Life imitates your mind

A powerful video came to me the other day: The power of thought - One of the greatest riddles of science. It came in the right moment for me and it was a reminder on how powerful our mind is.

In reality, we live what our mind wants us to live.

For instance, we can be at a sunny place, surrounded by very nice people and with no troubles. And yet, we can be unhappy, our mood is off or we are envious of a friend of ours who just got promoted.

Now, because of that negative state of mind, we will start to be afraid of the sunlight, to remember the bad things those people have done and some far away crisis will show up in our mind as if it is real.

The opposite is true: we can live at a place in which the sunlight shows a few times a year, we are surrounded by people we don’t know or we don’t like, and we have a list of problems. And yet, we can be happy, have a good mood and congratulate from the heart our friend who just got promoted.

The reason is that a positive state of mind will make us ignore the bad effects of the lack of sunlight, we will notice or remember good things about people around us and we will be able to handle our problems in a more method or intuitive way.

Yes, all depends on the state of our mind.

Maybe, we can’t change life, but we can change our mind by meditating or using other techniques, and in this way, we will perceive life in a different way.

It is quite possible that life will change too. Try it!

A little magic trick to change situations

Changing things is not easy. Changing people is very difficult. Changing yourself…

Well, probably that is not easy either, but it is what you can do as you always have the possibility of changing the self.

And there is a little magic trick I can share with you: when you change yourself, particularly when you change your mindset, things change… OK, they don’t necessarily change, but let’s see an example.

You have a very difficult boss, one of the worse you have ever had! You are often arguing with them and you feel they don’t allow you to grow. You like the present workplace and position you have, salary is good, nice people…

So… if you would try to change your boss, what would it happen? Probably nothing, they maybe scold you for trying such a thing, even fire you.

Another option… you may try to change your job. However, besides it is hard to do in the present circumstances, are you sure you are going to have a better boss? No certainty here, right?

Let’s try a bit of magic! Start looking for good things about your boss: they are very well educated, in fact, their curriculum is really impressive, they connect very well with customers and they are a good family person (which is something important for you).

The problems you are having with him are not going away because of that, but they refer to your development and the way things work.

By changing your mindset, you ask yourself: Why don’t I help them to find a new job instead of fighting them? After a few hours browsing, you prepare a list of possible options, a very good profile for your boss and you send to as many companies as possible. After two months, old boss goes (for a very good position) and a new boss comes! Hope is back!

Other magic tricks that would be available in this case: you could go through training and get a better position in the same company and you could apply for another branch of the same company.

Check your problems and use this magic wand to solve them. Magic is available to all of us and the method is the same: instead of trying to change outside, reflect, see which changes you can do within and then implement.

Am I still me?

Something a few people talk about is how crisis change people, for better and for worse. Maybe a new temperament emerges or an incredible ability of dealing with tough situations that turn a common person into a hero.

That’s also part of taking care of the self: to prevent the self to be contaminated or suffer of a post-traumatic stress so serious after a crisis that they may become almost unrecognizable.

Self-care in this case starts with knowing exactly the answer for this interesting riddle: Who am I? The idea behind is if you don’t really know yourself, it is easy to get lost in the hurricane of situations and adapt in a negative way like the frog…

Many years ago, I used to stay during holidays on the beach along with my late grandmother.

Once, she was cooking something and so let a bit pot of water in the stove while we went out to do an errand.

When we came back, the water was boiling. We could see the smoke, but she has left the pot open and there was a surprise…

A frog was inside it!

Legend says a frog would jump into boiling water and because its physiology, it would adapt to the temperature; unknowingly it would start to cook and when it realizes the danger, it would be too late…

Maybe that is the case when a crisis happens, because we adapt, which is good, but it is possible we start to lose some of our principles, most precious values, awareness and attitude. We start to change as people

By reflecting on the self and its depth, the individual learns more about him or herself and is able to keep their values, principles, awareness, attitude and all that is important and precious, no matter the crisis that is taking place.

In fact, this will help to overcome the obstacles and advance onto another level, taking care of the self all the way.

This is part of a series of posts on self-care.

Is it a new year already?

Old news – terrifying old news – are taking over the world and #ThirdWorldWar is trending.

Actors change, play looks the same… not too new, right?

But there is a big novelty that we as humans can experience, particularly if things are still the same: a change of attitude that makes me see life with different glasses.

How to change it? Let’s focus first on the positive side of life.

Although there is always something constructive in every scene of life, sometimes the good gets hidden behind a wall of negativity.

By using your memory to remember the fantastic things that have happened to you, you will experience it as if this would be happening right now. By the way, don’t underappreciate hope – it will show you the way out of the fog of hopelessness.

Another change you can do is to generate positive emotions like forgiveness and gratitude. They work as if you would be taking a fresh shower during a really hot day, calming your being, making you smile and showing you different ways to handle whatever is happening.

Last, I would strongly recommend meditation, as it works on two different levels. On one hand, it enables you to move beyond the present circumstances and focus on your thoughts instead of the sometimes hard reality. On the other hand, it helps you to realize your own power, which empowers you to face reality.

You deal with your own darkness with an ignited lamp - Reason 58

A leader has bad moments as does anybody and maybe, because of being a leader, those moments look even worse.

But leaders don’t let themselves fall into a trap of problems, turmoil and insecurity, because even in the dark, their lamp remains lit.

Sometimes the lamp is just a better attitude.  Good thoughts, positive and constructive emotions and a powerful book help the leader to understand whatever she or he is going through. With understanding, they can find solutions, or at least momentary relief.

Other times, the lamp may be a change in the consciousness.  Meditation and yoga, reflection and contemplation, learning from someone who has a completely different approach to life, or travelling through an unusual place can make a deep change in the person and help to find long-term solutions.

The good thing about a leader is that there is always a lamp, which, by the way, will help others with its light too.

(Excerpt from the book 82 Reasons to be a Leader)

Your vibrations help … enormously … - Reason 33

Vibrations are based on thoughts, feelings, emotions and attitude which are all invisible, but they can be felt and impact in decisions.  They influence people in relation to how they feel about a situation, words used, work and other aspects of life.

For the employee, it is the vibration he or she receives from the boss for arriving late or for having done a good job, that is, it is that unspoken energy, an important piece of the communication process as vibrations give a certain strength to words, making them more powerful, more energising, more joyful, or more sad.

Leaders refine thoughts and feelings in such a way as to make better decisions and to create an influential environment, so others feel empowered.  In other words, they create proper vibrations.

As an example, many years ago during a session of Call-of-the-Time Dialogues[1], a very old Indian lady, Dadi Janki, came into a marvellous Victorian-style room where a group of leaders had gathered.  Although some of the people had not met her before, everyone became very silent and after Dadi Janki left, people commented how they felt powerful energy coming from her, they felt in total peace.

A similar thing happens with any leader: their vibrations can change a person’s state of mind or way of working.

(Excerpt from the book 82 Reasons to be a Leader)

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[1] Call-of-the-Time Dialogues is a programme organised by the American scholar Peter Senge and the Brahma Kumaris.  It gathers leaders of different areas for a dialogue on a specific topic or a retreat.  http://www.brahmakumaris.org/us/partnerships/callOfTheTime

Your main wealth is your wisdom - Reason 26

Information comes every day.  It flows from the pores of our civilisation, from gadgets we create and maintain with the hope of improving our lives.  Go and talk to an illiterate person whose children or grand-children were able to go to university, the temple of information, and you will listen to the changes in their lives that go beyond physical: attitude is affected, perspective becomes different and lifestyle turns into a new direction.

Information that is relevant may be called knowledge and you cannot deny its impact at present.  However, if you talk to someone who graduated from college and has been hired by a company, you may find that not everything they studied has proved useful.

Some people are able to discern all the bits and bytes of information that are unnecessary or excessive, avoiding them, and turn what is necessary into a transformational knowledge.  A leader is able to take one step further and convert it into wisdom.

Wisdom comes from knowledge that is well applied, modified by lessons, experiences and experiments, by becoming part of the way the person reflects, thinks, talks and acts.  If information is like molecules, we could say knowledge is like coal and wisdom is a diamond.

Wisdom will guide the leader, by helping him or her to guide others, sharing that diamond.

(Excerpt from the book 82 Reasons to be a Leader)

A great life has a basic formula and that is: 100% happiness - Reason 7

Not too easy that you may buy anywhere, but not too difficult that you won’t have ever: happiness.  For people in general, the pursuit of happiness takes a big part of their lives, and yet it is often motivated by the existence of sadness, sorrow or any type of negative state of mind.

Because of that, people often look for happiness from external sources like a good job, an excellent college study or good health.  However, happiness is more a question of perception, attitude and perspective than the situation in itself; this is why you can look behind and see happier days, even though resources were scarce.

For a leader’s point of view, everything gives you happiness or shows you a path towards happiness, no matter the circumstances as he or she bases happiness on an inner state.

That gives leaders strength to change the bad into good, waste into best and a bad reality into a wonderful challenge.  So, she or he does need to go through sadness, as there is always something to be happy about.

(Excerpt from the book 82 Reasons to be a Leader)

Every day you look at your family and friends from a fresh perspective - Reason 2

People get used to each other and fall very easily into routine.  And as someone once said, routine kills love.

In fact, there is nothing wrong about routine… It’s great!  The problem is the attitude that emerges from activities that don’t require your discernment, intelligence or intuition.  Those three make relationships and your life in general richer, no matter for how long you have been with them.

Your family and friends are extremely important for you.  They create a safe zone where you can make mistakes and learn how to do them right, without serious consequences – in a company, THEY FIRE YOU for the same errors your partner has pointed to you.

As a leader, you see them as more than just people.  They are your day-to-day heroes, rescuing you from stress, horrible decisions to be made and peer-pressure.  This attitude enables the leader to find a new thing about each one everyday, something small or big, full of impact or almost irrelevant, that makes them even more incredible.

In fact, what you are doing is stimulating their leadership since when you look at them like that, the Pygmalion Effect[1] takes place and wonders happen from apparently ordinary people.

(Excerpt from the book 82 Reasons to be a Leader)

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[1] The Pygmalion Effect is an internal process that happens when a person looks at others with a higher vision, provoking an increase on the other person’s performance, results or state of mind.  See more about that here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pygmalion_effect

How to change your behavior?

Can you stop eating your nails? Hummm… I knew you would act just like that! Did you lose your job again? Can’t you make something about the way you treat other people?

When people want you to change, that means your behavior. However, it is not that easy as you probably already know.

Behavior is influenced by the way we think and see the world, which may be called attitude and awareness. So, if you are able to change any behavioral feature but you did not change your attitude and awareness, that will come back when you less expect.

For instance, if you are able to stay at a job longer than normally, that is something to celebrate. However, part of the reason you used to lose your job was your bad temper and it happens in this job each person is nice; what will happen when your boss hires someone who starts to upset you then?

The inner concept you have about yourself tells you something like this: whenever someone starts to create problems for you, just move away from that person. That means your time in this job is limited by those circumstances; when you change your awareness, you will be able to keep any job.

This is why this idea of quick change or 21 days to get rid of a habit is a myth if you don’t change those invisible aspects along with those nasty habits.

How to change the way you think? How to change who you are? That means deep reflection and inner work; it means you need a method that helps you with that too.

In my experience, the easiest part is attitude and there is a basic 3-step process that may help a person to do that:

1. Identify. First of all you have to understand your attitude; it works as a template for your thoughts so that when you react to situations or you start to reflect on something, those thoughts will work a pattern. Identifying and understanding the pattern is the first stage of a personal change. OK, I have the tendency of being pessimistic…
2. Check and change. During sometime – ok, it can be 21 days… – you will be your own observer. You may use some tools like meditation or a journal, but the main important point is to be aware of those patterns; whenever a bad attitude emerges, stop a few seconds or minutes and review it, replacing it with the thoughts or ideas you would like to have instead. I think I will lose this job… Wait a second! Why am I even thinking like this? I will work with quality and intensity, and I will prepare myself better by studying and researching, improving that quality.
3. Dare. After a while, you will feel things have changed and bad patterns are not emerging as much as before, or have completely disappeared. That is the point when you have to challenge yourself and get into a situation where you will test your ability, see what happens with you and go back to the first stage of this process. I will go and talk to my boss, seeing if there is the possibility of losing my job, but I will do that from a positive point of view, knowing how capable I am.

With your awareness, it is a similar process, but deeper and subtler. Meditation is probably the best tool when you feel it is not enough to change attitudes, and the reason is that by meditating, you have another perspective of who you are, beyond all labels you have tagged in yourself; so, you can identify that you want to change, being an observer and eventually, challenge yourself to see if the change really happened.

When both have changed you will feel a behavioral transformation. Even if one of those – attitude and awareness – has changed, you will feel some level of transformation.

The blessing of obstacles

We want an easy life. Some people would say that is the law of nature to flow where there is less effort, and we humans relish the benefit of that law.

However, a reality you can observe is that the same obstacle affects different people in dissimilar ways and one of the reasons for that is how you see that test in your life.

It is like a game: you will only appreciate it when you have the right attitude with which you see it as it is, just a game, something to be enjoyed not to cause sorrow. And yet, a game will be much more fascinating if you keep the desire to win it… That is the game paradox and its effect on us.

Bringing it to life, when you see things happening that are not good, with a vision of benefit and enthusiasm, that will create in you the same wonderful effect of a very good game: enjoyable, but you are there to win it!

Obstacles are a blessing in disguise as they enable us to go over our own lethargy and experience life in a whole new level. Of course, too many blessings can’t be good…

And if you feel overwhelmed with obstacles, look for help, something that is always available. Otherwise, just enjoy the ride!

The communication power: thoughts, attitudes and vibration

One part of our communication not only does not happen in words, it is completely invisible. And yet...

Is it possible you don't feel the "vibe" coming from your boss when you enter the office - much before he starts to speak or stands, so you can see his body language? I am sure you do...

One event comes to my mind. I have received an email which was really not nice for me. I started to respond in an aggressive way. After preparing the email, I was able to reflect and I have changed it into a softer version, keeping the assertiveness in it. However, I was surprised when I received that person's response... She was in reality responding to THE AGRESSIVE EMAIL, not the assertive one, even mentioning something I have deleted and she couldn't imagine... Any guess? Yes, she felt my vibrations.

Well, vibrations do not interfere with the tangible world, at least that is what most people think, but the reality is this is a fundamental and crucial part of your own communication. So, before any speech, writing any email or get into any conversation, try to:

• Reflect on your own thoughts. Check yourself for aggressiveness, hate, jealousy or any negative feeling for that person or those people, and make your best to change it into something positive.
• If you can't change your thoughts... Try to not communicate right now, reflect a little more. If you can't, then honesty is possibly the best policy and you can start your communication on the reasons you are upset.
• After changing your thoughts, check your own attitude. Do you want to help or criticize? Are you concerned about others or just upset with what they have done? Change your attitude if you feel it is negative. Otherwise, look for a better moment for communication...
• Vibrations... They are the result of the former points. Remember they will remember how they felt in your presence or the energy they have received when you sent them an email. Meditate before, even though it is just a minute, and that will help your own vibrations enormously.

Remember that even though this is intangible, people will feel it and that will taint anything you tell them.