Optimism, realism, and…

 

Many years ago, the only kind of polarization I was aware of had to do with whether someone was optimistic or pessimistic. At most, it led to light-hearted debates about the weather, a football match or the latest economic proposal.

Now, I understand those were golden days - far removed from the deep and often bitter divisions we see in today’s polarized world.

But let’s return to those personality traits. And yes, I believe they are part of who we are.

While some people are naturally more optimistic or more pessimistic, most of us carry both tendencies within. A deeply optimistic woman can still sense when she’s at risk of losing her job - and take action to seek something new. A pessimistic man still holds hope that his sick child will recover.

The key, for someone with a pessimistic inclination, is to nurture their inner optimist. Pessimism, if left unchecked, can lead to missed opportunities simply because one didn’t dare. Cultivating a bit more optimism can make the path forward feel possible, even exciting.

But what about those who are too optimistic? I’ve known people so buoyed by positivity that they seemed immune to setbacks - until a hard fall brought shock, disappointment, and sometimes, deep disillusionment. Yet it doesn’t feel right to suggest they become more pessimistic… does it?

No, there is a better alternative.

As a Capricornian, I’ve always known the strength of realism. Before my journey of self-growth began, realism was my default stance. At times, I admit, it made me a rather pessimistic young man. But once I stepped onto a spiritual path, realism became something different: a grounding force that balanced the natural optimism that emerged through inner work.

So the answer isn’t choosing between optimism or pessimism - it’s embracing a realism that is both clear-eyed and compassionate. A realism that allows an optimist to dream and take risks, while still helping stay anchored when storms arrive. In a world that pulls us toward extremes, cultivating this middle path might just be one of the most radical things we can do.

A tale with a mask

He arrived at his office – no holydays this year, what a shame!

It was still early and exactly as he wanted; without wasting time, he went on distributing his package – a brown pack like the one you get on a bakery contained a series of objects he started to put on his co-workers’ desks.

When they arrived, that was the first thing they saw: a shining brilliant mask, a black and white mask, a yellow, green or blue mask. Masks were everywhere!

Nobody was happy with having to work so close to Christmas; the only good thing was the absence of clients (the company would be so good without those people!).

Without thinking, any order or even a suggestion, everybody started to wear masks and related to each other behind them.

When the boss arrived – another victim of his company’s policy of working on Christmas’ eve – he also had a mask over his desk; after a minute or two of vacillation, he decided to wear it too. For that, people went crazy!

They were producing and working whatever they have to do one day before a wonderful holiday, but the mask had an unexpected effect… You see, John and Mary were not talking for more than a month, and now they found them drinking coffee together.

Peter and Paul on the other hand used to be as close as friends; with the masks on they were avoiding each other; and so on, many people displayed very strange behavior and around midday, when their shift would be over and they could go home, there was a strange tension in the air.

Just before everybody left – and everyone was kind of I want to escape from here – Andrew, a very quiet guy, step forward and asked for attention.

“Hi everyone! I hoped you enjoyed the masks… I brought to you as my Christmas gift, but also, I wanted to see what happened when you are wearing it. I am sure you realized much of the dynamic among us changed. So, let me just suggest one simple thing: take the mask off, everyone at the same time, 3, 2, 1…”

Slowly, each one took off the mask and started to look around. There was a wave of realization in relation to the real person behind the mask… and gradually a smile emerged in each face. And laughter started to sound.

After a while, Andrew took over to speak again.

“I would like you to think of this small experiment when you go back today to your family, friends or wherever you go, because many times we are wearing this invisible mask that covers our real feelings and intentions. We want to express them, but the mask does not allow it. And I would like to suggest you to remove your invisible mask” – and he did a funny gesture, as if he was still wearing a mask – “and look into the eyes of each person you see around you, at your home and other places. Look inside and see the real person there.”

He stopped a bit, he looked embarrassed, but nobody said anything, some people even have tears in their eyes.

“A wonderful Merry Christmas to each one!”

Am I still me?

Something a few people talk about is how crisis change people, for better and for worse. Maybe a new temperament emerges or an incredible ability of dealing with tough situations that turn a common person into a hero.

That’s also part of taking care of the self: to prevent the self to be contaminated or suffer of a post-traumatic stress so serious after a crisis that they may become almost unrecognizable.

Self-care in this case starts with knowing exactly the answer for this interesting riddle: Who am I? The idea behind is if you don’t really know yourself, it is easy to get lost in the hurricane of situations and adapt in a negative way like the frog…

Many years ago, I used to stay during holidays on the beach along with my late grandmother.

Once, she was cooking something and so let a bit pot of water in the stove while we went out to do an errand.

When we came back, the water was boiling. We could see the smoke, but she has left the pot open and there was a surprise…

A frog was inside it!

Legend says a frog would jump into boiling water and because its physiology, it would adapt to the temperature; unknowingly it would start to cook and when it realizes the danger, it would be too late…

Maybe that is the case when a crisis happens, because we adapt, which is good, but it is possible we start to lose some of our principles, most precious values, awareness and attitude. We start to change as people

By reflecting on the self and its depth, the individual learns more about him or herself and is able to keep their values, principles, awareness, attitude and all that is important and precious, no matter the crisis that is taking place.

In fact, this will help to overcome the obstacles and advance onto another level, taking care of the self all the way.

This is part of a series of posts on self-care.

The soft side of a technical person

Many years ago, whilst taking a very important course that eventually would change my life, someone mocked of engineers in general due to their lack of communication skills and general sensitivity to other people.

As I identify myself as a technical person, I felt… It was fair, but not a nice thing to hear.

I understand what this person has meant as it is very common a technical person using logic instead of feelings while taking a decision or talking to other people, and although it works well, it doesn’t cover all dimensions.

A good example for me was when I was a programmer. My aim was to create good effective software for users, to save their time and to help the organization, but I really didn’t take in account their difficulties or issues at the time of implementation. One of the features of a particular application was a command that would display the present time (yes, I am talking about long, long time ago, when computers did not display the present time). The user struggled with that function and eventually, to save memory, I planned to eliminate it completely, and of course, I’ve blamed the user! Today, I see the problem was not the lack of effort by him, but my lack of proper communication and effort to training the user.

Many years later, an auditor shared a story. The company was going through SAP implementation, something that is costly in terms of money and energy, and many times have resistance from the part of users.

His company used to produce and sold beers. In this particular case, they were dealing with the delivery: a truck would come, present a sheet with all the order details, the person in charge would input that into the system, receive the proper authorization; then the truck would load the boxes of beer and leave.

However, the computer was far from the gate, about 100 meters, so the employee used to take time to reach there… due to that, he started to get slack in relation to the system, giving the beers and later inputting the information. Eventually, the company was robbed – it was only when the young man introduced the details realized the order was fake, which was too late, as the truck had left already. My surprise was that the auditor did not blame the employee and worked hard to fix the situation. Technical people do understand others…

A few years later, I had the opportunity to work with a very technical team. When we were planning the workshop, as a surprise, one of our meetings took place at the general manager’s home as he was still on vacation. He opened his house and the hearts of the family to us and it was beautiful to see a very human interaction. I was inspired and the workshop with them started by identifying their dreams…

Nobody is uni-dimensional. We are very complex people, with many layers and many levels. If you are a technical person, enjoy that soft side; if you have a friend or relative who is technical, enjoy their soft side. It is always there…