Self-transformation: is that easy?

At so many places, people are talking about self-transformation as if it is the easiest thing anybody can do. Maybe not so much a complete self-transformation, more a constant advertisement of the possibility of change: Easy, very easy change.

I am in a self-transformation path and I should tell you it is that easy… and yet, so difficult!

The easiness comes from the fact real transformation is often going back to a natural state of life, and what is easier than being natural? A big part of a transformation process is to get rid of the unnatural parts of a personality and lifestyle.

The difficulty comes from getting rid of something so unnatural that has turned into natural due to its use.

For instance, a common aspect of self-transformation is a big change in the routine: getting up earlier, including exercises in the routine, starting to meditate, etc. In fact, all of these are natural, I assure you, but after a while of getting up late, not doing exercises and not meditating, all of these must be relearned.

Easy and difficult… that’s the challenge!

So, if you want to make a big change in your life…

1. Understand what you are going to change and how.
2. Develop the awareness of how natural is that state – a retreat, for instance, can help that realization.
3. Walk your path with that awareness and whenever things don’t go as planned or desired, just remember you are going back to a natural state.
4. Don’t struggle with your own inner resistance; instead, develop resilience by meditating, studying or other methods.

Good luck with your self-transformation!

Are you resistant to innovation?

We have been living for decades now in a world of constant innovation. Not only that, but in the last few years, innovation speed has increased.

Just a small example: if you have a smartphone chances are there is always something being upgraded or updated. And, whilst we are talking about this, what about the big revolution in communication? With messengers dominating the social network landscape, what will happen in the long term with telephone companies? After all, I can communicate with all my friends for free, using a messenger of some kind, but if I try to send text messages, I am often charged.

For many people, there are only two options: either you embrace the innovations coming or you refuse them. However, it is not that simple.

Embracing has its positive points. When you are able to assimilate any innovation, which helps your character, your mental power and even your intelligence enhances. On the other hand, as it is impossible to assimilate all innovation, you will have to learn how to prioritize and to have a critical sense, learning what is efficient for you; that are not a small task!

Refusing seems easier, but at a long term creates a gap between you and others. You become outdated and things stop working well. But, on the other hand, people who normally don't embrace all innovation that comes - prioritizing or not - shows more peace of mind. It is a kind of softness you often find in the country field.

In fact, the main difference comes from you purposely choosing an innovation, and follows it up, or not. My point of view is that if you decide on not choosing something everyone else is doing, with a firm conviction, which is not resistance. That is self-knowledge...

Resistance, in the negative sense of the word, means ignorance and fear. It means you are resisting because something will be taken from you if you accept that big change.

When you chose not embracing something, you are showing your values, and that is important. A small proof you are not only being (negative) resistant is that you stimulate others to embrace that same thing you are not, because you are aware for them, that is important.

So, next time you don't feel like changing your equipment, computer, phone, career, food product, soap or even an idea, just check and see if you are being resistant, or it is your choice.

Humor, the essence of your own life

No jokes on chickens or bars; humor is taking the world.

Beforehand, only a few people could make use of it. Nowadays, anyone tries to use humor as a weapon against being bored or to avoid conflicts. I am not talking here about irony or sarcasm, humor's "evil twins". I am talking of a pure and sensitive humor sense that enables someone to change the view in relation to any situation, no matter how dark it is, and, of course, turn the environment a little more cheerful...

And that is fundamental when you work, in your family environment or at the time to talk to your neighbor about his unhealthy habit of playing loud songs at 11.30 pm... Because humor presents the situations in a new different light and resistance is decreased by that quality, allowing changes to happen. Real sensitive humor; other types of humor probably will help you to get a smack on your head or you will have to watch over your shoulder for the rest of your life expecting revenge...

Personally, I was never a funny guy, but I noticed something... It was in Chile, in '92, when I was leaving the last company I worked there, coming back to my birthplace, São Paulo. I used to work for Borland, at that time one of the giants in software for microcomputers; I started to make jokes to lighten the atmosphere of my farewell party when a co-worker mentioned that I used humor to deflect sadness... And I must say she was totally right, after all what do you think it is better, to laugh or to cry?

With humor I can accept a bitter order by my boss or avoid retorting to some comment my dad made. I can fall and laugh at that and I can make jokes on my own failure... Real humor gives comfort and strength, but it only works when it comes from you, from your own dharma as a person.

But, how to develop that? First of all, if you don't have sense of humor, believe me when I tell you can develop it... Second, try to detach from your own self. German, a great Chilean comedian, says that his trick is to make jokes on himself, not on others' expenses; this makes his videos very funny as they came from his own experience. So, if you can detach yourself, you can use your wonderful life as a source of humor, and I tell you, what a source!!!

A last tip: smile a lot. Laughter can last for some time; while smiles can last forever, generate a light environment and make people opener to your comments... they can even laugh at that!



P.S. Well, it is kind of lacking some humor in here...
Do you know why I don't like performing, not even dancing in front of others? Well, when I was a child I decided to perform in front of my whole class (and the whole school, in fact). I was the frog who turned into the prince, you know the story... I still remember the moment I raised and declared myself as the prince, something happened there and people laughed at me forever, destroying a very promising future actor!!

The capacity for resistance II - Tolerance, The Pathway towards Self-Leadership

I would like to give some interesting examples of resistance and tolerance.

Gandhi’s fight

At the beginning, he was considered a crazy idealist man by those who met him. Gandhi used his skills to keep himself above the English domination. His fantastic Salt March was an example of a man’s charisma, who left the easiest option (about three hundred millions Indians with knives running after the British Lords) and who adopted the idea of the ahimsa, that is, non-violence.

We can see in him very clearly the former cycle: his idea was that mental and spiritual freedom was higher, which generated a change in the world perception. For the first time people were talking about the freedom of a whole population without violence. Nowadays, we see international negotiators traveling country to country, many of them successfully attaining peace. But at that time, Gandhi emerged as a deep paradigmatic change agent challenging the biggest empire of the moment.

By establishing the difference of potential, of consciousness between the English conquerors and the people of India, Gandhi got to create a huge resistance towards the empire where the Sun never sets. English weapons and the power of their culture could not overcome that.

A resistance that turns into tolerance: instead of fighting for their rights, Indians started to tolerate defamations and distress. Soldiers beat people without reaction. However, like ants in the jungle, the people did not stop. Tolerance made them even stronger and helped to increase their numbers until that point when the giant kneeled before the weak half-naked slim man who looked more a fakir than a Chief of State.

With tolerance, they got a bigger shift in their consciousness and that generate more resistance and so on. It was not a lineal process; it was not that millions of people joined the Mahatma immediately. No, at every cycle, more people joined the cause of non-violence.

Gandhi influenced many thinkers and known XX Century Western people. The idea of non-violence was the flag of the 60’s and 70’s hippies, and it is still present somehow in modern thinking.

Motherly love is the purest way to love

Mother’s consciousness enables the woman to stand in front of the worse suffering and insults for the sake of her child. In other words, the elevated consciousness increases her resistance in front of any adversity.

However, one of the most painful processes the Western society is going through at present is the breaking down of families. It is calculated that in United States, 40% of families have gone through a separation processes. In Latin-American, this number is increasing: in Colombia, a statistic indicates that marriages last in average a little more than twelve years.

Motherly love is also going through the consequences of a change in the family members’ lifestyle. In this way, resistance to day-to-day problems is less, tolerance decreases, which translates into an even lower level of consciousness. In this way, the cycle keeps on going until the person ends with stress and very exhausted.

In fact, at this moment, all of us – women and men – can be mothers… of the world. Perhaps we are living a unique situation in history in which our perception of humanity is stronger than the religious, cultural or race barriers. And for that we need to think of the self as a mother capable to give love and attention to the lives of our friends, co-workers and even to unknown people, to the whole world.

It might sound idealist, but it is a possibility we have to avoid stress. It is a question of not think too much, but developing this consciousness, either you are a mother or not, either you have children or not. It is a question of think of what you have within to give humankind. Physical charity is not as fundamental as feelings and thoughts.

When I put these examples, I try to show the role of resistance in terms of tolerance. Why don’t we reflect about the level of our own consciousness? I would like to ask three questions that may help you to check if the difference of potential is high enough to face the current. Sometimes, when we respond such questions, we tend to know the “right” answers, as they are a bit obvious. The idea is however to have honest responses even though they are not like the “right” ones.

1. When you wake up, where do your first thoughts go to?
2. During the day, are you more involved in problems or solutions?
3. By night, do you relax and try to forget whatever happened during the day or do you try to dedicate sometime to create, learn and live something new and different?

 (partial extract from the book El Camino hacia el Autoliderazgo)

The capacity for resistance I - Tolerance, The Pathway towards Self-Leadership

To resist is the ability to withstand the effects arising from external and internal causes, without getting hurt. A material is measured by its resistance to electrical and thermal effects. "Burn the resistance" means that the material could not bear the load that came from outside.

For resistance, there is a formula you all have learned at school:

R= V/I

Where V is the voltage and I is the intensity with which the current passes. Talking in terms of human change, the most important is the voltage difference, that is, the difference of potential. It can be the difference in the consciousness, as the current (external and internal processes) cannot be controlled; sometimes they are stronger, sometimes weaker.

An example is a person who allows himself to be influenced by his job. I believe day by day this happens more often; the work should be our server, but instead has become our master.

In this situation, there is no way to prevent work pressures. Obviously I can accept some changes to relief the burden, but there is a moment when these changes don’t work anymore. In fact, any energy I apply in a negative form in my work (complaining, for instance), comes back to me.

If you open a shower and put your hand in front of the water, it deviates and keeps moving. However, the closer you put your hand to the shower, more the water pressure will wet the whole bathroom.

The same happens with work: by trying to put obstacles in front of the pressures, you are increasing it even more until it explodes. Paradoxically, we are increasing the current, instead of diminish it. And, by observing the formula, by increasing current, you are decreasing resistance, that is, the effect is opposite to the one you wanted.

So, what is the solution to increase resistance? According to the formula, the simplest solution is to increase the difference of potential.

A very interesting person I’ve met in Brazil was Dr. Roberto Shinyashiky. He is a transactional analyst, author of several books, one of which is Padres e filhos, companheiros de viagem (Fathers and sons, travel companions). In this book, he describes the experience he had with one of his sons who was born with some deficiencies. Depressed, feeling powerless, Roberto travelled to the United States to work with his son in therapeutic processes. In the extent he went over the therapies, he found out some aspects that helped him to clarify the moment he was living.

A few days later, whilst walking, Roberto faced a very strong wind. It was so strong that did not allow him to mover further. He tried to take some steps but he was forced to go backwards. It was then he found out a unique truth: you cannot go against the inevitable. The wind was inevitable as his son’s illness. From that moment, Roberto changed his consciousness and started to love him unconditionally, without bothering how he was.

Roberto transformed his ideas, he started to accept the reality and found other ways to live with them. Just like the Beauty, he embraced the Beast, that is, his situation and turned it into another beauty. In other words, he increased the difference of potential between his consciousness and the reality.

Unfortunately, I see people nowadays walk with their difference of potential almost in zero, even negative. That is, the reality dominates and determines the pace of life.

When I realize that fighting against the wind does not help anything, I start to love it and I take those moments to do something useful; in that instant, I become stronger than reality.

I want to go back to the example of working. The more I blame it for my present state, I am giving it strength and power and my consciousness is lower than the work pressures. How many of you have seen a more elevated spiritual person to be worried with something that another person who is in a lower state can do? Resistance is stronger when the consciousness is more elevated than reality. A person who is rich internally won’t bother with someone else’s insults; a saint won’t bother with someone else’s defamation; a true leader won’t bother with provocations from certain critics.

The change of perception makes individuals to transform their environment as it increases the person’s resistance in relation to opposite forces. The bigger is the resistance, the bigger will be the tolerance. The more tolerant you are, more open you will be towards the changes, because tolerance is the front door that helps you to meet those changes. It is a cycle:

• The change of perception increases your resistance.
• The resistance increases your tolerance.
• Tolerance helps you in changing your perception.

The moment I realize the work is not guilty, your family is not guilty, the neighbour should not go to jail just because he likes loud music, neither the employee nor the employer are guilty… only then I can start a transformation process. I increase my inner resistance in relation to all the outer “attacks”, it does not matter how painful they can look like.

(partial extract from the book El Camino hacia el Autoliderazgo)