Coaching for a better new year

The change of year, even though it happens so often and in a predictable way, stimulates novelty, hope and sometimes adventure.

There is an extra energy in the mind and the will power is stronger than in other times of the year.

So, here are a few powerful questions for reflection that may help you in your self-growth:

• What are the dreams that will be brought about in this year that is starting?
• How do I visualize myself at the end of the next year? What can I do to make it happen?
• In which way can I change my life so that I experience I am starting a new chapter, or even a new book?
• How to put my hopes into practice, turning them into actions and making them part of my life?
• What is it impossible, but I will do it this year?
• How will I empower myself so that all my wishes and desires are fulfilled?
• What are the new adventure, fun and positive anxiety, which will start this year?
• How much will I embrace change and generate transformation?
• And no matter what happens, how do I keep myself being myself: authentic?

Wake up

Wake up…

I wake up with the sound of a strange voice in my ear, but I notice very quickly I am still alone.

Can you guess where? Typical me – the bottom of a well! In my defense, it was a very well hidden well…

We are – family and me – at a friend’s farm, a beautiful place quite far from the horrors of a city clogged during a time that should be for celebrations, Christmas… Did I tell you today is Christmas day?

At least, I think so… You know, yesterday I was running around after a, well, a little fight with my cousin, Michael, who thinks of himself as the next multimillionaire. His wife thinks of herself as the next celebrity… Yeah, not that easy to talk with them and he started with the old you are a failure. He is that blunt! After much yelling and moderation from dad and mum, I decided to just leave the place.

I have been to this place before, we all have been but little Cassidy, so it was with pleasure I realized there was a full area of land to explore – and I did that exactly. Brilliant idea, right?

Wake up…

Hey, I am awakened! Who is there by the way?

It was the 24^th morning and as I started to feel hungry and decided to go back to the farm for lunch and maybe another fight…

Wake up…

I AM AWAKENED!

Short story: I feel into this well. This has been by far my worse Christmas Eve, passing down here. Something is broken and I can’t stand, I don’t see how to climb it and I am sick of shouting and yelling, I even called for my cousin to help me…

Wake up…

Another day passed by, it should 26^th today, or maybe I’ve missed one day, not sure. Someone has to find me, right? I mean, dad, mum…

Wake up…

Hey, what is it that you want? I am here, alone and the only thing you say is wake up?

Why don’t you wake up?

Ooops, it responded to me!! Hallucinations… well, at least I have someone with whom to talk.

‘Why do you say I am not awakened, Mr… Voice?’

You are living in the darkness of your own life. You are not valuing what you have got…

‘I am perfectly happy with whom I am, thank you very much! Has Michael put you to this?’

If you are that happy, why is there the sadness in your heart, masqueraded by the feeling of being insulted? And that was there much before your cousin started to poke you.

In fact, deep down, I can see you agree with your cousin, after all you expected to be a space engineer by this time, have a wonderful family and a beautiful house… A house on the beach, from where you could see the waves breaking on the shore…

I can’t speak… For some reason, I don’t have a witty response.

But think about how much you have conquered! Look at your health, the way you work, the friends you have got. Why do you prefer ignoring the good things and focus on those bad things? It is time you wake up…

My vision is blurred, if it is because of being two days with no water or food – I don’t count gums as food – or just because… just because…

Yes, I have been always in the wrong side of the road. Everything I have got in life was not even enough, it was not right. It is not right. I think I’ve missed the chance with studying, with people, with myself.

‘How… how do I wake up then?’

Silence on the other side, my hallucination is probably thinking.

‘I cannot set any record straight, but I can value more the job, the place I am living, the people around me and every single thing that is present. Would be that… adequate?’

It will be a first step. First, appreciate your own success and as soon as you leave from here, just make peace with your cousin and appreciate his success too.

First, let me appreciate my own success: I value my life story, the incredible path that has taken me to this point in life and I kind of hug myself, in tears…

I am about to tell to my hallucination that he has been badly informed, as Michael left by lunch time the day before, when I hear his booming voice… It is like music for me, I never cried so much! I start to shout and soon the guys are all there. A team of paramedics (I think) helps me coming out of the well, and we just embrace as if it would last forever!

But I don’t move. I come close to the well and I feel others behind me, waiting. I feel respect from their side. I close my eyes and silently speak to that mysterious voice.

Thank you…

Leaders will write their own story, despite others’ influence on them – Reason 71

There is a tale of two brothers, who both suffered abuse from their father.  While one became a very successful businessman, the other one turned to drugs and theft.  But, irrespective of their lives’ different courses, both gave the same reason when asked about it: I became like this because of my father.

Ok, maybe the story is not veridical[1], but its background is, since people influence each other continuously; that is part of life.  However, whatever someone does, it comes from that person, not from others.

Leaders do not blame others for what happened to them because they are able to rewrite their own life, by accepting others’ influences and by being able to deal with them.

They will change other things people have taught them and adapt that into their lives, but they will refuse other aspects that are incompatible with the beautiful story they are writing.

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[1] You can read here a true story, related to this tale and the aspect of influence from people over people.   https://ifstudies.org/blog/a-tale-of-two-brothers/

(Excerpt from the book 82 Reasons to be a Leader)

A brick for a new world – Reason 70

A leader keeps on improving in terms of her or his action; nothing is wasted and even the smallest step turns into something useful.  However, contrary to general belief, it is not usual that a leader tries to break walls and to smash obstacles into pieces.  Most of the times, leaders just provide an extra brick to that wall…

Let’s take the example of Maricela Gallegos[1], an idealist woman who became a Human Resources manager of an important company.  Her ideals inspired her to work on diversity and she came up against opposition...

While a normal person would try for a limited time and then give up or move on, the same did not apply to Maricela.  She created a very interesting tactic by educating the staff about physical disabilities, which showed them through their own experience that a disabled person can be as productive as anyone else.

Maricela created a new world step by step, brick by brick, that is what a leader often does.

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[1] Maricela Gallegos, originally from Mexico City, Mexico, worked for 30 years with Hewlett-Packard as their Human Resources Manager.  Her example was taken in a book called Tempered Radicals: How people use difference to inspire change at work, by Debra Meyerson published by Harvard Business School Press.  An article was published about it at Fast Company - https://www.fastcompany.com/40529/practical-radicals 

(Excerpt from the book 82 Reasons to be a Leader)

A leader can easily remove clouds from another person’s mind – Reason 69

What do you do when someone comes to you with sadness, confusion or weakness in their mind?

Probably you will try to give assistance, helping them to face these difficult period, which is very good and it shows an important feature of our human society: solidarity.

Along with doing that, leaders will give others an opportunity to see beyond the clouds in their mind and to perceive the sun that shines over and above the situations.

Leaders inspire, and inspiration works to enable people to understand there is hope.  More than hope; leaders will also show others their real potential, helping them to start a new path in life.

A path to which clouds are not going to hang over them…

(Excerpt from the book 82 Reasons to be a Leader)

Silence creates a subtle bond – Reason 68

Anyone’s life is surrounded by so many others whether in work, family, a circle of friends or any interaction with other people.  Most people just deal with that superficially: I like this person, I don’t like that one, it is better to avoid my uncle, I can’t talk with my partner anymore…

A leader uses different tactics to create and to strengthen the relationship with others.  One of these is the use of silence.

Although silence is often used for most people to quieten someone else or to avoid a sensitive subject, that is not the case for leaders.  When leaders don’t use words, their attitude creates vibrations that reach other people, and generates a subtle bond of understanding.

The power that comes from silence replaces the need to request another person to behave better, to lower the sound of music being played, to say I love you, or to motivate them to give a bit more for a particular task.

(Excerpt from the book 82 Reasons to be a Leader)

Leaders can see values, even though they are invisible – Reason 67

In a leadership parable, a prince goes to the forest to listen to all sounds he could.  After one year, he related his experience to his master who then sent him back again; the master was not satisfied with his disciple’s achievements.  After a while hearing the same sounds, at some point the prince started to hear the unheard: the sound of flowers opening, the sound of the sun warming the earth, and the sound of the grass drinking the morning dew[1] 

Leaders are exceptional as they are often able to perceive that is imperceptible…  They may sense something is not alright by the way they behave or speak, and most important, they can see values in the form of an invisible treasure every person has.

It is not that difficult to create a plan for the future or to analyse the present situation, but its success depends on the values by which people live their lives for it is those values that will impact their actions, will influence their thoughts and will colour their motives.

By making effort to see the invisible, and the goodness in each person leaders create an important bond, which will give any task a different and good energy.

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[1] Parables of Leadership appeared as an article by W. Chan Kim and Renée Mauborgne, in a 1992 issue of Harvard Business Review.  https://hbr.org/1992/07/parables-of-leadership

(Excerpt from the book 82 Reasons to be a Leader)

Leadership gives a different meaning to possessions – Reason 66

Most of the time, possessions come from a simple formula:  Do I want this or need this?  Can I afford it?  If I can, then I GET IT!  If not, well, I keep it on the wish-list.

For a leader, his or her possessions are acquired by a different approach.  First of all, leaders manage their needs with a big picture in their minds as they include the needs of the people who are relying on them.

In fact, leaders will often put others’ needs before their own in a natural and graceful way.  Magically, a leader will feel satisfied by seeing others fulfilling their own needs.

What about the want part of the formula?  It is normally rooted in desire and to supress a desire is not an easy thing to do, but leaders first of all will check if it is really a good thing to want that and then, they will transform the want into this is necessary for me to be a better instrument.

Next time you, leader, look into the list of the things you have, check how instrumental they have been to give others the chance to see the best of you.

(Excerpt from the book 82 Reasons to be a Leader)

Every day you look at the sun as if it is the first time – Reason 65

As a coach and endurance athlete, Christopher Bergland has said, ‘…everybody needs some thrills in life to feel exuberant and fully alive’[1].  On the basis of this, the world could be split in two.

One part of the world is looking for happiness, joy, a sense of being alive through newness and excitement, despite the potential dangers Bergland mentions in his article.  This creates a very interesting dynamic and makes things tasty and spicy, but they don’t really change life per se, and eventually the ‘supernovelwonderfulfantastic’ thing is just boring…

The other part of the world likes their own house, their own lives and they are OK, thank you very much!  They may look like a bunch of conservative people trying to prevent progress, and yet they are looking for the same final result as everyone else: happiness, joy, a sense of being alive.

Then, there are leaders, who generate their own happiness, joy and a sense of being alive.  Novelty comes in the realm of the mind and awareness, most of the time, not from the physical environment.

As a leader, every time the sun rises, it is always like the first time, with all the excitement and energy that comes from novelty seeking by other means.

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[1] The Perils of Novelty Seeking is an article written by athlete and coach Christopher Bergland, for Psychology Today.  You can find the article at this address: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-athletes-way/201311/the-perils-novelty-seeking

(Excerpt from the book 82 Reasons to be a Leader)

Where all look the same, a leader remains as an individual – Reason 64

What is a society?  Nowadays a lot of attention and discussion is given to issues of gender, race and other related topics.  Most people just try to be equal to the next one in habits, tastes and lifestyle, and appearances seem to be still the priority over essence and depth.

This creates a situation where it is quite normal for a person to try to be what he is not: to work in something with which they don’t attune, to live with another person just for the sake of it, and to leave aside life projects because of present circumstances.

A leader will be part of the society, and yet he or she will persist with their individuality.  A leader will make effort to do things in which she or he believes, with joy in the heart.  The reason: before being leaders of others, they are leaders of themselves.

(Excerpt from the book 82 Reasons to be a Leader)