Zeppelins & kites

The desire of humans to break from earth, to fly above and beyond is very old, and it seems we have all made it.

But there are means of flying that have been restricted to a mythical realm, like flying carpets. And other means have stimulated the myth so much that they turned to reality… and it is a good point of reflection about its meaning.

After all, we can easily fly nowadays, but we are still trapped by the gravity of our situations and maybe there is a response in those artifacts that turned into myths.

 

Zeppelin

The Zeppelin had a very interesting story and helped changing the communication and transport between Europe and America. Just to know, the Queen Mary ship could take 5 days to cross the Atlantic, while the Zeppelin spent half of that time.

Even though it had a very tragic end and it was mixed with war during its existence, it shows the importance of crossing distance, even with a pending danger.

In relationships, many times we must be the ones to cross the distance and to come close to another person. There is always a danger that relationship may explode… so we have to be careful and dream even higher.

 

Kites

They look like very common objects, but if you have one of them in your childhood, no doubt you experienced its magic.

In a very famous tale, Ray Bradbury uses the magical kite to solve a conflict between two cities: one city, pictured a Golden Kite at their gate, showing its beauty and the other city showed a Silver Wind. The wind without a kite is not so beautiful; a kite without wind can’t do much.

As a person, you can fly very high in your dreams, but you will always need someone’s help, so that your dream can turn into a reality.

Other people, other worlds

People have been compared with islands – sometimes because of the isolation, but you can think of people as a self-sufficient world.

Yes, we need other people and only a handful attempts to live isolated have really worked. However one thing is to connect and live with others out of need; another thing is to have so much to share and to be open to what others have to share. It means we are all rich…

I am not talking about physical wealth: some people’s richness comes from their virtues, other people’s wealth is their talents or their lifestyle, but in essence, we are all rich people! That is a big change of perspective.

The other person is as rich as me. That means, they don’t need me and I don’t need them.

We are different worlds and by sharing what we have, and accepting what others share we may build a wonderful relationship.

So, just think: what do I have that can enrich others?

Now, in relation to the people with whom you have a relationship: what do they have that is enriching my life?

On venting, speaking, talking and dialoguing

Human relationships are complicated, right? Maybe we like someone and we don’t tell them; perhaps we dislike someone and we DO TELL THEM, destroying the poor soul… And what about keep feelings and emotions about others? I am sure that is called grudges.

Focus on that, there are basically 4 ways to deal with those emotions and feeling:

You may vent, that is, you just say what is in your heart. Venting may work in terms of relieving the mind of that huge emotional burden, but it is possible the problem behind it persists and so, results are minimal.

If you just go around speaking about those emotions and feelings, that is called gossip and it does not have much value, really. Besides when you gossip about others, a very bad vibration will be generated and probably, those emotions and feelings will get worse.

To talk about your feelings and emotions, particularly if you do with the people involved with them, works very well. It means sharing and looking for understanding, maybe a solution, a closure.

When you learn to dialogue, things can be solved in a different level as it allows the flow of emotions and feelings, providing deep and long-term solutions, by also generating a space for venting and talking.

You may choose the option that is the best for your situation, the most important thing is to liberate your heart.

8 asana of the heart - opening your heart with GENEROSITY

There are lots of people who get in touch with us and we don’t even notice. Particularly during this pandemic, we have been more aware of them and even though they are out of our social circle and yet, they are indispensable for us.

A friend of mine commented that was probably a blow to the ego of many to know even though they are managers and they have so much study, their clerks became more important than them for the society...

But this people require your help, a very subtle and easy help: To love them!

There also many other people who are not part of our personal radar in terms of relationship, and yet they are so important in their own way, and they also require the same help: To love them!

For all of those, there is something you can do. Let me explain with an example: I do believe humanity is like a mosaic of love and each one of us complements each other not only physically, but also subtly. As in the mosaic, if the red color piece is not there, the yellow piece won't be that beautiful. That is, your brightness, your energy, your power and the color of your company are just ways of expressing the infinite love you have in your heart.

And that's why you should change your heart, to that it gets bigger and bigger, as if you were doing an asana with it! All those people who are not that close to you need is your GENEROSITY, which is a wonderful way to show your love. I am not talking here in terms of money or resources, but in terms of your energy, presence, your smile and many other ways to express love.

So, focus on those people and feel love for them... Maybe talk with them about it or send them a message. A smile often works and if nothing of that is possible just send them your vibrations of love by using your thoughts and attitude. I am sure they will feel it.

 

This post is part of a series called 8 asana of the heart.

I recommend you to watch 8 postures of the heart.

Connecting with others from within

How do you connect with other people? Maybe they are your relatives or friends, customers or providers… Maybe they are your neighbors, the guy who works in the drugstore or that nice lady who is always smiling… Maybe it is the youngster who refuses to greet you in the morning and that horrible person who talks about inappropriate things when he is delivering something at your workplace.

I am sharing you an experience. It is interesting to be living these times of pandemic; the other day, while walking on the street, I was thinking that the thing people use as a reference in relation to other people – the face – is almost obscured by a mask. However, the eyes are still visible and if you look into them, very deeply, you can see the person’s emotions: joy, happiness, boredom, sadness.

It is a new manner of connecting with people and why not to make it in relation to everyone? Well, it is complicated; I don’t think you would feel comfortable with the clerk in a bank looking into your eyes too much… But there is a way.

A video that circulated many years ago talked about the Golden Circle[1] and the basic idea was that the successful companies connect with people in the level of Why not What – We produce great products that challenge the status quo and, by the way, they are computers!

Just imagine for a minute that you do that with your people; instead of connecting with others because they are part of your family, they can buy your product or if you don’t relate well they will let their cat coming into your house, just think about the several whys that made you bring them into your life, or you step into theirs.

Those whys could be:

• When this person is close to me, I feel safe.
• I love to make this man laughs! I feel so good!
• This individual is helping me to bring about my childhood dream, how to thank them?
• That guy, I really don’t like him, but I am being able to learn lots of patience!
• But, why can’t they just keep that cat inside their garden? Well, perhaps this is a change to learn how to be a cat-lover.

This is what it means to connect from inside your heart and your own self. Try it…

---

[1] A video in TED, by Simon Sinek.  https://www.ted.com/talks/simon_sinek_how_great_leaders_inspire_action?language=en

How to manage unhealthy relationships

I like to think of a relationship as something that when it is healthy enriches all sides and gives them the feeling of greatness. However, it is not always the case.

Let’s compare with one of the main sources of health, food: we should always be healthy if we eat healthy food, but sometimes we do eat a broccoli (kidding!) here and there, that is, we eat something that can make us feel bad. In the same way, relationships are a means of improvement, but sometimes, we do have a relationship with someone, or maybe just a phase of that relationship, which can make us feel bad.

How can we manage this type of situation? Of course, if what you have eaten was some rotten food, you will have to go to a hospital; toxic relationships also require extreme measures. But what about the flu-type relationship?

The first thing you can do is to reflect on the relationship. Identify what you are getting from it and what the other people are getting from you. Not money or a nice house, neither a beautiful family nor a wonderful career, but those things that touch your heart and head. Those things that change you.

If the reasons of the relationship are strong enough to keep it, find a cure for the illness. A few possibilities often work:

• Dialogue with the people involved in the relationship. Be open and listen carefully, no judgement and lots of assertiveness.
• If it is necessary, get a mediator, someone who can be impartial or who is partial to all sides of the relationship.
• Invite the people in the relationship for something out of the box, perhaps a walk in a park or just eating together. Talk openly and look for a solution, whatever it is.
• Compromise and commit. If the relationship is worthwhile, to let go of a few habits is really nothing compared to what you are going to earn.
• Take a break. A real break; just go somewhere and keep disconnected with the other person. Use that time for a deep reflection and notice their effect in your life. After the break, get together with the other person and share the reflections.

And if you must leave the relationship, just do it… gently. Remember that people are not objects; they would suffer when you cut with them. Be assertive and avoid emotions by focusing on feelings.

Unintended victims

Any crisis generates victims, not necessarily in the real sense, but it exists to put some of the structure you have created down.

Although the victim is often related to the crisis itself, however, some of those who suffered are not a direct part of it. Relatives, friends, coworkers and even neighbors also go through a rough path too; and yes, generated by you.

To be more accurate, it is generated by your way of dealing with the crisis. They are not direct victims and many times, they don’t have any idea why they are in that type of distress. Why does this happen?

Crisis makes the experience of many different emotions to emerge and it is quite normal that you enter in a kind of emotional hurricane. So it is possible you also pull others into the same turmoil.

On the other hand, there is the hero syndrome; many people act in such a way that the problems they are going through are nothing. They just dismiss them, but inside they are burning and eventually, they may explode. A common reason is that they don’t want to hurt others… and yet, they do, because by protecting them they may hurt themselves. Consequently, those who love them will get hurt when they realize it.

There are a few tips you may follow in such a way that you don’t hurt yourself and don’t hurt others during a crisis periods:

1. A recent post that is being shared around expressed that any crisis has 3 elements: an expiration date, a teaching and of course, always a solution. Although you may not know the ending date, you can start to reflect and find out about its teachings.
2. At the extent you focus on the solution instead of the problem that will help you to keep your emotions in a balanced state.
3. Don’t deny the problems and don’t fear to call them by their name. A part of you knows it and it will be a disregard for your own self to diminish the situation you are living.
4. Learn to talk about your problems with people who are empathic and who can contribute with practical solutions or give you some support.
5. Whenever you feel strong emotions coming, just take some time off from your present environment. Relax a bit, empower yourself maybe by meditating and then go back.
6. Don’t hide your feelings and emotions… Talk about them in a way that is both open and comfortable for you, and get as much help as you can.
7. If you let the door of emotions open and they come out with a destructive force, after it happens, check what took place and whether anybody was hurt. It is good to hold a dialogue with your dear ones after such an episode, and forgiveness may be part of it.
8. Meditate… Meditate particularly when the crisis is not affecting you so strongly. There is a state called Detached Observer; it is a valuable one and it may help you to find peace and calm amidst the adversities. That will impact others positively.

This is part of a series of posts on self-care.

How to overcome fatigue

What is normal and what you expect is that after waking up, you have energy until night... but if that is not constant in your life, it is time to work internally.

We are not machines and although we are well oiled, fatigue, exhaustion or stress can take away our energy and prevent us from progressing or enjoying in the way we would want and could. Maybe you would like to have a few more hours of strength to enjoy your family, do something useful to the community, meditate or just enjoy watching the last movie.

If you really want to extend your energy a little more in the day, here are some tips that can be very useful:

1. Start with your diet and check well that what you eat is balanced.
2. Then, check the quality sleep time, that is, the sleep that refreshes and renews.
3. Develop the art of relaxation, that is, let go… a lot!
4. Self-organization contributes to avoid tiredness, preventing us from wandering when making a decision or doing some activity.
5. Strive to have excellent prioritization criteria, because it will prevent you from wasting time, one of the factors that causes fatigue.
6. Managing an adequate schedule helps minimize stress.
7. Dialogue and enjoy being with relevant people in your life.
8. At the end of the day or at times you identify that you feel a not very welcome tiredness, look for activities that are motivating.

Coping with loss

As humans we tend to accumulate and stock things. Well, not only humans… go and check your pet’s place, probably you will find things there too!

But as humans, there is something extra – we feel the loss. And we feel it pretty hard, sometimes for years. Besides, the thing we accumulate is often another person…

Coping with loss is more frequent than it should be and we are normally bad in doing that. I am saying here should be not much because we shouldn’t lose things or relationships – we will lose, that is for sure; but we shouldn’t feel it that bad.

An ad I saw a few years ago showed two young girls being taken to a foster home. It was an emergency situation and they were taken in the middle of the night in their pajamas and nothing else. The youngest struggled the most; part of her sleeping ritual was to hug her stuffed toy and that night, she could not sleep without it. Next day, the family took her to a place where she easily and happily got a new toy, just like the one she had!

Not a Toy Story happy end I know, but it shows people often lose something, then they go over the natural mourning and just move on with life, even when it is such an emotional item. The key point here is the emotional part: the kid was able to move beyond her grief because the foster family was supporting her.

So, there is an easy way to cope the loss of objects: identify the emotional support it was giving you and find it at some other place. Done!

Now, what about people? The short video was not long enough to show the consequences of the children’s parents’ absence in their lives and how they were able to cope with that type of loss.

A friend of mine, Dr. Roger Cole, once spoke in an interview after a tragic accident in Bogota that we need to have a time for mourning. That is the first step; we have to accept the loss in our hearts and understand they will never come back.

After that, it is good to create a memorial for those people in heart and mind, reminding you the great gift they were by being present in your life. It will help you to wrap up that relationship, forgive whatever has to be forgiven, keep whatever has to be kept and just say goodbye.

The last part that helps to cope with losses when referred to people is to visit the memorial from time to time, not out of a sense of nostalgia, but to learn, to smile and laugh again with those people, whose memories live in you.

Hope you can try it next time a person walks away from your life. Take care!

From disempowerment to empowerment

I have been working on the topic of empowerment for many years, since I realized the importance of power in life: that’s what we have that comes from within and helps us to defeat obstacles, to reinvent ourselves and to attain success.

However, I have noticed that there has been a decrement in the awareness of power; I would dare to say we are reaching very high levels of global disempowerment. How to turn this around? I would like to explore three of the present paradigms that show disempowerment and how to change that:

• Aloneness and short-term relationships. People are either choosing to live by themselves or they have relationships that last very little time, creating a unique situation for the family-based societies, governments, the economy and many other levels.
• The deep dissatisfaction, from citizens to government officers. In the past, this was a common trace of a dictatorial government, but nowadays even very well consolidated democracies are facing this, which may be considered a worldwide movement.
• The fake media. Instead of a media that covers matters and subjects into their depth, the social network has opened the doors to all kind of information and news are often short and inaccurate, generating the chance for fake news and deepfakes.

Why does this indicate the growing disempowerment and how to reverse this trend?

First of all, the main reason people are alone is not that they don’t need others because they are so satisfied and fulfilled; reality is there is not enough strength to try and live with other people, by accommodating to others’ way of living. One way of solving it is to invest time in developing more assertiveness and dialogue techniques, which will help in creating new bridges between people.

That dissatisfaction also reaches the social level, which used to happen in non-democratic countries and people of democratic countries used to point and say well, that’s the result of dictatorship. By happening in a democracy, it shows people’s disempowerment as the big irony is that people are marching and protesting against people they themselves have put in that position... The empowerment in terms of citizenship comes from developing better criteria to use at time of election and to know more about the government and social structure, so learning ways of promoting change in a more effective way.

Last but not the least, information has always had a deep impact in our mindset and good powerful information helps us to feel more empowered. Let’s add to that truthful; if the news is not real, the effect tends to be the opposite, particularly when facts come out and the person realizes they believed in something false, losing self-confidence. On one hand, control the news that come to you and don’t believe in them just like that; on the other hand, prioritize more in relation to which information is relevant to you, and focus on that, leaving other pieces of data aside.

I am here, what about you?

A typical scene nowadays, anywhere in our very modern world: a group of friends sitting together, all of them looking into their own cell phones, apparently ignoring the rest of people around them, even though they are very good friends.

We live in a world of people who are not present. A few are working at one place different than the place they are sitting or standing; others, are looking for fun somewhere else and in many cases, they don’t even know where their actions are taking them to. Many others are trying to evade and escape the present reality.

But, I am here. Even though I am so busy, I am still here…

Maybe I can’t be present all the time, but I chose and decide to make that special effort to be where I am and to be what I really am, along with others.

Would you like to try? Try to disconnect yourself for a while from the whole world and be present at the small space you occupy. Try to look into the eyes of others and appreciate the nature around you or the wonderful city you where you live.

That will generate an alignment, enabling your mind to perform better and helping you to make better decisions. That will improve your life in general, and I am sure it will help others to appreciate you even more…

Problems and our inner dialogue: the need for reflection

How do you work? How do you improve your productivity? What is the way of dealing with children? Why to forgive others? 

There are many questions in people’s minds, creating lots of internal noise as we try to navigate the troubled waters of present society, making things even worse. Before, it was much simpler as you can see by these possible answers…

I work as I was told to.My productivity is fine, thank you very much, and I will stay at this company until my retirement no matter what.I speak, my children obey.Forgive others??? Are you mad? They should be killed. I just need my family.

Those were the simpler times and although many people would cringe when hearing some of this, it was like that in our civilization for millennia.

Now, in these very complex times, we may just sit down and cry over past times, or learn new ways…

I do my best in my work, learning as much as possible. I fail and I win, that is how it works. Sometimes it is boring, but I have to live. Will they fire me? I endeavor to improve my productivity. Or not… it all depends if I like my job or not, if my boss is nice to me or not, the money... If it is OK, I will make my best. My children… sometimes I hit the target and I am able to satisfy them. Other times… not so lucky. Wow, it hurt. It really hurt. What that person did… but I need them in my life. What would I do without friends or family? Maybe I can just ignore them and keep some distance. Forgiveness? That’s too divine for me.

That is a present possible inner dialogue.

Now, let’s put some silence in between… Let’s put some reflection between the question and that inner dialogue and see what happens.

Of course, first we need to understand reflection very well. It can be in the form of journaling, meditating or just talking with a good friend, but it means I take the situation as if it is my own reflection – I put aside too much judgement and I accept who I am, what the situation is, and I develop it internally, talking with myself and reaching to some conclusions; not final conclusions, but at least my hair is combed; that is, the situation is clearer in my mind.

By putting some silence, the inner dialogue could go like this, at least at the beginning:

How do you work?…SilenceLet me think deeply in relation to my work. If I don’t like it, why am I still doing it? No, I like it, it is just that there are times I don’t like it. What can I do to make those times more pleasant? To change my boss or even to change my job is not possible or at least it is not instantaneous. Maybe a better attitude is on my reach, so by changing the way I think, I am sure the results in my work will change too… How do you improve your productivity?…SilenceI understand productivity as gaining more by doing less. Often I just focus on one of the sides of that equation (doing less), but let me think it in a different way: What am I attaining by doing this work? There has to be something and this is why I am here. By understand it I can refocus my actions, thoughts and energy towards that. If I work thinking of my achievements, I am sure I can produce much more and much better… What is the way of dealing with children?…SilenceI like the saying that parents are the bows, but children are the arrows. I am just taking care of them and by doing that, I am creating a strong bond, but one day, they will be on the air. The difficulty lies in that they have issues and I am aware I am not really qualified to deal with them. What can I do? Well, I can be a good parent, I am a good human being and I can at least provide them with a space and time, so that they can solve those issues. I can be present… Why to forgive others?…SilenceIf someone does something bad to me, it hurts, and many people have hurt me. If I am honest, I have hurt many people too and I would love to be forgiven by most of them at least. I would love them to look at me with no hatred, with some understanding of my mistakes and situation and hopefully a few of them would even extend their arms and embrace me again. If it is so good for me, I just wonder how good will it be for them if my eyes don’t show any hatred, I am able understand them and look at them in a different way, I can even hold a few of them…

Try this and see the results yourself.

Lives always make sense – Reason 81

Most people do their best to get on with everyone around, at least those people who matter.  This is done because they are pertinent in their lives: they create an impact or they can support the person in their development.

Leaders will see every life as relevant and meaningful.  After all, if this person comes on her or his way, there is a reason, maybe even a secret behind their presence.

They have come to teach or to learn.  Perhaps, they have come to get something or to give something.  It is even possible they have come to create problems, so that the person may grow even more.

It seldom happens they have come so that the leader creates problems to them and in this way, they can grow even more.

(Excerpt from the book 82 Reasons to be a Leader)

You share your secrets and deepen relationships – Reason 78

As a person relates to others, willingly or not, he shares secrets that are not told openly, but are necessarily present and important for a person’s life.  They may be a family recipe, hidden fears or a wonderful way to sleep better, but the essence is to share something valuable to others.

In The Art – and science – of sharing a secret[1], Jessica Gross explores the topic, focusing on the benefits of sharing those secrets.  And that is why, to be a leader is a good thing.

Beyond the movies portrait of leaders hiding deep and sensitive secrets from the public, leaders know secrets are valuable not because of its effect, but for the intimate link with personal lives.  When they share them, they do with an open attitude, knowing the relationship being created deepens even more.

Leaders are like teachers, stimulating the other person as a student of life, to research and develop his own secrets.  The effect is a very strong relationship, based on trust and loyalty.

---

[1] The article is at this address: https://ideas.ted.com/the-art-and-science-of-sharing-a-secret/

(Excerpt from the book 82 Reasons to be a Leader)

You live in a palace of mirrors – Reason 75

Life is like a game of living mirrors and knowingly or unknowingly, willingly or unwillingly, we replicate others’ gestures, expressions and their way of life.  At times; at other times, they replicate ours…

Normal people don’t like that idea as they thrive to be genuine, but this is not something to be afraid of, after all we are part of a whole.

Leaders go beyond copying as they learn from others and they are comfortable with that.  Although many people have the idea leaders always lead by themselves, going through a unique pathway, it is not totally true…  Most of the time, they are following a path someone else has designed.

When it is time for a leader to be an example for others, she or he is always ready in their awareness and attitude.  They do it not out of arrogance, but as a means of gratitude, paying forward all the lessons they have learned.  They do it because they know they are designing a path for others to follow.

(Excerpt from the book 82 Reasons to be a Leader)

Leaders will write their own story, despite others’ influence on them – Reason 71

There is a tale of two brothers, who both suffered abuse from their father.  While one became a very successful businessman, the other one turned to drugs and theft.  But, irrespective of their lives’ different courses, both gave the same reason when asked about it: I became like this because of my father.

Ok, maybe the story is not veridical[1], but its background is, since people influence each other continuously; that is part of life.  However, whatever someone does, it comes from that person, not from others.

Leaders do not blame others for what happened to them because they are able to rewrite their own life, by accepting others’ influences and by being able to deal with them.

They will change other things people have taught them and adapt that into their lives, but they will refuse other aspects that are incompatible with the beautiful story they are writing.

---

[1] You can read here a true story, related to this tale and the aspect of influence from people over people.   https://ifstudies.org/blog/a-tale-of-two-brothers/

(Excerpt from the book 82 Reasons to be a Leader)

Silence creates a subtle bond – Reason 68

Anyone’s life is surrounded by so many others whether in work, family, a circle of friends or any interaction with other people.  Most people just deal with that superficially: I like this person, I don’t like that one, it is better to avoid my uncle, I can’t talk with my partner anymore…

A leader uses different tactics to create and to strengthen the relationship with others.  One of these is the use of silence.

Although silence is often used for most people to quieten someone else or to avoid a sensitive subject, that is not the case for leaders.  When leaders don’t use words, their attitude creates vibrations that reach other people, and generates a subtle bond of understanding.

The power that comes from silence replaces the need to request another person to behave better, to lower the sound of music being played, to say I love you, or to motivate them to give a bit more for a particular task.

(Excerpt from the book 82 Reasons to be a Leader)

True commitment is an engine for improvement – Reason 45

For most people, a significant element that helps form their identity is the forged relationships between the person and family, friends, work, community, etc.  That means commitment and according to its depth and length, decisions are made and lives are shaped.

Even though committing to someone and making agreements imply the need to change or to adapt along the way, including self-change, a leader will do it.  Even though there are many people in the world who will back away from a pledge or promise, leaders won’t.

A leader leads people, not companies or machines, and her or his commitment is what helps in achieving a goal and fulfilling a vision.  By doing this, the leader’s team will work tirelessly to enable each other and others to live a better life.

(Excerpt from the book 82 Reasons to be a Leader)

Your life is totally your own show; others are guests on it… - Reason 40

Do you know these long running TV shows or soap opera?  One of the tricks a producer has to keep interest is to invite known actors, singers and even politicians to take part.  Sometimes, the guest is more important than the actual actor of the show, but, still, it is not the guest’s show, but the actor’s.

Our lives are our own shows that run from that wonderful moment when we take birth until the time of departure.  Everyone else is a guest who features in it. 

Not everyone has that awareness, but for a leader, this is very clear.  On the one hand, it gives freedom and a leader can choose who will enter his or her life, and how.  That makes it easier to be surrounded by people who effectively contribute and who make life more interesting and challenging.

On the other hand, it releases everyone of blame: absolutely EVERYTHING that happens in a leader’s life is accepted as her or his responsibility.  So, people will be also free and light in the presence of a leader as it is all based on choice.

(Excerpt from the book 82 Reasons to be a Leader)