Empathy and society

As we evolve as humans, we become more and more aware of what is happening with our relationship with others and the need of a new society.

Our way however is not straight as we would expect. As I write, the big trend is to live alone, to work alone and probably to share society as we understand using Internet. I do hope that is not the case of whoever is reading this, but it is the case of so many.

And I can relate to it, as I would probably prefer to not have much interaction with others, but life is wise and I am kind of in the spotlight most of the time. I started to appreciate others’ company not that many years ago, learning to deal with so many differences, all because I do believe in the power of a community with empowered individuals.

This is why I feel at some point, these lonely people will find their way into the new society we are building – more tolerant, more interested in people than in things, greener and better. It may take time, but I have that certainty it will happen.

So, if you want to be part of this new society, you need to learn a very important skill that is not so natural after all.

Although many people describe empathy as feeling what others feel, I disagree. I don’t think I can feel what a mother feels when she loses her son, or someone who just finds out he or she has cancer. But I do care, and out of care I look into the depth of that person, of that soul.

Sometime ago, a friend lost her child and it was in a bad timing of our relationship, since she did something I could not approve. Still, I just put that bad sensation I had aside and I gave her unconditional support, from the heart.

Empathy makes the best of us emerge. It makes us to be unconditional and understand the other in dimensions we wouldn’t imagine there are. It binds us together as a big family, with respect for each other’s thoughts and perceptions.

Former societies were not formed on the base of empathy – from which solidarity comes. History shows they came from mutual interests, ethnic similitude and other very physical and visible traces.

One of the few cases I know of a society based on empathy is related to the flight of Zoroastrians from Persia. According to the legend, King Jadi from Gujarat, India, in the initial meeting between with the newly landed emigrants denied asylum to them. The King motioned to a vessel of milk filled to the very brim to signify that his kingdom was already full and could not accept refugees. In response, one of the Zoroastrian priests added a pinch of sugar to the milk, and Jadi Rana accepted the refugees.

This is an example of empathy from both sides, by the use of wisdom: the King trying to explain why he could not receive more immigrants, and the priest, showing that they would just melt into the Indian society. Whether it is a legend or not, centuries later, the Parsis (as they are known), have adapted to India. Their importance in terms of neutrality has created many stories hen religion conflict affects India, where families of Parsis risk themselves to save other people.

As a suggestion, just look at another person. Right now, if you can, otherwise, just think of her or him. Understand their need and see what you can do, from the heart, even though you cannot do that right now. Feel the sensation of mercy and the desire to help others, and extend your mental hand…

One day, we won’t need empathy, as it will be natural to care, but right now it is an important skill to be developed. Our society is the basis of humankind and it needs our help to reinvent itself.

Being a voluntary is having a new life

As a volunteer of many years, I can’t imagine what life could be without that great feeling of doing things without an immediate reward, or no physical reward at all.

As a human, we need to do four things to be in balance:

• Working and earning an income.
• To work without an income.
• Processing what is happening.
• Awakening or broadening awareness.

Without one of these aspects while living your life, you will feel some emptiness, but it is by not volunteering that you would lack the big satisfaction whilst being productive. You would probably be complaining eternally about your work and how underappreciated you are.

We are used to think of productive people as the ones who have proper skills, who went to a good college or work hard. In reality, it comes from a deep realization you have on a specialty you own, what can be called a calling, or vocation. When you are working based on your calling, all is good and what is not good, is a challenge you know you can overcome.

That energy we all have, it wants to come out, flow along our community and change life as we know it. We use some of that to get our livelihood, the result of our combined forces of mind and body.

Another part is used without waiting for an income. In fact it gives back, that is my experience: smile, gratitude, blessings and good wishes are my salary for being available to people, and cooperate as best as I can. But of course, I need to pay for this computer and smiles don’t work with it…

This subtle income is powerful and it changes you and other people’s lives. If you are not into volunteering, here are some suggestions:

1. Check for your own specialty, that thing you know how to do or to be that is unique.
2. Look for places where it will be appreciated, either because it is necessary for them or to complement what they already do.
3. Do a trial. Work with an organization or two for some time and check how you and others feel about your presence there, and your invaluable contribution.
4. After making a decision, create a routine in relation to what you are going to give there.
5. It is better to not exceed, otherwise that can affect your livelihood and, remember, balance is the key word.

After volunteering for one year or two, share your experience and help others to receive the same energy you are.

Gratitude as a key to a great life

Life is great. That is the basic conclusion I reach at this point of my existence.

Only a few years ago, I wouldn’t say this, at least not loudly or writing for the public, but now, yes, I realize how great life is.

And because of that, I feel so grateful for everything I have and for all that I don’t have. After all, those things I have, I try my best they reflect who I AM.

About those things I don’t have help me in two different ways: on one hand, they support my humility so I don’t ever think I am what I am not. On the other hand, they stimulate me to work harder to get them, if they are necessary.

See? Be grateful is important for your own development. There are so many things to be grateful for: your body, the computer you have, internet, family, friends, neighbors, governments, people, life… It does not mean you love that fully or you agree with it.

Just the other day, someone gave me and a friend a wrong information, but she did it with a good heart and certain effort. I said thank you because I meant it. What is the logic behind? It was not a big issue, we could fix it very easily and the person will feel happy in her heart because she helped someone, one of the most wonderful feelings the soul can have. By not saying thank you or even reproaching her for a wrong information, nothing of that would be attained.

If I may suggest you: Just sit quietly somewhere, just let your heart opens, just smile genuinely, and say: THANK YOU! Say it with words or thoughts, feelings or emotions, actions or reflection…

Living with different people

One thing about past stories was how they used to portray completely different characters meeting at some point and even getting married.

It seems a collective dream our society has experienced is to have different people living together in harmony… But, I think we can all agree that is not easy.

As reality knocks at our door, we have two basic options: trying to avoid different people as much as possible or to face and embrace them. Unfortunately, the first option seems to be the highest ranked.

We do live in a lonely world. Internet has united us, but it also has divided us, splitting us in different categories and replacing the need for physical contact with cyber love. And many will say it is working!

What will be the impact of that in the future? It is hard to predict, but we are able to visualize the first effects of that when we see a group of friends meeting together without talking with each other, keeping themselves busy with their own phone…

A similar situation has happened with cars. If you go to any big city in the world, you can check on the huge number of one-person cars roaming around our roads, and it does not matter how much some politicians or activists try to convince people to use public transport, it looks like more one-person cars emerge!

So, what will be the future if we keep moving on this lonely pace?

What about the second option? Why is it so hard to face other people and embrace their reality?

For years now I live in a different culture. So, talking about different people is easy for me. Even after decades it is not simple for me to just accept some of the things others do.

What has helped me is the awareness that we can always learn, and we can only learn when the other person has something different… yes, you cannot learn from equals.

Ok, you may learn from equals how to talk or walk, but I guess you went over that period of your life, right? After your basic learning is done, you need people who don’t think like you, who don’t talk like you and who don’t behave like you to learn important things in your life.

The reason is that LEARNING MEANS CHANGING and changing means challenging something you think it is normal. It is like when you are an expert in what you work or you have a deep realization; that challenge helped you to change, that is, to learn.

And challenges only happen when others are different than you. Or, when you are among equals, you start to experience that part of them, which is different than you – after all, ALL OF US is different among each other.

There is something more: perfection does not come with being surrounded and protected in a comfort zone. You will become better as you complement yourself with other’s specialties, virtues or values. That is the treasure I have found here in Colombia or interacting with people from so many cultures… I feel I am being complemented, I am not by myself anymore and I am a better person when I allow that complement to become part of me.

So, don’t turn another person away just because he does not share your values or behave in a weird way… On the contrary, open your mind and let that difference be life a fresh breeze, cleaning the air of your mind and spirit and helping you to be the great wonderful person you are.

Are you really learning?

One of the best moments many people celebrate is the end of school, college or any form of institutionalized teaching system. That joy may come because of success, the feeling of conquest or the at least it is over feeling.

However, learning is bigger than that and starts from birth, ending in death. All the time there is something to be learned, something to assimilate from the environment, news or personal experiences.

In all researches, nobody has found a limit for learning, except in the will from the learner and his or her preparedness for that. And this is the point…

Many people several times use the word learning in a very casual way, like when they go through a tough period. They make a mistake or they say I learn something every day. Let’s understand something… Learning means change; so, if anyone has learned anything, that means they have changed even slightly.

When you learn that the square root of 4 is 2, your brain changes and that almost absurd discovery helps you to create a trait of personality so that when you face a problem you don’t sum or rest only, but you try the square root too… that means, you try to find the reasons that situation is happening, instead of just find a simple solution. So, yes, maths changes you and anything you really learned does the same.

Not all situations are used for learning – not that they don’t have something others may learn from it. It is just that learning implies change and for that change to happen you need a few things:

• A complete or partial understanding of whatever you are learning from, different from the understanding you have up to that moment. Different means contents, form or attitude.
• To reflect on the situation, by going beyond the actual facts and seeing either the big picture or focus on something in particular.
• To stop and check the self, looking for the change that situation helped you to bring about.
• The last thing is not obligatory, but quite useful: to verbalize the change that happened in you, the learning you have assimilated, by writing or talking to other people. Then you can help other people to learn the same.

So, next time you want to tell others you have learned something, check with this list if you REALLY have learned it… If not, by doing the checking, you would probably learn anyway.

Your generosity is required at your work

According to reports and observations, sometime ago, life and work were completely separated… Every Monday, you would give up on your life until Friday when you would resuscitate. Of course, along the years, people had glimpses of life during the evenings, but still it was not enough…

A few decades back, someone had the strange idea that work is part of life. Even without proper confirmation, people started to assimilate that concept by changing the rules of work and being be more humane there.

Even crazier, someone talked about values and love AT THE WORKPLACE CONTEXT. Absurd, right?

Anyway, nowadays it is considered by many that work is part of life and so, there is no real separation between both. That means all that love and dedication you have your family, or all that fun and sharing you have with your friends, you should also have something similar for your job, enterprise or work project.

It is a change of attitude that is not yet registered in our general culture (take Dilbert for instance). But it is growing and dominating the general landscape of society.

A good worker, a good employer or an excellent entrepreneur is valued not only for his or her achievements, but also on how they behave in relation to the whole community. It is expected some volunteering work or donation, some care about animals or plants, or at least a different behavior, with more values there.

A few years ago, while working at a company with a team, our leader started to have some headache. With no questioning, the rest of us took over her duties and responsibilities and we all insisted she should leave and go home, since she had an operation just a few weeks ago. That was just one case among many I have been seen.

There is a logical background that favors the company: by showing mercy on an employee, the rest of us felt motivated to work even harder, with the certainty something similar would happen to us if we were the ones to get sick.

But, beyond logic, by integrating work with life we opened a door for deeper reflections on human behavior and communities in general. Qualities as generosity, solidarity or patience are now important at places we normally don’t associate with those values.

Yes, being a good person is not enough to get a job or to keep one, but being a bad person is enough to lose one.

So, think about that, reflect on the invisible power of being generous, showing solidarity or expressing patience with another co-worker, customer or provider. It is important for your own career and the community where you live. And work, of course…

The blessing of obstacles

We want an easy life. Some people would say that is the law of nature to flow where there is less effort, and we humans relish the benefit of that law.

However, a reality you can observe is that the same obstacle affects different people in dissimilar ways and one of the reasons for that is how you see that test in your life.

It is like a game: you will only appreciate it when you have the right attitude with which you see it as it is, just a game, something to be enjoyed not to cause sorrow. And yet, a game will be much more fascinating if you keep the desire to win it… That is the game paradox and its effect on us.

Bringing it to life, when you see things happening that are not good, with a vision of benefit and enthusiasm, that will create in you the same wonderful effect of a very good game: enjoyable, but you are there to win it!

Obstacles are a blessing in disguise as they enable us to go over our own lethargy and experience life in a whole new level. Of course, too many blessings can’t be good…

And if you feel overwhelmed with obstacles, look for help, something that is always available. Otherwise, just enjoy the ride!