We are almost there…

I imagine the car of time full of small children asking, “Are we there yet?”

And time, ever patient, replies with a smile, “Not yet!”

As humans, we’re always on a journey. Even when we’re not moving physically, we’re traveling along the timeline of life. “Are we there yet?”

I’ve been reflecting on this question and realized there are three significant destinations in life, three moments when we feel we’ve truly arrived. Let’s explore these moments together, perhaps it will ease some of the anxiety we feel in the car of time.

 

Let’s start at the end. Death is a moment we are all destined to meet. Whether we face it consciously, joyfully, or with fear, it’s the ultimate conclusion to our journey. The car of time eventually leaves us somewhere final, somewhere special.

How do you perceive this inevitable conclusion from where you stand today?

 

Now, let’s rewind to the first time we met our own sense of “I”. That moment when we realized our individuality – separate from our family, our community and the world around us. It was the beginning of understanding our uniqueness, the moment we started to notice differences and learned how to navigate them. It was like raising a flag at the summit of a mountain early in our human journey.

From what you remember, what was it like for you?

 

Now, EVERYBODY in the world has a… how should I call it? A moment of truth… Many years ago, a friend shared a powerful analogy about life: What if everything you’ve been through was a training? This is the moment when life clicks; suddenly, you see how your experiences, choices, struggles, and triumphs were interconnected. Memories, regrets, reasons, love, and peace, all come together to form a clear picture.

What was your moment of truth?

The lost key and what you need in order to find it

Many years ago, I heard this story and it touched me.

One day, John was walking back home when he saw his neighbor, Peter, behaving very strangely; he was crawling on the floor, near his house. Even though they were not friends, but out of a community sense, John approached Peter, greeted him and asked what the problem was.

‘I lost my key… I just dropped it somewhere and I can’t find it!’

John decided to help him and, knees on the floor, started to look for it. After some time, however he couldn’t find anything so he asked another question:

‘I can’t find it either… Do you remember where you dropped it?’

‘Yes! I went to my backyard to see something there and I let it fall.’

‘Backyard?’ John looked at Peter with his back straight, but with the knees still on the sidewalk. ‘So, why are you looking for it here?’

‘Well, it is so dark there…’

John got very angry as he thought it was a prank. He got up and went to his home, leaving Peter crawling on the sidewalk.

I asked myself: where is my key, really? And to be honest, I think I have lost many keys along the years.

It is not uncommon people try to avoid the inevitable – acceptance of mistakes and weakness, problems in relationships, stress, bad health – by sticking to their comfort zone. But, of course, you can’t find a key where you did not lose it which creates confusion and a kind of eternal quest.

Now, let’s retell the same story with a different approach.

One day, Peter arrived late at his house. He took out his key and he was about to enter the house, when he remembered he needed to do something in the backyard.

When he went there, it was too dark… ‘I do need to fix this bulb.’ he thought to himself. Carefully, he did what he went there to do and he was about to go toward the front door when he tripped and fall. After getting up, Peter went fast to the front door, determined to fix the bulb.

But tragedy does not come alone; when he was about to open his door, he realized he lost his key.

Because it was dark there, he rummaged around to see if there was anything he could use to illuminate the backyard, when he heard someone coming; it was John, who greeted his neighbor.

Peter called for him and explained his situation.

‘You know what, don’t worry, I will get a lantern and we both go and look for it together.’

Less than 5 minutes later, Peter was able to enter at his house. He took leave from John and at last he went to fix the backyard bulb.

As you can see, the two tales create a total different outcome. What is the difference between them?

The first thing is self-realization. In the second telling, the neighbor realized he lost something important and tried to fix that, instead of going to his comfort zone and pretending he could fix it from there. Even though it is true the front of the house where the street light gave a sensation of security, it didn’t help him to find the key. One of the main results was that he was able to get cooperation from an outsider to solve the whole situation. His attitude was proactive instead of reactive.

The second thing is a sense of self-empowerment. You can read the first tale as a person who is not empowered enough to solve his own problems whilst in the second version, he is the owner of the house and he is the one who has lost the key because a bulb was not working. By taking over that responsibility, he is able to think straight and go for help.

What is that lost key you can now go and claim again, by looking for it in the right place, even though it is a little dark?

Motivate from the inside – Reason 48

Motivation has two basic streams: from outside and from inside.  There are people travelling around and giving, RIGHT NOW, a motivational lecture on how to be happy, how to enjoy your work or how to be an excellent magnificent fantastic parent.  it works for certain people, during some periods of their lives.

The outside perspective for motivation may come from the perception that humans are like holes to be filled with something. However, most of the time, the human need for motivation is far deeper than just yelling ‘Yahoo!’ or climbing on a chair and proclaiming to the world ‘How wonderful I am!’.

The inside motivation comes from realisations, deep experiences, reflection and meditation.  These practices help in developing a deep sense of understanding the world on a different level and empower the individual to take very good decisions.  Humans are like wells that never go dry, but at times there is a need to explore it deeper to find water.

A few years ago, a young employee was going through a very bad period in his life, which affected directly his work.  His boss, as young as him, called him for a meeting in a restaurant and let him talk and say whatever was in his heart.  It was a very deep and emotional meeting, without reproaches, orders or even suggestions from his boss.  Many decades later, the then young man still remembers how motivated he felt and how little his boss did, and yet, how much his leader’s attitude mattered to him.

Because of their constant inner motivation, leaders serve as a catalyst, reminding others of their own inner wonders, their powers and qualities.

(Excerpt from the book 82 Reasons to be a Leader)

5 questions to end your year

• Which changes am I experiencing this year?
• What have been my main success events or accomplishments this year?
• What are the main lessons I am learning?
• What are my main realizations?
• In the rest of the year that still remains, what will be my focus?

Years are just a ritual, they really don't pass, not even exist. But we can use that as a concept and help ourselves to change in a more methodical way. For that, we need to check and change whatever has happened with us, and as the time passes faster and faster, it is better to start even before the year ends.
The questions before can trigger something deep in yourself. Yes, they are pretty general, but they can be helpful in making sense of the year that is almost finishing.

• I went through a big earthquake this year in my life. It was a crucial moment of decision and I have experienced a powerful breakthrough in relation to a situation that was as long as 7 years ago. The main change for me is to realize the total control of my life, which is in my hands. Yes, I knew that, but it was more than a realization, it was a practical fact. By the way, still in process.
• I think the main accomplishment for this year has been to come back into the consulting world and to start coaching. I felt so relieved, but it was more than that. It was a feeling of a person who has been through a heavy storm and finds out there is still dry soil somewhere... I felt like my feet touched the ground, and it has been great.
• This year, I have taken a powerful course by the University of Life. How many lessons I have learnt? I don't know. Possibly the biggest one is to shape my mind and comments and always express myself. I've realised that although I am a good communicator, I am not so good in expressing sensitive issues and that has harmed my relationships and myself.
• Realizations... I think my main realization, not mentioned before, has been the power of a spiritual life. If I had to decide between going back to a former lifestyle or keeping the present one, I would have decided to keep this one as I had this deep realization of the benefits of the life course I have chosen.
• For the rest of the year... I am catching up with everything, and not only for the year as I had the "7-year storm" realization, so I want to do as much as I can and experience as much as I can. I am catching up even with my blog...

What about you? What are your responses? I would love to hear (read) them. Take care, Marcelo