Values: a key for good relationships

Values are invisible, so it is difficult to understand what someone’s values are or even your own.

And yet, it defines three important things in our lives:

• The way a person accomplishes his dream. Values help defining methods and forms to reach goals.
• Present activities and the idea of satisfaction. That is the reason some people get fulfillment in tasks that others hate…
• Time a relationship lasts. At the extent others are aligned with your values, that will help a relationship to last longer than others.

If we just focus on one of these items, we may realize the power in values.

It is not necessary that others share your values exactly, but they must be aligned. In this case, we have to consider values not only as honesty, but also some that are more complex. For instance, an outdoor lifestyle is a value.

That value is easy to understand in terms of relationship, because if a person like that marries or befriends someone whose value is indoor lifestyle, there will be a problem. However, if the other person has a value of enjoying life as much as possible, then it won’t be difficult for the relationship to live on.

Before getting into a serious relationship with another person, compare your values and see if they match. If they don’t, and you still want to keep them around, talk. Dialogue is a wonderful tool that helps aligning values very well.

Let’s consider the former example of clashed values, understanding that the other person is a friend of yours. Sit down and plan activities that will make the other happy, but it wouldn’t make one of you suffer.

Going deeper, it is important to think in long term and long term means seeing reality in a different way. For instance, different values can teach you other virtues you don’t have and they are important to live a life of harmony – yes, harmony, because you cannot have really harmony in this world when people have equal values… Harmony is a conquest, a victory of the soul over his or her personal desires.

Even deeper is the spiritual perspective with which you can live with anyone, no matter what their values are. Only condition is that you know exactly your values and how to mold yourself into a peaceful and rich coexistence.

My humble suggestion is that you start to create a personal list of values, understand them deeply and compare them with the people with you right now. Then, talk, dialogue and enjoy the adventure of living with others.