The challenge of real independence

Before being a teenager, the only thing I wanted was to be independent. I used to imagine myself making decisions about my own life in relation to career, work, personal life… but I didn’t imagine myself having to wash my own clothes, to cook my own food and, worse, to earn my own money!

The dream of independence is a strange fantasy in which a person only thinks of benefits, without their cost; still it is not bad. In fact, the idea of independence took me to where I am today and I do recommend anyone to exercise it.

I would like to give you two tips for a successful experience of independence.

A real tip is to be PATIENT with yourself and life in general. Your independence depends on several factors and it takes time for them to be ready for you, meanwhile it is good to feel INTERDEPENDENT, instead of dependent. It is much more than washing dishes once a week or going to the shopping for the house, it happens when you recognize the other’s independence, you respect it and you help them to develop it, which will help you in your own independence.

Second tip: be PERSEVERANT. Lots of obstacles will come your way, either because it seems life is conspiring so you don’t become independent or you are thinking you were not made for that and it is better to go back to your mum’s house. Just keep on going a bit more and you may set some dates in terms of aims to be fulfilled, which is quite helpful. Another thing that is helpful is to increase your capacity by attending a few courses, meditate more and changing your lifestyle.

Independent? That's so out of fashion...

A great part of our civilization journey has been a big struggle towards independence. As humans, we have had a bad habit of enslaving and conquering others, imposing our religions, languages and customs into other people, who would then, one day, be independent again.

Something changed with the 20th Century. Somehow, the conquest became more subtle, not that obvious... And the struggle for independence turned to be a move to leave a "conqueror" and just fall into another's hands.

Just analyze, with clinical detached eyes: there is no independence possible nowadays. At least in one way or another, we are all dependent on something or someone. You are a dependent person, just like me.

Maybe you think you are an independent professional doing your work and earning your own money, but you are highly dependent on how the economy works and that puts you into a very vulnerable position. Or you have chosen to leave your parent's house and now you feel all independent... just to realize you follow their paths, you repeat their own way of being and so, your dependency did not finish, as you would expect.

The reality of our world, so much connected, is that you cannot really expect to be independent. What to do then?

First of all, let's think why people - you and me, among others - want to be independent. Without getting into philosophy, there are two basic reasons for that:

• Independence comes as one of the main results of freedom, and freedom is something the human spirit understands and wills to experience.
• After a long time being dependent on others, due to our process of growing up, there is the desire to express feelings, emotions and thoughts that we couldn't while being under other people.

If real and total independence is not possible, this would explain the sensation many people have of persecution or lack of freedom without a real basis. It also explains the lack of self-confidence in the general population. So, what to do?

There is a different stage for the human spirit and personality, besides dependency and independency. We can call it interdependence or autonomy and it happens in the level of the mind and sensations, more than in the physical.

Awareness is important. Viktor Frankl has shown that even in the worse of situations, your mind can be free and independent of what is happening around. His book, Man's Search for Meaning give us the clue for that: Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms-to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way.

That means if I am a free man or woman, but in my mind I am still depending on what other people think, I have less freedom and independence than a person who looks like he is submitted to another individual, but his mind is free and his thinking is clear.

Do you want to experience freedom and independence?

• Check your own mind and line of thoughts.
• Check how much you are able to think of situations by being aware of your own self, making decisions based on what you are, rather than the position you occupy in the present society.