What your past can teach you...

Some animals can migrate for generations from and to the same places, keeping an astonishing record. This is the case of some whales, geese and even elephants... Their past teaches them how to live better, as there are some conditions in those places they would take too long looking for in other places.

How much does our past teach us?

As a whole species, reading the headlines and seeing what is happening today, I would dare to say we didn't learn much. We still see nations invading nations, people killing people and humanity destroying nature, and it has been like that for centuries.

But, at least in the last 50 years, our learning has been better. With information technology, stories travel faster and people also react faster. For instance, issues against gender... From one country to the other, it seems people protest for the same reasons. Sometimes, I am not sure to which country this news belongs as they all look the same.

That is what makes past valuable: when we are able to learn. First stage is to have the information and to start to create a new paradigm around that idea. Second stage is when we start to avoid those situations. But the last stage is the main one. It is when we replace habits and customs that we have learnt as wrong with something more elevated and dignified.

I will give you an example. Several women have been affected by acid thrown into their faces. The first stage works quite well and the information starts to travel around very fast. There is however some doubts in relation to its effectiveness as by spreading the news, other people learn about that and they can use it too against their own former wives or girl-friends...

The second stage is needed: laws that enforce the negativity of that behavior. However, that is when things start to get tricky... After a few weeks of acid-throwing acid, news came that a woman threw acid against another woman. What to do in this case, as it is not a gender issue? Later, a young man was also affected. When we restricted our vision to the negative side of the situations, we give power to that and people learn on how to avoid the new laws or the new hate it generates (up to this moment, I did not see comments against the neighbor who threw acid against her neighbor or the affected young man).

The third and last stage so that our past is really valuable is when we start to create a new model of society, where people are entitled to decide on their own destiny, where people who would be attacked feel secure because society approved their decision and those who would be the attackers have a support group or someplace where they can find treatment. In this way, that violence won't happen again?

A dreamer? Let's remember the case of slaves and how we took so long to get into the third stage of equality and normality. Let's also remember the economic effects on the mistakes we make...

But, don't wait for the collective starting to change. Start from your own life. Learn from your past. Avoid the mistakes you have made. Start to create a new life for you; in such a way not only your past won't repeat, but new opportunities emerge.

I am sure you will feel very happy by doing that!

Gentleness makes bitter things sweeter

When we enter into an organization, we have some functions that we have to comply, but the trickiest part is the link with other people. After all, we didn't choose them to be our partners, to be with us sometimes more than our own families, and still we have to relate to them and get the job done.

A few years ago, a friend told me a story. She was working in an office and one of her co-workers used to collect money for celebrating each other's birthdays. After a while she started to get upset with him as he was very persistent with the task. At some point, he approached her and even before talking to her, she reacted saying she was too busy. He said he was just coming to her because the day before it was his birthday and he had a piece of cake for her...

There are many ways to deal with other people in an organizational environment, but no matter the technique you chose, be aware of a simple recipe that will make you way towards others easier:

• When you see someone for the first time, greet the person before asking something or ordering something... Greetings open others' hearts and enable them to comply with your requirements easily.
• Keep a memory of other people's circumstances: their families, last time they were sick or some course they are taken. Ask them about it, enjoy their success, and be empathic with their failures.
• If someone has made something bad for you, you feel hurt and yet you have to work with them, look for a mediator who helps you to deal with that. Don't keep grudges, they are bad for you.
• If you have to talk to someone in an environment of anger or restlessness, by being gentle you can decrease the resistance of the other person and facilitate the talk.
• "Please"'s and "thank you"'s can help to make the work environment even lighter. Try and use them as many times as you want.
• Smile, and don't get tired of smiling at others. Appreciate what they have done, forgive and respect their mistakes. Celebrate their conquests as if they are your own.

And the wonderful thing is when that small recipe becomes part of you, part of your personality, your own ethics. It is then when you will be able to change your environment and transform your life.

Honestly...

Many years ago I was quite involved in the topic of values. I used to work on values in both ways, as a volunteer and professionally. At that time, I've met a very interesting person who worked with UNICEF. She told me something I've never forgotten: "the main challenge in relation to values is that people nowadays only learn anti-values."

And that is true. As I browse today's news, corruption and lies make the headlines. Nobody talks about people who stick to their own honesty; after all, honesty does not sell newspaper...

But honesty does create families, it strengthens friendship and it even impacts in our economy through its close cousin, trust. In fact, honesty is natural; a baby cries when is in need of some attention, there is no way the baby will fake that... The opposite, dishonesty, is learnt along the years, watching and observing others.

In an organization environment, honesty is crucial. Dishonesty can get you a customer once, but it will make you lose it forevermore. Dishonesty can avoid a reprimand by your boss, but when you share that with your co-workers, even though they congratulate you for your cleverness, you will love them as true friends; after all, if you lied to your boss, you can lie to any of them.

Even though honesty is not something that shows often in someone's curriculum, it is becoming a very valuable asset for the company. Peter Senge, in this masterpiece, The Fifth Discipline, talks about the practical effect of honesty in a company that sold computers. By sticking to that value, they saw their sales dropping - after all, other companies, using dishonesty as a tool, lied to their customers and were able to get their orders. Later, however the company started climbing and never stopped.

I am not saying you are not honest, but reality is today's people seldom are... From "white lies" to blunt corruption, honesty is living among us and inside us. It has become part of our way of life in such a way that an honest person is not fully honest... it is just that he or she is more honest than others.

OK, how can you develop honesty as a skill? First, let's understand a few of its benefits in the work environment:

• Solid relationship between co-workers, and the different levels of organization.
• Trust builds from honesty, so that the company has more loyalty from their customers.
• It is easier to deal with crisis, as everyone knows what everyone is doing and their capabilities.
• Tough decisions are less complicated as honesty provides the right environment for that to happen.

If you feel you can develop honesty in a higher level, these are some steps that can help you:

• Accept all your flaws and imperfections. As someone said, "perfection exists only in a cv". Don't try to be that right now, enjoy your present stage and don't deny any of that to yourself.
• Get someone you can really trust and always be honest with that person. No matter what, don't hide and don't pretend; that person is the best friend you have, cultivate her or his friendship.
• Any time you tell a lie, or in any other way you break your own honesty, at least be clear about that to yourself. If you don't feel the courage or don't have the time to mend whatever you did, sit down, reflect and meditate. Whenever you feel like, talk to someone about what you did, ask for advice, try and follow it.
• If you make a "heroic" honesty act, give a prize to yourself! Go and spoil yourself with some nice ice-cream, chocolate or a day at the beach.
• Generate spaces of dialogue in your company or family. In this way, little by little you will feel open about telling others what is really happening with you.
• If there is any punishment after you have been honest, talk to the person who did that later. Explain your reasons and listen to their own reasons.
• Love yourself. When you love someone, you can't even think of lying to them...

By practicing this skill, slowly it will become part of your own personality, your own personal ethics. Then, it will be as natural as breathing.

Humor, the essence of your own life

No jokes on chickens or bars; humor is taking the world.

Beforehand, only a few people could make use of it. Nowadays, anyone tries to use humor as a weapon against being bored or to avoid conflicts. I am not talking here about irony or sarcasm, humor's "evil twins". I am talking of a pure and sensitive humor sense that enables someone to change the view in relation to any situation, no matter how dark it is, and, of course, turn the environment a little more cheerful...

And that is fundamental when you work, in your family environment or at the time to talk to your neighbor about his unhealthy habit of playing loud songs at 11.30 pm... Because humor presents the situations in a new different light and resistance is decreased by that quality, allowing changes to happen. Real sensitive humor; other types of humor probably will help you to get a smack on your head or you will have to watch over your shoulder for the rest of your life expecting revenge...

Personally, I was never a funny guy, but I noticed something... It was in Chile, in '92, when I was leaving the last company I worked there, coming back to my birthplace, São Paulo. I used to work for Borland, at that time one of the giants in software for microcomputers; I started to make jokes to lighten the atmosphere of my farewell party when a co-worker mentioned that I used humor to deflect sadness... And I must say she was totally right, after all what do you think it is better, to laugh or to cry?

With humor I can accept a bitter order by my boss or avoid retorting to some comment my dad made. I can fall and laugh at that and I can make jokes on my own failure... Real humor gives comfort and strength, but it only works when it comes from you, from your own dharma as a person.

But, how to develop that? First of all, if you don't have sense of humor, believe me when I tell you can develop it... Second, try to detach from your own self. German, a great Chilean comedian, says that his trick is to make jokes on himself, not on others' expenses; this makes his videos very funny as they came from his own experience. So, if you can detach yourself, you can use your wonderful life as a source of humor, and I tell you, what a source!!!

A last tip: smile a lot. Laughter can last for some time; while smiles can last forever, generate a light environment and make people opener to your comments... they can even laugh at that!



P.S. Well, it is kind of lacking some humor in here...
Do you know why I don't like performing, not even dancing in front of others? Well, when I was a child I decided to perform in front of my whole class (and the whole school, in fact). I was the frog who turned into the prince, you know the story... I still remember the moment I raised and declared myself as the prince, something happened there and people laughed at me forever, destroying a very promising future actor!!

The ability to keep an open mind, as part of your personal ethics

Many years ago, I saw a book at a friend's desk. Unwisely, I've made my comment (negative) about its author, to which my friend replied: "The thing I don't like you is that you don't have an open mind!"

On one hand, that helped me checking my own attitude and it made me realize I lacked that particular talent. But it is quite a difficult skill, I must tell you! At that time, I just responded to my friend: "Well, if you have an open mind, of course you don't mind my comment..."

What is to have an open mind? Does that mean to deprive yourself of opinions and concepts, and rather say YES to whoever comes to you?

I confess this is a skill I am still working out. I used to have very strict opinions, believing things were either black or white. I was communist for some time, trying to counterbalance my lack of political education. After reading George Orwell's Animal Farm and some personal research, I got quite disillusioned with that ideology, and to be sincere, with any ideology. Around that time, I got into an Air Force school at my country, a typical right-wing environment and that helped me to go into a more balanced view in relation to politics.

So, part of my own learning on this skill has been to behave like a pendulum... going from one side to the other. However, it is quite long in terms of learning and not always pleasant.

At present, how I see that skill in myself? Bearing in mind I am still working on that, let me share some points that can help:

• It is important to see the benefit of having an open mind, which is to be able to relate to very different people, with very different opinions and ideas.
• I always keep in my mind an old saying, based on Niels Bohr own ideas: the opposite of a small truth is falsehood; the opposite of a great truth is another great truth.
• Even though I don't agree with a person, I must agree with the fact he or she thinks like that, and respect it.
• If another person's ideas interfere in my life, then I remind myself of my own value; if my ideas are the right ones, so I stick to that as much as possible.
• I don't get into conflict, but I don't accept ideas just like that; for someone else that can be fine, not for me...
• If someone has a total opposite opinion and we have to share actions together, it is good to talk to the person before anything, and keep in mind the differences.
• If someone has a total opposite opinion and dialogue does not work, don't work with that person, but keep the friendship as much as possible.
• Differences can turn into an advantage, if you know how to channel them.
• No matter what happens, you cannot stop loving someone.

If you have any other tips and tricks, share with us all!

How do you make decisions? Good judgment, personal ethics

There is a complex internal process that helps you to make decisions, bigger or smaller. It comes from your experience, the sensations of the moment and your approach in relation to the future, among other criteria that helps you to make decisions.

In a workplace, you are not only paid to make decisions, but you have to exceed others' expectations in relation to that, which means your decision-making skill should be refined and accurate.

How to do that? As humans, we learn with life by observing, accumulating knowledge and practicing. You can notice in your life that some decisions that used to take a long time to be made - what should I eat today? - are now a question of seconds, whilst others that used to take a short time - with whom should I walk along? - can take days now...

To develop that skill, you need a few things:

• Clear up your personal ethics. Ethics will be your main criteria, your compass at the time of making decisions.
• Use your experience as if it were gold. Everything that happened to you has helped you to be what you are today. That will help you to define who you will be in the future, as a fruit of your decisions.
• Don't be blinded by your experience. However, experience can be like an old rusted anchor preventing the ship to sail. A subtle balance is needed with an open mind and a will to experiment new possibilities.
• Others can think differently. Whenever you have to make a decision, don't forget others may oppose you. It is their right; we cannot impose decisions in our society. You will need to have some negotiation skills and a strong argument to defend your decision, but it all starts from your feeling they have the right to think differently, and that is OK.
• Mistakes are great. For someone who is learning, mistakes are great teachers. Learn from them, don't fear them. If your decision goes wrong, apologize, learn and keep making decisions.

By doing the former steps, you will feel you can make decisions faster and better.

Whilst dealing with situations, be yourself

There is nothing more powerful than what I call "personal ethics". Authenticity is the best way to handle crisis and problems that come on our way.

You know, I do believe that anything that comes, it comes because I am able to deal with it. Life is wonderful teacher and it won't waste its time by sending you tests you can't solve.

Big issue here is that we normally go outside looking for solutions and we forget going inside. But we can fix them by learning and practicing some simple skills:

• Good judgment. Learn how to make better decisions that will impact and change situations.
• The ability to keep an open mind. Always be open to learn something new, or another person's perspective.
• A great sense of humor. It is a medicine and it works!
• Honesty. It will always make the message to touch others' hearts.
• Good manners. It will help others to be open to whatever you say.

So, we will be going through each of these skills, but by now, just be yourself. Accept and appreciate whatever you are, and see its impact in whatever you are living.