Quality in your communication helps increase quality in your relationship

Many years ago, a good friend used to say in his lectures that communication is relationship. Of course, it is not that simple as relationship also implies presence and shared values among other things, but communication is a key factor to measure the quality of a relationship.

If you buy something of bad quality, it may work for a while, but it will be unsteady and it is probable it will finish before the expected time. Same happens with relationships: sometimes it is so bad you would wish you would never have even started with it.

Communication has mainly four roles in a relationship. By developing these roles, you ensure your relationship’s quality will be good, lasting long or being very stable during the particular time.

• Any relationship has a stage of mutual acknowledgment. It is during that time you will know who the other really is – his or her tastes, mood, dreams, imperfections, virtues and values. This can only happen by talking with each other, clarifying situations and working on changes, agreements and compromises. The quality of that exchange increases according to the presence of honesty, clarity, enthusiasm, joy and love in all interactions.
• When the relationship goes beyond the acknowledgment stage, all people involved feel free to express themselves, even when that expression may be blunt. It is a very trick stage and most relationships don’t survive, but it is needed as it builds a foundation for a long-term relationship. In other words, if you couldn’t bear to hear from a friend that you are not a good lawyer and you stop being a friend to the other person, you probably did not want a long-term relationship in the first place. You can increase the quality of expression, as the person who express and the person who receives it, with values as mercy, unconditional love, honesty and a virtue as sweetness.
• At some point, everyone will share something with another person. In fact, the main pleasure is in the sharing, not much what you share or receive. Part of that sharing is related to communicate to another person something, and you may consider sharing as a proof the relationship is working… By increasing the quality of communication, you strengthen your relation, so it is good to increase the value of whatever you are sharing, be full of respect for the others’ point of view and be open for the possibility of refusal, trying again and again.
• The last role communication has is related to the building stage. That is the point when a relationship is mature and it is bearing fruit. It is the time of leaving a legacy and setting an example. Communication in this case is soft and powerful, it is clear and full of understanding. We know each other A LOT, and we know how to deal with several situations. By adding courage and encouragement, your relationship may give you much more satisfaction.

Again, communication is not the only element to have a good relationship, but it is a crucial factor for its quality.

Improving your own quality

It is part of History now, at least Management History, when Total Quality Management was the big trend in business. Everybody wanted to manage their 5S’s…

It was not a bad idea and it worked very well in many places, but it is difficult to resist to times of change, when storms of situations come and you can’t even remember the first S.

In reality, it is not difficult to understand that quality cannot start from outside and this is why it takes so much effort. In fact the place where Total Quality became part of their natural lives was Japan, where honor and a very simple lifestyle contribute for its success; their quality started from inside their minds and culture.

Any fashion or trend in any area of life can only resist time when it becomes part of people’s nature. It is only when it is part of the self, thinking process and is present in emotions and feelings that you can say it was really successful.

But we can learn from History, of course, and it is interesting to revisit the concept of quality this time focused on the self:

• The quality of the process will reflect upon the quality of the outcome. If you want anything in your life to improve its quality – your relationships, career, writing and even a smile – go and look for the process behind it, working on its quality.
• You are responsible for your own quality. Right, situations influence and people too, but it is you who is your own leader. It is important to make time for reflection and meditation as these two processes can help you to increase your own quality from within.
• Systematically. You won’t change overnight and things won’t improve overnight either. It takes time and methodology, and you need patience and perseverance if you want a life of quality.
• Your quality will help others’ quality. Maybe it will take time, but as you improve your own quality, other people will experience that too by following your example or getting help from you.