Focused communication

It is common nowadays to consider communication as the very essence of all we live and experience. After all, what is life but a constant exchange of ideas, feelings, emotions and facts lived through our subjective lens.

However, it is not an easy experience. People may try to explain the reason why they can’t express their feelings or plans, or how difficult is to breach the gap between generations, genders or cultures, but in summary, it is tough to communicate.

This is a list of things you can do to improve your communication as communicator, recipient or part of a community.

• Understand the message. As humans we tend to flourish our messages or use various tactics to send it to others. It is important to have a much focused communication that you apply your energy into understanding what the real message is. On the other hand, if the message comes from you, make it as clear as possible for other people.
• Recognize the context. Any message is given within a context and it is a key process to acknowledge it. For instance, if someone who loves you, reproaches you, the context will be important to avoid anger.
• Know more about the receiver or the messenger. In this way, you can give the message in the way you want others to understand it, or you can go beyond the many words used and grasp the real meaning behind it.
• Communication is easier with values on your mind. Someone once defined values as the mufflers in the road of life. Without values, you can communicate and receive information, but it won’t be enjoyable and part of you will resist to that.
• One subject at a time. Even though many people make effort to multitask, it is not that easy. If you want to clearly communicate something, it is better to focus on one thing only or related themes, instead of showering others with your words.
• Beyond words. It is obvious words are not the only thing that communicates. Your gestures and the way you look at others also impact on people. Even the time you send a message to others will relay some information about who you are. Be attentive to those invisible details.
• Check the results. After the communication process, verify if the outcome was the expected one.
• Never take the blame, always take on the responsibility. Whenever communication fails, don’t take blame, but take responsibility at least in relation to understand why things didn’t go well.
• Correct your communication process. With humility and patience, change whatever you can in relation to the communication process that did not work.
• Try again. How many times did your mom tell you to brush your teeth? Human communication is an ongoing and eternal process. Fill yourself with patience and determination, and try it again. And again.

Improving your own quality

It is part of History now, at least Management History, when Total Quality Management was the big trend in business. Everybody wanted to manage their 5S’s…

It was not a bad idea and it worked very well in many places, but it is difficult to resist to times of change, when storms of situations come and you can’t even remember the first S.

In reality, it is not difficult to understand that quality cannot start from outside and this is why it takes so much effort. In fact the place where Total Quality became part of their natural lives was Japan, where honor and a very simple lifestyle contribute for its success; their quality started from inside their minds and culture.

Any fashion or trend in any area of life can only resist time when it becomes part of people’s nature. It is only when it is part of the self, thinking process and is present in emotions and feelings that you can say it was really successful.

But we can learn from History, of course, and it is interesting to revisit the concept of quality this time focused on the self:

• The quality of the process will reflect upon the quality of the outcome. If you want anything in your life to improve its quality – your relationships, career, writing and even a smile – go and look for the process behind it, working on its quality.
• You are responsible for your own quality. Right, situations influence and people too, but it is you who is your own leader. It is important to make time for reflection and meditation as these two processes can help you to increase your own quality from within.
• Systematically. You won’t change overnight and things won’t improve overnight either. It takes time and methodology, and you need patience and perseverance if you want a life of quality.
• Your quality will help others’ quality. Maybe it will take time, but as you improve your own quality, other people will experience that too by following your example or getting help from you.

The power of facing consequences

One of the most common games played in our society is the blaming game, that silly contest to see who is the most stupid to take the fall… And yet, that is probably what we are all looking for in our leaders today: someone who willingly takes the fall.

How refreshing is when someone says sorry or it was my fault. But quite often what we hear is I am not going to apologize or they are the ones to blame!

When I wrote my first book, The pathway towards Self-Leadership, I was able to discern very clearly two different concepts which are used in similar situations: guilt and responsibility.

The first one is behind the attitude most people have and, really, who wants to be guilty? After all, they are sent to jails or exiled somewhere. They are even legally killed in some places.

When someone makes a bad decision, guilt is hardly the solution. It only makes things worse and everyone becomes very heavy and upset with whatever happens.

But responsibility is something else as people naturally like to be responsible; it is part of who we are. A responsible person is admired and praise, these people are able to change their own lives and other people’s existence.

However, you see, it is easier to be guilty… A person goes to jail and he does not have to bear anymore the responsibility of whatever happened, while a responsible person has to be working and living with his own mistake, looking for solutions and working on that.

This is why we all should take some course on how to face consequences. It is really enriching and it helps to build our own personality.

A friend was telling me about his realization when he saw that all the businesses he started failed. He told me about the emotional burden he felt; relieved by his religion and the presence of his family, and at some point he decided to take over one business. He took over responsibility over it; he talked to very angry clients and rebuilt their trust. Slowly he started to see things get right.

Responsibility has an interesting effect in people and it can be compared with going on a roller-coaster: it is scary, but with the right attitude you will enjoy a lot.

In the case of my friend, the support from his religion, his wife and parents helped a lot, it was crucial in his success. The technical part – budgeting, strategy and calculations – was of course what customers saw, but I am sure that was not what they felt… After a while in the process, a project came through, associated with the embassy from another country, to represent part of their interests. He and his company were just in the crawling stage of their recovery and yet, he decided to try it out. You can probably imagine the amount of documents they required, how much scrutiny he would have to go through and yet, he got it. I am sure it was more due to what they felt than what they saw.

A few tips to develop that sense of responsibility, so that you would never ever again would go through the blaming game:

• Don’t whine or complain, just understand what is happening.
• Firstly in private, accept your own responsibility and see what you can do to fix what needs to be fixed.
• Don’t think, at least initially, about things that are out your responsibility limits, leave that to other people.
• If others are somehow responsible for what is going on, completely or partially, create a strategy to talk to them and get them to do the right thing.
• Learn the lesson and create a plan, so that error does not happen again (don’t trust your own promises).
• Talk to people you trust, embrace your responsibility in front of them.
• Do whatever is required within the limits of your responsibility; don’t think about the present cost or time you would need to spend.
• From time to time, follow up.
• When you start with the fixing part of your responsibility, celebrate your actions, by buying a nice chocolate or enjoying the sunset. Seriously, do it.

Welcome to the I am responsible-game. Enjoy it and win as many times as you want.

This article is dedicated to the Brahma Kumaris and particularly to its founder, Brahma Baba, who faced all consequences with a smile and a spiritual attitude.

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Marcelo Bulk is a Brazilian business consultant, author and coach, resident in the beautiful city of Bogota, Colombia. He has been working for more than 30 years in his own personal development and he has been a volunteer with the Brahma Kumaris, travelling worldwide.

Happy birthday to me…

There are several reasons for which people have been reading Harry Potter or have been following his stories in other media. For some, there is the attraction of magic and fantasy, shown in a unique way by the author; for others, it is the present possibility of personal growth described in the novel. However, another reason is that many have identified themselves with Harry. By reading the written story by J.K. Rowling, they are mentally reading their own possible alternative desirable biography. It draws my attention the fact that at every birthday, Harry experienced a meaningful change in his life or perspective. Starting from the first book when he found out he was not a poor abandoned weak talentless orphan he thought he was. In the last book, his birthday comes with the end of his bondage to the house where he lived and suffered. A little further, he loses his own childhood, symbolized by the killing of his owl, Hedwig, the first real birthday gift he has received. These thoughts arise on this January 12th, since today is my birthday… twice, in the same day. The first one is obviously related to the day I was born, but it is the second one that has more impact in my life: the day I was born spiritually. The last 33 birthdays have been extraordinary. I wouldn’t be honest if I would say something changed in each one of them… but I have no doubts my personal process of spiritual growth has been fantastic and has generated innumerable changes in my life. I see these years as an interesting ladder I have climbed since I realized I was not the abandoned weak talentless person I thought I was. I have been learning very new aspects about myself and my connection with others and the environment where I live. It is not only that: these 33 years add value to the 51 I am celebrating… Yes, I am stepping into the first floor of this huge 50’s building. While some friends talk about how their body is not working well or how difficult is to get work, I look at each floor as another chance for improvement. For someone with a spiritual approach, time helps in the process to get more wisdom and being a better human. One of the reasons for that is that I can choose between maturity and old age, productivity and isolation, to learn and to stay remembering older times. I can choose BEING what I am or being influenced by what is happening according to my age. And this is my best birthday gift, a double gift: the possibility of reflection and change that comes with this perception, without limits or restrictions. While I celebrate, I invite you to prepare yourself to your own birthday, reflecting deeply on the meaning of BEING, implementing the changes into what is going on around you. This will give a new meaning for that moment when Earth received you as an illustrious inhabitant.

Horror, honor or reflection and action?

The numbers for the flow of migrants has reached a very dangerous point in human history and although many people would say that it was always like that or it was the same after this or that war, it is not true.

For starters, nowadays, there is no continent free of a critical migration flow (a minimum of 5 or 6 thousand people at a time). But typical of humans, instead of looking for definite solutions, we choose other paths.

Yes, emergency is there; if a building is burning you wouldn’t think of the reason… First, rescue survivors and anything that can be salvaged and later, we would check what is going on. So, it is understandable that under such a tsunami of refugees, we look for the safe shelter of solving it right now.

But that is not a solution, and we all know it. In fact, Europe has not committed to take as many refugees as the number that would be coming.

However, the horror made that honor was awaken. Well, honor still exists. Personally, I thought it extinct, present only in books and B Movies. But it is around…

Honor awakened creativity and love, compassion and the desire of doing something, anything. From the heart many ideas emerged like my favorite one: buying an island and starting a new country…

In Colombia, where the crisis came due to the expulsion of more than 5,000 non-documented Colombians from Venezuela, honor made the government take the matter and offer a basic structure for them, like jobs and houses.

And yet… That is not touching the depth of the situation. Islands, jobs or houses won’t stop the migration forever, it may mitigate it and it may reduce our sense of guilty as a community, but it is far of solving it.

It is time our leaders de facto take over their real responsibility: reflecting on the situation and acting accordingly. Nobody wants more speeches or promises; nobody wants things that we have been doing for ages and we know that solution would be small and for a short time.

However, there are solutions, and many. Written by scholars and common people there are solutions that can prevent migration in that scale or at least, create a humane structure for these people in despair.

Maybe you are that leader… Maybe you are the person who can reflect and act, and change history. Just get up and go there, with your big idea in your mind and hands ready for action.

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Marcelo Bulk is a business consultant, author and coach. He has been working on his own self for more than 30 years by meditating and serving as a volunteer

Your biggest opportunity: a WHOLE NEW YEAR!

As a painter, you have a blank canvas you front of you… or if you are a sculptor, you have a rock, just waiting to be molded. Perhaps you are a musician with a guitar in your lap waiting to be played, with some new invention of your mind.

Maybe you are a person with a whole new year to be filled…

What to do?

As every artist has a method that helps channeling their creativity, in the same way we all can channel that wonderful power in relation to life itself.

Because what is life if not art? It is something with method and geniality, lots of method and flow with reality…

So, let’s do this…

Pick the brush of your thoughts and draft a future you want to live. Ok, you can use a pen, but let your imagination talks. Loud.

Now, take the canvas of your own present reality; using the computer of your mind, turn it blank. Yes, you have a life already, this is not a denial, but it is a creative process…

With that blank canvas ready for you, start to paint. Use again the brush of your thoughts, along with the painting of your determination, energy, love, intention, peace… Each energy with a different color.

And paint the last scene of 2016. The last thing you want to see in your face, in your eyes; the last thing that should be present in your lips and mind.

After that, look at your masterpiece… It is a key for this process that you accept that no matter how different is from your present reality.

Acceptance opens the way for embracing the new reality you will be building the whole year.

And now, start to live your painting. Step by step, keep that image very clear within you and build the most marvelous time of your life.