Discovering that part of yourself that is hidden from you and others

Johari Window: exploring the hidden parts…

 

You have a secret! And it is so deep that not even you know it!

There is a game that can be useful. It is imperative that everyone knows each other.

• Create a table of qualities and talents. Cut them and give the cut table to each person, that is, each person should have many pieces of paper! The important thing is that everyone has the same thing.
• In front of each person, there are four boxes. 1) OTHERS & I; 2) OTHERS, NOT ME; 3) I, NOT OTHERS; 4) NEITHER I NOR OTHERS. There should be a space BEFORE the boxes in such a way that you are sitting, then there are the boxes and the empty space.
• The game starts by rounds in this way:
1. First round. Choose the qualities that apply to you (I). Put those littler papers in front of you, before the boxes in such a way that anyone can read. Keep the papers you are not using by your side somewhere.
2. Second round. Walk around the room and read the papers others chose; the ones you agree that person has it, pick them up and put in their box #1 (OTHERS & I). The ones YOU DON’T AGREE or you DON’T KNOW it, pick them up and put in their box #3 (I, NOT OTHERS).
3. Third round. Go back to your seat and pick the papers you didn’t use. Now, go around and distribute ALL the little papers by identifying those people who have that quality; put them in their box #2 (OTHERS, NOT ME). Some little papers will remain, I am sure.
4. Fourth round. This is a bit of a guess: the qualities that remained, just put them in your own box #4 (NEITHER ME NOR OTHERS).
5. To finish the game, check the boxes for repetitions and reflect on them, understanding where those qualities should be and eliminating the extra; the idea is that no quality shows in more than one box.

Well, this game is funny and I am sure you will enjoy it, but let me focus on the box # 4: NEITHER ME NOR OTHERS.

Those qualities are extremely important because you are not sure about them and others can’t help you either. However, there is the possibility part of your potential is in that box.

It is possible that thing you feel is missing in your life is in that box.

Maybe the solution for part of your problems is in that box.

Check those qualities and work on them, systematically. Maybe you will realize some of those are just pieces of paper.

But if even one is more than a paper and it will contribute in your life, it is worthwhile to check that mysterious box.

Discovering that part of yourself that is hidden from others

Johari Window: exploring the hidden parts…

 

You have a secret!

Maybe the reason you have it is because you consider it so valuable, you don’t want to share, at least not to everyone and not until this moment; which is OK, after all, treasures are to be kept. They are an object of legend! Right?

I give you an alternative. Find the right moment (soon, please!) and show that talent you have, what you have been studying or the wonderful discovery you are not revealing to others.

In fact, the more you expose your treasures, the more you will develop them.

However, there are secrets you don’t tell others because of some type of fear. What are they going to tell me if they know this?

If you really want to develop a good relationship with other people, those secrets can turn into an obstacle. There are a few options for you:

• Find the RIGHT MOMENT, that instant people will value what you have. It is true particularly in relation to talents or skills.
• Generate a space of dialogue and talk to those people, open your heart. Before doing that, take some mercy balm in the form of a nice book with encouraging words or a song that will remind you how great you are. This is specially for those secrets that can harm a relationship.
• In both cases, I suggest you to meditate before doing any of those things. Meditation will empower you.
• If people hurt you because what you have shown or told them, don’t cry. The meditation will help you to not get into despair and something good you can do is to remind yourself THAT IS MY TREASURE. As they didn’t recognize its value, it is time to look for other people who will value it as much as you do.

There may be many more reasons for you to keep things hidden from others, but I would like to highlight two more:

• Self-doubt. Yes, you have that treasure, but you are not sure it is so interesting or others need it. The best thing for that is to talk with someone you trust and work on what to do about it.
• Maybe OTHERS haven’t acknowledged you have that treasure. Well, that hurts! You have already shown them, you have talked to them and you have posted it everywhere, but people seem to ignore it or at least they don’t give the value you think it should receive. Well, in that case, a talk with experts in the area of your treasure will clear your mind in relation to others’ reasons. After that, you can plan what to do to make others appreciate that wonderful treasure.

Discovering that part of yourself that is hidden, but others do know it

Many years ago, I came in contact with the Johari Window model. It was such a realization!

For those who don’t know it, I strongly suggest you to research on that.

The model comes from the understanding that our qualities, talents, potentials and everything that is valuable for us (I will be calling this our treasure) can be distributed in 4 different areas of a matrix:

An area that is known by you and others. Most people know that you have that treasure in yourself and it is the thing you can put down in your CV without thinking. It is natural and that gave you your job position or your friends.

Another area is that in which your treasure is known by others, but for some reason, you don’t know it. It is often due to self-doubt or the lack of self-esteem, but others recognize you for more than what you think you are. Good managers and friends will help you to develop that part of yourself.

The opposite is in another quadrant of the same matrix; you know your treasures and others don’t. It can generate frustration, but if you manage it well, it will create surprise to others that you do have that skill!

The last quadrant is the most mysterious as it corresponds to that part of your treasure that neither you or others know. Although many will consider this a problem for the self, it is in fact the guarantee all of us have that we can always change. There is always a potential to be explored and new experiences to be lived, no matter our age or condition.

Explore it!

But I would like to work on those parts that are hidden. We may call them potentials or seeds and for some reason they are invisible, at last for some people, maybe ourselves.

First, why are there things others see about us that we can’t see?

OK, there are lots of BAD stuff others see that we don’t, but again, I would like to focus on those POSITIVE things: our ability to crack a joke when things are tense, the fact we cook gnocchi very well, our talent with kids or the fact we smile, even when things are going bad.

As per my experience, it means we are missing our own greatness… it can be because of self-doubt or just very negative thoughts that as horrible landlords evict positive sensations from our minds.

The solution may not be easy, but it is healing: talk to other people. Talk more.

Learn from them what they see from you. Yes, some things won’t be nice to hear, but others will be ABSOLUTELY WONDERFUL.

And believe it over those horrible landlords… You and I, and everyone, have so much more inside that comes to the eyes, even our own.