Do you know the secret of a healthy relationship?

 

Relationships are in crisis. Any relationship… and when we face problems in a relationship, our first instinct is often to wait for the other person to fix it. He should apologize. She must change. They have to act first.

So, if all relationships are in crisis in the world, that means we are waiting for LOTS OF PEOPLE to apologize. To change. To act first…

Of course, I am sure, in your case, not all relationships are in crisis, and that is my case too. But this secret I want to share will work even when there are small problems, disagreements or moments of doubt, and I am sure we all have moments of illness even in the healthiest relationship.

The secret I want to share is: you don’t need to wait for the other one.

Yes, both sides matter. Yes, a relationship only works when both sides are synchronized.

But healing often begins with just one person taking the first step and it is a show of courage.

Healthy relationships are built on that particular initiative, the will to approach the other with a sincere open heart, not just when things are perfect, but particularly when things feel broken.

Reality is you can’t always fix everything, but you can create the conditions for change by choosing to be the best version of yourself, especially when you are with others.

Don’t underestimate the power of a gesture, a conversation, a moment of empathy.

Don’t think your small message to that person with whom you had a problem is just courtesy or it will be ignored.

By taking the first step, you are laying the first brick to fix a bridge between you and others, which is often enough to start, to reboot or restart a healthy relationship.

A life-long learning process

To have a dynamic life, full of energy and meaning, it is important to understand that this is the greatest university!

Every day, every moment, at every interaction or chance to contemplate, you and I are learning. There is no ending for that.

So, I would like to suggest you two things.

First, always be OPEN TO LEARN. This requires humility and self-esteem, kindness and courage, and most importantly, the deep desire to progress.

Second, always be OPEN TO SHARE. You will need to feel the pulse of the person with whom you are sharing, teaching, coaching or mentoring. You will have to go beyond knowledge and trust your own wisdom. And share with generosity, openness, mercy and love.

We are sharing the same classroom, let’s make the best of it.

 

The creation of legends

Once upon a time, there was a person who wanted to be better. Much better. So, one day, a great wonderful day, he or she departed from their zone of comfort and decide to travel through that pathway they never thought they could.

Many trials and obstacles came on their way: dragons and dangerous men, lions and creatures that should only exist in the imagination.

And then one day, a great wonderful day, they reached their destination, and it was all they thought it would be.

 

When you start to change yourself, ignoring all odds against you, you start to become a hero, a heroine, a true legend.

It is a long journey and not an easy one, but with an excellent attitude, a powerful awareness, lots of courage and many tools, you will end this change process, and your objectives will be fulfilled.

 

So, every time your energy is down, fear is knocking hard at your door or things don’t go the way you would expect, remember: it is just part of the journey.

You are THE hero, THE heroine.

You are the legend that will be told in the future.

King or pawn?

If your life was a big game of chess, which position would you take?

I think at least in the level of perception, we all have thought of ourselves as kings of our own game… or pawns, at times.

When you are a king, you have power and so many people protect you, they are ready to leave the game if that is the case.

When you are a pawn, on the other hand, you are basically fodder for the cannon. You are made to die!

However, let’s think deeply… after all, the king can also be defeated and if this game is between me and, well, me, then who is the winner and who is the loser? On the other hand, the pawns are amazing in the game as they are the first ones to start and they are very courageous.

In reality, if you feel you are in a human chess game, even when you are the pawn – things are going wrong, you feel you are not supported, etc. – you can still let your courage and heart guide you.

Courage = Faith + Determination

At these times of pandemic, we have seen heroes who are changing our world and helping us, if not selflessly, undoubtedly beyond their own capacity: doctors, nurses and people who are laboring in hospitals are risking their lives. It is courage.

Some would say it is their job; others would say they didn’t have a choice, but IT IS courage, and you know what, courage is the result of a very interesting formula:

Faith + Determination = Courage

In the example mentioned, faith comes from their profession and their call, the reason for what they are doing what they are doing; determination comes from a sense of purpose.

What about you and me? How much courage do we have?

Well, let’s go to the formula and check our faith – I am not meaning the religious faith although it could be it:

• Looking at the negative situation in front of me, how much do I feel confident I will overcome it?
• If I don’t feel I can conquer this situation, what can I do so that I feel OK even though this is happening?
• Looking into my past, which other situations I was able to go through well, that can teach me a useful lesson for the present circumstance?

In relation to determination, the best way is to:

• Understand what is going on, what are the best steps I can take now and my next steps.
• Experiment with thoughts and ideas, exploring new ways to put them into reality.
• Keep on checking the self and results, motivating the self to move forward no matter what.

By strengthening both faith and determination, naturally courage will come from within, enabling the person to shape their reality and hopefully, other people’s reality. A new hero is born…

Being brave and fearlessness in a world of uncertainty

Uncertainty has one particular consequence: it creates fear. And fear blocks the creative capacity and the ability to make decisions; bad decisions happen, corrections do not happen and mistakes perpetuate.

And this is a world of uncertainty, a world of fear… How to live within that?

Everyday news shows bad things taking place in the world and even though the chances that happened to you are minuscule, the fear is planted in the mind. It seems that will be part of the stream of our society for a long time.

We have two possibilities here: we either resign to this reality and we just move on, or we stand up and deal with the fear.

For me it is the second option and the key is to develop myself in such a way that I have the qualifications to face the challenges come in my way.

• Every morning, I dedicate myself for… my own self: meditation, exercise and planning the day with a positive view.
• Then, I read something positive. Not anything, but some powerful ideas that change my perspective.
• Whenever I eat, I do it in a calm state, being conscious and allowing my body to assimilate the sustenance, with my mind taking the positive energy that comes from that simple act.
• When I meet other people or just walk around, I check on my awareness, working with my personality and giving me a chance to enjoy, to rest or to learn.

This all reinforces my own capacity for facing uncertainty. This all strengthens my own courage.

About dreams... Can you still chase after fireflies?

What is the difference between a dream and imagination?

Many things in the world today used to be just someone's dream: an airplane, this device you're using to read this blog, and this blog itself. Nowadays, we don't even look at it twice; it is common, a part of day-to-day life.

Which other things would we have if those who imagined them were able to make them into a dream? You see, there is a difference between imagination and a dream.

Everyone imagines things: your spouse imagines where you have been last night, your friend tries to imagine why you didn't call him or her back and your boss imagines perfect teamwork.

From that point, you need power and courage to consolidate it into your mind, to give it shape: your spouse reaches the conclusion you were working late and decides to buy you a small token on the way home; your friend, as any good friend, makes the decision of calling you instead of waiting, and your boss starts to see in his mind how a perfect teamwork would do its work.

Until it is not a dream, it cannot become a reality. Until it is not clear in your mind, you won't see it in practical life.

But, what about those wild dreams we have of being an astronaut or the next president? They are of course "fireflies", imagination; it comes and goes.

Is it worthwhile to make it real? When you look at the world today, the most incredible things came from these "fireflies". It is like someone was able to chase them, hold them and make them into something useful in life.

Do you have "fireflies" surrounding you? Get hold of them; the world probably needs some of these wild ideas to change the situations we live or watch everyday.

About coming back to work

As I said in a former post, this blog was designed because of my lack of proper work. Something happened in my life, and companies were not calling me for help. In fact, they were not calling me for anything, really.

I really had the opportunity, the golden chance of learning that having a job is more than working, and that is the reason of this blog.

Now, work is coming back. Slowly, but steady, I am being called by many companies to help them. They are still small projects, but for me they are BIG, because they are a direct fruit of a long work on my own self.

Then, I see other issues emerging, and I feel it is good to revise them, turning them in valuable lessons others can be benefitted:

• The need of having humility and high self-esteem. Working with spirituality, I always know and talk about to have the balance between these two qualities, but I have been faced with them a lot. After all, you cannot tell others something you are not doing, but you have to value your conquests and ideas, as they are your real wealth. As a consultant, one of the techniques is to share examples, and sometimes you think your examples are good, when they are not. But at other times, your example will be the perfect one for the situation, be ready to know the difference.
• The need of researching and studying. One of the opportunities I've got was to deliver a course that I did not do for at least TEN YEARS! It evolved, and I realised (unfortunately, during the same course) that I should study more and research more. One of my mistakes would be too embarrassing, if it was not noticed by a good friend, who did not push.
• Focus, more focus. During my time without job, I generated around 10 areas of work. But, as I am performing again, to keep up with 10 areas of work is not easy, and it would be stressing in the long term. With the help of a coach, I was able to group those 10 areas in... well, 7 areas... As you see, I am still working on that focus.
• CLEAR AIM. I've put myself an immediate aim - 10 days of work! And that is what I have got. So, I have to clear my aim a little bit, remind myself the year has 365 days and my life won't finish on 2012, no matter what fake Mayans are saying. So, don't talk about such a short aim, rather than that plan it better.
• Don't lose courage. When I am working, I feel sometimes a little "rusty". Courage is needed to keep on doing, to just keep on performing and little by little rust will fade away eventually and you will see your optimum performance coming back.
• Don't be afraid of checking yourself. It is harsh. That course with my friend... my God, he was calling me apart, telling me what was wrong with me, with no mercy. And that was wonderful. You do need to check yourself, or being checked by someone else, so that you can improve.

Take care and keep on moving.