Define your direction, and move… Your destination is just ahead!

If you are lost, you look at a compass… Our modern times replaced it with asking around for directions, checking a map in the cell phone, or a GPS system, but the idea behind is the same.

Inside the individual, the same thing takes place, as everyone gets lost many times in their lives… For that, we also need a (spiritual) GPS to help us to find our own selves, but there is no such a machine yet!

Many of the modern problems come from being lost in relation to what the person should really be. By find themselves, the individual is able to live a full life and contribute completely to others.

There are three ways this can be done, and they are quite easy to implement:

• Live a life of aims and goals. Yes, go, fix a goal, and fulfill it, at least in relation to relevant aspects such as tasks at your work, your self-progress, family relationships, health, etc.
• Look at that imaginary place you would like to reach and compare it with the present you are living. Do the calculations of which changes you need to implement in your life so that you can really be what you are. This will motivate and generate a powerful dynamic for your life.
• The last possibility is to create your full personal compass by fixing a North (your final destination), understanding your South (your values), balancing your East (a spiritual source) and West (a pragmatical view). Finally, let’s not forget the point in the middle, a life purpose, which will balance everything.

In this way, you will experience focus and a life full of certainty, even during periods of deep uncertainty.

A life-long learning process

To have a dynamic life, full of energy and meaning, it is important to understand that this is the greatest university!

Every day, every moment, at every interaction or chance to contemplate, you and I are learning. There is no ending for that.

So, I would like to suggest you two things.

First, always be OPEN TO LEARN. This requires humility and self-esteem, kindness and courage, and most importantly, the deep desire to progress.

Second, always be OPEN TO SHARE. You will need to feel the pulse of the person with whom you are sharing, teaching, coaching or mentoring. You will have to go beyond knowledge and trust your own wisdom. And share with generosity, openness, mercy and love.

We are sharing the same classroom, let’s make the best of it.

 

Discovering that part of yourself that is hidden from you and others

Johari Window: exploring the hidden parts…

 

You have a secret! And it is so deep that not even you know it!

There is a game that can be useful. It is imperative that everyone knows each other.

• Create a table of qualities and talents. Cut them and give the cut table to each person, that is, each person should have many pieces of paper! The important thing is that everyone has the same thing.
• In front of each person, there are four boxes. 1) OTHERS & I; 2) OTHERS, NOT ME; 3) I, NOT OTHERS; 4) NEITHER I NOR OTHERS. There should be a space BEFORE the boxes in such a way that you are sitting, then there are the boxes and the empty space.
• The game starts by rounds in this way:
1. First round. Choose the qualities that apply to you (I). Put those littler papers in front of you, before the boxes in such a way that anyone can read. Keep the papers you are not using by your side somewhere.
2. Second round. Walk around the room and read the papers others chose; the ones you agree that person has it, pick them up and put in their box #1 (OTHERS & I). The ones YOU DON’T AGREE or you DON’T KNOW it, pick them up and put in their box #3 (I, NOT OTHERS).
3. Third round. Go back to your seat and pick the papers you didn’t use. Now, go around and distribute ALL the little papers by identifying those people who have that quality; put them in their box #2 (OTHERS, NOT ME). Some little papers will remain, I am sure.
4. Fourth round. This is a bit of a guess: the qualities that remained, just put them in your own box #4 (NEITHER ME NOR OTHERS).
5. To finish the game, check the boxes for repetitions and reflect on them, understanding where those qualities should be and eliminating the extra; the idea is that no quality shows in more than one box.

Well, this game is funny and I am sure you will enjoy it, but let me focus on the box # 4: NEITHER ME NOR OTHERS.

Those qualities are extremely important because you are not sure about them and others can’t help you either. However, there is the possibility part of your potential is in that box.

It is possible that thing you feel is missing in your life is in that box.

Maybe the solution for part of your problems is in that box.

Check those qualities and work on them, systematically. Maybe you will realize some of those are just pieces of paper.

But if even one is more than a paper and it will contribute in your life, it is worthwhile to check that mysterious box.

Is it possible to change?

Many years ago, I heard from a Buddhist monk the interesting and disturbing idea that people cannot change…

As I walk on a self-progress path that promotes change, I started thinking how true this was, and there are a few conclusions I drew from this.

• Of course, changes that come from outside affects people and change them, but not necessarily in the way they need or want. As soon as they can, they will be back to their old ways.
• I do feel people can change by themselves at any time in their lives, if they fulfill two conditions: 1) they are aware of what they have to change and 2) they use a good method for that.
• Still, I understand change is not easy so the person also needs a network of people and a good environment that support the transition to the final stage of change, normally self-transformation.
• Without awareness, no good method, difficulties to get people that help them and the wrong environment, it is not possible for a person to change. Sorry!
• Can other people change anyone? It is possible, but the effect won’t last if the former mentioned elements are not present in the person to change, and the one that causes the change has to be consistent and a leader of the self.

Are you in a self-transformation path? How is it going?

Just remember

Before reading this, check on the post Never forget… or forever forget?

 

There are two ways to remember something. The first is associated with the sensory organs, when we remember images, sounds, fragrances and other aspects captured by the body. The issue with this type of memory is that the body is constantly changing and probably the memories too; maybe something that tasted so good to you when you ate it, today when you remember it, the taste appears in your memory in a different way. It happens a lot with vegetarians like me, who still remember the churrasco, but its taste no longer attracts...

The other way to remember is to re-live what corresponds to this memory. Maybe I don't like the taste of meat anymore, I don't even remember it, but I will certainly like to remember being with other people, seeing new places and the tour related to the experience of food. This is why in many places of commerce, the emphasis is on delivering an experience to others, rather than the product.

With this in mind, the scenes in your life were a product of various factors, but beyond them is your experience. What will you really remember?

This is the magic of memory: being able to choose what will remain in your experience. This can transform the trauma into a trampoline, so that you grow much more quickly. Then, how to choose?

• After a difficult experience, set aside time for a powerful reflection. You'll know you've reached a point of self-realization when you stop blaming others, making excuses, or regretting what you did.
• Based on reflection, practice contemplation, meditation, or yoga; it will help you calm down, soothe you, and even empower you.
• If it was really hard, the constructive emotions derived from forgiveness may be necessary. So FORGIVE: others, situations, other things and particularly YOURSELF.

* You may need a professional to help you process what you experienced, in the case of trauma.

My mind: a sacred space

Your mind may be a runaway horse, aimlessly running from scene to scene of your life.

Your mind can be like a spoilt little child: crying and looking for attention.

Your mind could be just like a flying kite, being controlled by the winds of situations.

But if you take care of your mind very well, then your mind could be a cool lake from where beautiful positive thoughts would emerge… A very wise person who always has a great advice… Maybe a surf board: with skill and talent you are able to take the best advantage of any wave that happens in your life.

And those beautiful positive thoughts will show you the way; they will help you in your decision and success will be very close to you.

And that advice will open many doors, turning a crisis into unlimited opportunities.

And that wave will be a lever for your own growth.

This is what it means to take care of your mind: to understand its value and to change its form into something powerful.

This is part of a series of posts on self-care.

Coaching for a better new year

The change of year, even though it happens so often and in a predictable way, stimulates novelty, hope and sometimes adventure.

There is an extra energy in the mind and the will power is stronger than in other times of the year.

So, here are a few powerful questions for reflection that may help you in your self-growth:

• What are the dreams that will be brought about in this year that is starting?
• How do I visualize myself at the end of the next year? What can I do to make it happen?
• In which way can I change my life so that I experience I am starting a new chapter, or even a new book?
• How to put my hopes into practice, turning them into actions and making them part of my life?
• What is it impossible, but I will do it this year?
• How will I empower myself so that all my wishes and desires are fulfilled?
• What are the new adventure, fun and positive anxiety, which will start this year?
• How much will I embrace change and generate transformation?
• And no matter what happens, how do I keep myself being myself: authentic?

Self-confidence; that's it!

There is a basic principle: you cannot experience something you never experienced. It helps in understanding dreams, for instance, but it can be used to grasp the meaning of goals and objectives.

You cannot wish to be something you cannot be. If you are having a difficult goal in mind or starting to pursue an objective that looks like it is impossible to reach, there is possibly a part of you that knows you can reach that aim.

What is missing? You have a goal and because of that, you do have the qualifications to reach for it.

Well, in fact it is not that easy. For you to fulfill an objective in your life is a process, sometimes very long, as you are coming out of the present stage and you want be something very different than that.

So, there will be many obstacles to win over within and, at least for me, the main one is to believe in oneself. I CAN DO IT! It is a simple phrase, but very powerful indeed.

Developing self-confidence should start at a very early age, but you can do a lot much later. Self-confidence helps you to understand your full potential and also your limitations, which is very useful when you look for job or try to improve your relationship with someone else.

But how do you do it? When you are a child, self-confidence comes from different stimuli received from parents and other family members, your friends and colleagues at school, your teachers and even your vicar, if that is the case. In other words, our self-confidence comes from outside to inside.

When you are older, that approach does not work properly, since you are not so innocent anymore and praises will be filtered, you won’t trust all of them or even though you would, maybe you wouldn’t see that compliment reflected in your own life. If you ever try to help someone pointing to their strengths, you will understand me…

But you can do something you were not able when you were a child: reflection. This means you can go inside yourself and find solutions, talents and qualities you need, and apply them to your present situation.

Therefore, self-confidence for an adult comes from an inner journey, by acknowledging strong points and by understanding your own weaknesses. That will change your perception about yourself and the possibilities of improvement will increase.

And after it, it is time to relish your goals coming into reality…

Always moving forward...

No matter how many or what kind of obstacles, we have to keep moving forward.

Not because someone is pushing us or we are told to do. Not because it is a natural instinct or it is a cultural feature.

We are moving forward because we understand.

Understanding is the basis of growth anywhere you look at. It is more than knowledge as it implies its application too. When we understand, then we move forward with a reason in life.

A human with an aim is unstoppable. A human without an aim... well, good luck for that!

My main concern is however how we are moving forward. In the past, we as civilization used to give emphasis to aspects more related to ethics than to the form, shape and image, as we are probably doing now. That creates an inner pressure that comes from the struggle between the ethos and the pathos, which is under the easy influence of environment.

Success is a good measure for that. It is natural, it comes when time comes and it always comes. But, in the present we want our moving forward to be measured by our own success.

And yes, there is a task's success - that is natural, it is what we aim for. But success as a whole thing, as that for which we are all looking forward to experience does not come from a task, a job or a book. It comes from a whole life, and a whole life is made by small steps, always moving forward.

By wanting success now we are breaking a subtle law of nature and we start to be under the influence of external circumstances. Irony is that by wanting success early, we miss it when it really comes as it finds us tired of so many struggles.

So, let's all move forward, but let's move from inside, from a deep perspective and in a way that is worthwhile.