The Attitude of Assertiveness

Many years ago, the word ASSERTIVENESS began circulating. It was something new, a different attitude that emphasized self-esteem, within the communicational context, avoiding negative confrontation.

It's probably the most important communication skill out there, but it's still not talked about much, and maybe not as practiced as it should be. Some of its benefits are very clear:

• Increased self-esteem, on both sides of the conversation. The assertive side needs self-esteem for this skill to work well and, if there is no self-esteem on the other side, it is too "low" or too "high", it won’t work either.
• Better results in a negotiation, generating satisfaction. The assertive side will feel that their requests and demands have been heard and the other side will understand them better, being able to make a decision.
• A greater understanding of others’ needs. Although assertiveness serves to express what a person really thinks or needs, it can help in developing the ability to understand as we all have points in common and an assertive person acknowledges that unites them as a bridge.

Assertiveness, as an attitude, works as a template in which thoughts will come from self-esteem and will serve as a reaffirmation to the person. It is part of a self-leadership attitude, part of the process of an individual reclaiming their power to lead themselves.

I would like to focus on this self-leadership and, in relation to this, assertiveness has two basic functions:

• Facing without confronting. Look at situations head-on, facing them. However, know that you don't need to fight people or situations; confrontation is the last instance of a conflict that, in general, can be solved through several ways and assertiveness is a tool of empowerment.
• Defending without contesting. Defend your ideas, without renouncing principles or vocation and specifically, without fighting with others. It enters into the same function as before, but especially in the stage of conversation or negotiation in which the other party makes their demands; it is key to be protector of what is valuable, without the competition that often happens.

But how does it work?

Without assertiveness, it would be quite complex to make changes in the daily routine, without upsetting a partner or neighbors, or to start a meditator path and expect people in your office to understand your new lifestyle...

Assertiveness will guarantee that you handle talking to your partner, clearly describing your new daily routine, negotiating without giving up what is important to you and obtaining successful results. The same will happen in your work and in all areas you touch in life.

Experience assertiveness and live in an inspired way.

From disempowerment to empowerment

I have been working on the topic of empowerment for many years, since I realized the importance of power in life: that’s what we have that comes from within and helps us to defeat obstacles, to reinvent ourselves and to attain success.

However, I have noticed that there has been a decrement in the awareness of power; I would dare to say we are reaching very high levels of global disempowerment. How to turn this around? I would like to explore three of the present paradigms that show disempowerment and how to change that:

• Aloneness and short-term relationships. People are either choosing to live by themselves or they have relationships that last very little time, creating a unique situation for the family-based societies, governments, the economy and many other levels.
• The deep dissatisfaction, from citizens to government officers. In the past, this was a common trace of a dictatorial government, but nowadays even very well consolidated democracies are facing this, which may be considered a worldwide movement.
• The fake media. Instead of a media that covers matters and subjects into their depth, the social network has opened the doors to all kind of information and news are often short and inaccurate, generating the chance for fake news and deepfakes.

Why does this indicate the growing disempowerment and how to reverse this trend?

First of all, the main reason people are alone is not that they don’t need others because they are so satisfied and fulfilled; reality is there is not enough strength to try and live with other people, by accommodating to others’ way of living. One way of solving it is to invest time in developing more assertiveness and dialogue techniques, which will help in creating new bridges between people.

That dissatisfaction also reaches the social level, which used to happen in non-democratic countries and people of democratic countries used to point and say well, that’s the result of dictatorship. By happening in a democracy, it shows people’s disempowerment as the big irony is that people are marching and protesting against people they themselves have put in that position... The empowerment in terms of citizenship comes from developing better criteria to use at time of election and to know more about the government and social structure, so learning ways of promoting change in a more effective way.

Last but not the least, information has always had a deep impact in our mindset and good powerful information helps us to feel more empowered. Let’s add to that truthful; if the news is not real, the effect tends to be the opposite, particularly when facts come out and the person realizes they believed in something false, losing self-confidence. On one hand, control the news that come to you and don’t believe in them just like that; on the other hand, prioritize more in relation to which information is relevant to you, and focus on that, leaving other pieces of data aside.

To express yourself in an emotional level

It shouldn’t be difficult as we are essentially emotional creatures, but the reality is that when we have to communicate, the emotional level or ingredient is often a big challenge.

There are several reasons you could find for that, such as the complexity of human emotions or the fact they are hugely controlled by the social environment.

Even though it is not fully confirmed, when you don’t express them, your emotions accumulate until one day, you explode, so your anger towards your boss makes you lose your job when at last you tell him or her what you are really thinking. Another option is that you will live your life bitter, always thinking of the many possibilities of expression…

But if you express yourself improperly, then that emotion won’t have the effect was intended. For instance, if your anger with your boss is expressed with your life partner, well, your boss won’t know about it, so no changes will happen and emotions will keep on accumulating, besides your partner will resent the treatment.

However, if you take some time off. If you just relax a bit, and reflect another bit… Maybe you can calm your mind in a way, so that your emotions get clearer and, because you are very calm, you may find the right moment and the right way to express them. You may find a way to sit down and have a real conversation with your boss, expressing your emotions in a way that sounds constructive and inviting a change in your relationship.

So, make a list of those emotions you haven’t been able to express, just relax and reflect, and you will find a way of doing it.