Between spirituality and pragmatism, what really motivates us?

 

Some people say they’re motivated by their spiritual ideals - values, meaning, purpose.

Others say what drives them is much more practical - money, stability, recognition.

Maybe that depends on the generation. One group grew up focusing on what was tangible and secure, while another looked for something deeper, something that spoke to their soul. Of course, we can’t generalize, but it’s interesting to see how both approaches affect motivation.

I’ve seen both sides…

A friend of mine was deeply committed to his spiritual path… until he got an excellent job. He used to almost despise money, but suddenly he was earning well, working fewer hours, and enjoying life. Gradually, his spiritual practice faded. He stopped meditating, stopped reflecting. Only much later, after realizing what he had lost, did he return to his inner path - though in a different way this time.

Another friend, from Colombia, was the opposite. He was a very pragmatic person - technical, efficient, and passionate about his work. He was truly changing lives. But it became too much. He was so good that he couldn’t stop. We didn’t use the word burnout back then, but that’s exactly what happened. When I met him again - in an airport immigration line, of all places - he was completely exhausted. Eventually, he left everything and went to live in the mountains, growing organic vegetables for years.

And there’s a third friend who once left his corporate job to follow a spiritual life and his dreams. At first, it was wonderful - peaceful, inspiring - but later, he realized it was very hard to live on occasional gigs. The company he had left still had its doors open, and after talking to a wise teacher, he decided to return. This time, he went back with a new consciousness - using his position not just for money, but as a way to keep growing and help others. I met him during that phase, and I’ve rarely seen someone so balanced, so genuinely happy.

Maybe that’s the real secret of motivation: to live in a spiritual way, in a meaningful way, and a mind that knows how to stay grounded.
Spirituality with common sense - that’s a combination that truly works.

 

This is a post in a series about motivation - starting from within.

Why values are fading and why we must rescue them

 

It’s easy to get lost in today’s fast-paced world. Traffic, economic stress and social media can make anyone forget what really matters. But maybe all this chaos has a deeper cause, something quieter and more dangerous: the slow death of values.

OK, kind of dramatic, but since many years I have been observing people stopped using values at the time of taking decisions. Yes, some code of ethics remained, but it was not something like values or principles, ingrained to a person’s compass.

And we rarely stop to reflect. We move, act, react… but seldom pause to ask questions such as:

What is guiding my decisions?

What is truly important to me?

What am I using as the main element in my personal compass?

This lack of reflection on our values may be contributing to the present situation, the way we live and even the identity crisis of younger generations, the disconnection in relationships and the weariness felt by so many. We’ve traded what really matters for what matters for the moment or what feels urgent…

So, let’s ask again: Why are values important?

I give you two answers:

• Values give life meaning. They help us face crises without losing our integrity. They help us build stronger families, organizations, and societies. And they remind us that it’s not just about surviving, but living with dignity, kindness and purpose.
• Values define our actions. They help us define which actions we should make at a certain moment, particularly when there are many possibilities. And so, they are a key part of our self-leadership.
• Values are part of our compass… OK, I was talking about two answers and this was touched before, but, please, understand it that values correspond to the south of our compass and they support in a definite way our vision of the future (north). Without values as a real part of our lives, we won’t be able, or at least it will be quite difficult, to build up a fulfilling future.

The world may not change overnight.

But we can talk about values again. And keep on talking about them…

And living them more…

Christmas 1 – the meaning is…

“Party!”

“Food!”

“Gifts!”

The apparent argument between the three kids was in relation to an essay asked by their teacher on a very simple subject:

The meaning of Christmas is…

For Jessica, there was not a best party as the ones she held for Christmas, with her family and friends all together. But for Oscar, food was the reason he used to go to parties; the 15-year-old boy loved his grandma’s cooking.

Joey had shinning eyes when he talked about the gifts he received for last Christmas – all very expensive. For this year, he was expecting to receive a surprise…

While walking, they met their classmate, Omar, who was with his little siblings. They all knew his family’s financial situation was not the best, but Jessica couldn’t refrain to ask him what he thought of Christmas.

He looked at them very surprised with the question, although he had to do the same essay as them, but he responded very firmly, and a little upset: “Work.” And he left.

For some reason, the three stopped talking and they walked slower than before to their houses. The first one to take leave from them was Jessica who could only think of Omar, working during this time, since he did not have both parents. She liked drawing and she did a beautiful portrait of Omar with both parents and siblings, playing very gladly with a Christmas tree at the background.

Then it was time for Oscar to take leave; as always, they were waiting for him with a big lunch, but for some reason, he couldn’t eat. After lunch was over, he went to his mother and asked if he could take food to someone he knew…

Joey did not greet any of his parents, since he entered his house through his secret door (he jumped his bedroom window)! He opened his wardrobe in a very fast way, got lots of things and start to prepare boxes. His parents came at that moment and after learning what he was doing, they decided to help him and do the same in their own bedrooms. It took them some time and eventually they filled their car with many boxes. And they left.

The first to arrive was Oscar who rang the bell. Omar’s mother opened the door with an inquisitive but kind face. By his side, Oscar’s mother was carrying a trolley full of containers and before his son said anything she mumbled about some left-over and if she would like to have those. Without waiting for an answer, she took the woman’s hand and both went to their kitchen, leaving Omar alone with Oscar.

“Tha…” before Omar could finish the phrase, a big car parked just in front of his house. Joey and his parents get off it and started unloading a few boxes.

“Hey, Omar, Oscar, come and help. These are things that I am sure will be very useful.”

By now, Omar’s mother was at the door, extremely surprised and a little embarrassed. After an apologetic comment, Joey’s father commented on we are neighbors, don’t worry. And he filled their living room with so many boxes.

When Jessica and her aunt came by Omar’s house – her parents were out of town – she found all the three families enjoying themselves a lot. She presented her drawing to Omar and his mother, and extended a deep invitation to everyone there to be at their house on Christmas eve.

They solved the meaning of Christmas…

Have you?

Stop binge-watching your life

I was reading a very clarifying article on binge-watch[1][2] and it struck me how much it is related to the present time, even though it is an old article, in terms of IT.

It struck me that people are binging their own lives, not only TV shows… Maybe I am doing it too!

Time for reflection: how many episodes have you been watching, of your own life?

Let’s pause here… I just ask you to pause watching your life in pieces and instead focus on the relevance of every scene you have been living...

Because different than TV shows, this is life, this is something alive and dynamic, and it cannot be restricted by a script.

Just pause… and understand the relevance of you reading this article.

Your present job.

The present family situation.

The last time you were with a friend.

The pandemic.

Your hobby.

New projects.

ALL… they are not for binging, they are alive, they are to be enjoyed each one in itself and as a whole.

 By doing this reflection you will be able to focus more, to experience more success and plenitude.

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[1] binge-watch: to watch several episodes (= separate parts) of a television series or programme, one after another.  https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/binge-watch

[2] How To Stop Binge-Watching From Ruining Your Life, Press Play On Your Life, Not Next On Netflix, by Niklas Göke.  https://betterhumans.pub/how-to-stop-binge-watching-from-ruining-your-life-cd0e92f51750

Lives always make sense – Reason 81

Most people do their best to get on with everyone around, at least those people who matter.  This is done because they are pertinent in their lives: they create an impact or they can support the person in their development.

Leaders will see every life as relevant and meaningful.  After all, if this person comes on her or his way, there is a reason, maybe even a secret behind their presence.

They have come to teach or to learn.  Perhaps, they have come to get something or to give something.  It is even possible they have come to create problems, so that the person may grow even more.

It seldom happens they have come so that the leader creates problems to them and in this way, they can grow even more.

(Excerpt from the book 82 Reasons to be a Leader)

Independent? That's so out of fashion...

A great part of our civilization journey has been a big struggle towards independence. As humans, we have had a bad habit of enslaving and conquering others, imposing our religions, languages and customs into other people, who would then, one day, be independent again.

Something changed with the 20th Century. Somehow, the conquest became more subtle, not that obvious... And the struggle for independence turned to be a move to leave a "conqueror" and just fall into another's hands.

Just analyze, with clinical detached eyes: there is no independence possible nowadays. At least in one way or another, we are all dependent on something or someone. You are a dependent person, just like me.

Maybe you think you are an independent professional doing your work and earning your own money, but you are highly dependent on how the economy works and that puts you into a very vulnerable position. Or you have chosen to leave your parent's house and now you feel all independent... just to realize you follow their paths, you repeat their own way of being and so, your dependency did not finish, as you would expect.

The reality of our world, so much connected, is that you cannot really expect to be independent. What to do then?

First of all, let's think why people - you and me, among others - want to be independent. Without getting into philosophy, there are two basic reasons for that:

• Independence comes as one of the main results of freedom, and freedom is something the human spirit understands and wills to experience.
• After a long time being dependent on others, due to our process of growing up, there is the desire to express feelings, emotions and thoughts that we couldn't while being under other people.

If real and total independence is not possible, this would explain the sensation many people have of persecution or lack of freedom without a real basis. It also explains the lack of self-confidence in the general population. So, what to do?

There is a different stage for the human spirit and personality, besides dependency and independency. We can call it interdependence or autonomy and it happens in the level of the mind and sensations, more than in the physical.

Awareness is important. Viktor Frankl has shown that even in the worse of situations, your mind can be free and independent of what is happening around. His book, Man's Search for Meaning give us the clue for that: Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms-to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way.

That means if I am a free man or woman, but in my mind I am still depending on what other people think, I have less freedom and independence than a person who looks like he is submitted to another individual, but his mind is free and his thinking is clear.

Do you want to experience freedom and independence?

• Check your own mind and line of thoughts.
• Check how much you are able to think of situations by being aware of your own self, making decisions based on what you are, rather than the position you occupy in the present society.

The communication power: your words

In many articles you will find this famous research about how words just mean around 7% of the whole communication. In other words, if you speak 20 minutes to one person, he will assimilate only 1 min and a half approximately.

However, thinking of your own experience, how much a few words were able to change your whole life. Just remember:

• That phrase said by a forgotten teacher that made you chose your present career.
• An expression you heard whilst commuting to your work that made you decide on your spiritual life.
• A word spoken by a good friend that gave you back enthusiasm and energy.
• And, well, the many words you have heard that made you think twice before doing something that you knew it was good - words are that powerful...

So, when we communicate with others, we should check about the words we use - and now that many communicate mostly via written text that is much more important. Take this in account:

• Before writing or speaking anything, go into the depth of yourself and reflect or contemplate on it. Feel your own self and your energy as that is what you are going to give others.
• Look for meaningful words, not necessarily complicated expressions, but something that gives others a sense of understanding.
• During your speech or when you are writing something, check and recheck your words. Try to fit into the ears or eyes of others and think how they will act or react to that.
• Don't "unsay" something; if you do say something wrong, just move on and let your heart teaches you on how to go over it.
• After speaking anything, pack it up! Don't keep those words in your heart or mind; just let them go out of you.

By doing so, you will be experiencing more than communication, you will experience its power changing and shaping reality.

Giving meaning to your life

At some point last year, an image came to me. It was a funeral with very few people there, and a woman was talking to a man, saying: "You would expect many more people, since he had thousands of friends in Facebook..."

We have probably reached that point in our civilization predicted and foreseen many and many years ago; that point where and when our own humanity starts to be tested. What makes the difference with other species in the planet is not only our intelligence - which has been the main focus. There is also the way we handle emotions and feelings, awareness and values...

We went a step beyond other species when we started to question and dream, when we started to reflect about our own life and brought a sense, a meaning to it. Then, that same step is trying to send us backwards.

By focusing on our intelligence and not so much in our awareness and values, we start to take that meaning off. With intelligence we were able to create many things that helped our sense in life, but others that can destroy the same life. With intelligence we were able to reach anyone in the planet, and yet people feel their loneliness more than ever.

Yes, intelligence was able to make us getting Facebook, but not mourners for our own funeral...

By focusing on our awareness, things can change. That doesn't mean to refuse whatever our intelligence has given us as the hippie movement tried to do, but to use that to tap into our awareness.

That means to have your Facebook account or whatever social media you chose, but also have a few friends. Read and read in internet, but also go and dialogue with others and share what you have learnt. Face to face.

Feel how meaningful is the life you have within you. Meditate and contemplate. Enjoy the real landscape, that cannot compare with the most beautiful picture posted somewhere in the web. Live with meaning.

And one day, you will leave more than posts in your wall; you will leave behind your footsteps to guide others on their own way...

Real meaning of all

Following up with time management, I would like to tell you that recently, we at last bought a plasma TV.  It's shockingly slim, really, very flat and elegant  And I feel most of our present life is a bit like that: slim (life, not body!), elegant and... flat. At some point I have heard that the present society is a few inches thick and deep.

And the tendency is that things will go even flatter. Well, no problem with THINGS, but what about us? What about me?

I did try to watch House of Lies. As a business consultant, I should feel insulted by the few clips I've watched, but no, I think that is just a reflection of all that is going on around us.

And let's not talk about news in paper, TV, radio, INTERNET...!

So, what about this line of thought: if what all of us do is to spend more and more time, struggling to keep with the pace of situations, and if all situations are lacking of depth, why not associate these two things? Or: if I go deeper and deeper, perhaps I will spend less time and I will struggle less.

That's the essence of living spiritually in today's world. Although some people chose to isolate themselves, most of spiritual people nowadays live a normal life: they have to work hard, they have families to sustain, they reach success and they enjoy material things. Main difference is found in the attitude, as when a person is not working with his or her own spirituality they will do the same, but they will always want more and more. A spiritual person knows limits very well and at the same time, is not limited by anything except that she or he chooses.

Hummm... last phrase turned to be a little zen. Listen, I have been working out my spiritual muscles for 30 years, and I can feel the differences between people with a spiritual approach and people with a non-spiritual approach, and it is not so much visible. It is something invisible that is there, hidden in their eyes and their outlook. It is not their faith, or lack of faith, but it is merged in their actions, you can just feel!

Still zen? Anyway, when you start to realize the meaning of all (and I mean all: job, family, body, habits, desires, etc.), then you will start naturally to manage your time in a different way. It will be natural as you will know the importance of each thing and how much energy you can dedicate to that.

There are several tools for that and you can use them all at the same time, if you need it:

• Talk to someone wiser than you. Part of the path to manage your time includes of acknowledging others' wisdom. Have a nice dialogue with another person, check with him or her, their opinion about you and the way you spend your time. Listen deeply.
• Read books wisely. Most books in my life have taught something because I went after it, even very shallow stories. There is always something to learn if you are wise enough to learn from it.
• Contemplate. There are few experiences in life more gratifying than contemplative moments. And it is so easy, just stare at something and let your mind do the job, detaching you from the present situation and allowing you to merge in that you are looking at (or visualizing), and understanding its depth and significance.
• Meditate. Probably this is a few notches higher than contemplation as it is a deeper experience. Think of contemplation as watching a swimming pool and touching into it with the mind; meditation is jumping on that swimming pool fully with the mind.

Hope that works for you as it works for me. Take care!

How to do it on time?

Time management is, for some, the most successful seminar in the world. At least, for the trainers, consultants, facilitators, teachers, professors, coaches, and the whole bunch of people who teaches, facilitates, and, well, you know it...

However, is it the most successful seminar for the participants?

As we saw in a former post (January 6th.), we are now "time jugglers", and I do feel no seminar, lecture or anything related to human development can solve the problem. It can help - and quite often it helps - but what is needed is something else.

First of all, all of us have to understand the real value of time and the meaning of each minute we pass. That requires reflection and contemplation - don't worry, it will be a time very well invested as at the extent we understand our own time we will use it in a wiser way.

Second, prioritization has to become something we cannot go without it. Many people just allow themselves to react when emergencies emerge, or according to a routine other people have planned to them. However, when we start to prioritize, we really become masters of our own time, we are able to make decisions that can impact our performance, relationships and even our self-esteem.

Third, a change in life style is needed so that the former points can work out their magic. There's one case I appreciate: Ricardo Semler and how he made an extreme decision in relation to his management style - time management was part of it. But, he needed to change his life style too, otherwise that won't work. Waking up early, creating limits to read emails or making up time to catch up with reading - all of that will influence, support and help understanding the value of time and how to prioritize.

Fourth, a constant dialogue with the self helps. It can happen via meditation, writing or simply sitting down so that we can refocus our life. Time management in times like these we are living is not only a procedure, it requires deep thought and deep actions so that we don't feel we are being drowned in a sea of time, but rather than that, we are enjoying the wonders time can make in our lives.

Doing all that and we can easily manage our social lives, where many people's time managements intersected, clash or never meet.