Values: a key for good relationships

Values are invisible, so it is difficult to understand what someone’s values are or even your own.

And yet, it defines three important things in our lives:

• The way a person accomplishes his dream. Values help defining methods and forms to reach goals.
• Present activities and the idea of satisfaction. That is the reason some people get fulfillment in tasks that others hate…
• Time a relationship lasts. At the extent others are aligned with your values, that will help a relationship to last longer than others.

If we just focus on one of these items, we may realize the power in values.

It is not necessary that others share your values exactly, but they must be aligned. In this case, we have to consider values not only as honesty, but also some that are more complex. For instance, an outdoor lifestyle is a value.

That value is easy to understand in terms of relationship, because if a person like that marries or befriends someone whose value is indoor lifestyle, there will be a problem. However, if the other person has a value of enjoying life as much as possible, then it won’t be difficult for the relationship to live on.

Before getting into a serious relationship with another person, compare your values and see if they match. If they don’t, and you still want to keep them around, talk. Dialogue is a wonderful tool that helps aligning values very well.

Let’s consider the former example of clashed values, understanding that the other person is a friend of yours. Sit down and plan activities that will make the other happy, but it wouldn’t make one of you suffer.

Going deeper, it is important to think in long term and long term means seeing reality in a different way. For instance, different values can teach you other virtues you don’t have and they are important to live a life of harmony – yes, harmony, because you cannot have really harmony in this world when people have equal values… Harmony is a conquest, a victory of the soul over his or her personal desires.

Even deeper is the spiritual perspective with which you can live with anyone, no matter what their values are. Only condition is that you know exactly your values and how to mold yourself into a peaceful and rich coexistence.

My humble suggestion is that you start to create a personal list of values, understand them deeply and compare them with the people with you right now. Then, talk, dialogue and enjoy the adventure of living with others.

Empathy and society

As we evolve as humans, we become more and more aware of what is happening with our relationship with others and the need of a new society.

Our way however is not straight as we would expect. As I write, the big trend is to live alone, to work alone and probably to share society as we understand using Internet. I do hope that is not the case of whoever is reading this, but it is the case of so many.

And I can relate to it, as I would probably prefer to not have much interaction with others, but life is wise and I am kind of in the spotlight most of the time. I started to appreciate others’ company not that many years ago, learning to deal with so many differences, all because I do believe in the power of a community with empowered individuals.

This is why I feel at some point, these lonely people will find their way into the new society we are building – more tolerant, more interested in people than in things, greener and better. It may take time, but I have that certainty it will happen.

So, if you want to be part of this new society, you need to learn a very important skill that is not so natural after all.

Although many people describe empathy as feeling what others feel, I disagree. I don’t think I can feel what a mother feels when she loses her son, or someone who just finds out he or she has cancer. But I do care, and out of care I look into the depth of that person, of that soul.

Sometime ago, a friend lost her child and it was in a bad timing of our relationship, since she did something I could not approve. Still, I just put that bad sensation I had aside and I gave her unconditional support, from the heart.

Empathy makes the best of us emerge. It makes us to be unconditional and understand the other in dimensions we wouldn’t imagine there are. It binds us together as a big family, with respect for each other’s thoughts and perceptions.

Former societies were not formed on the base of empathy – from which solidarity comes. History shows they came from mutual interests, ethnic similitude and other very physical and visible traces.

One of the few cases I know of a society based on empathy is related to the flight of Zoroastrians from Persia. According to the legend, King Jadi from Gujarat, India, in the initial meeting between with the newly landed emigrants denied asylum to them. The King motioned to a vessel of milk filled to the very brim to signify that his kingdom was already full and could not accept refugees. In response, one of the Zoroastrian priests added a pinch of sugar to the milk, and Jadi Rana accepted the refugees.

This is an example of empathy from both sides, by the use of wisdom: the King trying to explain why he could not receive more immigrants, and the priest, showing that they would just melt into the Indian society. Whether it is a legend or not, centuries later, the Parsis (as they are known), have adapted to India. Their importance in terms of neutrality has created many stories hen religion conflict affects India, where families of Parsis risk themselves to save other people.

As a suggestion, just look at another person. Right now, if you can, otherwise, just think of her or him. Understand their need and see what you can do, from the heart, even though you cannot do that right now. Feel the sensation of mercy and the desire to help others, and extend your mental hand…

One day, we won’t need empathy, as it will be natural to care, but right now it is an important skill to be developed. Our society is the basis of humankind and it needs our help to reinvent itself.

Being a voluntary is having a new life

As a volunteer of many years, I can’t imagine what life could be without that great feeling of doing things without an immediate reward, or no physical reward at all.

As a human, we need to do four things to be in balance:

• Working and earning an income.
• To work without an income.
• Processing what is happening.
• Awakening or broadening awareness.

Without one of these aspects while living your life, you will feel some emptiness, but it is by not volunteering that you would lack the big satisfaction whilst being productive. You would probably be complaining eternally about your work and how underappreciated you are.

We are used to think of productive people as the ones who have proper skills, who went to a good college or work hard. In reality, it comes from a deep realization you have on a specialty you own, what can be called a calling, or vocation. When you are working based on your calling, all is good and what is not good, is a challenge you know you can overcome.

That energy we all have, it wants to come out, flow along our community and change life as we know it. We use some of that to get our livelihood, the result of our combined forces of mind and body.

Another part is used without waiting for an income. In fact it gives back, that is my experience: smile, gratitude, blessings and good wishes are my salary for being available to people, and cooperate as best as I can. But of course, I need to pay for this computer and smiles don’t work with it…

This subtle income is powerful and it changes you and other people’s lives. If you are not into volunteering, here are some suggestions:

1. Check for your own specialty, that thing you know how to do or to be that is unique.
2. Look for places where it will be appreciated, either because it is necessary for them or to complement what they already do.
3. Do a trial. Work with an organization or two for some time and check how you and others feel about your presence there, and your invaluable contribution.
4. After making a decision, create a routine in relation to what you are going to give there.
5. It is better to not exceed, otherwise that can affect your livelihood and, remember, balance is the key word.

After volunteering for one year or two, share your experience and help others to receive the same energy you are.

Gratitude as a key to a great life

Life is great. That is the basic conclusion I reach at this point of my existence.

Only a few years ago, I wouldn’t say this, at least not loudly or writing for the public, but now, yes, I realize how great life is.

And because of that, I feel so grateful for everything I have and for all that I don’t have. After all, those things I have, I try my best they reflect who I AM.

About those things I don’t have help me in two different ways: on one hand, they support my humility so I don’t ever think I am what I am not. On the other hand, they stimulate me to work harder to get them, if they are necessary.

See? Be grateful is important for your own development. There are so many things to be grateful for: your body, the computer you have, internet, family, friends, neighbors, governments, people, life… It does not mean you love that fully or you agree with it.

Just the other day, someone gave me and a friend a wrong information, but she did it with a good heart and certain effort. I said thank you because I meant it. What is the logic behind? It was not a big issue, we could fix it very easily and the person will feel happy in her heart because she helped someone, one of the most wonderful feelings the soul can have. By not saying thank you or even reproaching her for a wrong information, nothing of that would be attained.

If I may suggest you: Just sit quietly somewhere, just let your heart opens, just smile genuinely, and say: THANK YOU! Say it with words or thoughts, feelings or emotions, actions or reflection…