Quicksand and slow-sand

 

I was “playing” with the idea of a quicksand… OK, maybe it is not a nice image as per the general perception, if someone steps on a quicksand, they are swallowed by earth! That’s why the first rule is CHECK THE PLACE WHERE YOU ARE STEPPING.

However, if you do step on a quicksand, slow movements will help and the best you stay quiet, the hardest will be for the quicksand to take you in. Your chances of survival will increase by doing that.

Now, if we think about SITUATIONS as quicksand, we can extract a few lessons and turn it into a slow-sand, a process in which you are changing the pace of life and going deep.

Always be cautious. If you can foresee a bad situation coming, don’t step into it just like that; wait a bit, reflect, contemplate and meditate… If it is a quicksand – something that will swallow your energy, your potential, or your wealth – don’t step into it. Look for alternatives instead.

If you are feeling situations are already taking too much from you, slow your movements, that is, be more reflexive and contemplative. Take your time whenever you can and talk with someone you trust about what you are living. Don’t let yourself be dragged by circumstances.

Silence does three things when situations are like quicksand: 1) silence empowers and so your resilience increases; 2) silence clarifies what you are going through and, in this way, you are not afraid, and 3) silence heals since many times this type of environment may hurt you.

So, are you ready to convert the quicksand of your life into a slow-sand?

Embracing a tough reality

How is reality for you? In fact, you have – and me too – two realities.

The first one is the REAL ONE, made by atoms and molecules, bodies, things and nature. The second one takes place in our mind and it is as real as the other one, but just for us; it is possible another person will perceive the same reality in a different way.

Let’s think of an exercise. Check an object that you know very well. Now, close your eyes and pick it up – memories will come related to the object. Some of those will be just images or sensations to the touch, but a few will be the moment you received it, who gave it to you, how do you feel when it is near and others that have nothing to do with the physical reality of that object.

In fact, by using this same concept in relation to the situations you see, you hear and you feel, there is something great about it: you may not change the reality as it is, but you can change the perception…

Back to the object: maybe it has been a symbol of love from another person. However, one day, your best friend needs it and you give it away; now, it becomes a symbol of YOUR love towards others. That is one of the most powerful keys to change perception, donation.

So, if your perception of reality is negative, donate something to others, in relation to that. A few examples:

Job situation is BAD! I can’t get work! So, I decide to volunteer and give others the best of myself.

Divorce is knocking at my door… I decide to talk with the person, but I will keep in my mind their special version, the reasons for which we got together.

I am suffering with bullies… I know it is going to pass; now, what I need is to talk with the people who love me, so that I am surrounded by that love and the bullying effect decreases.

So, don’t bother too much with the circumstances; work on your perception and they will change, at least for you.

New Year 3 – Self-empowerment...

You may not know, but the reason you fail to fulfill your purest and highest resolutions for this new year is that you lack power.

Power is what makes you overcome the different barriers that life usually places on us. It is therefore important that you generate a routine of self-empowerment. I share mine as an example:

• Every day I wake up to experience raja yoga meditation for almost an hour. Meditation may not be your thing, but there are several things you can do such as praying, reflecting or walking in the middle of nature, with a clear purpose.
• A short while later, I study daily; it is a spiritual class which objective is to give me elements to change my life and live it better. Instead of receiving news, usually bad, focus on receiving a knowledge that uplifts you.
• During the day, I meditate and reflect on the daily class or other similar sources of knowledge; it is important for me to maintain this state of consciousness. Looking for the continuous flow of knowledge that uplifts you is fundamental in your work, even doing breaks for your self-improvement.
• An important thing I found out and included in my routine is to serve others in some way. Volunteer service generates an enormous amount of power.
• Finally, I OBSERVE MYSELF DAILY; I see what I could change and find out what I couldn't. Self-observation, even if it is not followed up with decisions or changes, may transform reality.

Cultivating a not-so valued treasure

Talking about values is an interesting topic. After all we all love to have cheerful friends, peaceful parents and honest co-workers. But there is little thought on how that come to be…

Why is Richard so happy? Is that something happened in his life and so this is why he is like that? Gens?

Why are your parents so peaceful? Anne’s parents are always restless or angry… Does that have something to do with their beliefs?

And what about Joanna? I have never heard a lie coming out her mouth during all the time I’ve been working with her and I don’t understand how that is even possible!

But when values are under threat – and crises particularly create an interesting environment that threatens our deepest values – it is time to rethink them, revise them and reinforce them.

Richard has lost his mother and is in profound depression.

One of your parents had had an affair and that is affecting their lives a lot.

And Joanna finally lied to me!! All because she wanted my position in the company.

This is part of self-care: to treasure your values. Even though you often don’t notice their importance, the reality is they affect your relationships and the way you relate to your environment.

The first thing you should do is to rethink them in relation to the present situation. For instance, how can Richard be happy now that his mother has left? A good answer could be she would like him to keep on being happy after her departure. The difficult and deepest answer is to find the roots of happiness and work on them.

The second thing is to revise the values. For instance, maybe your parents can’t be peaceful anymore, but why not being stable or assertive? Values can be exchangeable and if one value does not work in that situation anymore, another one may replace them. If you want to go even deeper you could think about peace, where peace comes from and how to being peaceful even in awful circumstances.

Last thing is to develop the capacity of the values, that is, to reinforce them. So, Joanna was attacked by greed or need and she decided to leave aside her value of honesty; maybe if she took a course of assertiveness or if she would learn a mediation process, we could talk and find a solution. You could go even deeper and try to understand where honesty comes and reinforce that part.

As part of your self-care, I would like to share an easy homework: create a list of values, rethink them in relation to the present environment, revise them and apply certain techniques to adjust them, and reinforce them.

This is part of a series of posts on self-care.

The formula for determination

If you have an objective in your life, there is something that is true, no matter what it is: you are not living or enjoying it today.

Why is this important? It is common that as soon as you set a goal in life or you start to pursue your dream, somehow you start to feel you are that already.

This is good, since it gives you the motivation, but some people falls into that trap and they stop to endeavor, as they think they are what they would want to be.

When you keep the fact you are not living that objective yet, you can move on by planning and creating that dream, bringing into your reality.

There are many techniques you can use, however no matter which ones you choose to do it, there is a common virtue, quality or value that will be useful for you and without which, it will be difficult to fulfill your goal: determination.

It means the energy that makes you move forward, despite obstacles, difficulties and, quite often, loss of interest. It helps you in critical moments of your self-progress and it gives you the boost you need.

However, to keep determined, particularly with long-term goals and when the road ahead is bumpy, there is a formula that may help you. As any formula, you may work on the factors, making it easier.

First, it is essential to understand that:

DETERMINATION is DIRECTLY PROPORTIONAL to FAITH and SELF-CONFIDENCE

In other words, the more you have faith in the goal and you trust your talents, skills and whoever you are as a person, the easier will be to experience determination.

 

The formula

DETERMINATION = (CLARITY) + CONCENTRATION + SELF-EMPOWERMENT

Determination comes as a result of (first) having clarity in relation to your goal (and here, the order of the factor is very important). Then focus or concentration will keep you moving towards it, but due to obstacles and distractions, you do need to empower the self in many ways.

 

Although it does not mean you will fulfill your goal, to keep determination is probably half of the effort towards your objectives.

The present is a present hard to hold

Present is… fast… you just think of something that is taking place right now and it is over!

So, what to do?

Well, we often prefer to think of the past and dwell in past wonderful experiences, or relive regrets.

Or we keep on thinking of the future we want or we expect.

But, what about the present? Let’s reframe it!

In our present, we are living the fruit that have come from seeds sown in the past.

In our present, we are sowing the seeds for the fruit we will be reaping in the future.

Do we realize how important is the present??

Let’s plan it better…

Every thought is a seed for all that will happen in the future and they have come from a past that is so valuable.

Every word is a full of seeds that they will inspire so many and they will generate a very powerful environment. Every word brings up the best of mine, cultivated along the years.

Every action I do is a seed for someone else to change their lives, besides it turns into a brick of the house I will live in the future.

It is a present we should treasure at every moment.

Can I bring the past back?

A recurrent topic of time travel books and movies has been the possibility of going back to the past, so that the present would change. This was in fact the main plot for the classic book of H. G. Wells, The Time Machine, which I think does not require introduction.

What about to bring the past back? Again when we look at science fiction, we will find a few examples, the most well-known is Jurassic Park, by Steven Spielberg.

Now, let’s leave the realm of science fiction and focus on our normal practical life: can I bring the past back? That is, can I resuscitate my personal dinosaurs?

It is normal that we would want to bring good experiences back: maybe that person you’ve been together twenty years ago could be the same person now that you met them again, or the same energy you had when you were twenty, it should come up again.

That is not possible… completely. After all, you cannot expect someone is still the same after twenty years or that your body is going to perform in the same ways as it did in the past.

But there are things you can do that will revitalize your life:

• Whatever you used to be in the past, at least the inner qualities are still there, ready for your use. Use them in various activities.
• Whatever the other person used to be in the past, at least the inner qualities are still there; if you look at them with the right vision, you will see it. Relate to that person on basis of those qualities.
• Although your body is not the same, there is energy still there. Change your habits and refocus that energy.

In other words, instead of trying to bring the past back, just make a better use of your present and make the best of yourself to emerge.

Different types of fear and solutions

If we think about phobias, an irrational fear of something that really should not cause harm, there are about 100 different types - how to solve all that?

What about rational fears? Will I get a job? Will I survive this pandemic? My partner does not look at me anymore, could it be that...?

Fear has captured our civilization and there are three solutions that can serve fears, clarifying that it will work if they are not linked to psychological problems or trauma.

 

The first solution is the one that comes from instinct: to evade or flee from what causes fear. The image in movies of people who see something scary and run away is not so out of reality, but when looking at nature, fear manifested in this way is a positive force, as it helps the survival of the species.

In an urban and modern context it is lost; While running off because someone dressed in black showed up on the corner, while you were coming back late after a day of work at night may fit the definition of fear for survival, but what about the fear of being alone at home?

 

The second solution is the one that many would recommend: to face your own fears.

It is counterintuitive and requires a lot of willpower, but by doing what you are afraid to do, being next to what you fear or talking to a person who generates fear, you increase your own resilience and even help you face other fears.

 

The last solution is to work on personal resilience through self-empowerment which can be through meditation, reflection or something similar.

Specifically the development of the power of tolerance and conformity that arise with these practices improve the person being less scared. The reason is that by empowering yourself, there is the experience of safety and the clarity of what to do when something causes fear.

 

You know what? The most important thing and you can consider as the solution number zero to be able to get out of the atmosphere of fear: work on the fear that you feel of fear itself...

Don’t underestimate your own power

When big walls come up in front of you, the only thing you think is a) how to avoid it, b) how to climb it, or c) how to destroy it.

But there are more alternatives to that. Look within and you will find a reservoir of power that has been taking you in this long journey called life.

It is time to use that power to deconstruct the walls, recreating the impact they have on your life, and not avoiding it. Try to face it instead and ask yourself: What newness can I bring on myself to cope with this obstacle?

It is time to use your power to overcome the walls of your life. To climb may be exhausting, but if you are able to fly… Let your mind fly over the obstacle, visualize the end and start developing the qualifications you will need to reach there.

It is time to empower the self and just pass through the wall. If you destroy it, rubbles may prevent you to move forward. So, transform yourself and you will see how much you can go forward.

How does that work? Let’s give 3 examples related to each of the situations:

• I have a very bad sickness and that will change my life to worse. Accept the situation in your heart, talk and promote dialogue with people who can help you and other people with the same sickness. Look at it as an opportunity to try new things in your life and cooperate with others too; that is the most powerful thing you can do, and you really can do it.
• Oh, no, another crisis? In the last one I was working ten hours a day, wonder how many hours I will be working this time… Meditate and recharge the self. Yes, it is a crisis and you can’t just ignore it, but let your mind fly over the situation and see beyond it. By using this technique you will possibly identify some new skills you can develop that will give you an advantage over the crisis, but most important thing is that you will feel empowered.
• I am sure I can destroy this obstacle, I will fight through it and I will defeat this, instead of being defeated. Go and meditate again; more than meditating start a journey of reflection and transformation. Instead of fighting against this wall – which is invisible – connect yourself to that invisible power you have and see how you start to realize better ways of dealing with it. Success comes from empowerment, not fight.

So, I hope this will help you to work with the walls in your life.

The lost key and what you need in order to find it

Many years ago, I heard this story and it touched me.

One day, John was walking back home when he saw his neighbor, Peter, behaving very strangely; he was crawling on the floor, near his house. Even though they were not friends, but out of a community sense, John approached Peter, greeted him and asked what the problem was.

‘I lost my key… I just dropped it somewhere and I can’t find it!’

John decided to help him and, knees on the floor, started to look for it. After some time, however he couldn’t find anything so he asked another question:

‘I can’t find it either… Do you remember where you dropped it?’

‘Yes! I went to my backyard to see something there and I let it fall.’

‘Backyard?’ John looked at Peter with his back straight, but with the knees still on the sidewalk. ‘So, why are you looking for it here?’

‘Well, it is so dark there…’

John got very angry as he thought it was a prank. He got up and went to his home, leaving Peter crawling on the sidewalk.

I asked myself: where is my key, really? And to be honest, I think I have lost many keys along the years.

It is not uncommon people try to avoid the inevitable – acceptance of mistakes and weakness, problems in relationships, stress, bad health – by sticking to their comfort zone. But, of course, you can’t find a key where you did not lose it which creates confusion and a kind of eternal quest.

Now, let’s retell the same story with a different approach.

One day, Peter arrived late at his house. He took out his key and he was about to enter the house, when he remembered he needed to do something in the backyard.

When he went there, it was too dark… ‘I do need to fix this bulb.’ he thought to himself. Carefully, he did what he went there to do and he was about to go toward the front door when he tripped and fall. After getting up, Peter went fast to the front door, determined to fix the bulb.

But tragedy does not come alone; when he was about to open his door, he realized he lost his key.

Because it was dark there, he rummaged around to see if there was anything he could use to illuminate the backyard, when he heard someone coming; it was John, who greeted his neighbor.

Peter called for him and explained his situation.

‘You know what, don’t worry, I will get a lantern and we both go and look for it together.’

Less than 5 minutes later, Peter was able to enter at his house. He took leave from John and at last he went to fix the backyard bulb.

As you can see, the two tales create a total different outcome. What is the difference between them?

The first thing is self-realization. In the second telling, the neighbor realized he lost something important and tried to fix that, instead of going to his comfort zone and pretending he could fix it from there. Even though it is true the front of the house where the street light gave a sensation of security, it didn’t help him to find the key. One of the main results was that he was able to get cooperation from an outsider to solve the whole situation. His attitude was proactive instead of reactive.

The second thing is a sense of self-empowerment. You can read the first tale as a person who is not empowered enough to solve his own problems whilst in the second version, he is the owner of the house and he is the one who has lost the key because a bulb was not working. By taking over that responsibility, he is able to think straight and go for help.

What is that lost key you can now go and claim again, by looking for it in the right place, even though it is a little dark?

From disempowerment to empowerment

I have been working on the topic of empowerment for many years, since I realized the importance of power in life: that’s what we have that comes from within and helps us to defeat obstacles, to reinvent ourselves and to attain success.

However, I have noticed that there has been a decrement in the awareness of power; I would dare to say we are reaching very high levels of global disempowerment. How to turn this around? I would like to explore three of the present paradigms that show disempowerment and how to change that:

• Aloneness and short-term relationships. People are either choosing to live by themselves or they have relationships that last very little time, creating a unique situation for the family-based societies, governments, the economy and many other levels.
• The deep dissatisfaction, from citizens to government officers. In the past, this was a common trace of a dictatorial government, but nowadays even very well consolidated democracies are facing this, which may be considered a worldwide movement.
• The fake media. Instead of a media that covers matters and subjects into their depth, the social network has opened the doors to all kind of information and news are often short and inaccurate, generating the chance for fake news and deepfakes.

Why does this indicate the growing disempowerment and how to reverse this trend?

First of all, the main reason people are alone is not that they don’t need others because they are so satisfied and fulfilled; reality is there is not enough strength to try and live with other people, by accommodating to others’ way of living. One way of solving it is to invest time in developing more assertiveness and dialogue techniques, which will help in creating new bridges between people.

That dissatisfaction also reaches the social level, which used to happen in non-democratic countries and people of democratic countries used to point and say well, that’s the result of dictatorship. By happening in a democracy, it shows people’s disempowerment as the big irony is that people are marching and protesting against people they themselves have put in that position... The empowerment in terms of citizenship comes from developing better criteria to use at time of election and to know more about the government and social structure, so learning ways of promoting change in a more effective way.

Last but not the least, information has always had a deep impact in our mindset and good powerful information helps us to feel more empowered. Let’s add to that truthful; if the news is not real, the effect tends to be the opposite, particularly when facts come out and the person realizes they believed in something false, losing self-confidence. On one hand, control the news that come to you and don’t believe in them just like that; on the other hand, prioritize more in relation to which information is relevant to you, and focus on that, leaving other pieces of data aside.

Living your dream

The biggest challenge of a visionary like you is probably to live the dreams and transform them into action.

What do you need to do so that your dreams can be seen, heard, touched and live a footprint in the universe?

• Of course, first thing is to have a dream, which must be something that even though is unreachable today is still possible. Maybe lots of effort is needed…
• Then you have to awake, that is, to put your dream into reality, to transform the intangible thoughts into tangible actions or at least a plan…
• …Because another step is to discern a pathway for the dream to come true.
• Now you must walk the designed path, making a step by step process towards your dream.
• At the same, you need to empower yourself, after all, when a dream comes true it changes your reality and you need power to face the obstacles that come with it.
• From time to time, check where you are and correct the path if that is necessary.
• One day, you will see your dream in the reality of your life. Celebrate and help others to reach their dreams too.

This post is a humble homage to Prajapita Brahma, who is my subtle mentor and whose day I celebrate today.

Who am I? REALLY!

An old joke a friend of mine used to tell was about this person who was very blunt and used to have an answering machine with a message asking Who are you? What do you want? Then, he went through a self-development course and one of the results was the change in that message: Who are you REALLY? What do you REALLY want?

Although governments and main powers, everything in the main stream and in our day-to-day life point to the development of things and situations, societies and civilizations, reality is what really matters is how I develop as a person and human being.

Our profession, our tastes and preferences, our family and friends… all of that only contributes to what I am, but knowing it is the basis for any relevant development.

Think about this: if you run a company, one of the things you need to know is what that company is: its mission, values and vision, production and service, its culture and influence. When you know that REALLY, that means, with knowledge and experience, and then you can proceed to develop it, otherwise you may make many mistakes on the way.

By developing the self from that point of self-knowledge, I create a wave, inspiring many others to change their own reality – after all, that is the meaning of development; the change by emerging potentials. Eventually that wave transforms your house, family, city, country and, why not, the world.

Yes, world transformation can come from self-transformation, by knowing what I REALLY am.

Self-empowerment

Leadership is a very complex thing, you can talk and write about it for years and still there is always something else to talk about. For instance, what about the fact that leaders today have EVERYTHING, in terms of information, knowledge, etc., and still they make so many mistakes...?

Well, I myself wrote a lot in this blog about it and about some of its by-products. One of them is empowerment.

Empowerment could be seen as the first "taste" someone gets of leadership - it is that moment when your mom trusted in you to buy the right brand of butter, or your boss trusted you that big project. It is different than delegation as in the last one, mom and boss will be hovering around all the time and you will be only their arms, their worker...

A fully empowered person has the chance to practice some leadership and test some concepts too in a quite safe environment, as the final responsibility still will go to mom (if the cake is not tasty, nobody will blame you) an boss (if the project is successful or no, he will be known for that). But it is a good beginning for many people. When you are the leader, success or failure always comes to you.

And that responsibility weights... it is heavier than many burdens. And if you have some personal life, then the burden seems to multiply itself.

As a coach, I have to deal with situations like that from other people. As a consultant, I have to tell others what to do, nice suggestions from a bright mind. As a leader, I have to deal with the situations... myself. And I know how heavy they can seem.

So, it is very important to empower the self too and that has two different meanings: you start to trust yourself in dealing with the situations with whatever you have learned or with advice from people you chose to trust. The second meaning is to fill you with power. Both have the same intention: enable the self to face situations, the burden a leader carries, and to start the self on the pathway towards self-leadership.

Thinking about self-empowerment and its impact in my life, I have difficulties to even imagine myself as a non-empowered person. I have known many like that; for them, life is always threatening, people are always wrong and they are always right. It is the life either of an eternal victim or someone who thinks only his ideas are right, and they are not...

I will mention here what I do for myself. I am sure you can add or adapt that for your own life:

• Meditation. First things first; I need some time with myself, I need to understand what is going on in my mind, why I am having thoughts like these... Meditation is also for me a mean to get the eight powers I need (check my post on 8 attitudes) and a way to relate to God, and other people better. When I meditate, I feel the self, filling with energy, I feel my decisions are clearer and I have the power to implement them.
• Study. Leadership is a road where you have to study forever. Same applies to self-leadership and, of course, self-empowerment. What I have in consideration is that my study is useful, it creates an impact in my life an in others' lives and it "tunes" with me. When I was a high-school student, I used to love Math and hate Biology; the last it was because it didn't "tune" with me. Your study has to respond to questions like "Who am I?" and "What am I doing here?". Of course, it has to help you to solve the riddle "What will I do in this situation?".
• Blessings. Yep, that is it, I live on blessings most of the time. Let me explain what I mean: do you know when you do something good to another person? First, there is the soft sensation inside your mind, the pleasure of helping another human being. Second, there is a subtle energy you will feel, probably later and when you are under stress that will help you to overcome it - that is what I mean by "blessings". It empowers the self because it gives us a relief during moments when otherwise you would feel the pressure.

When you are a fully empowered person, the world will change around you as there won't be anything you can't do and your leadership will be a real one, as you would have started with yourself.

A personal model of self-leadership

For me, self-leadership is the key to everything in terms of managing your own life.

Along the years, I have been working on several models of self-leadership. And I know this is something that won't end today... But, as it is for today, this is my present model, and its outcomes:

• My self-leadership is based in a model of 8 basic attitudes. I call them "spiritual powers", and I have written a book on that in Spanish and Portuguese.
• I understand self-leadership as the basis of actual leadership. When problems arise, I always look at the leadership that comes from inside.
• Empowerment is key, and self-empowerment is irreplaceable. I get that from 3 main sources: meditation, constant study and blessings (yeah, you heard right!).
• Blessings are the main fruit of self-leadership. It means a positive and powerful energy that comes from other people as a result of your service to others, and it is a complement to self-empowerment.
• Checking. Nothing is perfect, a leader of the self is always checking the self.
• Changing and transforming. To be a leader of the self means to change from your own will and to embrace transformation as a positive step, always.

I will be talking about each item later. Take care.