Leaders are stars that remind many others of their own brilliance – Reason 51

A beautiful thing about being a leader is that you never shine alone…  Everywhere a leader goes, he or she enables the best to emerge in other people.  In other words, a real leader makes others shine, sometimes even brighter than her or him.

Whether it is in the office or along with relatives, in the company of friends or not so friendly people, in all circumstances, leaders inspire and help others to feel I can do better, no matter what it is.

It is not natural: a leader herself or himself has been inspired at some point and she or he has learned how to inspire others in a subtle way, as there are no courses that can teach it to anyone.

It is not obvious either, as a leader does not carry a visiting card announcing I am a leader and I am here to inspire you.  Most of the time, inspiration takes place just by being present, like the light of a star…

It requires work internally and externally: by refining thoughts and emotions, by understanding intentions and by creating bridges towards other people.

(Excerpt from the book 82 Reasons to be a Leader)

How to inspire other people?

Working in a team or just living in a family can be a challenge bigger than its purpose or mission, due to the way relationships go.

When there is a conflict, corrections and lessons have become short in our present time and inspiration is probably the best, if not the only, solution. The question is: how to inspire people?

Trying to inspire others by telling your own story… sometimes that will work, but not always as people have more criteria today and don’t accept things told to them as easy as before.

Being an example? That does work, but it takes its time and in some environments, like the corporate world, that won’t probably be effective.

What to do then?

The best way to inspire others is to inspire the self. Endlessly and tirelessly inspire this person you are and naturally others will feel inspired by what you are, not by what you say or what you show.

The reason is that your energy will be of first quality, your intentions will be clear and your actions will express the best of you.

How inspired do you feel today?

Teamwork: the secret…

I remember a scene where my mother tried to make me get a few friends. Her strategy was practically throwing me out in a group of other boys and girls, while she was talking with her own friends. Sometime later, a crying boy went to her, begging to leave the place and going back home, which was quite nearby.

Years later, that same boy is still amazed on his ability of getting involved in groups or teams in general. Many years have passed by and it helped to study at a military school where he had to share a room with two hundred other guys and to move out from my original city and country.

We are human beings and social relationships should be natural, but it is not always the case. That is why companies spend lots of money (or they should…) to train people to work and live together.

In my experience, both as a person and as a consultant who train people to work in teams, I could summarize the main need as the need of bonding with others. In other words, it is just a question of helping people to understand why and how to link with other people at some level.

Many years ago, when I was trying to leave India, I had problems with the airline as they did not consent me to carry more than the allowance. It was a big deal at that time and I had to leave around 10 kilos at the airport…

When the plane landed in Moscow, before getting an international connection to my final destination, I was feeling the need of being with other people I could talk and relate. I realized there was a Chilean guy in the plane, so I’ve approached him and we started talking. Soon, we were around 8 Latinos enjoying ourselves in a very cold night at the airport.

Bonding comes from finding a common ground, solid enough you and others can step on. The second important element is sharing what is valuable for others and accepting what is valuable for you.

One of the companies I have worked more in Colombia was in a very nice city called Barranquilla. I used to travel quite often to that part of the country, near the Caribbean Sea. My job specialty is mainly outdoor games as they open people for possibilities and it is very funny.

The Human Resources manager of that time came at the end of the day, after many games. She was surprised when saw two people bonded – literally, bonded by a rope. They were working with the rest of the team, looking for accomplishing something and she told me they had serious problems between themselves and they could not work together…

As bonding is not natural, if it is not happening it is important to stimulate it. Challenges help that to happen, if you follow this simple formula: big enough to create interest, but small enough to be conquered.

When bond is there, team work will be a natural consequence.

The power of love

A symbol in the 60's, spiritual, religious and humanitarian people still believe in the intangible power of love. Well, even Harry Potter, finally was able to believe in it (sort of...).

But, what does that mean? How much money does this power can produce? How many friends can you conquer or customers can be satisfied?

Believe me, love can make all the difference and it affects your life much more than you think about. For a better understanding, I propose several dimensions for this concept, each one clarifying love and its power in a different way. By knowing this, you can take advantage of this huge power.

The first dimension I identify is the individual one as love is what helps in building very strong bridges between people. In this way, you can see its use in a team or a negotiation. Love can be also the healing factor whenever a relationship goes wrong.

But for that dimension to work, you have to comprehend a second dimension, which is the expression of love. I have a friend, Dr. Roger Cole, who wrote a book on the Mission of Love, by the way, an excellent book!! He commented to me at some point when we travelled together in Ecuador where I was helping as a translator, that love really can't be find in this world. What you can find is mercy or compassion, and other qualities, virtues or values that are in themselves expressions of love. So, when a co-worker is having problems and you try to genuinely help or you get into a negotiation process with a win-win mind set, you are using the power of your own love...

A third dimension, very important to understand, is in relation to the attributes of love. Let's be honest, love became a very cheap word and many times is misunderstood with sex or lust. Love as a power works as a trigger for growth, solidarity and relationship, which I've put as total different dimension due to its importance. Yes, it is love that enables nature to live again after a very hard winter. It is also love that makes you extend a hand to a strange and help them. So, whenever your love enables others to grow or enables you to help others that means love is power.

As I try to show here, love is not something too abstract or a little hippie... The power of love is real and it is inside you. Just use it in your life and see its wonderful results.

Honestly...

Many years ago I was quite involved in the topic of values. I used to work on values in both ways, as a volunteer and professionally. At that time, I've met a very interesting person who worked with UNICEF. She told me something I've never forgotten: "the main challenge in relation to values is that people nowadays only learn anti-values."

And that is true. As I browse today's news, corruption and lies make the headlines. Nobody talks about people who stick to their own honesty; after all, honesty does not sell newspaper...

But honesty does create families, it strengthens friendship and it even impacts in our economy through its close cousin, trust. In fact, honesty is natural; a baby cries when is in need of some attention, there is no way the baby will fake that... The opposite, dishonesty, is learnt along the years, watching and observing others.

In an organization environment, honesty is crucial. Dishonesty can get you a customer once, but it will make you lose it forevermore. Dishonesty can avoid a reprimand by your boss, but when you share that with your co-workers, even though they congratulate you for your cleverness, you will love them as true friends; after all, if you lied to your boss, you can lie to any of them.

Even though honesty is not something that shows often in someone's curriculum, it is becoming a very valuable asset for the company. Peter Senge, in this masterpiece, The Fifth Discipline, talks about the practical effect of honesty in a company that sold computers. By sticking to that value, they saw their sales dropping - after all, other companies, using dishonesty as a tool, lied to their customers and were able to get their orders. Later, however the company started climbing and never stopped.

I am not saying you are not honest, but reality is today's people seldom are... From "white lies" to blunt corruption, honesty is living among us and inside us. It has become part of our way of life in such a way that an honest person is not fully honest... it is just that he or she is more honest than others.

OK, how can you develop honesty as a skill? First, let's understand a few of its benefits in the work environment:

• Solid relationship between co-workers, and the different levels of organization.
• Trust builds from honesty, so that the company has more loyalty from their customers.
• It is easier to deal with crisis, as everyone knows what everyone is doing and their capabilities.
• Tough decisions are less complicated as honesty provides the right environment for that to happen.

If you feel you can develop honesty in a higher level, these are some steps that can help you:

• Accept all your flaws and imperfections. As someone said, "perfection exists only in a cv". Don't try to be that right now, enjoy your present stage and don't deny any of that to yourself.
• Get someone you can really trust and always be honest with that person. No matter what, don't hide and don't pretend; that person is the best friend you have, cultivate her or his friendship.
• Any time you tell a lie, or in any other way you break your own honesty, at least be clear about that to yourself. If you don't feel the courage or don't have the time to mend whatever you did, sit down, reflect and meditate. Whenever you feel like, talk to someone about what you did, ask for advice, try and follow it.
• If you make a "heroic" honesty act, give a prize to yourself! Go and spoil yourself with some nice ice-cream, chocolate or a day at the beach.
• Generate spaces of dialogue in your company or family. In this way, little by little you will feel open about telling others what is really happening with you.
• If there is any punishment after you have been honest, talk to the person who did that later. Explain your reasons and listen to their own reasons.
• Love yourself. When you love someone, you can't even think of lying to them...

By practicing this skill, slowly it will become part of your own personality, your own personal ethics. Then, it will be as natural as breathing.

Flexibility, as a skill

An interesting fable turned into a cartoon, which I watched when I was a little boy. It remained in my memory all these years because of its deep meaning.

In a certain rural area, an oak used to live along with some reed. Whenever a wind was blowing around them, the reeds bowed to it, whilst the oak kept straight and tall. The oak used to mock the reeds and boast about his strength.
Time went by and one day, a storm came. This time, strength was not enough and the oak was uprooted. After the storm ends, reeds were still there, alive and shining under the sun, but the poor oak would never be able to resist to any wind again...

To think of flexibility as a skill, you need to focus on two aspects of this fable:

• Strength is not always the main thing. In fact, we all have a particular strength, but sometimes that is not enough - it can be intelligence, a way of dealing with people and even professional skills. Sometimes, it is necessary to understand in order to empower the team; you need to accept others doing those things for which you are normally the expert. This will help others to increase their own self-esteem and will guarantee that when the storm of crisis comes, they will be there to protect the company, family and even you.
• The trick is the roots. One aspect very few notice is that reeds have long and deep roots, so it is not easy to uproot them. When I used to swim at small rivers in Brazil, I used to see their roots coming out in the water. What are our roots? That is, what is that we won't compromise, no matter what? For this skill, you need to have total clarity in relation to your own values and principles. In this way, when crisis comes, you will be able to resist to them.

Experiment with the present situation you are dealing now. Try to be flexible, try to put others in front and don't compromise your values. Check the results and smile as the reeds after the storm.

Leadership skills, for dealing with situations

We, humans, have an incredible ability to create "mess" in our lives... Somehow, problems seem to pop up at any moment, destroying the little comfort we create around us. Whether it is a situation that emerged in your familiar life, with some friend, in your work or something is happening in the country, and it is affecting you; your own leadership and the relevant skills can be your only way out of that.

But it is not only "dealing with the situation". The "John Wayne" style, of shooting then asking questions, is not working any more. It is not only the situations which are complex: we are too. People nowadays want to be happy, light in their lives; you will seldom find someone who wants to sacrifice himself or herself.

Therefore, what are the main skills a leader must have to deal with the situations and remain happy?

• Focus on results, work on processes and empower people. This is a key skill - to concentrate in getting results, but to improve the processes and empower your people. Normally, when there is a crisis at a company, they first fire people, then run to get results and don't bother about processes...
• Constantly updating. OK, not like a cell phone, but this leadership-related skill is vital for organizational survival. That means a constant will and ability to study and research, and come with innovative solutions.
• Future perspective. Especially when situations are too "gruesome", this is useful as it projects you towards the future and detach you from the present. This helps the person to keep focus and raise above all obstacles.
• Supporting and motivating. And situations will come. And come, and come... Support and motivation are two sides of the same skill that only works when it comes from the depth of heart, when the person really wills it. It is not only for others; a real leader will keep motivating the self and supporting the self as much as he or she can.

Out of these, I personally think the last one is the most important. When you are able to support and motivate both, yourself and others, it is easier to handle any circumstances and find a positive solution.

That means you need a different attitude in relation to people. For instance, if someone is giving you trouble, look at the person and think: what can I do to help this person? In this way, you will develop a strong bond between you and others. Thinking of future, when crisis arise, these people you supported one day will be there to give you their support.

For this skill, you have to:

• Train yourself to think positively about others and always give them another chance.
• Imbibe gentleness and kindness; learn how to approach people especially when you need to give them bad news.
• Learn how to reward others in a fair way.
• Learn how to be beside others when they fail, showing your teeth by smiling, instead of snarling.
• Understand very deeply the meaning of being a leader.
• Love, love and love, from your heart, everyone who is around you.

Do that and have a better experience at the time of dealing with situations.

The ability to relate to others

Many years ago, I had a general manager who was simply perfect. He used to come for work with a perfect suit; he used to have a perfect job, and even a perfect family. Only one thing used to tarnish that perfection: he was the worst when dealing with people. After I left the company, I kept tabs on him for some time as I was curious to know his career. So, even though I have left the country, I learned on how he was unable to keep a position for a long time and the complaint was the same: he didn't know how to deal with people.

All his diplomas, all that capacity and talent were not enough to secure him a good position in a good company. He did not know how to negotiate with his employees, he did not know how to deal with bad performance and, worse, he was unable to deal with his own emotions in those cases, when all the façade used to scramble and show a person with no manners, no elegance, and no perfection.

This is probably the mother of all skills. Daniel Goleman was the one who has shown it, giving a fancy name: Emotional Intelligence. Yes, EI is not only relating to others, but it comes only when you have EI.

If you have it, you probably can skip this post, but I guess most of us want to develop it even further. After all, there are many new challenges related to people around you...

• The basic principle behind EI is to understand your own emotions. In other words, the first thing you have to do to relate to others is to relate to yourself better. If you get frustrated with yourself for not getting up at the time you need or not following that diet, then it will be even harder to not get frustrated when someone from your team makes a mistake. Breath, talk to yourself, have a time for reflection, contemplation or meditation, and enjoy your potentials much more than your mistakes.
• Learn to differentiate your emotions in relation to the situation, and the situation itself. If someone from your team has made a mistake that earned a bad mark to your team, which will make future budget negotiations difficult, remember that you can only solve this by not getting into emotion. Talk to the person, talk to your team, and if you need, vent some of the thoughts you are having in your mind, but keep the focus on the solution. A nice trick is turning the mistake into a lesson for the future.
• Be balanced in relation to others. In human relationships, there are no blacks and whites, all are a series of gray tones... At some situations with someone, you have to be merciful and forgiving; at other situations with the same person, you have to push so things happen. Be tuned to the other's need and the need of the moment, and act based on that.
• The last thing is related to a nice tale I've read many years ago, talking about a prince who needs to listen to the inaudible sounds in order to be a king. Reality is: people expresses probably half of what they feel, sometimes even less. So, you need to see their body language and the vibration they are sending, so that you really know what is going on with that person. And take action, which can be talking to him, or just sitting beside her and give your presence.

When you are a master of that skill, then you will realize how wonderful is to deal with people in a positive and powerful way. But this skill is so deep that you will get into that more for the next posts.


* For the article that has inspired this post, click here.