Empathy

A short story mentioned by Daniel Goleman in his book Emotional Intelligence describes a young boy who was natural in terms of emotional intelligence. At one occasion, when another boy got hurt, he went to him and he showed how he also got hurt in the same way, calming down the boy’s pain.

And that’s Empathy 1.01: to create a bond with another person by showing them you can also feel the same. I am sure you would agree our society needs more people like that boy as too many people are getting hurt in a daily basis. Here I am talking about empathy and a few realizations I have had along the years, in the form of a list of points.

• Empathy does not heal, but to be with an empathetic person help in healing, besides being a soothing experience.
• Now, empathy does not mean to walk in someone’s shoes. I am sure you have heard that and it is understandable that is probably the closest illustration possible, as the boy in the example has shown. I realized a misperception of empathy when I saw a cashier at a supermarket assisting a customer, who was a rich lady; it was obvious for me the cashier couldn’t walk in the lady’s shoes, but she had a good level of emotional intelligence… That was the click!
• Empathy is not about feeling EXACTLY what the other one feels, but it is about creating a bond, showing the other person it is possible to feel the same even though their situations are so different. Even though they cannot walk in each other’s shoes.
• After that click, I had another one: many times, kindness will work quite well. It is what many of us do when we meet someone who is going through a rough day… Although kindness is one of the components of empathy, it can work by itself, that is, without forming a bond.
• Think about empathy as a formula: BOND + KINDNESS. It there is only a bond (a family, co-workers, doctor/patient) it does not guarantee empathy; it there is only kindness, it may sound false, particularly with people know each other.
• Definitely, Emotional Intelligence includes empathy at some level and this is why is so effective in terms or relationship and even productivity while talking about a team working together. But there is an extra factor which is the intrapersonal intelligence, the emotions we feel and how to handle them.

I hope this list may help you in your life.