own leadership. The only way to do something as mentioned before and survive in the process is when you are a leader. Although there are many concepts of leadership, three things are important in relation to Time Management, and you can cultivate them: your self-control, your own sense of being an example and a clear picture of your vision of the present and future for both, yourself and the organization you are leading.
• Value your own values. Rushing around or procrastinating do not only affect your health and others' patience, it may also affect your values. For a check-up on your values and, in relation to Time Management, check these three values to see if they are being put into action or just serving as a decoration for your speeches: patience will help you when others are not committed enough, perseverance will help you to educate others and try again, and introspection (or calmness)will help you to check your own commitment and make the needed changes.
• Use real methods. Ah, that is a must!! You can take as many courses of Time Management (want my cell phone number?) or attend to a thousand seminars, and yet, all of it may be is inapplicable to your reality. Ask three questions and make the necessary improvements: is what I am doing aligned with my needs? Are we, other people around me and i, really experiencing benefit by using these methods? Is there any way i can manage time better?

Well... time is up!! Get up and start to apply your own consciousness into your time.

Time and success

Recently, a few lists have emerged of young people who got to be successful. By reading it, I just wondered how many are really prepared...

First of all, most of the successful people were such due to some financial attainments. Success is however a feature where harmony, happiness and peace, among other qualities, are experienced in a constant way; what about their state of mind or their family relationships? That was not taken in account.

In reality, success needs time to come to our lives, just like a fruit from a tree. In Hindi, the words have something to do with each other: success is safalta, and fruit is fal...

Yes, to reach that point of success - total, global, true success - you do need to seed right seeds. You also need to take care of the soil, sun and water, and lots of patience because even when the fruit is emerging, you still need that fruit to reach maturity. If the tree is fruitful, not only one fruit will emerge and many other people can benefit from it. Then, you sow it again...

That success as soon as you start to experience becomes an unending cycle and that is another sign of success: you don't experience it once. Maybe you can have your "peaks and valleys", but when you reach the real success your life turns into an ascending line.

How to do it? How to reach to that point of success when you feel you are on eternal holydays and yet, producing in an effective way? A few tips:

• Understand the real meaning of success. This will help you to identify it.
• Whenever you go through a "peak", that is, you feel success in some task or activity; reinvest that energy into your life. For instance, if you get a promotion in your work, use that money for more training instead of buying that new cellular phone you want, and share your experience with other people so that 
• Whenever you go through a "valley", that is, you fail in something, use that as a step towards success. For instance, check what happened and train yourself so you don't repeat the failure.
• Be honest with yourself and don't let yourself to be deceived by limited successful events.
• Meditation is very useful. It will help you to develop honesty, patience and perseverance, without which you cannot reach success.
• Value your time by making it worthwhile.
• Balance your life and especially provide yourself some reflection time.

I wish you an excellent journey on your way towards success.

Negotiation skills when dealing with situations

Situations come up from time to time in our lives. As someone said once, the world is like the ocean and you can't control the waves...

Some situations are easier than others; some last longer than others, and some can even take you into desperation. But, at least in some cultures, there is nothing worse than crisis somewhat provoked by other people.

Yes, it is awful to lose your job or be in danger of losing that house you would love to live in, but what about when your wife is critically ill or your boss is preventing you to make the deal of your life?

There is a whole school in management for negotiation, which can help you to deal with those situations where humans are a main factor. With those skills well developed you can negotiate some time off your job to take care of your wife properly, or perhaps invite some relatives to help caring of her.

But, I would like to focus in the skill of persuasion, which would be very useful for you in convincing your boss to help you with that big deal.

Persuasion can be understood differently according to intentions and even culture. Its interpretation can vary from charisma to manipulation, but its real meaning is probably located midway.

It is basically the ability of convincing people to do something they wouldn't otherwise do. It is so important that Warren Bennis used that same concept while defining a leader. For the skill to be developed, you need some training in:

• Understanding situations deeply. Don't stay in the surface; merge into the depth of anything happening, understanding its roots, development and consequences.
• Trying different perspectives. If you want someone to be convinced of something, you need to understand their point of view, with respect and without judgment.
• Patience and perseverance. No negotiation can really happen without this wonderful couple of human qualities. Whilst patience will enable you to wait for the effect of your talk, perseverance will facilitate you to try different tactics.
• Having a "win-win" mentality. Although I personally don't like that expression, as it reminds me of the possibility of win more than another person, it is extremely useful in negotiation, especially at the time of persuading others. The idea is to have a focus in the profit you and the other people will receive by doing what they are doing.
• Being flexible. Yes, at any negotiation you will have to compromise. There is no way out for that. The idea behind flexibility, talked in another post, is to understand the limits you can go without hurting the negotiation for either side.

Charisma can be understood as some kind of "exuberant persuasion". Although many so-called leaders use, especially politicians, it does not fulfill the former criteria completely. Same happens with manipulation and amazingly as it is, both usually lack the understanding of others' perspectives...

Some people are natural negotiators; others need to train and train harder. Whatever the case, it is a powerful skill and not that difficult to mature.

About coming back to work

As I said in a former post, this blog was designed because of my lack of proper work. Something happened in my life, and companies were not calling me for help. In fact, they were not calling me for anything, really.

I really had the opportunity, the golden chance of learning that having a job is more than working, and that is the reason of this blog.

Now, work is coming back. Slowly, but steady, I am being called by many companies to help them. They are still small projects, but for me they are BIG, because they are a direct fruit of a long work on my own self.

Then, I see other issues emerging, and I feel it is good to revise them, turning them in valuable lessons others can be benefitted:

• The need of having humility and high self-esteem. Working with spirituality, I always know and talk about to have the balance between these two qualities, but I have been faced with them a lot. After all, you cannot tell others something you are not doing, but you have to value your conquests and ideas, as they are your real wealth. As a consultant, one of the techniques is to share examples, and sometimes you think your examples are good, when they are not. But at other times, your example will be the perfect one for the situation, be ready to know the difference.
• The need of researching and studying. One of the opportunities I've got was to deliver a course that I did not do for at least TEN YEARS! It evolved, and I realised (unfortunately, during the same course) that I should study more and research more. One of my mistakes would be too embarrassing, if it was not noticed by a good friend, who did not push.
• Focus, more focus. During my time without job, I generated around 10 areas of work. But, as I am performing again, to keep up with 10 areas of work is not easy, and it would be stressing in the long term. With the help of a coach, I was able to group those 10 areas in... well, 7 areas... As you see, I am still working on that focus.
• CLEAR AIM. I've put myself an immediate aim - 10 days of work! And that is what I have got. So, I have to clear my aim a little bit, remind myself the year has 365 days and my life won't finish on 2012, no matter what fake Mayans are saying. So, don't talk about such a short aim, rather than that plan it better.
• Don't lose courage. When I am working, I feel sometimes a little "rusty". Courage is needed to keep on doing, to just keep on performing and little by little rust will fade away eventually and you will see your optimum performance coming back.
• Don't be afraid of checking yourself. It is harsh. That course with my friend... my God, he was calling me apart, telling me what was wrong with me, with no mercy. And that was wonderful. You do need to check yourself, or being checked by someone else, so that you can improve.

Take care and keep on moving.

When science fails

Nowadays you can have all you want, and talk to anyone you want. However, the big tendency nowadays is to live alone. Also, you have medicine in its state of art. And never before we had that many sicknesses.

Somehow, humans have tried to replace whatever they lack with science and its children, like technology. But it is not working. Yes, it gives you a temporary feeling that you are getting what you want, but then, after a while, you realise you still don't have it. And you cannot get anything only using science.

You can talk to people using science, but you cannot communicate with them only relying on science. You need to trust them too, you need patience, perseverance and a bunch of other values which will enable you to really forge a relationship.

You can use medicine - by the way, you should! - but you won't be healthier because of that. Real health starts from lifestyle, from the way you think and see the world, and your own relationship with your body and other people's bodies.

Science is good, and I use lots of it in my day-to-day life. But I am aware it can't replace reality. Reality is still outside this blog, this connection and this computer.

As an author, I like to provide new perspective.