Victory or defeat

Victory or defeat is a relative perception. An example is given by Peter Drucker, the famous consultant and guru, about a leader who overstepped his faculties and tried to get advantage of a situation. It was clearly unethical and Drucker shows how the leader got his victory, only to turn into a horrible defeat a few years later and his leadership ceased to be considered magnificent.

In a very recent spiritual class, I was touched by a point that stated a short-term defeat can be a long-term victory.

Common people often don’t think in these terms - victory or defeat - but that’s our lives: “I have got this job”, “I lost that client”, “My friend stopped talking to me”, “My child got the best marks at college”, and so on.

Sometimes we win.

By working on our awareness, we are able to take the maximum of our victories in such a way that we can win again in the future. Besides, we may inspire others to win and, last thing, if for any reason our victory meant a defeat for another person, we can help the other one to feel OK, process what happened and be victorious next time.

Sometimes we lose.

We can always do alchemy and convert defeat into victory by:

• Learning a powerful lesson that empowers the self for the future.
• Imbibing a few useful qualities like humility, which otherwise wouldn’t come to our lives.
• Changing defeat into a step closer to victory, as there is always a valuable experience that comes with defeat.

Translating that into our lives:

• “I have got this job.” I will work in a very effective way, being aware that I am inspiring others too. If, for any reason, someone I know lost an opportunity like this, I will find a time to talk with the person and see how to help them.
• “I lost that client.” It is time for deep reflection, to understand what happened, maybe to talk with a friend, my boss or a coach about it. And move on! There are more clients out there.
• “My friend stopped talking to me.” I will make some time to try and talk to them, by using honesty and kindness. Meanwhile, I will send them best wishes and positive thoughts.
• “My child got the best marks at college.” I will celebrate along with them, but I will be clear my love for them is not conditioned to whatever happened in their lives; I love them as they are.

I wish you the best victory, a real victory.

Overcoming the effect situations of high-impact

 

Two scenes come to my mind. The first one was when I was still a child and I broke my arm while practicing judo; my master at the time did not handle the situation well and I was not treated as I should have been. When I finally went to a doctor, many days later, I was told that it was too late and that I would forever have trouble doing certain movements.

Another scene was in my late teens; I was just coming to Brahma Kumaris, this wonderful spiritual path that I have been following for almost 40 years. A teacher was giving a class and she was a psychologist, so she shared a concept unknown to me until that point, related to the impact of situations with a high emotional impact. I experienced such clarity that many of my problems up to that moment (and in the future as well) started to make sense and it became easier for me to find solutions.

I mention these two scenes because they exemplify a lot of what a trauma is: the encounter of a person with a high-impact situation. There are several examples:

• Physical, as in the case of my arm.
• When you lose the job on which you depend so much, a financial trauma.
• Relational, in the case of the death of someone or the dissolution of a family.
• Emotional, which can come from an experience of abandonment.

However, the question here is how to overcome these high impact situations as they cannot be avoided (most of the time). But there is nothing that really prevents us from handling their effect.

From my previous narrative, I would suggest two things:

• The first thing to consider is to get help from someone who can really cooperate in the work of relief and healing.
• Second, reflect and understand the effect of this on life, particularly habits that can emerge and affect life negatively.

By doing this, you can initially alleviate the impact of the situation, process what happened and, consequently, begin a healing path, transforming the trauma into a learning experience.

The fine balance for your success…

 

There is a special secret for those who believe we all have an inner compass: the East and the West.

Success – real success – comes when there is a balance of excellence in all areas of life: personal, working, health, spirituality, etc. This is why real success is often out of reach…

A few examples: you probably know people, whose health is amazing, but their relationship with others is horrible, and there are those whose career is ascending constantly, despite the fact they feel down in a personal level.

With this special secret, any person can reach for that balance: at every activity, use the light of your spirituality (the East) and the road of your life experiences (the West).

Before doing anything, particularly if it is impacting or relevant, practice spirituality by meditating or a praying. Also, check if the present capacity matches the need of those actions; if it doesn’t, maybe training is in order.

During activities, keep the spiritual light on; something written can serve as a reminder and from time to time, read it. Jump into the action, by being effective and highly productive.

After those actions, sit down and practice spirituality again. Gratitude may be expressed or just a reflection on what took place. Learning the lessons and planning changes will help improving performance next time.

Check your values at every step

 

Being a value-oriented person is much more than just being a nice person – it means your actions are connected with your core.

Let me explain: we are like lettuce. It means we have several layers, but there is a central core, the innermost part of the self. Most of the time, our relationships, work, study and the various ways we interact with the world are done from the most superficial layer, which is basically what we write in our curriculum vitae.

However, the main source of energy is in the core of our being, which is full of peace, love, purity and many other wonderful qualities. They try very hard to come into our interaction and to be part of our lives, and that is through values.

When we enable our values to be part of our lives by shaping our decisions, the resulting actions will be full of those qualities and the outcome will be an accomplished life. Then, why don’t we do that?

First reason is that we are used to act from the outer layer, and it is not that bad… a few stains here and there, that’s all! Most of the time… To change it we need to work on our attitude and our awareness, and go deeply, before taking any decision and any step.

Second reason is not good, but we are living in a world in which values have become political weapons. That is the environment we are watching in the news and we experience it when we start to talk with other people. We have to depoliticize values and that starts by not imposing our values onto other people.

The third reason is that people don’t have access to their core. It is often done by praying, meditating or living a spiritual life. Besides those who do have access don’t always implement them into their mundane lives… they are a bit flying in the moon… The best thing here is to start using some technique to live those values and to make sure they also become part of a normal common life.

A purpose for leaders of the self

 

What is your purpose?

If you are a very educated person, you will ask back: what???

Purpose is an inner guidance that makes the individual to do certain things and not others. As humans, we have a few of these, but purpose is the one with the most impact.

There are of course many different types of purpose, but I am talking here about a higher purpose, something that is not conditioned by a period of time and it serves as part of the inner compass.

Every time someone is REALLY following their purpose, naturally there will be satisfaction in life, all will be successful and the person will feel accomplishment at every step of the process.

However, if the person is not following that in terms of actions and behavior, or even attitude, then satisfaction will come only when there is visible profit, not everything will be successful and the person won’t feel accomplishment all the time.

Lastly, if the person is GOING AGAINST their purpose… Well, there will be dissatisfaction most of the time, even when there is success it will look like a failure and there will be the feeling this is not fulfilling my purpose in life.

Let’s work on a simple example: a new job.

If the job is aligned to the purpose – I feel my purpose is being fulfilled here – there will be enthusiasm while working, tasks will be fruitful and the person will feel they are progressing by working there.

If the job is NOT aligned to the purpose – I should be doing something else, I should be working somewhere else or in another thing – then there will be enthusiasm from time to time, but most of the time, the person will just do their job; the person will fulfill their role in the tasks, but there will be a lack of belonging and so they may be done in an automatic way, and they will be probably looking for another job right now!

If the job is AGAINST the purpose – What am I doing here? – there will be lack of enthusiasm and maybe an attitude of rebellion against it; this person perhaps will affect other people and the work climate, and finally they will feel stuck there and they may try to do their worse at their position.

So, what is your purpose? As it will impact your whole life, it is better you know it and you live it.

Quo Vadis?

 

Where are you going? It is a very old question… and yet, so important for days like the ones we are living.

There is a general sensation of earth as a boat adrift, without a clear leadership and very little initiative from people in general. The leadership that exists is often restricted to a small sector and its influence does not spread, besides our leaders look like they need lots of help due to the complexity of the present.

In relation to people in general, I feel we are not taking advantage of this unique moment in history: we can all be leaders… of the self.

So instead of looking for people who would tell us where to go, what to be in the future and how to create a new world, it is our turn – yours and mine – to find that out.

So, ask yourself: where am I going? The answer will motivate you to give the first steps.

 

Quicksand and slow-sand

 

I was “playing” with the idea of a quicksand… OK, maybe it is not a nice image as per the general perception, if someone steps on a quicksand, they are swallowed by earth! That’s why the first rule is CHECK THE PLACE WHERE YOU ARE STEPPING.

However, if you do step on a quicksand, slow movements will help and the best you stay quiet, the hardest will be for the quicksand to take you in. Your chances of survival will increase by doing that.

Now, if we think about SITUATIONS as quicksand, we can extract a few lessons and turn it into a slow-sand, a process in which you are changing the pace of life and going deep.

Always be cautious. If you can foresee a bad situation coming, don’t step into it just like that; wait a bit, reflect, contemplate and meditate… If it is a quicksand – something that will swallow your energy, your potential, or your wealth – don’t step into it. Look for alternatives instead.

If you are feeling situations are already taking too much from you, slow your movements, that is, be more reflexive and contemplative. Take your time whenever you can and talk with someone you trust about what you are living. Don’t let yourself be dragged by circumstances.

Silence does three things when situations are like quicksand: 1) silence empowers and so your resilience increases; 2) silence clarifies what you are going through and, in this way, you are not afraid, and 3) silence heals since many times this type of environment may hurt you.

So, are you ready to convert the quicksand of your life into a slow-sand?