Send me a text!

Ah, communication nowadays!

I still remember a scene from my childhood. An adult asked me a question, and my answer wasn't exactly the best. My grandfather immediately raised his voice and made me answer properly.

If that happened today, my reply would probably be an emoji. My grandfather's scolding would likely come as an angry text message, followed by a few letters from me in return. Letters of the alphabet, to be clear.

People often talk about a growing trend of linguistic minimalism. Maybe that's true. Or perhaps it's simply laziness amplified by hyperconnectivity.

That laziness is affecting society in many ways, and one consequence may be what many researchers now describe as a loneliness epidemic. It may take more effort to express yourself in complete thoughts, to make a phone call or to meet someone in person, but those forms of communication are usually healthier and far more meaningful.

Hyperconnectivity makes things even more complicated. I often compare today's communication to a mother with six children, all calling for her attention at the same time. She answers everyone, but briefly, hurriedly, just trying to keep up.

Our phones create a similar experience. Every time we unlock the screen, there are messages waiting, notifications demanding attention and countless distractions competing for a few seconds of our focus. Add our own curiosity - a funny dog video, the latest headlines, an interesting gadget - and it's no surprise that we answer as quickly and as briefly as possible.

Technology has made communication faster. The challenge is making sure it doesn't also make it shallower.

So, what can we do?

I'm not proposing a revolution or a rebellion. But I am concerned about the gradual isolation and superficiality that can creep into our relationships. So, I've been trying a few simple practices.

• Whenever possible, I choose to call or meet in person instead of sending a text. It isn't always practical, but when a conversation can prevent misunderstandings or speed up a decision, a phone call is often the better investment.
• Group chats can be surprisingly inefficient. Reaching a decision becomes difficult when everyone keeps adding messages, voice notes or long explanations instead of using simple tools like polls. Sometimes people end up agreeing simply because they are tired of the conversation or want to avoid conflict. When I notice that happening, I usually wait a day or two before sharing my opinion. It gives everyone - including me - time to think more clearly.
• I do send voice messages, but as sparingly as I can. They require time from people who are probably already busy. If I don't receive a reply, I often follow up with a short-written summary - or better yet, I simply make a call.
• A few years ago, I became aware of the subtle impact our thoughts and feelings have on others. I try to remember that whenever I am communicating remotely. Especially if the conversation is difficult and my emotions aren't at their best, I first try to clean my mind and cultivate good wishes. Whether you're writing a message or speaking face to face, with or without emojis, your inner state always finds a way to reach the other person.

So yes, send me a text if you need to. But whenever the conversation matters, call me instead. Some conversations deserve more than a screen, and some relationships deserve more than a few typed words. 

Modern life and hyperconnectivity, and connection…

 

I do remember the time I used to say goodbye to everyone at home before leaving for work. Except for the occasional phone call during the day - "Don't forget to bring the milk!" - there was a certain detachment from home. Anything truly urgent happened only a few times a year, and otherwise we would simply meet again in the evening. It was common to find around the place handwritten notes with reminders. Life moved at a slower pace, at least compared to today.

Our story is different now. From the moment we wake up until we go to bed, we are connected. Family, friends, colleagues, clients... and, of course, the occasional telemarketer. We are hyperconnected with everyone and everything.

And in many ways, it is wonderful. Not so long ago, access to information and opportunities depended on where you lived or who you knew. Today, we can reach almost anyone, learn almost anything, and collaborate across continents. It feels like a dream humanity has finally fulfilled.

And yet... while the roses have bloomed, so have the thorns. Anxiety is rising, loneliness is becoming more common, our attention is fragmented, and even our physical health is paying the price.

So, what should we do? Unplug completely? For a weekend, perhaps. For a lifetime, probably not. Hyperconnectivity is not going away, so maybe the real invitation is not to so much disconnect from technology, but to rediscover what connection actually means.

And connection is much more than exchanging information. It is the ability to be genuinely present. To listen without looking at the next message, to give someone our attention without mentally being somewhere else and to allow another person - or even a place, an idea, or a moment - to touch something within us.

The irony is that while technology has expanded our network beyond anything previous generations could imagine, our hearts have not changed. We are still human beings with a limited capacity for meaningful relationships. We can communicate with hundreds, but we can truly connect with only a few at a time.

Perhaps that is why so many people long for the good old days. Not because life was easier or technology was absent, but because presence was more common. We had fewer conversations, yet they often went deeper, and even though we knew less, we noticed more.

Maybe the challenge of our time is not to become less connected, but to become more intentional. To use hyperconnectivity as a tool without allowing it to become our master. To remember that every time we rely on that world wide web, we may be missing a moment with reality.

Because at the end of the day, we don't simply need more connections. We need deeper ones.

The art of listening with the heart

 

Communication is often associated with speaking. We spend a big part of our lives learning how to present ideas, persuade, explain, and express ourselves.

And yet, no matter how much training we have gone through, many conversations still fail. We often blame speaking skills - or its absence - as the culprit. But in doing so, we overlook one of the most valuable communication skills of all: the ability to listen.

Listening is much more than simply remaining silent while another person speaks. True listening is an active process that requires attention, patience and a sincere desire to understand. So, when communication breaks down, it might not be a failure of speech at all, but rather a question of not listening properly. Let’s focus on that - particularly the fine art of listening with the heart.

While someone else is talking, how often are we already preparing our response, defending our position, checking our messages or judging what is being said? In other words, we are hearing, but not listening. Real listening invites us to do something completely different.

Listening with the heart taps into our empathy - that rare ability to understand life from another person's perspective. It demands our sympathy, our kindness and above all, our presence. It means paying attention not only to the words being spoken, but also to the feelings and emotions behind them, which are so often hidden because people just can't find the words to express them.

This kind of deep listening is about understanding others instead of rushing to give them advice. Nowadays, people aren't always looking for solutions. In my experience, most of the time, they already know the answers to their own questions. What they really need is a gentle push, a supportive presence or a shoulder to rest a tired head. They just need someone to listen.

By listening with the heart, we create a safe space for trust to grow. Relationships become stronger, misunderstandings decrease and cooperation becomes effortless. And down the road, they might just be more open to our suggestions, advice, and ideas - even though that isn't what this skill is about.

In a world filled with noise of all kinds, the ability to truly listen is one of the greatest gifts we can offer. And when we choose to listen with the heart, we make that gift precious.

 

Speaking, More Than Just Words

 

How much do I speak? This is my reflection today, because I speak a lot. Not only verbally, but also through many virtual platforms: emails, messages, social media, video calls, voice notes... And I am not the only one, as every day we are constantly sending messages to the world.

Yet, despite all these channels, communication often seems more difficult than ever.

Part of the challenge comes from the speed of modern life, something to be taken at another time. Another part comes from something more fundamental: a lack of communication skills.

We do have many tools, but not always the ability to use them wisely.

Good communication begins long before words leave our mouths. It starts with clarity of thought. If our ideas are confused, our message will likely be confusing as well.

It also requires values such as lightness, respect and genuine consideration for those who receive our message.

Perhaps most importantly, meaningful communication comes from the heart. People rarely remember every word we say, but they often remember how we made them feel.

Communication is multidimensional. Others receive our message not only through words, but through tone of voice, facial expressions, gestures, timing, and even the environment in which the interaction takes place. A simple message can be strengthened - or weakened - by these subtle elements.

Before speaking, writing or posting, it may be worth asking ourselves: What message am I truly sending? And what energy accompanies it?

In other words, when our communication becomes more conscious, our relationships become more harmonious. And that benefits everyone.

Do you know the secret of a healthy relationship?

 

Relationships are in crisis. Any relationship… and when we face problems in a relationship, our first instinct is often to wait for the other person to fix it. He should apologize. She must change. They have to act first.

So, if all relationships are in crisis in the world, that means we are waiting for LOTS OF PEOPLE to apologize. To change. To act first…

Of course, I am sure, in your case, not all relationships are in crisis, and that is my case too. But this secret I want to share will work even when there are small problems, disagreements or moments of doubt, and I am sure we all have moments of illness even in the healthiest relationship.

The secret I want to share is: you don’t need to wait for the other one.

Yes, both sides matter. Yes, a relationship only works when both sides are synchronized.

But healing often begins with just one person taking the first step and it is a show of courage.

Healthy relationships are built on that particular initiative, the will to approach the other with a sincere open heart, not just when things are perfect, but particularly when things feel broken.

Reality is you can’t always fix everything, but you can create the conditions for change by choosing to be the best version of yourself, especially when you are with others.

Don’t underestimate the power of a gesture, a conversation, a moment of empathy.

Don’t think your small message to that person with whom you had a problem is just courtesy or it will be ignored.

By taking the first step, you are laying the first brick to fix a bridge between you and others, which is often enough to start, to reboot or restart a healthy relationship.

To express yourself in an emotional level

It shouldn’t be difficult as we are essentially emotional creatures, but the reality is that when we have to communicate, the emotional level or ingredient is often a big challenge.

There are several reasons you could find for that, such as the complexity of human emotions or the fact they are hugely controlled by the social environment.

Even though it is not fully confirmed, when you don’t express them, your emotions accumulate until one day, you explode, so your anger towards your boss makes you lose your job when at last you tell him or her what you are really thinking. Another option is that you will live your life bitter, always thinking of the many possibilities of expression…

But if you express yourself improperly, then that emotion won’t have the effect was intended. For instance, if your anger with your boss is expressed with your life partner, well, your boss won’t know about it, so no changes will happen and emotions will keep on accumulating, besides your partner will resent the treatment.

However, if you take some time off. If you just relax a bit, and reflect another bit… Maybe you can calm your mind in a way, so that your emotions get clearer and, because you are very calm, you may find the right moment and the right way to express them. You may find a way to sit down and have a real conversation with your boss, expressing your emotions in a way that sounds constructive and inviting a change in your relationship.

So, make a list of those emotions you haven’t been able to express, just relax and reflect, and you will find a way of doing it.

Teamwork: the secret…

I remember a scene where my mother tried to make me get a few friends. Her strategy was practically throwing me out in a group of other boys and girls, while she was talking with her own friends. Sometime later, a crying boy went to her, begging to leave the place and going back home, which was quite nearby.

Years later, that same boy is still amazed on his ability of getting involved in groups or teams in general. Many years have passed by and it helped to study at a military school where he had to share a room with two hundred other guys and to move out from my original city and country.

We are human beings and social relationships should be natural, but it is not always the case. That is why companies spend lots of money (or they should…) to train people to work and live together.

In my experience, both as a person and as a consultant who train people to work in teams, I could summarize the main need as the need of bonding with others. In other words, it is just a question of helping people to understand why and how to link with other people at some level.

Many years ago, when I was trying to leave India, I had problems with the airline as they did not consent me to carry more than the allowance. It was a big deal at that time and I had to leave around 10 kilos at the airport…

When the plane landed in Moscow, before getting an international connection to my final destination, I was feeling the need of being with other people I could talk and relate. I realized there was a Chilean guy in the plane, so I’ve approached him and we started talking. Soon, we were around 8 Latinos enjoying ourselves in a very cold night at the airport.

Bonding comes from finding a common ground, solid enough you and others can step on. The second important element is sharing what is valuable for others and accepting what is valuable for you.

One of the companies I have worked more in Colombia was in a very nice city called Barranquilla. I used to travel quite often to that part of the country, near the Caribbean Sea. My job specialty is mainly outdoor games as they open people for possibilities and it is very funny.

The Human Resources manager of that time came at the end of the day, after many games. She was surprised when saw two people bonded – literally, bonded by a rope. They were working with the rest of the team, looking for accomplishing something and she told me they had serious problems between themselves and they could not work together…

As bonding is not natural, if it is not happening it is important to stimulate it. Challenges help that to happen, if you follow this simple formula: big enough to create interest, but small enough to be conquered.

When bond is there, team work will be a natural consequence.

Expressing yourself

I still remember when I used to take care of my little sister, who was a few months-old. I was a young man, studying in a military school and I went back home for vacation – taking care of your little sister was not part of my plan…

It was a very interesting time and one of my challenges was to understand what she wanted. Many times, she looked wiser than me – when she tried to sleep as early as 6 pm, so I could have at least a free night. Although she couldn’t speak and her emotions were very raw, her expression was clear enough.

Nowadays, the challenge is different of course, but it has some common elements with this example. As most of the communication a person have happens without seeing other people, via email or WhatsApp, the paradigm of expressing the self is changing very quickly.

Even letting aside the written language and the fact u is replacing you, I am expressing myself through the way I use the words, the way the ideas flow and transform themselves into a message, sent to millions, in many cases.

In fact, what is happening is that subtly, part of a person goes along with his message. Vibrations? Maybe… But that is something to take in account by leaders in the whole world. Two interesting examples of good expression using subtle aspects:

• Jill Bolte Taylor is an American scientist who described her own experience with a brain stroke in the book My stroke of Insight. At a point in her book, she described her mother’s effort in her recovery; after receiving many good wishes cards, her mother posted them in her apartment’s wall, on her way. Although Jill couldn’t see the cards or read them, she could feel the vibration of love coming from it.
• Antanas Mockus is a Colombian expert in pedagogy. Many of us still remember the cards he made up to teach people how to drive in a more conscious way. His new campaign is to help drivers to understand the laws of coexistence, in terms of traffic particularly in intersections. Through images and other tools, he hopes to help drivers to have a better experience, and create a better city.

Check your communication style for the subtle and invisible elements there. Maybe, they are the one that will boost your capacity of expression.

The art of getting feedback from others

One of the easy ways to improve your life is to learn from others’ experiences and lessons. For that, you can just watch them and try your best replicating whatever you see, listen or understand. Or, you can let others say what they think.

As children, we learn from our mistakes. A lot: we raise and fall, and we learn we shouldn’t fall; we go and play with a dog that bites us, and we learn we shouldn’t pull its tail, or we arrive late for lunch and mommy gives us cold food, teaching us to arrive punctually. Of course, the love we receive and the unconditional forgiveness for every mistake compensates any bad situation.

As adults however things are not that simple: we often don’t learn from our falls, we keep on pulling another dog’s tail and our punctuality does not improve. It seems adults don’t learn at all, at least not as a child would do. We learn differently and there are many theories about that, but I would like to talk about feedback, which means others telling you what to do.

I consider an art to be able to get feedback from others. When there is an opportunity to improve – in other words, we did badly – what we hear is complaints or accusations; to turn those into a positive experience and help the self to improve is a hard work for the listener rather than the speaker.

It is useful to separate whatever others speak in categories. A typical example is when someone indicates about your lack of punctuality; put aside their anger or the fact they are upset by that. Then, focus on the need of the other person, ask yourself: How can I be more punctual?, and listen to their advice.

Second step is your own reflection on whether you implement that feedback. Maybe you simply can’t; if that is so, just talk and explain that to the other person. If you can, make a plan to turn it into reality. In case you need to talk to the other person, look for an agreement that makes them happy with your own situation.

The third step comes when you yourself ask for feedback, checking if everything is alright after making some experiments.

Feedback is a cyclic process… after the third step, go back to the first and start all over again, which guarantee you will have a very interesting and dynamic life.

How to deal with people who are very difficult?

Yes, that guy who pushes your button… It is that lady who is always creating problems for you… Your kids who can’t obey any orientation, or your partner who avoid talking about deeper subjects.

World is full of difficult people around you, after all, you are a very easy guy or gal, right?

In the past, we humans used to live in tribes, so we would be surrounded by similar people, following similar instructions and beliefs. Nowadays, as world population is 80% in the cities, this is not happening anymore and so it becomes an interesting challenge.

With the rise of social network, ironically people are becoming less and less social, at least in presence, being able to filter people and to be with those they want. Are we recreating our old tribes?

But for those people who are very difficult and you have to deal with, here are a few tips.

• Develop empathy. Reflect on the other’s life and understand their point of view.
• Cultivate respect and regard. In your heart, start to respect more and more people regardless of what they are.
• Find common grounds. When a problem comes, go to the common ground, subjects you and others agree and love.
• Don’t avoid conflict. Learn how to deal with it in a positive way, with both sides winning.
• If you know their weak spot, avoid it. It is part of the respect towards another person…
• If they know your weak spot, strengthen it. Do a course or go to a coach and fix that as much as possible.
• Create excuses to be with them. That will prevent you to look for refuge in the bat cave.
• Maybe you are the difficult one… If you are too surrounded by difficult people, that is a strong possibility. Reflect and find a friend whom you trust, and ask him or her about it.

This will make your work more productive and your social life much more enjoyable!

Quality in your communication helps increase quality in your relationship

Many years ago, a good friend used to say in his lectures that communication is relationship. Of course, it is not that simple as relationship also implies presence and shared values among other things, but communication is a key factor to measure the quality of a relationship.

If you buy something of bad quality, it may work for a while, but it will be unsteady and it is probable it will finish before the expected time. Same happens with relationships: sometimes it is so bad you would wish you would never have even started with it.

Communication has mainly four roles in a relationship. By developing these roles, you ensure your relationship’s quality will be good, lasting long or being very stable during the particular time.

• Any relationship has a stage of mutual acknowledgment. It is during that time you will know who the other really is – his or her tastes, mood, dreams, imperfections, virtues and values. This can only happen by talking with each other, clarifying situations and working on changes, agreements and compromises. The quality of that exchange increases according to the presence of honesty, clarity, enthusiasm, joy and love in all interactions.
• When the relationship goes beyond the acknowledgment stage, all people involved feel free to express themselves, even when that expression may be blunt. It is a very trick stage and most relationships don’t survive, but it is needed as it builds a foundation for a long-term relationship. In other words, if you couldn’t bear to hear from a friend that you are not a good lawyer and you stop being a friend to the other person, you probably did not want a long-term relationship in the first place. You can increase the quality of expression, as the person who express and the person who receives it, with values as mercy, unconditional love, honesty and a virtue as sweetness.
• At some point, everyone will share something with another person. In fact, the main pleasure is in the sharing, not much what you share or receive. Part of that sharing is related to communicate to another person something, and you may consider sharing as a proof the relationship is working… By increasing the quality of communication, you strengthen your relation, so it is good to increase the value of whatever you are sharing, be full of respect for the others’ point of view and be open for the possibility of refusal, trying again and again.
• The last role communication has is related to the building stage. That is the point when a relationship is mature and it is bearing fruit. It is the time of leaving a legacy and setting an example. Communication in this case is soft and powerful, it is clear and full of understanding. We know each other A LOT, and we know how to deal with several situations. By adding courage and encouragement, your relationship may give you much more satisfaction.

Again, communication is not the only element to have a good relationship, but it is a crucial factor for its quality.

Focused communication

It is common nowadays to consider communication as the very essence of all we live and experience. After all, what is life but a constant exchange of ideas, feelings, emotions and facts lived through our subjective lens.

However, it is not an easy experience. People may try to explain the reason why they can’t express their feelings or plans, or how difficult is to breach the gap between generations, genders or cultures, but in summary, it is tough to communicate.

This is a list of things you can do to improve your communication as communicator, recipient or part of a community.

• Understand the message. As humans we tend to flourish our messages or use various tactics to send it to others. It is important to have a much focused communication that you apply your energy into understanding what the real message is. On the other hand, if the message comes from you, make it as clear as possible for other people.
• Recognize the context. Any message is given within a context and it is a key process to acknowledge it. For instance, if someone who loves you, reproaches you, the context will be important to avoid anger.
• Know more about the receiver or the messenger. In this way, you can give the message in the way you want others to understand it, or you can go beyond the many words used and grasp the real meaning behind it.
• Communication is easier with values on your mind. Someone once defined values as the mufflers in the road of life. Without values, you can communicate and receive information, but it won’t be enjoyable and part of you will resist to that.
• One subject at a time. Even though many people make effort to multitask, it is not that easy. If you want to clearly communicate something, it is better to focus on one thing only or related themes, instead of showering others with your words.
• Beyond words. It is obvious words are not the only thing that communicates. Your gestures and the way you look at others also impact on people. Even the time you send a message to others will relay some information about who you are. Be attentive to those invisible details.
• Check the results. After the communication process, verify if the outcome was the expected one.
• Never take the blame, always take on the responsibility. Whenever communication fails, don’t take blame, but take responsibility at least in relation to understand why things didn’t go well.
• Correct your communication process. With humility and patience, change whatever you can in relation to the communication process that did not work.
• Try again. How many times did your mom tell you to brush your teeth? Human communication is an ongoing and eternal process. Fill yourself with patience and determination, and try it again. And again.

The power of writing

Most products coming from science fiction portrayed of a world where people wouldn't write. If you remember most of Star Trek movies or Star Wars don't show people writing…

Then, what happened? Today as never before, writing is so important. Many young people don't talk anymore; they just type, chat or blog.

Reality is: writing has power. One thing is to transform the energy of your thoughts into words, which requires power in itself. To change an abstract energy into an energy that you can hear and it can be measured, an energy that can be recorded and reviewed many times, it is a wonder.

But we, humans, were not happy with only speaking. Many civilizations started to record those ideas, they started to WRITE. It is quite possible that if we have means to record our voices from the beginning of time, writing wouldn't be that important, and that would be a pity.

When I write, I have to organize my thoughts in a different way. While in speech you have the help of body language and the one of your voice, this is not present in writing. Writers give a carte blanche for the reader to interpret the printed thoughts, ideas, feelings and emotions.

The power in it lays on the content and how it is expressed. Right ideas, at the right time in the right way can change the world...

Do you want to sharpen that power?

• Reflect before writing. You don't need to write the whole piece in your mind, just think of it in a deeper way.
• Before writing something long, create a short summary or a few thoughts on that. A few bullet-pointed phrases or words help.
• After writing, read it. Take your time with that... reading twice for important papers is good.
• When you see an error or you want to change the ideas, reflect again, and do it. Look for synonyms; remember people from different countries and languages will interpret your article.
• Read it a last time. Remember: those words will travel the world...

The communication power: thoughts, attitudes and vibration

One part of our communication not only does not happen in words, it is completely invisible. And yet...

Is it possible you don't feel the "vibe" coming from your boss when you enter the office - much before he starts to speak or stands, so you can see his body language? I am sure you do...

One event comes to my mind. I have received an email which was really not nice for me. I started to respond in an aggressive way. After preparing the email, I was able to reflect and I have changed it into a softer version, keeping the assertiveness in it. However, I was surprised when I received that person's response... She was in reality responding to THE AGRESSIVE EMAIL, not the assertive one, even mentioning something I have deleted and she couldn't imagine... Any guess? Yes, she felt my vibrations.

Well, vibrations do not interfere with the tangible world, at least that is what most people think, but the reality is this is a fundamental and crucial part of your own communication. So, before any speech, writing any email or get into any conversation, try to:

• Reflect on your own thoughts. Check yourself for aggressiveness, hate, jealousy or any negative feeling for that person or those people, and make your best to change it into something positive.
• If you can't change your thoughts... Try to not communicate right now, reflect a little more. If you can't, then honesty is possibly the best policy and you can start your communication on the reasons you are upset.
• After changing your thoughts, check your own attitude. Do you want to help or criticize? Are you concerned about others or just upset with what they have done? Change your attitude if you feel it is negative. Otherwise, look for a better moment for communication...
• Vibrations... They are the result of the former points. Remember they will remember how they felt in your presence or the energy they have received when you sent them an email. Meditate before, even though it is just a minute, and that will help your own vibrations enormously.

Remember that even though this is intangible, people will feel it and that will taint anything you tell them.

The communication power: your smile and features

As a frequent customer for airlines, one thing I notice is how less and less my providers smile. And when they do, it is really not convincing...

I did not research or check statistics. It is more a feeling than anything. At some airlines, their employees are visibly tired and unhappy; others they seem to be upset you are travelling with them so they cannot have a nice time as they have to attend you.

Part of the power of communication comes from your features and a smile, a very genuine and sincere smile, is a fundamental part. Well, you cannot buy smiles nor do a Joker, but you can always learn how to smile more and more...

Smile comes from a deep sense of satisfaction. So, the easiest trick for an easy smile is that: be satisfied. Satisfaction comes from four sources:

• The self. First of all, you need to be happy with yourself, your efforts, your capacity and energy. Satisfaction is not a static thing; it does not mean that you don't improve because you are so satisfied with whatever you are. It means you are happy with your own self and from that happiness, you will pursue your own growth or transformation.
• Others (close). As everyone influences everyone, when others are satisfied with you and you are with them, the exchange of energy is wonderful. You will feel your life is a huge continuous party! The close ones, friends and close relatives, are the main people that influences in your own sense of satisfaction. If someone is not satisfied with you or you are not satisfied with them, it is time for reflection and to make a decision about it.
• Others (far, far away). There are other people you are not that close, or maybe you have been close in the past. Still, our sense of satisfaction relies on the feeling of being satisfied and if your airline pilot is not doing that or your local baker, then it is time to check on what to do about it. A part of the stress experienced in big cities comes from the interaction between people who are basically strangers.
• God or a Supreme Source of energy. Yes, God is present in our smiles too... Our relationship and its level with this Supreme Force will interfere in our personal sense of satisfaction. If you don't believe in God, it is still possible you believe in something; that point you believe, God or something else, means a lot for you and the way you feel satisfied with His or Her role in your life will help you to shape that smile in your face.

By increasing your sense of satisfaction, your smile will be easy and your features will be influenced by that, which will change the way you communicate. A smile express trust and confidence, joy and calm, so when you communicate with others, they will get that feeling from you.

The communication power: your words

In many articles you will find this famous research about how words just mean around 7% of the whole communication. In other words, if you speak 20 minutes to one person, he will assimilate only 1 min and a half approximately.

However, thinking of your own experience, how much a few words were able to change your whole life. Just remember:

• That phrase said by a forgotten teacher that made you chose your present career.
• An expression you heard whilst commuting to your work that made you decide on your spiritual life.
• A word spoken by a good friend that gave you back enthusiasm and energy.
• And, well, the many words you have heard that made you think twice before doing something that you knew it was good - words are that powerful...

So, when we communicate with others, we should check about the words we use - and now that many communicate mostly via written text that is much more important. Take this in account:

• Before writing or speaking anything, go into the depth of yourself and reflect or contemplate on it. Feel your own self and your energy as that is what you are going to give others.
• Look for meaningful words, not necessarily complicated expressions, but something that gives others a sense of understanding.
• During your speech or when you are writing something, check and recheck your words. Try to fit into the ears or eyes of others and think how they will act or react to that.
• Don't "unsay" something; if you do say something wrong, just move on and let your heart teaches you on how to go over it.
• After speaking anything, pack it up! Don't keep those words in your heart or mind; just let them go out of you.

By doing so, you will be experiencing more than communication, you will experience its power changing and shaping reality.

The communication power

Who was your favorite super-hero? I am sure you have had one, maybe two or more. Did you know these images were in fact related to yourself? Yes, you were and you are that super-hero...

At least, that was your expectation when you are a child or teenager. Growing up, it is possible you put that aside - like The Incredibles did - and decided to live a normal life. But I am sure very internally you would love that super-power, isn't it right?

I have talked about many powers in this blog and in others works I have done. As a person who felt very much powerless for a big part of my life, to realize my inner powers was and still is fascinating and, well, empowering.

There is one power I did not talk about and in fact, it just occurred to me short time ago: communication power. I am not thinking about those courses given by very-white-full-of-teeth facilitators, but about the power to express what is going on inside you.

It is powerful if you are able to find the right words to say to a person; that word can make his or her life as bright as the sun. Maybe to communicate by smiling, encouraging others to enjoy your happiness too.

Communication is a vast topic. For now, I just would like you to reflect on how your hands give your feelings away, how your thoughts are perceived by other people who react to them. By changing your way of communicating, you change your environment too.

About listening

Language has its wisdom and one proof is the fact we have two verbs in relation to audition: to hear and to listen.

While hearing is mandatory except if you have a physical problem, listening is something else, and it can be the key to have a better communication and relationship; it is also considered a virtue for leaders.

Listening is natural for many, but others need to develop that special skill. Among the last ones, some do realize that need, others face so many obstacles that one day reaches that point of realization, but there will be many who won't listen at all...

If you are a natural one, congratulations. But if you would like to develop that sense of listening, here are a few tips that have helped me (yeah, you guessed right, I am not a natural...):

• If you are going to talk to someone, check your own motivation and interest. You cannot fake you are listening, but you can tune to your own motivation towards listening to the other person.
• Before talking to someone, organize your life. Definitely, put your mobile phone in hold (switch that off, if you may), but other aspects of your life too. Be there, present with the other person, as if nothing else is going on in the world.
• Listen with attention. Get into your inner silence and make your best to not analyze or think about a response right now. There will be the moment...
• Remember: you are not a closet. Yes, smile and laugh, nod your head and do little talk in a way that you don't interfere with the other person's talk, but at the same time don't be too quiet.
• If you can't give the person a proper quality time, don't give it. Negotiate another moment and explain it is because you really care about the other.

May you be a good listener!

Giving meaning to your life

At some point last year, an image came to me. It was a funeral with very few people there, and a woman was talking to a man, saying: "You would expect many more people, since he had thousands of friends in Facebook..."

We have probably reached that point in our civilization predicted and foreseen many and many years ago; that point where and when our own humanity starts to be tested. What makes the difference with other species in the planet is not only our intelligence - which has been the main focus. There is also the way we handle emotions and feelings, awareness and values...

We went a step beyond other species when we started to question and dream, when we started to reflect about our own life and brought a sense, a meaning to it. Then, that same step is trying to send us backwards.

By focusing on our intelligence and not so much in our awareness and values, we start to take that meaning off. With intelligence we were able to create many things that helped our sense in life, but others that can destroy the same life. With intelligence we were able to reach anyone in the planet, and yet people feel their loneliness more than ever.

Yes, intelligence was able to make us getting Facebook, but not mourners for our own funeral...

By focusing on our awareness, things can change. That doesn't mean to refuse whatever our intelligence has given us as the hippie movement tried to do, but to use that to tap into our awareness.

That means to have your Facebook account or whatever social media you chose, but also have a few friends. Read and read in internet, but also go and dialogue with others and share what you have learnt. Face to face.

Feel how meaningful is the life you have within you. Meditate and contemplate. Enjoy the real landscape, that cannot compare with the most beautiful picture posted somewhere in the web. Live with meaning.

And one day, you will leave more than posts in your wall; you will leave behind your footsteps to guide others on their own way...

Developing your communication capacity

It is amazing how we humans have found ways to communicate. We can write, speak, show our face, send symbols or even invent a language. We can talk to someone on the other side of the planet with less than a second relay; we can even see that person.

Books, articles, plays, movies, blogs, vlogs... What else do we need to tell others the message that is inside us?

And then... we have problems to communicate with our friends, partners, children, parents, neighbors, co-workers, customers, suppliers, bosses, rulers, etc. Isn't it a contradiction?

The main reason behind it is that when you have to communicate with someone you are in relationship, that communications changes its shape completely, so you need different skills to have success in your communication. For instance, if you are going to talk to an audience who is watching you via Skype, you don't need to move much around (which would damage your webcast) and, yes, you don't even have to dress up so much! But if the audience is just in front you, well, that is another story.

So, let's talk about four skills that can help you when you must have a close communication, both in your work and personal:

• General communication abilities. First of all, you do need to know how to transfer your message according to your public. You have a big advantage here, as you know your public. Just let that message reach them in such a way they can grasp it and use it for further actions. One big disadvantage you have with this kind of people is that THEY KNOW YOU! So, you can't say things you are not doing, otherwise they won't receive the message - they would sneer over it. Before giving the message, check if you are yourself the message.
• Are you listening? Our languages have wisdom in it, one of them is the difference of verbs HEAR and LISTEN. You won't hear if you have some medical problem, otherwise, anyone can hear. But listen... that requires a refinement in the way you deal with other people around you. To listen to someone does not mean become dumb, but let the other express herself or himself, and you are able to empathize with whatever is said. It is not just understanding, it is more than that - the other's speech will turn into an experience for you. For developing that skill, you need to develop your own empathy, what will be covered in a further post. By then, make effort to let the other speak, let him or her tell their tale and try not to process it. Accept it into your heart, and nod from time to time...
• Oops, a lecture... Stage fright! It is one of the worst fears, especially if you are in a position or profession where you have to address more than one person at a time, trying to convince them all about your message. Add to that the fact that they know you, so you must be careful whatever you talk to them. But, remember the big advantage you have: you do know them. Try to focus your message at the essence, add some stories and engage your audience with it. Ask questions, ask their opinion. As a good friend told me, "make them the protagonists of your lecture."
• Your mouth in your arms. Your body speaks. Loudly. We all know that - we all know when someone is angry, upset, cheerful or sad just by looking at their faces, arms or the position of their legs. It is one of the first communication skills we get as we need that a lot to relate to our family, especially when words are not our strong point. Watch your body. Ask someone to film you or put a mirror ahead, so you can see yourself when you talk. But don't try to hide your feelings or emotions... Be genuine about it as the best way to develop that skill is to say what your body is talking.

With these skills, you can enhance the way you communicate and have a better experience relating to others.