The power of facing consequences

One of the most common games played in our society is the blaming game, that silly contest to see who is the most stupid to take the fall… And yet, that is probably what we are all looking for in our leaders today: someone who willingly takes the fall.

How refreshing is when someone says sorry or it was my fault. But quite often what we hear is I am not going to apologize or they are the ones to blame!

When I wrote my first book, The pathway towards Self-Leadership, I was able to discern very clearly two different concepts which are used in similar situations: guilt and responsibility.

The first one is behind the attitude most people have and, really, who wants to be guilty? After all, they are sent to jails or exiled somewhere. They are even legally killed in some places.

When someone makes a bad decision, guilt is hardly the solution. It only makes things worse and everyone becomes very heavy and upset with whatever happens.

But responsibility is something else as people naturally like to be responsible; it is part of who we are. A responsible person is admired and praise, these people are able to change their own lives and other people’s existence.

However, you see, it is easier to be guilty… A person goes to jail and he does not have to bear anymore the responsibility of whatever happened, while a responsible person has to be working and living with his own mistake, looking for solutions and working on that.

This is why we all should take some course on how to face consequences. It is really enriching and it helps to build our own personality.

A friend was telling me about his realization when he saw that all the businesses he started failed. He told me about the emotional burden he felt; relieved by his religion and the presence of his family, and at some point he decided to take over one business. He took over responsibility over it; he talked to very angry clients and rebuilt their trust. Slowly he started to see things get right.

Responsibility has an interesting effect in people and it can be compared with going on a roller-coaster: it is scary, but with the right attitude you will enjoy a lot.

In the case of my friend, the support from his religion, his wife and parents helped a lot, it was crucial in his success. The technical part – budgeting, strategy and calculations – was of course what customers saw, but I am sure that was not what they felt… After a while in the process, a project came through, associated with the embassy from another country, to represent part of their interests. He and his company were just in the crawling stage of their recovery and yet, he decided to try it out. You can probably imagine the amount of documents they required, how much scrutiny he would have to go through and yet, he got it. I am sure it was more due to what they felt than what they saw.

A few tips to develop that sense of responsibility, so that you would never ever again would go through the blaming game:

• Don’t whine or complain, just understand what is happening.
• Firstly in private, accept your own responsibility and see what you can do to fix what needs to be fixed.
• Don’t think, at least initially, about things that are out your responsibility limits, leave that to other people.
• If others are somehow responsible for what is going on, completely or partially, create a strategy to talk to them and get them to do the right thing.
• Learn the lesson and create a plan, so that error does not happen again (don’t trust your own promises).
• Talk to people you trust, embrace your responsibility in front of them.
• Do whatever is required within the limits of your responsibility; don’t think about the present cost or time you would need to spend.
• From time to time, follow up.
• When you start with the fixing part of your responsibility, celebrate your actions, by buying a nice chocolate or enjoying the sunset. Seriously, do it.

Welcome to the I am responsible-game. Enjoy it and win as many times as you want.

This article is dedicated to the Brahma Kumaris and particularly to its founder, Brahma Baba, who faced all consequences with a smile and a spiritual attitude.

---

Marcelo Bulk is a Brazilian business consultant, author and coach, resident in the beautiful city of Bogota, Colombia. He has been working for more than 30 years in his own personal development and he has been a volunteer with the Brahma Kumaris, travelling worldwide.