Self-empathy

I have listened a lot about empathy and I have talked about it too. For some, it is difficult to understand it, for others, it is easy. It is the whole base of a few professions like doctors and firefighter, a must in terms of being a parent or a teacher, and it is something we look for it in a friend or a counselor.

But I would like to explore two aspects about empathy, which can make it easy to develop the quality.

First, to really experience someone’s empathy you yourself must be it, this is part of what I would call self-empathy. You do need to be an empath to really appreciate that quality as I have experienced: many years ago, I had many empathic friends, but I was not that myself and I was unable to understand why they were relating to me in that way. I look back in my life and what I see is that I could have had a wonderful time with them …

To develop empathy is the first step to really feel others’ empathy.

Second, we need to be an empath towards the self. Self-empathy means to understand the self, to know how to be gentle and forgiving, and to guide the self through the many storms of life. It means to read our own emotions, to understand them and to embrace that part of ourselves.

By being an empath towards the self, it is easier to manage emotions and to channel them into a positive direction.

I invite you to try this type of empathy and see how you will develop empathy as a key quality for Emotional Intelligence.

The Attitude of Assertiveness

Many years ago, the word ASSERTIVENESS began circulating. It was something new, a different attitude that emphasized self-esteem, within the communicational context, avoiding negative confrontation.

It's probably the most important communication skill out there, but it's still not talked about much, and maybe not as practiced as it should be. Some of its benefits are very clear:

• Increased self-esteem, on both sides of the conversation. The assertive side needs self-esteem for this skill to work well and, if there is no self-esteem on the other side, it is too "low" or too "high", it won’t work either.
• Better results in a negotiation, generating satisfaction. The assertive side will feel that their requests and demands have been heard and the other side will understand them better, being able to make a decision.
• A greater understanding of others’ needs. Although assertiveness serves to express what a person really thinks or needs, it can help in developing the ability to understand as we all have points in common and an assertive person acknowledges that unites them as a bridge.

Assertiveness, as an attitude, works as a template in which thoughts will come from self-esteem and will serve as a reaffirmation to the person. It is part of a self-leadership attitude, part of the process of an individual reclaiming their power to lead themselves.

I would like to focus on this self-leadership and, in relation to this, assertiveness has two basic functions:

• Facing without confronting. Look at situations head-on, facing them. However, know that you don't need to fight people or situations; confrontation is the last instance of a conflict that, in general, can be solved through several ways and assertiveness is a tool of empowerment.
• Defending without contesting. Defend your ideas, without renouncing principles or vocation and specifically, without fighting with others. It enters into the same function as before, but especially in the stage of conversation or negotiation in which the other party makes their demands; it is key to be protector of what is valuable, without the competition that often happens.

But how does it work?

Without assertiveness, it would be quite complex to make changes in the daily routine, without upsetting a partner or neighbors, or to start a meditator path and expect people in your office to understand your new lifestyle...

Assertiveness will guarantee that you handle talking to your partner, clearly describing your new daily routine, negotiating without giving up what is important to you and obtaining successful results. The same will happen in your work and in all areas you touch in life.

Experience assertiveness and live in an inspired way.

X-Raying Your Life

Ever felt like you're living in a fog? You know something's off, but you can’t quite put your finger on it.

That's where the concept of X-raying your life comes in. Imagine yourself as a medical professional, examining your own internal world for issues.

Start with your relationships. Are they healthy, supportive connections? Or are there shadows lurking beneath the surface?

Next, delve into your career. Do you experience satisfaction through your work or is it a source of stress?

Your physical and mental health are also crucial areas to examine. Are you properly nourishing your body and mind?

Because of my own experience, how is your spiritual life? There is the saying that we are souls that are experiencing the physical world and not the other way around, but are you really living like that? Are you nourishing and enriching the soul you are?

Is there any other area to examine? Whatever creates an impact on you and makes you take a decision is worth to check.

Remember, this isn't about judgment, but self-awareness. It is about identifying areas that need attention and taking steps to improve them. It is preventative care for your life as, by regularly "X-raying" yourself, you can avoid bigger problems down the road.

So, roll up your sleeves and start exploring your inner world.

Curiosity or exploration?

Okay, so, let's talk about this whole curiosity issue. You know the old saying, that is present in the languages I know: curiosity killed the cat. Well, maybe it's time to rethink that for humans.

I've always been a curious person – it's like a feature for a Capricornian that a few people know. But then I had this chat with a friend who straight-up called curiosity a sin. Whoa! That got me thinking.

There's this cool quote I found that perfectly captures the essence of curiosity for a person of this sign: They possess an inherent sense of wonder, always seeking knowledge to unravel the mysteries of life. My friend is also a Capricornian, so maybe it's more of a sign characteristic than a general curiosity trait, but I like to reframe curiosity with a bit of seeking.

After all, curiosity can lead us down some rabbit holes, those times when you dive into something without thinking it through. It is not always the best idea and it's like exploring a new neighborhood without checking if it's safe first, a new scientific experiment without protective masks or getting into a discussion with no knowledge on the subject.

Exploration, on the other hand, is all about focus, similar to setting out on a journey with a map and a compass. You're curious, sure, but you're also strategic. It's about learning, growing, and discovering, not just jumping headfirst into the unknown.

So, next time you want to be curious, remember that curiosity may be the starting point, but exploration is the real journey. And it requires preparation, investigation, training and willpower.

And going back to the saying, I think we could make this up: exploration revitalize the soul.

Solitude… the power of being by yourself

What is that thing, which is so good and yet, it causes so much sorrow?

 

I am an introvert and so, to be by myself looks quite good, actually. But I am not a perfect introvert… Many years ago, I was about to have my first Christmas by myself and it really touched me in a bad way that I didn’t have anyone else around me at that time of the year.

I was living in Santiago, Chile, and most of the people I knew, travelled. I was just there by myself.

Alone.

Almost lonely; I worked until a few days before, so I was still surrounded by other people. In that situation, I decided to call a few people I’ve met as a yoga teacher and I invited them for lunch, after my holidays started. It was wonderful, a really beautiful experience and I never forget it!

 

Solitude.

 

To be alone is not a bad thing in itself, but it can be according to the circumstances and situations.

After that Christmas, I did spend next Christmas by myself and it was OK, because I didn’t feel lonely.

It was then that the idea emerged: there is a difference between being lonely and being in solitude.

To not have people to whom to talk, to feel their presence and to share accomplishments… that is loneliness. It is considered by many as the door to several illnesses, besides I think we all agree it is not good…

To not have people to whom to talk, to feel their presence and to share accomplishments because you chose that moment to be by yourself is called solitude. It is considered by many as the door to healing the self.

Solitude brings about inner powers, so that we can sort things out, solve situations or accept whatever is taking place in our lives. Solitude is the perfect environment for meditation, personal growth and contemplation.

Next time you are by yourself and loneliness is filling your mind with too many thoughts, change your attitude, meditate and transform being lonely into the gift of solitude.

The power of imagination: did you see the yellow cat?

A little girl was just walking on the street; all of a sudden, she stopped and started to look across. She was staring to a point on the wall.

Her father asked her: “What do you see, honey?” The mother looked a little exasperated, since her child was used to see things that were not there.

Smiling, she looked at her parents and said: “I am looking at the yellow cat!”

The mother laughed, that kind of cruel laughter when someone says something stupid. Even her innocent child could perceive it…

“It is there, mom, it is there!”

 

Scenes like this one were very common in the past, but not so much nowadays. Today, the father would join the mother in explaining there is no yellow cat…

We are underestimating the power of imagination, the wonderful door that opens in our mind to see what is not there.

Imagination is around us. EVERYWHERE!

At least its fruit: buildings and bridges, machines and an incredible software that enables you to read this, no matter where you live, and much, much more…

All of these things, many of them we take for granted, they were just like the yellow cat in the past.

They didn’t exist.

 

Many years later, the girl is now a woman, who cultivates her dreams and projects very well. She has been relatively successful and very happy with her life.

Particularly today, when an old dream will become a reality…

 

Imagination changes into dreams later in life, when we start to understand our role in this universe, in our society and community. Those dreams can be, in the hands of imagination, incredible engines to make us to move on the road of existence.

There are two powerful tools that convert imagination into a dream:

• Reflection. By reflecting, the individual realizes what is going on and they are able to land the imaginative scenario taking place inside their head in the living reality.
• Visualization. It is basically imagination, but with a focus and it comes often as a result of a few questions a person asks the self: How is this going to happen? When is this going to happen? What should I do to make it happen?

 

She still remembers the scene of her childhood: one parent’s support and another parent’s… sniggering… But she is not a child anymore.

She is a woman who is standing in front to that wall, in which she saw the yellow cat. She is not cross the street, she is exactly on that spot and she is surrounded by her team, which will make her dream coming true.

The yellow cat is going to be alive!

 

Someone said that if we want to live what we dream, we need to stop sleeping, that is, we must change our imagination into reality.

By reflecting or visualizing, you were able to have a vision of what we want; now we must build it, and…

… Of course, it is more complicated, but there are 3 basic things:

1. Willpower. That is the push that will turn our dreams into a living reality.
2. Resources. It is the fuel for that transformation.
3. Capacity. We will need knowledge of many things, talents and skills.

And then, at last, imagination will walk on the streets…

 

They just finished their job and here it is: The Yellow Cat.

A restaurant that will change people’s lives. She has more dreams about the restaurant, but right now she is just mesmerized by what she sees.

A huge yellow cat licking the window of her restaurant, just under its name!

 

Final remarks:

• Remember that failure and defeat are lessons, they will increase your capacity.
• It is always possible that your dreams don’t come true; learn from them and help others to make their dreams come true.
• Surround yourself with positivity, but embrace others’ critique.
• Meditation is a perfect way to improve your visualization tool.
• Dialogue is key and emotional intelligence will be very helpful.
• Nobody can make their dreams come true by themselves…
• When you get success, share it with others by helping them somehow.

Memory… is it nostalgic, or can it be a positive factor in our lives?

Nowadays if you browse for a while in your favorite platform, you will find songs from all times!

Nowadays, old movies are back!

Nowadays, we have a tendency to go into the memory lane more than ever…

Yes, nostalgy, saudade, that feeling you often can’t name or pinpoint, but you know it very well. They are emotions that enable you to travel through time and experience things of the past as if they are taking place now. Right now…

My question is: are those emotions or feelings good?

NO!

Yes…

It all depends. Memories can feed depression, conflicts and even a sense of powerlessness.

On the other hand, memories can be used is as an inner motivation, often coming from an understanding, which changes the present attitude.

Yes, you are in trouble now, but can you remember that time you were able to win in a similar situation?

OK, you are fighting (again) with your best friend, but do you remember how good that person is and how much joy you had together?

By focusing on those memories, you will feel courage or you will be able to fix your friendship.

In this case, they are not only positive, but encouraged. Many years ago, a very wise yogi teacher was giving a class, in which she shared about someone who was not so well at that moment. She suggested the person to remember the best memories and relive them in their minds.

The effect was immediate: the individual was transported to that moment, there was an experience of peace and happiness, calm in the mind and decisions could be taken. It is immediate…

So, my invitation is that instead of drowning in the memory of better times, use it as a leverage to change your attitude or behavior.