It is easy to adapt to a new environment – Reason 49

An old parable talks about the oak and the reed[1] that used to live close together: even though the oak was very strong and it used to brag about it, when a fierce storm came, only the apparently weak reed survived and lived on.

The oak symbolises the old paradigm and leadership model: beautiful in its greatness, big and strong, experienced and probably very talented, but with a tendency to treat others with mild scorn for what is seen as their weaknesses.  This type of leaders as well as oaks is unable to adapt to a new environment or situation.

On the other hand, the new model of leadership is just like the reeds: flexible.  They stimulate another perspective through the ability to react to situations by understanding them and by bending, without breaking.

Instead of fighting against a new environment, by being a leader the person is focusing on new possibilities and opportunities.  As a consequence, she or he adapts to the novelty, giving the best in the process.

---

[1] The oak and the reed is a parable by Aesop. You can read about it here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Oak_and_the_Reed

(Excerpt from the book 82 Reasons to be a Leader)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY: the year of 8

Life is a miracle. From the biological point of view, statistics show that a new life is an almost impossible feat, and yet every day there is a birth… RIGHT NOW, a baby is being born, a mother wolf is licking its new cub and a new whale is starting to swim in the oceans of the world.

Celebrating a birthday is not a small thing. It means a reverence to that miracle and at the same time, a commitment to help life to continue.

On January 12^th, I have the honor to celebrate mine. I feel humbled by the thought I was given a chance to live in this wonderful world.

However, it is not a single birthday; I celebrate two birthdays on the same day. How? Besides my birth, on that same date, in 1983, I got in touch with the subtle part of me, the soul that I am. It was and it is still is an incredible experience.

Every year I do something different and special for that celebration. For this double birthday, I would like to play with the number 8. After all…

• ·        2018 ends in 8…
• ·        My physical age is 53 and when you sum the numbers… yes, right, you get 8! Wait a second… my SPIRITUAL age is 35 and guess the result of summing its numbers…
• ·        And summing both ages, I get 88 – so, DOUBLE EIGHT!

There are eight affirmations I feel that have helped me to live spiritually in a very non-spiritual world. Each of these is associated with a spiritual power, which you can check on my blog about it.

I hope they will work as a gift from me to you. After all, a birthday means gift…

EIGHT AFIRMATIONS

THAT ENABLE ME TO LIVE AS A SPIRITUAL BEING IN A VERY MATERIAL WORLD

b d
i d

The ability to keep an open mind, as part of your personal ethics

Many years ago, I saw a book at a friend's desk. Unwisely, I've made my comment (negative) about its author, to which my friend replied: "The thing I don't like you is that you don't have an open mind!"

On one hand, that helped me checking my own attitude and it made me realize I lacked that particular talent. But it is quite a difficult skill, I must tell you! At that time, I just responded to my friend: "Well, if you have an open mind, of course you don't mind my comment..."

What is to have an open mind? Does that mean to deprive yourself of opinions and concepts, and rather say YES to whoever comes to you?

I confess this is a skill I am still working out. I used to have very strict opinions, believing things were either black or white. I was communist for some time, trying to counterbalance my lack of political education. After reading George Orwell's Animal Farm and some personal research, I got quite disillusioned with that ideology, and to be sincere, with any ideology. Around that time, I got into an Air Force school at my country, a typical right-wing environment and that helped me to go into a more balanced view in relation to politics.

So, part of my own learning on this skill has been to behave like a pendulum... going from one side to the other. However, it is quite long in terms of learning and not always pleasant.

At present, how I see that skill in myself? Bearing in mind I am still working on that, let me share some points that can help:

• It is important to see the benefit of having an open mind, which is to be able to relate to very different people, with very different opinions and ideas.
• I always keep in my mind an old saying, based on Niels Bohr own ideas: the opposite of a small truth is falsehood; the opposite of a great truth is another great truth.
• Even though I don't agree with a person, I must agree with the fact he or she thinks like that, and respect it.
• If another person's ideas interfere in my life, then I remind myself of my own value; if my ideas are the right ones, so I stick to that as much as possible.
• I don't get into conflict, but I don't accept ideas just like that; for someone else that can be fine, not for me...
• If someone has a total opposite opinion and we have to share actions together, it is good to talk to the person before anything, and keep in mind the differences.
• If someone has a total opposite opinion and dialogue does not work, don't work with that person, but keep the friendship as much as possible.
• Differences can turn into an advantage, if you know how to channel them.
• No matter what happens, you cannot stop loving someone.

If you have any other tips and tricks, share with us all!

Negotiation skills when dealing with situations

Situations come up from time to time in our lives. As someone said once, the world is like the ocean and you can't control the waves...

Some situations are easier than others; some last longer than others, and some can even take you into desperation. But, at least in some cultures, there is nothing worse than crisis somewhat provoked by other people.

Yes, it is awful to lose your job or be in danger of losing that house you would love to live in, but what about when your wife is critically ill or your boss is preventing you to make the deal of your life?

There is a whole school in management for negotiation, which can help you to deal with those situations where humans are a main factor. With those skills well developed you can negotiate some time off your job to take care of your wife properly, or perhaps invite some relatives to help caring of her.

But, I would like to focus in the skill of persuasion, which would be very useful for you in convincing your boss to help you with that big deal.

Persuasion can be understood differently according to intentions and even culture. Its interpretation can vary from charisma to manipulation, but its real meaning is probably located midway.

It is basically the ability of convincing people to do something they wouldn't otherwise do. It is so important that Warren Bennis used that same concept while defining a leader. For the skill to be developed, you need some training in:

• Understanding situations deeply. Don't stay in the surface; merge into the depth of anything happening, understanding its roots, development and consequences.
• Trying different perspectives. If you want someone to be convinced of something, you need to understand their point of view, with respect and without judgment.
• Patience and perseverance. No negotiation can really happen without this wonderful couple of human qualities. Whilst patience will enable you to wait for the effect of your talk, perseverance will facilitate you to try different tactics.
• Having a "win-win" mentality. Although I personally don't like that expression, as it reminds me of the possibility of win more than another person, it is extremely useful in negotiation, especially at the time of persuading others. The idea is to have a focus in the profit you and the other people will receive by doing what they are doing.
• Being flexible. Yes, at any negotiation you will have to compromise. There is no way out for that. The idea behind flexibility, talked in another post, is to understand the limits you can go without hurting the negotiation for either side.

Charisma can be understood as some kind of "exuberant persuasion". Although many so-called leaders use, especially politicians, it does not fulfill the former criteria completely. Same happens with manipulation and amazingly as it is, both usually lack the understanding of others' perspectives...

Some people are natural negotiators; others need to train and train harder. Whatever the case, it is a powerful skill and not that difficult to mature.

Flexibility, as a skill

An interesting fable turned into a cartoon, which I watched when I was a little boy. It remained in my memory all these years because of its deep meaning.

In a certain rural area, an oak used to live along with some reed. Whenever a wind was blowing around them, the reeds bowed to it, whilst the oak kept straight and tall. The oak used to mock the reeds and boast about his strength.
Time went by and one day, a storm came. This time, strength was not enough and the oak was uprooted. After the storm ends, reeds were still there, alive and shining under the sun, but the poor oak would never be able to resist to any wind again...

To think of flexibility as a skill, you need to focus on two aspects of this fable:

• Strength is not always the main thing. In fact, we all have a particular strength, but sometimes that is not enough - it can be intelligence, a way of dealing with people and even professional skills. Sometimes, it is necessary to understand in order to empower the team; you need to accept others doing those things for which you are normally the expert. This will help others to increase their own self-esteem and will guarantee that when the storm of crisis comes, they will be there to protect the company, family and even you.
• The trick is the roots. One aspect very few notice is that reeds have long and deep roots, so it is not easy to uproot them. When I used to swim at small rivers in Brazil, I used to see their roots coming out in the water. What are our roots? That is, what is that we won't compromise, no matter what? For this skill, you need to have total clarity in relation to your own values and principles. In this way, when crisis comes, you will be able to resist to them.

Experiment with the present situation you are dealing now. Try to be flexible, try to put others in front and don't compromise your values. Check the results and smile as the reeds after the storm.

Dealing with situations

As a chief, boss, manager, CEO, father, mother or friend, you are expected to solve situations. That is why you were "hired" or you accepted that position.

For that, you count with some training, even though it was informal. That training probably gave you important tools you use in the day-to-day life: a mother was probably trained by her own mother on how to deal with a teenager who does not want to follow the rules; a CEO will have training on how to save his company, and a boss will sit down with one of her employees to discuss a new project, based on the knowledge she got at university.

But you have probably noticed as situations are getting more and more complex and complicated. Solving a situation is like disentangling a thread... the more you do, it looks even worse.

I am going to explore four basic skills that can help you in dealing different situations that come to you:

• Leadership skills. They will give you the energy and capacity to deal with strong and difficult situations, especially those we normally consider crisis. One focus I will talk about is in relation to give your team what it needs to overcome that crisis.
• Proactive problem solving. Creativity and initiative will help you to deal with situations that are preventing success coming to your organization or team.
• Flexibility. Situations can change at any time, so flexibility, as a skill, can give you an advantage when the change comes.
• Negotiation skills. Many situations come from the human front. Negotiating with others, persuading them from a genuine and win-win point of view can solve problems very easily.

You cannot prevent situations to come, but you can learn how to deal with them, and be successful by doing it.

8 attitudes of self-leaderhship

Seeing the news and the confusion of people and government, employees and employers, there is something missing in the air: LEADERSHIP.

How is it possible that in such a world, with so much information and knowledge flowing around, we don't have capable leaders to solve things that are quite simple? One response is the lack of leadership on the self; due to that, the leader cannot manage his or her own emotions and desires, preventing good decisions to take place.

And how to become a leader of the self? Self-leadership can't happen without some thinking and reflection. In fact, it only happens that way.

To lead the self quite often is more difficult than leading a company. At least, in the case of a company, it is easier to see its results, vision, mission, etc. In the case of an individual, that only comes with deep reflection. Sometimes the person does not have any kind of support from other people for self-leadership.

But there is an easy way to develop self-leadership. Reflection will be there too, but it won't be that you will need to contemplate for twenty years to start seeing glimpses of that. It can start right now...

The eight attitudes are based in an Eastern knowledge on how to deal with inner and outer situations. After all, that is what leaders do: they deal with whatever comes to them. The basic and main difference with a manager is that a leader will look into each case with depth, thinking in the long term, while a manager has to solve things right now.

In other words, when you have a problem in front of you, instead of just reacting and solving the problem as it shows, you prepare yourself, you check possible solutions and you implement that which will last longer.

I will give an example: if you find out you have cancer, a common person will just get desperate and will try as best as he or she can to cure the sickness. If the person is a good self-manager, she or he will research a little bit in relation to the best possible solutions. A self-leader will go beyond, understanding what is going on and accepting whatever can happen, either healing or not.

So, what are these eight attitudes?

• Introversion. It is the attitude that helps preparing the self for action.
• Tolerance. It helps to live in a world full of contradictions and differences.
• Adjustment. It enables the self to be flexible and adapt in any environment.
• Discernment. That is a key attitude, as it enables the self to understand what is coming and make his or her own mind in relation to what to do.
• Decision. It is very important to implement whatever the person feels it is right to do.
• Facing. Not hiding, escaping of fighting; facing means to accept and see how to solve tough circumstances.
• Cooperation. Another key attitude, as it helps the individual to cooperate with others and get cooperation from others in tasks that bring benefit to many.
• "Packing-up". Healing and moving on.

Even when you think in terms of leadership, these eight attitudes can cooperate with your leadership. For instance, Tolerance and Adjustment are key attitudes at the time of making a team come out of a crisis. There are however three ways to use these attitudes, and I will give examples related to that.

The first one is that of a manager: she or he uses tolerance, but after the argument. Typically, a person like that (supposing it is a manager) will send some sweets or a soft email trying to get the team together after screaming at some of its members... It is not a bad use, and no doubt, if you have a situation like that, do it. But it is not what a leader would do.

The second and third one are the ways a leader would use these attitudes. Let's understand the PROACTIVE way of using these attitudes: a leader won't wait for the crisis. He or she will prepare the self through contemplation, studies, dialogues with other people, and other means to improve tolerance. In that way, when some problem emerges, the leader naturally will be able to manage it.

In other words, being proactive is to prepare the self in relation to all of these attitudes so that they come naturally when time comes to use them.

It is possible the situation is really critical and the preparation was not enough. Even though that can happen, the leader will make her or his best to not react. He will listen to the situation, or she will look at what is happening and, instead of tolerance, the leader will use another attitude, for instance, making a decision that can help the moment (Guys, I invite all of you to come to my place this evening...).

The ACTIVE way is all about humility and self-esteem. The leader acknowledges his lack of capacity to solve the present situation, but at the same time recognizes there are other capacities within that can help it.

I will talk a bit more on these when I talk about self-empowerment, but I hope with what was written, you can start using these at least in a basic level.

Radical change management

One of the things I appreciate mostly about my choice of profession is to meet incredible people. I do believe deep thinking can make a difference in a world of such a "shallow" thinking...

Jimena, a very good friend, has made a wonderful effort to fulfill her career dream, by becoming a Master Coach. Even though she is not a psychologist, I have found few people who can understand human psyche like her. One example is a model of change management, based on the emotions people feel. It does look like Kübler-Ross model, but I tell you, it came from her own observations on what happens in the reality of change.

After preparing the model, she decided at some point to try it out: during a workshop at a warm place in Colombia, she just jumped in the swimming pool. When I say she just jumped, I mean WITH CLOTHES AND ALL. She motivated the participants to do the same, what they did. All the emotions she compiled in her model happened there.

I think there are two main aspects left out when we deal with change management in the normal consulting stream, and emotions is one of them. It does not matter about which culture we talk, change, and especially radical change, provokes too many emotions.

But there is another one, and I feel if people could focus on that one, the untimely changes that take place from time to time would be able to be managed much better.

To talk about that, let's understand one thing: every time we react against a change, it makes it stronger. So, to face a change and overcome it with success, it is required to not fight against it.

But, if fighting is off the table, what should it be done? The second aspect I want to mention is the awareness of self-leadership, which allows the individual to respond to the changes. The more the person is a leader on himself or herself, the more he or she will be able to get success.

Self-leadership allows the individual to be calm during a storm and to find solution when only problems are visible. It helps the person to manage the emotions in such a way they don't follow my friend's model.

I will talk about the 8 powers of the self at some point, which is my personal model of self-leadership... for this post, let's think of each power as an attitude to deal with changes:

• When the change is too big to be dealt with, introspection is the best policy. Reflecting from inside will help to find solutions faster.
• When the change creates a situation that is temporary, tolerance is the best power to use. However, if the situation is not temporary, then to be flexible is the best thing to do.
• If the change threatens principles, then the individual must stand to it. Not in an aggressive way, but from inside not allowing change to take those principles away.
• Sometimes, change generates situations which require other people to act along with the person. Getting cooperation is a power that comes from a deep self-realization.
• But apart from all of that, decisions tend to be made with no good results. From inside, the person can discern among the many choices life gives her or him, which one will take him to right solution; then, it is just a question of bringing the power to implement that decision into reality.
• And lastly, whenever some process ends, it is vital to withdraw again. This time, to assimilate the lessons and to just let go of any wounds.

If the person develops that level of self-leadership, it will be easier to manage changes, especially radical and untimely ones.

Living in a multicultural world

Culture defines most of our traits: what we like and what we don't like, what is good and what is bad, even what is right and what is wrong. What happens then when people from different backgrounds get together for creating a family, a project or living in the same neighborhood?

Clash! Conflict, at one level or another. To be honest, tolerance is not natural.

Most people I know who live in a different cultural context long to "go back home", a place where most of the people, if not all, share a similar religion, thought, like similar songs and eat similar food.

But most people I know in that situation are incapable to go back home, because even their home has become multicultural.

My personal experience living in that context is that this is a wonderful and unique learning experience. But, to prevent much suffering, there are a few things you can do:

• Understand if that is a permanent state or just a temporary one. If it is permanent, then go on reading the suggestions here; if it is temporary, just enjoy the moment, learn as much as possible and share as much as possible!
• See others' culture from their own point of view. Appreciate as much as possible their struggle to reach to this point in time and respect deeply the differences with your own perspective.
• Compromise - some of your cultural traits are easily to leave aside, at least when you are in this multicultural environment. In relation to other traits, which have become principles along the time and so you cannot sacrifice them, make agreements with the people around you, so they understand what you are doing and respect that, appreciating your culture.
• AVOID JOKES in relation to others' cultural habits.
• If someone jokes in relation to your cultural habits, smile and be flexible about that; it that hurt, approach the person later, when you are alone, and explain it.
• When there are things you are doing, or others are doing, which are turning into difficult situations, look for a mediator who is impartial, preferably someone who understands all the sides of the conflict.
• If it is still hurting - someone's comment, jokes around, the way people treat you - then, it is better to leave that environment. Look for a place where you feel safe, do a deep internal check in and learn whatever you have to learn, let go whatever you have to let go.

Hope that is helpful in this multicultural age!