Heaven or hell? It all starts in your mind

OK, let’s imagine this scenario:

You got up very late.

You forgot to iron your clothes, so you have to get an old one.

You are about to leave home, when you remember today is a very important day!

You go back and when you iron the shirt, it burns a bit.

You burn your finger when you complain about the burning in the shirt.

You have probably burnt the carpet too!

Now you are TOO LATE.

You go out, looking for a taxi; no luck!

You try your favorite app for a ride, but no luck again!

You have to get into a transport somehow, when a car comes nearby you and splash your recently ironed-burnt shirt with water from the street…

 

Well, you are probably anxious just by reading this… This is like living in hell, or a quite hellish moment.

These are the small tragedies we tend to go through, things that are really not catastrophic, but they can give some headache or even a heart problem.

Now, what about a change of perception? Instead of living in hell, you are living in heaven…

You got up very late. The first thing you do is to meditate and express your gratitude.

You forgot to iron your clothes, so you have to get an old one. That was the first thought; in fact, you are so capable and full of energy, that you go and iron it right now; and here the narrative changes…

You are about to leave home, when you remember today is a very important day! Again, you meditate before leaving and you feel more than grateful.

You go back and when you iron the shirt, it burns a bit. Well, you have ironed it already, with no accidents; you are already on your way to work.

You burn your finger when you complain about the burning in the shirt. That does not happen! You are almost there…

You have probably burnt the carpet too! You are watching others while you go to work, you feel so good.

Now you are TOO LATE. You are going to arrive on time, that’s great.

You go out, looking for a taxi; no luck! You saved money with a taxi…

You try your favorite app for a ride, but no luck again! You also saved money with that ride app…

You have to get into a transport somehow, when a car comes nearby you and splash your recently ironed-burnt shirt with water from the street… You arrive safe and on time.

 

As you can see, by changing your perception, by thanking and being a reflective person instead of a reactive one, you are able to change the narrative of your life.

And the small tragedies become small moments of wonder.

The ultimate failure

Failure scares people. That’s the reason many people decide to not even try, so they don’t get defeated, particularly in the present society we live.

After all, we live in the society of the SUPERSUCCESSFUL!

Yes, everyone shows their success, their attainments and achievements. Many years ago, there was a video that went viral about life according to Facebook, showing a man who was passing through troubled times and decided to cheat a little bit, only showing the best parts of his (pretended) life. My best scene is when he takes a selfie after running many kilometers, which was false as he took the car to go there… All went crumbling down after his wife cheated on him and he started to share his real mental state, and he lost all his friends…

That means failure is dangerous, it means I will be left alone, because nobody likes a loser! Let’s dive deeply into failure:

• First, there is real failure, that is, a failure that can’t be hidden away, because you did lose your job or you were not able to get that in which you invested so much money to work. a beautiful feature of us humans is that we can keep trying and trying again, just like that song from Shakira, Try Everything.
• Second, there is failure, but after a while, turns into success! My case is probably exceptional; I was always a good student at high school, but my last year there was a year of doubts and an inner struggle of sort, so I lost my position. A colleague, by the end of that year, came to me bragging as he was able to secure a good number, MY NUMBER, so, he was better than me. It was military school and the tradition was that we would close our presence in high school by going to a military camp, EXCEPT those who got into the first 10 positions. In other words, I was going and my colleague would not go. My failure however changed, because the rules changed; although I couldn’t get a position according to the old rules, under the new rules, I did get a number amidst the 10 first numbers! And I was so happy!!! Many times in life, waiting turns failure into success, just wait.
• Then, there is the possibility to look at failure with a different attitude. For instance, it was not failure, it was learning… Failure is often a powerful motivator for improvement and there are certain very valuable values, like humility, that can be assimilated in an easy way by failing.

In other words, embrace failure and change it into something that will take you into success.

Life imitates your mind

A powerful video came to me the other day: The power of thought - One of the greatest riddles of science. It came in the right moment for me and it was a reminder on how powerful our mind is.

In reality, we live what our mind wants us to live.

For instance, we can be at a sunny place, surrounded by very nice people and with no troubles. And yet, we can be unhappy, our mood is off or we are envious of a friend of ours who just got promoted.

Now, because of that negative state of mind, we will start to be afraid of the sunlight, to remember the bad things those people have done and some far away crisis will show up in our mind as if it is real.

The opposite is true: we can live at a place in which the sunlight shows a few times a year, we are surrounded by people we don’t know or we don’t like, and we have a list of problems. And yet, we can be happy, have a good mood and congratulate from the heart our friend who just got promoted.

The reason is that a positive state of mind will make us ignore the bad effects of the lack of sunlight, we will notice or remember good things about people around us and we will be able to handle our problems in a more method or intuitive way.

Yes, all depends on the state of our mind.

Maybe, we can’t change life, but we can change our mind by meditating or using other techniques, and in this way, we will perceive life in a different way.

It is quite possible that life will change too. Try it!

When your health makes you anxious

Some time ago, I posted about anxiety and someone sent me an interesting article*; even though it is some type of publicity, and I don’t do publicity, it was a different dimension of anxiety that I didn’t know: when you have a health problem and you are waiting for a diagnostic.

Many years ago, I had a friend how was diagnosed with cancer, which he beat. He was so happy, he called me from the other side of the world to tell me the good news. And then, he started to have some problems again and I remember his anxiety, waiting for the response from doctors. It was not good news, but maybe the anxiety itself was the worst.

In his very influential book, Emotional Intelligence, Daniel Goleman talks about his own experience when he was sent for a lab to do a test. Because of his background, he knew it could mean cancer… He analysed about the emotions he felt.

A study of patients in physicians' waiting rooms found that each had an average of three or more questions in mind to ask the physician they were about to see. But when the patients left the physician's office, an average of only one and a half of those questions had been answered. This finding speaks to one of the many ways patients' emotional needs are unmet by today's medicine. Unanswered questions feed uncertainty, fear, catastrophizing.

The focus of Daniel Goleman was about a change in the medical people’s attitude, but I think there are a few things we could do to minimize the anxiety that comes when there is something wrong with our body or mind, but there is no clarity about a diagnosis.

1. The first thing is to keep calm. Easy said than done, but meditation and other practices can help.
2. Stick to the facts, don’t overthink or try to be your own clairvoyant. Just wait and see what happens.
3. Talk to very good POSITIVE friends. They will surround you with their positive aura and that will be healing. I had that experience with a lady, a friend’s sister, while she waited for her diagnosis; about 10 people were there in the room with her sharing nice stories and just giving her good company.
4. Read and feed yourself with positive information. Avoid a reading about your current problem as much as possible.
5. At the day of your diagnosis, act normally. Routine has power in these cases and it will help you to focus your mind on the present.

If you or other people have anxiety before a diagnosis, I hope this may help.

 

* About scanxiety - https://www.asbestos.com/blog/2021/07/29/mesothelioma-scans-scanxiety/

Finding hope

Many times, things don’t work. A few times, you will feel like in a very dark tunnel. What to do?

There are plenty of things to do, but there is one thing that must be present.

Hope.

And there will be times in which hope will be hidden behind many layers of fear, uncertainty, lack of courage… And so on…

Still, even when hope seems to have been disappeared, it is there… somewhere…

In those cases, a few tips can help:

• Be patient with yourself.
• No matter what happens, don’t give up.
• Talk with very positive people.
• Avoid people who tell you, you can’t.
• Don’t read bad news or bad books.
• Read A LOT of wonderful articles that show you things are WONDERFUL.
• Smile a lot, even when there are no reasons.
• Work hard, enjoy even harder.
• Be a friend to others.
• Take cooperation from your friends.

Then, hope will come to your mind and will shine like a sun within that dark tunnel.

Is it a new year already?

Old news – terrifying old news – are taking over the world and #ThirdWorldWar is trending.

Actors change, play looks the same… not too new, right?

But there is a big novelty that we as humans can experience, particularly if things are still the same: a change of attitude that makes me see life with different glasses.

How to change it? Let’s focus first on the positive side of life.

Although there is always something constructive in every scene of life, sometimes the good gets hidden behind a wall of negativity.

By using your memory to remember the fantastic things that have happened to you, you will experience it as if this would be happening right now. By the way, don’t underappreciate hope – it will show you the way out of the fog of hopelessness.

Another change you can do is to generate positive emotions like forgiveness and gratitude. They work as if you would be taking a fresh shower during a really hot day, calming your being, making you smile and showing you different ways to handle whatever is happening.

Last, I would strongly recommend meditation, as it works on two different levels. On one hand, it enables you to move beyond the present circumstances and focus on your thoughts instead of the sometimes hard reality. On the other hand, it helps you to realize your own power, which empowers you to face reality.

You deal with your own darkness with an ignited lamp - Reason 58

A leader has bad moments as does anybody and maybe, because of being a leader, those moments look even worse.

But leaders don’t let themselves fall into a trap of problems, turmoil and insecurity, because even in the dark, their lamp remains lit.

Sometimes the lamp is just a better attitude.  Good thoughts, positive and constructive emotions and a powerful book help the leader to understand whatever she or he is going through. With understanding, they can find solutions, or at least momentary relief.

Other times, the lamp may be a change in the consciousness.  Meditation and yoga, reflection and contemplation, learning from someone who has a completely different approach to life, or travelling through an unusual place can make a deep change in the person and help to find long-term solutions.

The good thing about a leader is that there is always a lamp, which, by the way, will help others with its light too.

(Excerpt from the book 82 Reasons to be a Leader)

A great life has a basic formula and that is: 100% happiness - Reason 7

Not too easy that you may buy anywhere, but not too difficult that you won’t have ever: happiness.  For people in general, the pursuit of happiness takes a big part of their lives, and yet it is often motivated by the existence of sadness, sorrow or any type of negative state of mind.

Because of that, people often look for happiness from external sources like a good job, an excellent college study or good health.  However, happiness is more a question of perception, attitude and perspective than the situation in itself; this is why you can look behind and see happier days, even though resources were scarce.

For a leader’s point of view, everything gives you happiness or shows you a path towards happiness, no matter the circumstances as he or she bases happiness on an inner state.

That gives leaders strength to change the bad into good, waste into best and a bad reality into a wonderful challenge.  So, she or he does need to go through sadness, as there is always something to be happy about.

(Excerpt from the book 82 Reasons to be a Leader)

The blessing of obstacles

We want an easy life. Some people would say that is the law of nature to flow where there is less effort, and we humans relish the benefit of that law.

However, a reality you can observe is that the same obstacle affects different people in dissimilar ways and one of the reasons for that is how you see that test in your life.

It is like a game: you will only appreciate it when you have the right attitude with which you see it as it is, just a game, something to be enjoyed not to cause sorrow. And yet, a game will be much more fascinating if you keep the desire to win it… That is the game paradox and its effect on us.

Bringing it to life, when you see things happening that are not good, with a vision of benefit and enthusiasm, that will create in you the same wonderful effect of a very good game: enjoyable, but you are there to win it!

Obstacles are a blessing in disguise as they enable us to go over our own lethargy and experience life in a whole new level. Of course, too many blessings can’t be good…

And if you feel overwhelmed with obstacles, look for help, something that is always available. Otherwise, just enjoy the ride!

The communication power: thoughts, attitudes and vibration

One part of our communication not only does not happen in words, it is completely invisible. And yet...

Is it possible you don't feel the "vibe" coming from your boss when you enter the office - much before he starts to speak or stands, so you can see his body language? I am sure you do...

One event comes to my mind. I have received an email which was really not nice for me. I started to respond in an aggressive way. After preparing the email, I was able to reflect and I have changed it into a softer version, keeping the assertiveness in it. However, I was surprised when I received that person's response... She was in reality responding to THE AGRESSIVE EMAIL, not the assertive one, even mentioning something I have deleted and she couldn't imagine... Any guess? Yes, she felt my vibrations.

Well, vibrations do not interfere with the tangible world, at least that is what most people think, but the reality is this is a fundamental and crucial part of your own communication. So, before any speech, writing any email or get into any conversation, try to:

• Reflect on your own thoughts. Check yourself for aggressiveness, hate, jealousy or any negative feeling for that person or those people, and make your best to change it into something positive.
• If you can't change your thoughts... Try to not communicate right now, reflect a little more. If you can't, then honesty is possibly the best policy and you can start your communication on the reasons you are upset.
• After changing your thoughts, check your own attitude. Do you want to help or criticize? Are you concerned about others or just upset with what they have done? Change your attitude if you feel it is negative. Otherwise, look for a better moment for communication...
• Vibrations... They are the result of the former points. Remember they will remember how they felt in your presence or the energy they have received when you sent them an email. Meditate before, even though it is just a minute, and that will help your own vibrations enormously.

Remember that even though this is intangible, people will feel it and that will taint anything you tell them.

Caring about yourself and others

When President Obama went for his Obamacare, he was not only doing something political and probably fulfilling an ideal from his heart. And it does not matter if you believed him, agreed with him or even hated him. He was doing one of the most natural instincts we have as humans. He was caring.

Whether it is a crucial business advantage, manifested via Customer Service, or something that glued together a family or a friend, caring is part of being human. However, the way caring happens have been changing along the years.

Although many people still try to care for others, time and the pace of life creates situations where the physical presence is simply not possible. So, it is time to understand caring beyond the physical: that important and powerful energy release when one person thinks well of another is also caring. That implies caring of others start with caring of the self.

Many years ago, I had the honor to translate an authority in spirituality. BK Jayanti is an Indian citizen resident in London. Since she was a child, she has been exposed to spirituality in many ways and at the same time, she was educated in a very Western country. That blend makes BK Jayanti's words have a different taste as she does not speak only from one point of view.

In Medellin, she gave a lecture to a group of people; among them, many kidnapped people's families were present. Her words were powerful and simple, full of knowledge and very gentle. Basically, what she said was that those people (the victims) were dependable on the attendees' feelings. If they cared about them, then they should change their mindset and experience peace so that those people will experience the same.

Does it sound strange? What about this: didn't you ever experience something someone else was feeling?

Care about yourself, being careful about what you think and feel. Then, think in the same way in relation to others,  creating a huge chain of powerful thoughts and feelings, wait and see the results.

Our perspective counts

Watching the Colombia versus Brazil game would be difficult for me. As a Brazilian, I would obviously be in their favor, however as a Colombian 20-year-long resident... And sum to that the fact Brazilian team was not that good and the Colombian one was great, and you probably can figure that out.

In life, all depends on our point of view. After Brazil defeated Colombia, I could hear screams from both countries as from their perspective, the other did something very bad.

In fact, this means you can chose ALWAYS whatever you want to be or feel. If you have the right point of view, all will be alright, no matter what happens to you, check this video for that...

How to do it? Because this can be the key to stop complaining and wailing about your own destiny; it is the key to embrace whatever situation you are living and enjoy it from the heart.

Here are some tips that can be helpful:

• Everything that happens to you is always good. If you don't feel like it, change your mind set by meditating, talking to someone positive or reading/watching positive materials.
• Don't deny bad things, take care of them properly. Just chose a different focus than complaining... Do something, help other people with similar problems or go on a tour to some very different place.
• Love the life you have as much as possible. Don't compare with others or other places' lifestyle. Take the maximum benefit, feel blessed and be happy with someone else's smile.
• Self-dialogue works. When things don't work, as you would like or need, talk to yourself and look for the light behind the darkness and the reason behind the circumstances.
• Someone else's smile... Sometimes, as much as you do, things DON'T work. Just make someone smile and enjoy their happiness as if it was yours own, like this video here...

Remember: changing perspective does not change reality, but it changes your perception and how much you are affected by it.

Methods for managing time

Time Management is a kind of modern science, offering multiple tools and methods to deal with what seems unmanageable for many: time, agenda and productivity. But from a humanistic point of view, there are effective ways to handle this.

While time management focuses mostly on managing your clock and time, 24 hours per day by generating complex agendas, humanistic approach focuses on the consciousness of the time, the attitude we have towards it and proactive habits.

To handle it, the ideal is a perfect balance between understanding the URGENCY that time imposes on you and the IMPORTANCE of the different events. The correlation between the two generates what we call PRIORITIZATION. In other words, you have time to do everything you want by understanding importance and urgency as it is easier to allocate energy and time. Although it sounds logical it is not that easy to do; we tend to spend more time doing things we like, for instance, reading this blog, than doing that important project for your job... Why? Because in our consciousness, importance and urgency are not registered, except if there is a danger around. Consciousness records not only what you know, but that with which it is aligned according to values and goals in life, and most of the time, those thinks we like...

We need to have several dialogues with the self, explaining actions, and establishing its importance and urgency. The attitude is vital for success in time management and this inner dialogue will help with that.

And talking about time management, what about the collective time? Although a balanced approach that gives importance to time, but without generating stress, helps the person in managing their energy and effectively fulfill their commitments, but to manage the collective time, which is basically not being late for meetings and how to deal with the others being late, the individual needs a different approach. It requires a different way of thinking about time by using technology to avoid problems and conflicts, while generating the positive energy that is needed for working together to function effectively.

What I have mentioned up to this point will be better if you develop certain proactive habits in your life as simple as getting up to meditate 45 minutes daily in the morning. These habits are considered proactive because they enable you to organize your energy and time, creating a positive chain reaction during the day. It is a kind of anchor for your time.

By working on your consciousness, the bottom line is that you will the time is not your enemy, but an excellent partner for your success.

8 attitudes of self-leaderhship

Seeing the news and the confusion of people and government, employees and employers, there is something missing in the air: LEADERSHIP.

How is it possible that in such a world, with so much information and knowledge flowing around, we don't have capable leaders to solve things that are quite simple? One response is the lack of leadership on the self; due to that, the leader cannot manage his or her own emotions and desires, preventing good decisions to take place.

And how to become a leader of the self? Self-leadership can't happen without some thinking and reflection. In fact, it only happens that way.

To lead the self quite often is more difficult than leading a company. At least, in the case of a company, it is easier to see its results, vision, mission, etc. In the case of an individual, that only comes with deep reflection. Sometimes the person does not have any kind of support from other people for self-leadership.

But there is an easy way to develop self-leadership. Reflection will be there too, but it won't be that you will need to contemplate for twenty years to start seeing glimpses of that. It can start right now...

The eight attitudes are based in an Eastern knowledge on how to deal with inner and outer situations. After all, that is what leaders do: they deal with whatever comes to them. The basic and main difference with a manager is that a leader will look into each case with depth, thinking in the long term, while a manager has to solve things right now.

In other words, when you have a problem in front of you, instead of just reacting and solving the problem as it shows, you prepare yourself, you check possible solutions and you implement that which will last longer.

I will give an example: if you find out you have cancer, a common person will just get desperate and will try as best as he or she can to cure the sickness. If the person is a good self-manager, she or he will research a little bit in relation to the best possible solutions. A self-leader will go beyond, understanding what is going on and accepting whatever can happen, either healing or not.

So, what are these eight attitudes?

• Introversion. It is the attitude that helps preparing the self for action.
• Tolerance. It helps to live in a world full of contradictions and differences.
• Adjustment. It enables the self to be flexible and adapt in any environment.
• Discernment. That is a key attitude, as it enables the self to understand what is coming and make his or her own mind in relation to what to do.
• Decision. It is very important to implement whatever the person feels it is right to do.
• Facing. Not hiding, escaping of fighting; facing means to accept and see how to solve tough circumstances.
• Cooperation. Another key attitude, as it helps the individual to cooperate with others and get cooperation from others in tasks that bring benefit to many.
• "Packing-up". Healing and moving on.

Even when you think in terms of leadership, these eight attitudes can cooperate with your leadership. For instance, Tolerance and Adjustment are key attitudes at the time of making a team come out of a crisis. There are however three ways to use these attitudes, and I will give examples related to that.

The first one is that of a manager: she or he uses tolerance, but after the argument. Typically, a person like that (supposing it is a manager) will send some sweets or a soft email trying to get the team together after screaming at some of its members... It is not a bad use, and no doubt, if you have a situation like that, do it. But it is not what a leader would do.

The second and third one are the ways a leader would use these attitudes. Let's understand the PROACTIVE way of using these attitudes: a leader won't wait for the crisis. He or she will prepare the self through contemplation, studies, dialogues with other people, and other means to improve tolerance. In that way, when some problem emerges, the leader naturally will be able to manage it.

In other words, being proactive is to prepare the self in relation to all of these attitudes so that they come naturally when time comes to use them.

It is possible the situation is really critical and the preparation was not enough. Even though that can happen, the leader will make her or his best to not react. He will listen to the situation, or she will look at what is happening and, instead of tolerance, the leader will use another attitude, for instance, making a decision that can help the moment (Guys, I invite all of you to come to my place this evening...).

The ACTIVE way is all about humility and self-esteem. The leader acknowledges his lack of capacity to solve the present situation, but at the same time recognizes there are other capacities within that can help it.

I will talk a bit more on these when I talk about self-empowerment, but I hope with what was written, you can start using these at least in a basic level.

To be a leader, without tension

This is a series of tips especially created to help leaders to be free of tension.

TIPS to be a tension-free leader

1. Awareness - it is imperative the leader takes over his own responsibility over tension, without blaming others or making excuses.
2. Research - it is useful to know the reasons for tension, which means to read articles and talk to experts.
3. Communication - the leader must clarify to people in a 360 degree (that means, all the people they are related), that he or she is under tension; this is a must in the case of people who are affected by that.
4. Healing - the key for healing tension is a deep inner loving dialogue; to love yourself relieves or eliminates tension.
5. Maintenance - tension can come back at any moment; it is very important to develop habits to prevent that.
6. Meditation - meditation practise helps leader to clarify her/his own life, detaching and experiencing going beyond tension.
7. Exercise - to move the body prevents tension that comes due to basic physical problems; to walk is the best for that.
8. Diet - more than a particular diet, there has to be consistency and healthy habits.
9. Positive - it helps to look for more sources, like lectures, videos and talks, that makes the leader more positive.
10. Voluntarism - one of the foundations to prevent tension is to do something that serves others without receiving anything back, which makes the self more balanced.

The Sowing Paradox

There is a time for sowing and a time for harvesting. However, what happens during sowing times?

I am at present at that stage. Life has been quite exciting, too exciting for week-hearts people and, I must confess, even for my own taste.

But the paradox for me is that while sowing, well, there is no food available! Yes, I know my future will be bright, but I need to adjust my attitude and awareness for that. What am I doing to resist these times?

• Keeping busy. It is easy just to give up sowing and fall into a kind of laziness and just stopping doing things. It is easier to go and buy in a supermarket, instead of sowing. So, I learn that if I keep busy in meaningful works until the harvest comes, that helps my mind and spirit.
• Prioritizing. Someone told me once that when we are unemployed, that is the time where you can get lost so easily. Just yesterday I had to say NO for some course which was being offered to me. One of the wonders happened to me was to find my own prioritizing magic key, so I am using it. I am saying NO, or just saying I DON'T WANT TO THINK OF IT NOW. It is pretty important, because when harvesting comes, I will be very busy with that, too busy to sustain something I created and I did not want to.
• A good environment. Walking, listening to nice songs or reading positive books, going to a park or just staying in a very clean room. This is so important! The environment makes things to you that you are not even aware of, and you are its creator.
• Meditating can help me to keep a stable mind. Wasteful and negative thoughts are not useful at all, specially in these situations. The art of meditating keeps my humor OK, my thoughts flowing in a nice way and life looks beautiful.

Any more suggestions? Take care.