The value of trust in a very distrustful world

 

Trust used to be something almost invisible. You would read the news, answer a phone call, meet someone new and there was a natural tendency to believe. Maybe not blindly, but at least enough to build relationships, communities and even daily routines.

Now things feel different.

We double-check messages. We wonder if a photo was edited, if a voice was cloned or a headline was generated just to manipulate us. Deepfakes, scams and fake information are no longer strange exceptions; they have become part of our modern life. And that mistrust is like a ghost in the background.

Slowly, something dangerous happens: distrust stops being protection and becomes a habit. We stop believing in our children, in boss’ argument about our work, in the quality of our relationships…

The problem is that human life cannot function without trust. Every friendship, family bond, team, spiritual path and meaningful conversation depend on some degree of openness toward another person. If you are travelling in your plane you have to trust the person beside you, when you go the supermarket and you trust the factory that produced something good for you… When you vote, choose or make any decision, trust is a key element.

Of course, trust has always carried risks as any person may let us down, systems can fail and promises could be broken. But living in permanent suspicion is something else and it has a cost: when we stop trusting completely, we isolate ourselves emotionally, we become cynical, exhausted. Alone.

I am not suggesting here to trust blindly, but to trust wisely.

Not every voice deserves credibility, not every image deserves belief, not every product in the supermarket was done properly, but not every person deserves suspicion either, and the same applies to the whole society and the structure in which we are living.

Wise trust begins internally by first being honest with ourselves, more stable emotionally and aligned with our own values. In this way, we also become better at sensing authenticity in others, discernment grows and trust is positively affected by that.

And maybe that is how trust will come back to us. I don’t think we can go back to that time we would open the door of our lives to anyone, but, with wisdom, discernment and our own honesty, trust will become part of our background again, and our doors will be open to many.

In a world where almost everything can be fabricated, genuine human sincerity becomes one of the most valuable things we can offer each other.

Effects of a Modern Life: Exhaustion

 

I do feel people are too tired… Don’t you think so?

Perhaps the problem is related to health and so the person should go to a doctor and check upon this. Or, maybe the problem is not the lack of rest, but the kind of rest we choose.

While trying to relax, I see friends endlessly scrolling on their phones, watching one episode after another, jumping from one video to the next, trying to “disconnect” from their source of stress and to feel good. And yet… they are exhausted.

It’s a strange paradox of modern life. We have more entertainment than any generation before us. More comfort, more technology, more “free time” and more possibilities to make our lives easier. And still, many of us wake up tired, go to bed exhausted and live drained of energy.

We are confusing distraction with restoration, boredom with silence, doing nothing with slowing down, and this is why, we keep feeding the mind with noise.

Another invisible factor is the pressure to always be “on”. We have reached a level in terms of society that many people feel obliged to be productive or available, 24/7. We jump every time a notification beeps, vibrates or screams…

Relaxation is competing with that sense of success we have created and cultivated along many years. We HAVE TO BE BUSY, we HAVE TO WORK LONG HOURS, we HAVE TO SEND OUR CHILDREN TO THE BEST COLLEGES, and so on… Look, this is not bad, but partial success does not work well. Imagine you have a fruit, a whole fruit, but you eat just half of it and you miss the best part. Success is not only achievements and attainments, it is also that incredible sensation of victory, an elated stage in our minds and an eternal smile…

The third thing that is making us more and more tired is virtual-based relationships. I do remember at the end of every year, I used to call EVERYONE in my cell phone; now, with more than 1,000 numbers in my phone, I would have to start wishing everyone a “Merry Christmas and Happy New Year” from January!

And let’s not talk about the endless number of photos and videos, audios and things that, in the past, meant there was a meaningful relationship, and now it just occupies space in the cell phone memory. A virtual-based relationship makes us tired instead of enriching each other.

Real rest is not an escape. It means stillness and it is conscious, rather than just trying to forget. It is not travelling, but deepening. It is not scrolling eternally in your phone, looking for something; instead, take whatever is there in front of you and make it a beautiful entertainment moment.

It may be uncomfortable at first as it requires us to face silence and be alone with our thoughts. Real rest comes from a powerful reflection on what we have been avoiding and stopping us to escape from our reality.

Yes, meditation and a change of lifestyle will help. Definitely, power naps and a sound sleep will work wonders.

My suggestion here is that you start from your awareness, letting go other ways of resting that ends to make us even more tired and embracing new possibilities. You will see the results I am sure of that.

Why do good things happen to bad people?

 I remember a yoga teacher giving a very powerful class, one of those meant to shake people out of the slumber of their minds. At some point, she said something that stayed with me: many very “bad” people end their lives in comfort, surrounded by success and security.

Her point was simple, but uncomfortable. We shouldn’t assume that doing good automatically guarantees good outcomes. And we shouldn’t expect that people who act badly will always be punished, an idea that belongs more to old movies than to real life. Reality is messier. And there are several reasons for that.

One of them is human complexity. One of the worst people I knew growing up - a real bully - is now a respected judge in a small town. Who would have imagined that? Maybe parts of that old behavior still exist somewhere inside him. But for his family, friends and community, he is seen as a good, honorable person.

The truth is uncomfortable: a “bad” person for you or me can be an “excellent” person for someone else, or at another stage of life.

Almost everyone, at some point, has asked this question: why do people who lie, manipulate or act selfishly sometimes seem to prosper - financially, socially or professionally - while others who try to live with integrity struggle? It can feel unfair, confusing, even discouraging, and I talked about it in a former post.

That is another reason: life does not operate on immediate moral accounting and results are not always synchronized with behavior. Someone may be highly skilled, confident or intelligent, and those qualities can bring external success regardless of inner values. In the short term, this type of efficiency can easily be mistaken for virtue.

A third reason is that there is also the illusion created by appearances. What we usually call “good things” are often external achievements: money, recognition, power, comfort. But outer success does not guarantee inner peace. Many people who look like they are “winning” are quietly dealing with anxiety, emptiness and broken relationships. We rarely see that part of the story.

At last, from a karmic perspective, the picture becomes wider. A person may be acting poorly now and still enjoying the fruits of positive actions from the past. Karma does not work like instant messaging; it works more like agriculture.

Imagine this: you planted broccoli seeds last week, but you also have an old mango tree in your garden. For a while, you will enjoy sweet mangoes. But don’t worry… the bitter broccoli is coming to you... A person who is enjoy a good life, maybe it is just a question of a stock of mangoes and their broccoli is not ready yet to be consumed.

But, in another tone, looking carefully, lasting fulfillment rarely belongs to those who harm others. Temporary gains fade and not wanting to sound cliché, but inner qualities - honesty, compassion, stability - create a kind of wealth that cannot be taken away.

So perhaps the better question is not why good things happen to “bad” people… but what kind of good we are talking about.

External success is loud and visible, while inner success is quiet and deep.

And in the end, life does not reward appearances; it responds to conscious acts, words and thoughts.
Sooner or later, what is planted within, mango or broccoli, is what grows.

Why do bad things happen to good people?

 

When I was a child, I often wondered why bad things seem to happen to people who are good. Over the years, I have been fortunate to meet many genuinely kind and decent individuals. And yet, unfortunately, I have also seen how fate has been unkind to some of them.

It is never easy to accept that someone who helps others, builds healthy families or work environments, and contributes positively to the community has to go through tragedy or deep loss. It feels unfair. Almost contradictory.

From my experience, this question can be looked at from three different perspectives.

First, it may simply be a matter of human perception. In reality, difficult events do not “choose” good or bad people. They just happen. Being a good person does not guarantee a life free of problems, just as being a bad person does not automatically attract only suffering.

Second, I have noticed that some good people are sometimes too good for their own good. They trust too easily, accept what others say without questioning, open their doors assuming everyone thinks and feels the same way, or step into risky situations relying only on prayer, without enough awareness or protection. This does not explain everything, of course, but it does offer part of the answer.

Third, there is the law of karma. What happens to us is not limited to this single lifetime. Someone may have created many positive karmic accounts in this life, but what about previous ones? Karma moves across births. A good present life does not necessarily mean the past was the same. In that sense, today’s goodness may be planting the seeds for a brighter future - even if challenges still appear now.

There is one important point to be added: altruism and selflessness. I have lived in community for almost forty years, and the spirit of service has deeply shaped my life. The inner feeling it creates is powerful and difficult to describe. Yet I am also aware that serving others does not guarantee that problems will never come.

In the spiritual classes I read daily, there is a beautiful idea: we should feel free from obstacles, knowing that obstacles will still come. This means that when service is truly altruistic, there is an inner sense of protection - like finding shelter during a hurricane. The storm may continue outside, but inside there is stability.

And if we look at history, with a few exceptions, many good people who went through difficult times eventually ended up well - at least in their hearts. This is visible in their legacy, their influence and even in the lives of those who came after them.

In other words, bad things may happen to good people, but at least their qualities become their shelter in the worst moments.

Living among wolves

Imagine you are living among wolves… Scary, right? It depends.

First possibility is that you are a wolve yourself: you follow the rules, you hunt for living and you work in close cooperation with others. The problem is when you meet another pack and a battle takes place.

The second possibility is that you are a lamb and, sorry, but you are already dead! Maybe they keep you for a while, but one of these days, your life will end and you will be feeding these hungry wolves.

The last option I am seeing in my mind is that you are a human…

In the first possibility, you may not even realize you are that wolf. Violence, anger and constant threats is part of your life and cooperation is a tribal word for you and it does not work for those who are outsiders. Growth will be limited and your life will be restricted by what the society, tradition or culture tells you to be.

Of course, that is much better than being a lamb – it is that person who does not want to comply with the rules, with how society works, but they don’t have enough power to face it either. Eventually, life will be over – either you will resuscitate as a wolf or you will be just a skin of a person, barely living.

But what about being a human?

You can fight against them, but if you are LIVING WITH THEM, how can you fight for decades?

Maybe you can avoid them… You could build a fence and so, they are not allowed to come too close to you. But, without realizing, you are the one imprisoned, not the wolves; this is after all THEIR world.

You may try to imitate them, but, well, they figure out one day and you will be in danger.

You can try to domesticate them. However, it is not so easy, you will spend lots of energy and you will end with fake dogs instead of powerful wolves.

Best solution: you must learn how to live with them. They are beings that are so different than you and yet, they have many similar traces: negative (violence, difficulties to adjust to another person or group) and positive (cooperation, norms).

If you are aware you are surrounded by wolves, don’t be afraid; instead, start watching them and communicate in a very assertive way. Look for the beautiful things (cooperation for instance) and work from that perspective. Don’t deny who you are, but focus on find long-terms solution for your coexistence.

And one day, you may smile watching the beautiful people with whom you have the honor to live.

Rebirth…

I have believed in reincarnation since I was a little child. Not sure who introduced me to the concept, but for me it was obvious that someone who dies, they have to come back.

However, in their new life, they won’t remember their past life. I have learned that it will be present in their attitude and their way to see the world, their virtues and their defects, their differences with their community and also their natural similarities.

So, I was thinking of this pandemic as a kind of death of a society. It means we are living in a reincarnated society.

A society that has forgotten what has happened.

A society whose people’s attitude is similar to their past attitude, even though they are claiming it is different.

Their way of seeing the world is not so different than before.

Virtues and defects are almost the same.

Back to the reincarnation, when there is that awareness, people are also cautious with their actions, trying to avoid the repetition of former mistakes and create a new life. Some would call it a rebirth, not only in the physical sense.

My hope is that our society also experiences a rebirth and people change their way of seeing life. Maybe I am the one to start with it…

Leaving a legacy to others

We live relative short lives, but we create interesting phenomena like a torch race, passing to another person something valuable.

It could be an object – a watch, maybe an expensive shirt.

It could be an idea or a dream – a better bicycle, new house in the mountains.

It could be a tradition, a style, and a way of life…

We all will someone else something valuable, sometimes by passing them physically, sometimes by inspiring them.

What if we start to prepare that torch in advance? After all, one day we will have to pass it by...

By preparing it, you may enhance it and excel.

So, with that mind, I leave you with a question for your reflection: Which type of torch are you passing to others?

You live in a palace of mirrors – Reason 75

Life is like a game of living mirrors and knowingly or unknowingly, willingly or unwillingly, we replicate others’ gestures, expressions and their way of life.  At times; at other times, they replicate ours…

Normal people don’t like that idea as they thrive to be genuine, but this is not something to be afraid of, after all we are part of a whole.

Leaders go beyond copying as they learn from others and they are comfortable with that.  Although many people have the idea leaders always lead by themselves, going through a unique pathway, it is not totally true…  Most of the time, they are following a path someone else has designed.

When it is time for a leader to be an example for others, she or he is always ready in their awareness and attitude.  They do it not out of arrogance, but as a means of gratitude, paying forward all the lessons they have learned.  They do it because they know they are designing a path for others to follow.

(Excerpt from the book 82 Reasons to be a Leader)

Where all look the same, a leader remains as an individual – Reason 64

What is a society?  Nowadays a lot of attention and discussion is given to issues of gender, race and other related topics.  Most people just try to be equal to the next one in habits, tastes and lifestyle, and appearances seem to be still the priority over essence and depth.

This creates a situation where it is quite normal for a person to try to be what he is not: to work in something with which they don’t attune, to live with another person just for the sake of it, and to leave aside life projects because of present circumstances.

A leader will be part of the society, and yet he or she will persist with their individuality.  A leader will make effort to do things in which she or he believes, with joy in the heart.  The reason: before being leaders of others, they are leaders of themselves.

(Excerpt from the book 82 Reasons to be a Leader)

 

Instead of blaming, responsibility is encouraged – Reason 60

Just visualise a room with a very beautiful flower-vase.  Now, imagine two little children playing, running around the table where the vase is and then, crash!  The beautiful vase is now part of history…  But, wait, their mother comes to the room and first thing she asks is: Who did this?  Now, can you see both children pointing at each other?

Blaming turns part of our general culture: you do it wrongly and you look for someone to get the blame for it…

However, a leader lives in a different way, by taking over responsibility as those who are responsible have the duty to correct their mistakes; instead, those who are guilty are excluded from our society.

As an example, Claudia Palacios[1], a Colombian journalist, quoted a very interesting statistics during a panel organised by Images and Voices of Hope (IVOH) in Bogota[2]: 70% of prisoners in the jails of Colombia continue on their same criminal path after leaving the institution, while only 30% are able to rehabilitate.

Mrs Palacios went on to compare these statistics with those of another organisation[3] that helps people from guerrilla and other illegal groups to come back to society, without the use of imprisonment.  They consistently achieve rehabilitation levels of 70% where one main element is to inculcate in those people a sense of responsibility.

Leaders encourage a responsible awareness, so, no matter how serious the error is, they will uphold the person’s dignity, by helping them to be responsible instead of punishable.

(Excerpt from the book 82 Reasons to be a Leader)

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[1] Claudia Palacios works actively in journalism.  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Claudia_Palacios

[2] The panel was related to the present situation of the media in the country.   Besides Claudia Palacios, IVOH founder Judy Rodgers and publicist Ricardo Leyva were also present.   For more on Images and Voices of Hope: http://ivoh.org/

[3] Agencia Colombiana para la Reintegración works with people from a variety of illegal backgrounds.   They serve more than 50,000 people, helping them to rebuild their lives.   http://www.reintegracion.gov.co/en