When coaching can’t work a miracle

I’ve started to study about coaching many years ago, but my first real experience to coaching was as an unwillingly coachee and the coach in this case just attacked me, by firing a series of questions. Of course, one of a coach’s skills is to confront the coachee, but I am sure that was coming from a very dark place as she just wanted me to change and I am sorry if I could not change in less than half an hour.

Maybe that is why I’ve taken time to embrace my role as a coach, because I do believe in it and my coachees have had very good experiences, but I don’t believe in miracles as my first unintended coach wanted. Unfortunately, many people advertise coaching as a way of doing miracles.

Coaching technique is fascinating and it really works, but we have to bear in mind any change is limited by three main actors: the coach, the coachee and life.

The coach must provide the best of themselves, making the effort to help the coachee to find new ways to attain whatever is not possible at present. Skills are important, but more than that is the will from the coach to benefit the other person and the energy she or he contributes to the process.

A coachee is not a passive actor and they require committing themselves with the task at hand: a personal change. Even though the coachee allows the coach to direct the process, they should be aware all the time and not fall into the trap of what the coach wants for me.

But life will play a valuable part here, by providing or not resources for the impossible to become possible. And there are times when even though both worked hardly and efficiently, things won’t work well… If that happens, both actors should remind themselves to find success in the failure in the form of a lesson or something intangible attained during that process, such as patience, and move on.

So, no miracles, but coaching is a very clever way to get changes taking place.

True commitment is an engine for improvement – Reason 45

For most people, a significant element that helps form their identity is the forged relationships between the person and family, friends, work, community, etc.  That means commitment and according to its depth and length, decisions are made and lives are shaped.

Even though committing to someone and making agreements imply the need to change or to adapt along the way, including self-change, a leader will do it.  Even though there are many people in the world who will back away from a pledge or promise, leaders won’t.

A leader leads people, not companies or machines, and her or his commitment is what helps in achieving a goal and fulfilling a vision.  By doing this, the leader’s team will work tirelessly to enable each other and others to live a better life.

(Excerpt from the book 82 Reasons to be a Leader)