Farewell!

And the year is gone… almost… time to say goodbye…

To those people we are not going to see anymore. We say goodbye by remembering their legacy and keeping the good memories.

To those people who changed so much… We say goodbye to their old ways by embracing and accepting their new form of being.

To those objects and places, things and circumstances that won’t be part of our lives anymore. We say goodbye by showing gratitude for every experience.

To the old normality… We say goodbye to so many ways we used to have to relate to each other, work, commute and many other big and little things we used to live, by being open to the new normality and adapt as much as possible.

To the old self, as we have changed so much! We say goodbye to the skills we are not going to use again, the habits we can’t use anymore and so many other factors that used to define the "I", by making effort and invest time in the new self that is just being born.

Farewell old year, people, things and normality! Farewell old self!

A tale with a mask

He arrived at his office – no holydays this year, what a shame!

It was still early and exactly as he wanted; without wasting time, he went on distributing his package – a brown pack like the one you get on a bakery contained a series of objects he started to put on his co-workers’ desks.

When they arrived, that was the first thing they saw: a shining brilliant mask, a black and white mask, a yellow, green or blue mask. Masks were everywhere!

Nobody was happy with having to work so close to Christmas; the only good thing was the absence of clients (the company would be so good without those people!).

Without thinking, any order or even a suggestion, everybody started to wear masks and related to each other behind them.

When the boss arrived – another victim of his company’s policy of working on Christmas’ eve – he also had a mask over his desk; after a minute or two of vacillation, he decided to wear it too. For that, people went crazy!

They were producing and working whatever they have to do one day before a wonderful holiday, but the mask had an unexpected effect… You see, John and Mary were not talking for more than a month, and now they found them drinking coffee together.

Peter and Paul on the other hand used to be as close as friends; with the masks on they were avoiding each other; and so on, many people displayed very strange behavior and around midday, when their shift would be over and they could go home, there was a strange tension in the air.

Just before everybody left – and everyone was kind of I want to escape from here – Andrew, a very quiet guy, step forward and asked for attention.

“Hi everyone! I hoped you enjoyed the masks… I brought to you as my Christmas gift, but also, I wanted to see what happened when you are wearing it. I am sure you realized much of the dynamic among us changed. So, let me just suggest one simple thing: take the mask off, everyone at the same time, 3, 2, 1…”

Slowly, each one took off the mask and started to look around. There was a wave of realization in relation to the real person behind the mask… and gradually a smile emerged in each face. And laughter started to sound.

After a while, Andrew took over to speak again.

“I would like you to think of this small experiment when you go back today to your family, friends or wherever you go, because many times we are wearing this invisible mask that covers our real feelings and intentions. We want to express them, but the mask does not allow it. And I would like to suggest you to remove your invisible mask” – and he did a funny gesture, as if he was still wearing a mask – “and look into the eyes of each person you see around you, at your home and other places. Look inside and see the real person there.”

He stopped a bit, he looked embarrassed, but nobody said anything, some people even have tears in their eyes.

“A wonderful Merry Christmas to each one!”

Caring, still caring…

And December has come!

The pandemic has caught us off guard and is still around, making a mess with the economy and the society we know, but a good value implemented during these hard times was TO CARE.

Of course, first we have to care of our own health by wearing masks or washing hands several times, by being alert in relation to signs that may indicate some sickness. But that makes us to care about others also, after all if that person would get sick, it would affect us too.

We have learnt to be careful and to leave aside the general carelessness we have been living.

But to care is much more than that…

• It means to care in terms of raising awareness, which has been one of the biggest challenges during this crisis. We have had to change our own perspective of the world, our old habits and the way to interact with each other.
• To care means we care about each other and we have generated initiatives to help each other during these hard times. Although many tragedies have taken place, it is heart-warming to see the dedication of people to improve others’ lives.
• To care is to be careful with signs of depression or anxiety. Mental health is also in a peak and if we really want to be happy and to be in harmony with others, we must be more alert to those signs.

So keep on caring!

What is wrong with today’s leadership?

I don’t want to justify the failure in the world’s leadership – and yes, it is a failure, there is no other world that may explain what is happening. However, there is a simple reason that explains it: lack of adaptation.

You see, leaders are masters in dealing with uncertainty, particular the one created by a crisis.

Most of them are also good in overcoming the obstacles that are fruit of a disruption.

So with both paradigms, the leaders can adapt and conquer.

However, very few leaders are ready to deal with uncertainty and disruption at the same time. It is kind of someone who is an expert in surviving an earthquake being affected by it plus a 10-meters wave…

This is why many leaders have chosen to attack the threat that was more visible, but have ignored others…

How to adapt to the convergence of these two paradigms? The best way would be to invest time and energy strengthening the leadership over the self.

At the extent our leaders become self-leaders, it will be easier for them to find certainty within and on the basis of that, they will be able to meet the problems that emerge with the disruption. Adaptation would happen from inside the self, from their thinking and decision-making process, instead of coming as a reaction.

In this way, we can create a better leadership for our civilization.

A session of coaching, just for you – part II

This has been a very interesting year and so, this session of coaching, distributed in two different posts, has an aim of helping you find meaning in the past year. This is the second part.

 

First of all, look for a place where you feel secure, safe. Along with that, do this at a time when you are not needed by others.

Please, don’t look at this as just a series of questions or tasks. Take them step by step, and take your time…

Take paper and pen, or pencil. If you want you can take a watch to keep time, but try not. And yes, be unplugged for the time of the exercise.

Let’s begin…

 

Session 3: if we think of 2020 as a school…

What were the best lessons you have learnt?

• How would they be useful for you for the next year?

What were the most difficult lesson to learn and why?

• How could you improve your capacity of learning, so lessons like those can be assimilated?

 

Session 4: if we think of 2020 as a training course…

What was the best thing that happened to you?

• In the future, what will be the use of that as a lesson?

What were the lessons you feel you haven’t learnt well?

• How can you give yourself another chance to learn them?

A session of coaching, just for you – part I

This has been a very interesting year and so, this session of coaching, distributed in two different posts, has an aim of helping you find meaning in the past year.

 

First of all, look for a place where you feel secure, safe. Along with that, do this at a time when you are not needed by others.

Please, don’t look at this as just a series of questions or tasks. Take them step by step, and take your time…

Take paper and pen, or pencil. If you want you can take a watch to keep time, but try not. And yes, be unplugged for the time of the exercise.

Let’s begin…

 

Session 1: it is better if you do all of this first, in order and during a certain time limit.

How do you feel in relation to this year? Write as much as possible.

Which things, scenes of your life or aspects of your environment you would prefer they would be rather different?

How much was your life impacted by all that happened this year?

Now, think you are being interviewed in 2025 about the year 2020. Indicate a few things you would tell your audience.

 

Session 2: do this after the first session; as you can see, there are two main questions, you can change the order if you want.

During this year you or another person has made an error that impacted your life. Which error was it?

By correcting that error, what would happen to the rest of your year?

By not correcting that error, what did REALLY happen (to the rest of your year)?

Something right happened that touched your heart or created a positive impact in your life; it may be the right thing you or another person did. Which right thing was it?

What was the impact of that right thing in the rest of your year?

If that right thing hasn’t happened, what would happen to the rest of your year?

 

Next week we will continue…

The present is a present hard to hold

Present is… fast… you just think of something that is taking place right now and it is over!

So, what to do?

Well, we often prefer to think of the past and dwell in past wonderful experiences, or relive regrets.

Or we keep on thinking of the future we want or we expect.

But, what about the present? Let’s reframe it!

In our present, we are living the fruit that have come from seeds sown in the past.

In our present, we are sowing the seeds for the fruit we will be reaping in the future.

Do we realize how important is the present??

Let’s plan it better…

Every thought is a seed for all that will happen in the future and they have come from a past that is so valuable.

Every word is a full of seeds that they will inspire so many and they will generate a very powerful environment. Every word brings up the best of mine, cultivated along the years.

Every action I do is a seed for someone else to change their lives, besides it turns into a brick of the house I will live in the future.

It is a present we should treasure at every moment.

Is there any future in my horizon?

Images can be inspiring… A picture I have taken shown a foggy road and although you could see the beginning and a few meters further, nothing was waiting for you ahead.

At these times, that is future for us.

For some unknown reason, humanity has been obsessed in learning about their future; so many things were created for that. And then the uncertainty paradigm has become predominant, so there is no horoscope that can really tell you the future now, and no consultant or coach can really guide you in these very foggy times.

You are on your own…

But…

There is another wonderful possibility: you can create your own future. Step by step, action by action, thought by thought. That is, you are your own leader.

Taking into account that, here are a few suggestions:

• To be in uncertain times does not mean to not plan your future. Just be deeper and think in terms of a future vision instead of only objectives & aims.
• Be prepared to adapt, but don’t lose focus or important things related to life such as values and relationship.
• Make your present a real present for yourself and the people who live and work with you. Whatever you do now, its fruits will become your future at some point.
• Develop your resilience in such a way that you will face obstacles from a high energy.
• When you fail for some reason, just turn the failure into a step towards your success. Learn, change and implement the lessons onto your life.

Can I bring the past back?

A recurrent topic of time travel books and movies has been the possibility of going back to the past, so that the present would change. This was in fact the main plot for the classic book of H. G. Wells, The Time Machine, which I think does not require introduction.

What about to bring the past back? Again when we look at science fiction, we will find a few examples, the most well-known is Jurassic Park, by Steven Spielberg.

Now, let’s leave the realm of science fiction and focus on our normal practical life: can I bring the past back? That is, can I resuscitate my personal dinosaurs?

It is normal that we would want to bring good experiences back: maybe that person you’ve been together twenty years ago could be the same person now that you met them again, or the same energy you had when you were twenty, it should come up again.

That is not possible… completely. After all, you cannot expect someone is still the same after twenty years or that your body is going to perform in the same ways as it did in the past.

But there are things you can do that will revitalize your life:

• Whatever you used to be in the past, at least the inner qualities are still there, ready for your use. Use them in various activities.
• Whatever the other person used to be in the past, at least the inner qualities are still there; if you look at them with the right vision, you will see it. Relate to that person on basis of those qualities.
• Although your body is not the same, there is energy still there. Change your habits and refocus that energy.

In other words, instead of trying to bring the past back, just make a better use of your present and make the best of yourself to emerge.

And the pandemic is over, so what?

Yes, it is not over yet, but we have gone through the worse… I think…

Anyway, part of my effort has been to design the next stage for myself, before the situations designed it.

So, it is important to have a vision of the future and to start planning for three things:

• What are the lessons? A worldwide reflection is probably the best solution, but if you and I reflect on it, that will do, at least for our circle of influence. By the way, a lesson is not something you know, but rather something you are applying to your life.
• Which of the new habits we adopted during the pandemic are worth to keep? Probably nobody will want to see a mask for quite a while, but what about washing hands so many times? Social distancing? Less car, more open space? There are not only good habits that came from this crisis; they may save us from a future similar one.
• How to adjust our new reality to live better and to prevent future crises? The pandemic was one crisis, but many others are underlying there such as the economic crisis and the social crisis. It is time that we change the route of our civilization – the pandemic and other crises they are an alarm we should not dismiss that something is very wrong.

So before going back to your favorite shopping mall or that party, reflect on these and let’s start a change that is really overdue.

Different types of fear and solutions

If we think about phobias, an irrational fear of something that really should not cause harm, there are about 100 different types - how to solve all that?

What about rational fears? Will I get a job? Will I survive this pandemic? My partner does not look at me anymore, could it be that...?

Fear has captured our civilization and there are three solutions that can serve fears, clarifying that it will work if they are not linked to psychological problems or trauma.

 

The first solution is the one that comes from instinct: to evade or flee from what causes fear. The image in movies of people who see something scary and run away is not so out of reality, but when looking at nature, fear manifested in this way is a positive force, as it helps the survival of the species.

In an urban and modern context it is lost; While running off because someone dressed in black showed up on the corner, while you were coming back late after a day of work at night may fit the definition of fear for survival, but what about the fear of being alone at home?

 

The second solution is the one that many would recommend: to face your own fears.

It is counterintuitive and requires a lot of willpower, but by doing what you are afraid to do, being next to what you fear or talking to a person who generates fear, you increase your own resilience and even help you face other fears.

 

The last solution is to work on personal resilience through self-empowerment which can be through meditation, reflection or something similar.

Specifically the development of the power of tolerance and conformity that arise with these practices improve the person being less scared. The reason is that by empowering yourself, there is the experience of safety and the clarity of what to do when something causes fear.

 

You know what? The most important thing and you can consider as the solution number zero to be able to get out of the atmosphere of fear: work on the fear that you feel of fear itself...

8 asana of the heart – when your heart is the size of the HORIZON

Use your imagination a bit and think that you are totally free from this world. Visualize yourself at the top of a mountain and taste the freedom…

But it is not any freedom. It comes with you allowing your love to flow in a limitless way.

Freedom can come because you fight or you just leave a situation behind. However, when it comes from love, it becomes something else.

Back to your imagination, just look ahead while you are at the top of the mountain. Look ahead and see the infinity of the HORIZON and let your love become just like that: unlimited and broad, great and powerful.

Your love can give you wings so that you can fly towards that horizon and just be part of it.

When you allow your heart to grow more and more, until it reaches the unlimited, you are enabling yourself to experience a very deep freedom.

The freedom of the past.

The freedom of attachments.

The freedom of your own personality.

The freedom of any limitations.

Now more than ever, the world needs that type of love; just practice this powerful asana of the heart and changes it into the horizon…

 

This post is part of a series called 8 asana of the heart.

I recommend you to watch 8 postures of the heart.

8 asana of the heart – a LEVER?

 

Love can be creative, so think of your heart as a LEVER…

Hard? Maybe, but the idea is that love can change the world…[1]

Just check your life and think of an area of your existence that is in crisis, a big crisis – maybe confusion, perhaps anger. Now, focus on your own love, the love that is in your heart… let that love flows through you and through that wound.

After one or two days doing that, just check because I am sure things would have changed, at least partially.

Why? Love activates the best of you and it is obvious that part of the best of you keeps the solution for your problem. When you feel love in a conscious way, you are also opening the door of many other beautiful things that you keep there in the cupboard of the self.

Love is the lever that opens a treasure within, but most of the time we don’t use love in that way. So, try again: think of your heart as a LEVER.

Another image you can use is your heart as a lift that elevates you, because by connecting with all that reservoir of love, you are also increasing dramatically your own self-esteem.

Problems look so small from up above…

Let your love make you open difficult doors or elevate yourself. Problems will still be problems, but you will have the key in your hand.

 

This post is part of a series called 8 asana of the heart.

I recommend you to watch 8 postures of the heart.

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[1] Give me a lever long enough and a fulcrum on which to place it and I shall move the world. Archimedes (c.287 – c.212 BC)

8 asana of the heart – my heart takes the form of a REFUGE

If love would flow like a river, eventually it would create a lake of love. You may use your imagination and visualize your heart taking the shape of a big area filled with that healing force, like a lake…

That lake is a refuge and when you feel pain, when life seems to be mean and cruel or when things are really going wrong, it will relief you of your emotional burden.

As a refuge, others may come at your door and by feeling that powerful love of yours, they will experience relief of their own pain and suffering.

Don’t forget to do maintenance of that lake, so the water of your love doesn’t get stagnated… and the best way is to experience it every day, to let others come and get some of your love or to let others feel your loving presence through your smile, some words or your extended hand.

 

This post is part of a series called 8 asana of the heart.

I recommend you to watch 8 postures of the heart.

8 asana of the heart – my love flows and turns into a river of FORGIVENESS

People do things that hurt us, sometimes very deeply.

And when we are honest, we realize we also hurt others…

FORGIVENESS is that beautiful and so necessary human feature that enables a person to heal and to open windows and doors for those who hurt them. But how does that work?

First of all, let’s not confuse forgiving with forgetting. Although the fusion of both may be the ideal, it is not always possible as forgetting may cause some damage in the long term (someone may try to hurt you again). Remembering with forgiveness is probably the best because your relationship won’t get tainted by what others have done in the past.

To really forgive someone, the first step is to connect the self to the deep love we all have within. Any love does not work; it has to be an unconditional love.

Many years ago, one of the founders of an ashram, a spiritual place, in Scotland shared how they worked so hard to create it, particularly her and the husband. But one day he left her for another woman who has come to this place. The spiritual founder reached the conclusion she had only one path due to her background: unconditional love. Eventually the miracle of that love brought her former husband back… along with the person he was now married. Still, she got a friend back and both worked together again until his demise.

That is forgiveness, to let love flow like a river that disintegrates all the bad things due to its speed and strength. To value the intentions and the quality of that person, come on, let your heart take the shape of a powerful river…

 

Whom are you going to forgive today?

Whose love are you going to experience today and feel you are forgiven?

 

This post is part of a series called 8 asana of the heart.

I recommend you to watch 8 postures of the heart.

8 asana of the heart - when love means COMPASSION

With a friend of mine, we got into a very friendly argument in relation to the difference between mercy and COMPASSION.

The word compassion is very specific as it comes from Latin and it could be translated as concern for others' suffering. That means whenever others are suffering (passion), a compassionate person will feel for them and will embrace them.

The best example I have heard and I am sure you too have heard is Mother Theresa of Calcutta, the one whose life was of pure compassion. Even though she was not an expert of the field of compassion she has chosen, which was related to health, her mission in life was to shelter all those nobody wanted to help. In fact, she literally embraced people with leprosy and other kinds of ailments, without taking into account her own health.

OK, maybe you don’t want to get into that extreme, but think of compassion as the love that washes others' suffering. Maybe the reason for that suffering is still going on, but the person will feel that healing love within their mind.

An image I use for compassion is a waterfall. By being brought up in Brazil, I used to go to many waterfalls in different parts of the country and the sensation was not only good, but it was as if I was been cleansed.

Now, imagine a waterfall of love, falling upon you and others. A waterfall of love that heals and comforts the soul, helping others to feel hope again and to expect a positive outcome even when all looks bleak or terrible.

The argument I had with my friend was not really finalized, but I think there is a point in common: with our love we can heal.

So, just change the shape of your heart, let your love flow in such a way that others feel relief from their inner pain. It can be done by sending them vibrations or by listening to them and make them feel they are important.

Or it can be just by you remembering their birthday and telling them that no matter what they are, you love them...

 

This post is part of a series called 8 asana of the heart.

I recommend you to watch 8 postures of the heart.

8 asana of the heart - being MERCIFUL

People create problems, right? That is normal and it is accepted, at least until a certain point. It is part of the game of relationships and a healthy relationship is capable of embracing that reality, forgiving and moving on.

But some problems cause deep wounds in the soul. Other people you know have hurt others; some have hurt you. And, yes, sometimes you have hurt others. What is the medicine for such a hurt?

To respond with the word love would look cheap for me a few years ago; that was when I decided to explore the subject of love and I was able to dismiss the type that offers an easy and simplistic answer. It is simply not realistic as love cannot heal anybody by itself, just like a hug can't heal a child who fell; it is just an emotional response, it just provides some psychological support and, of course, it is worthwhile. But it does not heal.

However, love can be expressed in various ways and there is a form that heals. MERCY.

Mercy is a type of love that comes from a particular relationship or even profession, so it does not fluctuate easily and it is much focused. How is mercy used to heal a relationship? The person will use their specialty to help the other one.

A mother will help her child by giving advice or by unburden him or her of some chores.

A doctor will treat their patient by giving medicine, but mostly by giving the best of their expertise.

A salesman will give a chance for another person to accomplish their dream.

A spiritual person maybe won't give something physical, but their words and their vibrations are very merciful.

 

How are you going to express mercy towards other people today?

 

This post is part of a series called 8 asana of the heart.

I recommend you to watch 8 postures of the heart.

 

8 asana of the heart - opening your heart with GENEROSITY

There are lots of people who get in touch with us and we don’t even notice. Particularly during this pandemic, we have been more aware of them and even though they are out of our social circle and yet, they are indispensable for us.

A friend of mine commented that was probably a blow to the ego of many to know even though they are managers and they have so much study, their clerks became more important than them for the society...

But this people require your help, a very subtle and easy help: To love them!

There also many other people who are not part of our personal radar in terms of relationship, and yet they are so important in their own way, and they also require the same help: To love them!

For all of those, there is something you can do. Let me explain with an example: I do believe humanity is like a mosaic of love and each one of us complements each other not only physically, but also subtly. As in the mosaic, if the red color piece is not there, the yellow piece won't be that beautiful. That is, your brightness, your energy, your power and the color of your company are just ways of expressing the infinite love you have in your heart.

And that's why you should change your heart, to that it gets bigger and bigger, as if you were doing an asana with it! All those people who are not that close to you need is your GENEROSITY, which is a wonderful way to show your love. I am not talking here in terms of money or resources, but in terms of your energy, presence, your smile and many other ways to express love.

So, focus on those people and feel love for them... Maybe talk with them about it or send them a message. A smile often works and if nothing of that is possible just send them your vibrations of love by using your thoughts and attitude. I am sure they will feel it.

 

This post is part of a series called 8 asana of the heart.

I recommend you to watch 8 postures of the heart.

8 asana of the heart – I care…

 

CARE is the first asana, in which you move your heart, your love, extending it to everyone who is part of your social circle - relatives, friends, co-workers, neighbors, etc.

The best way to do that is to visualize, in which you can see yourself embracing your people with hugs of light.

However, to care about someone means that person is really important, so it is necessary to realize and to change my own perspective. It is necessary to reflect on how significant that human being really is.

In that sense, the pandemic was a blessing in disguise as I am sure you, just like myself, start to realize the real importance other people have in our lives, something maybe we would never really think about; it is not we didn't care before, but maybe we didn't care enough.

Besides the visualization, everyday, do this:

• Think of those who are in relationship with you.
• Send them love, by visualizing you in a form of light, going and hugging them.
• Ask and reflect:
• What have you learnt or achieved by inserting that person into your life or by becoming part of their life?
• How much is this person important for you?

By doing this, you will feel your relationship with others improving and because it is your love you are sending to others, your own life will improve too.

 

This post is part of a series called 8 asana of the heart.

The 8 asana of the heart – To love…

 

During the month of June, the day of yoga was celebrated and one of the elements of any yoga practice is the asana, a posture or position that you make your body adopt. It is normally something very physical and difficult - I myself had the chance of seeing someone turning his head in such a way that it look as it was 180 degrees!

But an asana can also be mental or spiritual: the conscious exercise of making your mind leaving aside bad thoughts or concentrating on a positive objective.

So, on the basis of that, a beautiful inspiring video was produced on the 8 postures of the heart, blending art and wisdom. On the basis of that I thought well if we think of a heart... it is a muscle, right? Kind of... And because of that you could do some asana with it.

Of course, that is not possible (I think), but what about what it symbolizes, love. That line of thinking made me come to the idea of 8 asana that you can do with your heart.

And here you have a series on that, 8 ways to express your love that are not always easy, but they are always transformational.

These are the asana:

1. To care.
2. Generosity.
3. Mercy.
4. Compassion.
5. Forgiveness.
6. Refuge.
7. Lever.
8. Horizon.

In each post, I will express my points of view and I will invite you for an exercise.

For the moment, just experience your love… deeply… It is good, it is important particularly at moments of crisis.

Spiritual solutions for non-spiritual problems

Many years ago I was involved with a project for purchasing a house. The organization is such that all the work is done by volunteers and no charges! How to get the money to buy a house then?

The answer: lots of inspiration, commitment and a deep sense of belonging. We finally got the house, it was magical and it is full of stories, one of those is related to the fact that as soon as we finalized the deal, we started to remodel it as the house was in such a bad shape. I think the cost was the same as purchasing it.

I am not sure how we were able to move forward, but there was one moment the person in charge of finances told me there was no money at all and we should pause the construction. The architect insisted with me they could delay the construction for only a few days.

One day… two days… and nothing! But meanwhile, I was working on a different level, more spiritual and more towards within than outside. It was in a way a wonderful time to practice meditation and reflection, and even though there was stress, I was feeling magic in the air…

That second day, I had a touching of calling someone; he used to come and I wanted to invite him to know the new house, and he came – that was magic in itself, since he has been disconnected for a long time. My intention was clear: he was a businessman so he probably knew other businessmen and he could talk to them, and maybe we could get cheaper material (our main problem in terms of budget). But after my pitching, he just looked at me and said: Just give me your bank account.

Now, I have seen many people trying to solve physical problems – a divorce, an illness, money difficulties – by meditating or doing some spiritual/religious practice. And I am one of those people who believe this works very well, but not always and not by itself.

Spirituality and pragmatism are more effective if they are balanced… A wise yoga teacher once told me: just do your maximum and God will help with the rest.

Try it: take a problem or an issue and while doing all you can, meditate, contemplate or do whatever is needed for your own empowerment or calmness. I am sure you will find a solution. 

Courage = Faith + Determination

At these times of pandemic, we have seen heroes who are changing our world and helping us, if not selflessly, undoubtedly beyond their own capacity: doctors, nurses and people who are laboring in hospitals are risking their lives. It is courage.

Some would say it is their job; others would say they didn’t have a choice, but IT IS courage, and you know what, courage is the result of a very interesting formula:

Faith + Determination = Courage

In the example mentioned, faith comes from their profession and their call, the reason for what they are doing what they are doing; determination comes from a sense of purpose.

What about you and me? How much courage do we have?

Well, let’s go to the formula and check our faith – I am not meaning the religious faith although it could be it:

• Looking at the negative situation in front of me, how much do I feel confident I will overcome it?
• If I don’t feel I can conquer this situation, what can I do so that I feel OK even though this is happening?
• Looking into my past, which other situations I was able to go through well, that can teach me a useful lesson for the present circumstance?

In relation to determination, the best way is to:

• Understand what is going on, what are the best steps I can take now and my next steps.
• Experiment with thoughts and ideas, exploring new ways to put them into reality.
• Keep on checking the self and results, motivating the self to move forward no matter what.

By strengthening both faith and determination, naturally courage will come from within, enabling the person to shape their reality and hopefully, other people’s reality. A new hero is born…

Connecting with others from within

How do you connect with other people? Maybe they are your relatives or friends, customers or providers… Maybe they are your neighbors, the guy who works in the drugstore or that nice lady who is always smiling… Maybe it is the youngster who refuses to greet you in the morning and that horrible person who talks about inappropriate things when he is delivering something at your workplace.

I am sharing you an experience. It is interesting to be living these times of pandemic; the other day, while walking on the street, I was thinking that the thing people use as a reference in relation to other people – the face – is almost obscured by a mask. However, the eyes are still visible and if you look into them, very deeply, you can see the person’s emotions: joy, happiness, boredom, sadness.

It is a new manner of connecting with people and why not to make it in relation to everyone? Well, it is complicated; I don’t think you would feel comfortable with the clerk in a bank looking into your eyes too much… But there is a way.

A video that circulated many years ago talked about the Golden Circle[1] and the basic idea was that the successful companies connect with people in the level of Why not What – We produce great products that challenge the status quo and, by the way, they are computers!

Just imagine for a minute that you do that with your people; instead of connecting with others because they are part of your family, they can buy your product or if you don’t relate well they will let their cat coming into your house, just think about the several whys that made you bring them into your life, or you step into theirs.

Those whys could be:

• When this person is close to me, I feel safe.
• I love to make this man laughs! I feel so good!
• This individual is helping me to bring about my childhood dream, how to thank them?
• That guy, I really don’t like him, but I am being able to learn lots of patience!
• But, why can’t they just keep that cat inside their garden? Well, perhaps this is a change to learn how to be a cat-lover.

This is what it means to connect from inside your heart and your own self. Try it…

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[1] A video in TED, by Simon Sinek.  https://www.ted.com/talks/simon_sinek_how_great_leaders_inspire_action?language=en

Is this new age or just passing moments?

From time to time, there is news circulating around that the world is changing, things are improving and it is much better. And then, things change… back… or worse.

What is going on really? Is there any fate related to our civilization that we must get worse instead of improving?

First of all, we have improved in many different aspects… on a physical level. The mere fact we wash our hands and how much that impacts our health is amazing. And what about all the benefits that come with the Internet…

The problem is in terms of perception: maybe we are better, but internally we are not adapting to welcome the changes in the world. Maybe we are living a new age, but internally we are still in living in the old age.

And there are two paths we may follow if we want to live this new age that is just there, ahead of us:

1. We can adapt externally and hope for the best, focusing on new generations; maybe they will be able to take full advantage of this new era.
2. We should reflect more and check what is to be done internally, so that we don’t miss the new possibilities and at the same time, we feel satisfied internally.

What is the path you are going to follow? Are you going to wait for the next generation to eat the fruit of all the advancement of our civilization, or are it is going to be you who will eat that and then share to others? Make a decision and quick, as the world keeps on changing.

Disruption + Uncertainty = Fear

If you have watched terror movies, you probably have noticed there are several types of fear. The fear of gruesome scenes or wild animals, maybe the fear of masked people or a contagious illness is terrible enough to get you paralyzed.

But what about the fear that does not come from a movie: the fear of losing a job, getting sick, being alone and lonely… It is the modern urban fear that keeps people awoken at night and does not allow them to have a healthy normal life.

That fear comes from a not so sweet formula:

Disruption + Uncertainty = Fear

It means we are afraid when our normal life is interrupted in its core, when the paradigm we are living is broken. Disruption is being experienced right now worldwide and it is not fun; it is requiring lots of resilience by most people, some Netflix and Zoom by others… An image you can use to understand disruption is to think of a ladder you are climbing normally until you reach a point where the steps vanished and you are unable to reach the other side, your destination.

Disruption paralyses the person because of its absurdity or unexpected (and unwanted) emergence. In the case of a human stairs it is however different than the former example, as there is no way to go back in time and escape from it; you can stay stuck or you would have to build the steps yourself, probably with the help of others.

Now imagine that not only the steps went missing; when you look further to the place where you were heading to, it also went missing! Uncertainty is prevailing, forcing people to live the day-by-day and not planning too far ahead.

It is not something new of course as any company, football team or professional is used to live on uncertainty, but the modern uncertainty – Will I still work there? Will my children be able to have their own house? Will we be married with the same person in five years? – joined by disruption generates a very deep ingrained fear.

Can we overcome this type of fear? We can’t fight disruption as it is often out of our control, but we can control the effect of uncertainty. And the solution is very simple: certainty.

Just have a few things clear in your life and you will feel you are a surfer in the waves of life. These are a few powerful questions that may help you to have a sense of what is happening in your life, a sense of who you really are and your beautiful purpose:

• Who am I?
• Why am I doing what I am doing?
• What is the best of me and how to share it with others?
• Where am I heading to and how I am building it day by day?

Whenever you feel uncertainty taking over you, just stop for a moment and ask yourself those questions. Let the answer comes into your mind like a light during a dark night.

Remember: even a small candle can break the darkness.

The new normal, or just a degraded old normal?

What will be our new chapter?

Our civilization is in a crossroad: either we will start a new phase, or there is a big opportunity for that, or…

…or will we go back to an old normal with a mask?

Today, there was an article on the bad normality that is the return of bad situations like the pollution in the cities, traffic jam or a bad handling of unemployment by the governments. Unfortunately, as we are coming back to action after a global quarantine, that is what is being noticed in many places.

I ask myself: what will be the key factor that will determine our destiny as a civilization? Well, there are many possibilities, but there is one that I find it is crucial.

You! Me!

We are the ones holding the key for the major breakthrough or to go back to the old world we left a few months ago. Our attitude, awareness and behavior will define more than our own future. Yours, mine, ours.

How and why?

Hope, enthusiasm, creativity, innovation, kindness… these are not only words or virtues, they are real and we have been hearing about them a lot, we have seen them in other people’s eyes or actions, and we have been living them in many different ways. In this way, we are creating a new normal and a new reality.

Remember: the key is with us…

Being an agent of change

Probably the normal method people use to face bad changes, which is considered to be a proactive way of dealing with it, is to resist to them. The problem is that there is a law of change: any change to which you resist, will grow even more.

Probably the best method people could use to face bad changes is to increase their own resilience, that is, by being an agent of change.

The way of doing it is quite simple (in writing):

1. I notice a change that is happening would have a bad effect for me or my community.
2. Instead of fighting or fleeing, I fly… I start to increase my resilience by accepting this is happening and understanding it.
3. I also start to have inner experiences by contemplating, reflecting or meditating; in this way, I look for self-empowerment.
4. I start a change that will help to work against this bad change. It may be my attitude or an interesting plan that will involve others.
5. I cooperate with others, by creating a powerful network and I help others to increase their own resilience too.

To put that into practice requires some energy and focus, but it is much better way to reacting to situations.

Besides, you will experience being the leader of your own self, instead of being led by situations from which you are not taking benefit.

The art of teaching others

If you are a teacher of some kind, you probably agree that teaching is complicated and at the same time it is a wonderful call, a real art. It challenges and it gives a beautiful return too. As a proof there are so many books, movies (To Sir, with Love[1] anyone?) and TV series showing that noble profession in its best form.

However, when you are not their teacher and yet you need to teach them, things are different, whether you are a neighbor of someone who loves cats too much or you are the boss who wants to emphasize the value of a certain report to a rebellious employee.

In this case, wisdom will be the source instead of knowledge and there are a few things you can work to explain to other people when you are not their formal educator:

• Being the example. Particularly if you are in a long-term relationship, example is the best tool and it teaches with a few words. Just make sure your pupil is paying attention!
• Reflect about what you want to talk. It is fundamental to take some time by understanding what the lesson is, just like a good teacher who prepares their class.
• Look for the best tactic to talk to someone. Yes, you have a clear message, but how to impart it? There are several ways or methods, many different methodologies that can help you to do that…
• A dialogue. …but by opening a room for this person to enter and talk with you, you will see the lesson will be easier. The best way to teach someone, with the exception of a technical subject, is to let them to learn by themselves. That is…
• Be their coach! A wonderful alternative is to help them by using coaching techniques. There is a simple one which is asking open questions, questions with no YES/NO answer.

A final point: your attitude is the key for teaching other people. A problem with a few teachers is to think of students as ignorant people; if you do that with people who are not students (and, by the way, with students too), your lesson won’t reach them.

Wise people would never treat others as stupid, but they will see them as very intelligent capable people who want to learn something different, something they know.

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[1] To Sir with Love is a 1967 movie that shows the teaching profession in its brillance.  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/To_Sir,_with_Love

Enjoying a peaceful state of mind

The crisis caught us all… but, has it got into our minds too?

Wise words from something I’ve heard many years ago: you may get sick in your body, but don’t let the sickness reaches you into your mind. The same applies to the uncertainty we are living.

Our minds are fragile in a sense, as it comes very easily under the influence of the circumstances. If the situations are peaceful, so will the mind; if the environment where you are is hostile, then the mind will suffer for it.

However, by detaching your mind from the circumstances it is possible to experience peace even though the situations themselves are not peaceful. And by experiencing peace within, it isn’t impossible to be able to affect the external environment.

It requires some (lots of) self-control and a certain level of discipline to prevent mind to be influenced by whatever is happening around.

Meditation is one of the ways that enable the individual to experience peace, no matter what is going on around them. Just try it:

Sit down with no other reason but to experience a few moments of meditation…Let yourself feel your thoughts decreasing in quantity and speed… gradually, going from a storm to a rain and then to a few drops…Let yourself feel instead of thinking words… just feel your own peace… there, inside you…It is peace… a sensation of calmness and tranquility… a feeling of satisfaction and the absence of worries… a creative energy that subtly fills the being…It is peace… like a shield that protects you and your environment…It is peace…

When you meditate for some time in a regular basis, naturally you will start to feel the benefit of being peaceful, you will see changes in the scenario of your life and you will be able to change deeply.

You may not prevent the crisis to take place, but it won’t enter inside you.

What is the key for happiness?

OK, there is no formula for happiness, but there are a few things you can consider that will open up your happiness:

Every time you feel happy, just think: why? It may sound strange to ask that, but as you know the reasons or motivations, that will help you to keep that happiness.

Whenever you are not happy, try several things and create a list of those things that work. They will be handy at some point.

If you are unhappy with some circumstances, try to change them or something that replace them and check how your happiness changes…

…but be aware that possibly the situation is not what causes you to feel the lack of happiness. Check internally, maybe there is something happening inside, a struggle or a doubt, a monster that is eating your happiness. Rather than changing the situation, face the internal reason.

If you are unhappy because of a person, try and see if other people can replace that same role in your life…

…but it is quite possible that won’t work, or it may work for a while. It is better to find your own inner happiness and share with others, instead of taking from people.

When worry or anxiety comes to your mind, you also lose your happiness. Have a list (another one!) of positive relevant things that can obscure or soften the restlessness.

And smile! There are thousands of reasons to smile and don’t miss any opportunity for that…

How to manage unhealthy relationships

I like to think of a relationship as something that when it is healthy enriches all sides and gives them the feeling of greatness. However, it is not always the case.

Let’s compare with one of the main sources of health, food: we should always be healthy if we eat healthy food, but sometimes we do eat a broccoli (kidding!) here and there, that is, we eat something that can make us feel bad. In the same way, relationships are a means of improvement, but sometimes, we do have a relationship with someone, or maybe just a phase of that relationship, which can make us feel bad.

How can we manage this type of situation? Of course, if what you have eaten was some rotten food, you will have to go to a hospital; toxic relationships also require extreme measures. But what about the flu-type relationship?

The first thing you can do is to reflect on the relationship. Identify what you are getting from it and what the other people are getting from you. Not money or a nice house, neither a beautiful family nor a wonderful career, but those things that touch your heart and head. Those things that change you.

If the reasons of the relationship are strong enough to keep it, find a cure for the illness. A few possibilities often work:

• Dialogue with the people involved in the relationship. Be open and listen carefully, no judgement and lots of assertiveness.
• If it is necessary, get a mediator, someone who can be impartial or who is partial to all sides of the relationship.
• Invite the people in the relationship for something out of the box, perhaps a walk in a park or just eating together. Talk openly and look for a solution, whatever it is.
• Compromise and commit. If the relationship is worthwhile, to let go of a few habits is really nothing compared to what you are going to earn.
• Take a break. A real break; just go somewhere and keep disconnected with the other person. Use that time for a deep reflection and notice their effect in your life. After the break, get together with the other person and share the reflections.

And if you must leave the relationship, just do it… gently. Remember that people are not objects; they would suffer when you cut with them. Be assertive and avoid emotions by focusing on feelings.