Cultivating a not-so valued treasure

Talking about values is an interesting topic. After all we all love to have cheerful friends, peaceful parents and honest co-workers. But there is little thought on how that come to be…

Why is Richard so happy? Is that something happened in his life and so this is why he is like that? Gens?

Why are your parents so peaceful? Anne’s parents are always restless or angry… Does that have something to do with their beliefs?

And what about Joanna? I have never heard a lie coming out her mouth during all the time I’ve been working with her and I don’t understand how that is even possible!

But when values are under threat – and crises particularly create an interesting environment that threatens our deepest values – it is time to rethink them, revise them and reinforce them.

Richard has lost his mother and is in profound depression.

One of your parents had had an affair and that is affecting their lives a lot.

And Joanna finally lied to me!! All because she wanted my position in the company.

This is part of self-care: to treasure your values. Even though you often don’t notice their importance, the reality is they affect your relationships and the way you relate to your environment.

The first thing you should do is to rethink them in relation to the present situation. For instance, how can Richard be happy now that his mother has left? A good answer could be she would like him to keep on being happy after her departure. The difficult and deepest answer is to find the roots of happiness and work on them.

The second thing is to revise the values. For instance, maybe your parents can’t be peaceful anymore, but why not being stable or assertive? Values can be exchangeable and if one value does not work in that situation anymore, another one may replace them. If you want to go even deeper you could think about peace, where peace comes from and how to being peaceful even in awful circumstances.

Last thing is to develop the capacity of the values, that is, to reinforce them. So, Joanna was attacked by greed or need and she decided to leave aside her value of honesty; maybe if she took a course of assertiveness or if she would learn a mediation process, we could talk and find a solution. You could go even deeper and try to understand where honesty comes and reinforce that part.

As part of your self-care, I would like to share an easy homework: create a list of values, rethink them in relation to the present environment, revise them and apply certain techniques to adjust them, and reinforce them.

This is part of a series of posts on self-care.

The economy of thoughts

Too many people are concerned about Economy these days, but what about the economy of thoughts?

Thoughts are responsible for success and failure, for love and hate, for good and bad experiences. They are also responsible for emotions and feelings, for overcoming barriers or for avoiding them.

They are the essence of our lives and here are 3 questions that will help you to understand and extract more benefit from the power of your thoughts.

 

How much are you saving and how much are you wasting?

Saving thoughts means to think what is needed at the appropriate time. Thoughts are a powerful tool to overcome situations or to make decisions, among other things, but if you don’t think what is necessary or at the right time, they won’t contribute to your success.

For instance, if you have a problem, do you keep on thinking of the problem again and again, or do you make time and reflect on your own power, increasing your self-respect? In the first case, you are just wasting thoughts, but in the second you are giving yourself a chance, that is, you are saving them.

 

What is the quality of your thoughts and how it creates an impact in your life?

According to the quality of your thoughts, so it will be the quality of your words and actions, or at least it will be a fundamental factor.

Let’s say you have to prepare a presentation to a client, but your thoughts are not there… they may be at your home as your child is sick or even in the next football match.

Of course, that won’t interfere with the presentation, particularly the data or the rehearsed pitch, but it will influence the way you present it. If your competition is fully focused and offer the same data (and price), their focus will be more than a reason for the client to prefer them instead of you.

 

Your trade of thoughts, how is it going?

When you think of others and they think of you, there is… an exchange of energy and vibrations. That is like a subtle and invisible trade we all do.

Imagine a scene in which you are trying to sell something to a person and a colleague is just sitting by your side, watching… then, you feel a vibration, something in that person that says it won’t work. Automatically, your self-esteem goes to the bottom, you may stutter a bit and at last, you leave without a deal.

OK, it sounds a bit dramatic, but I am sure everyone went through a similar situation in which the trade of thoughts between another person and you was toxic and it affects your performance.

On the bright side, the same thing happens when your colleague smiles encouragingly at you and you are able to get a deal!

You may not see thoughts, but their reflection – a smile, the eyes, the hands – are very clear and they show how the trading going is.

 

By working on the Economy of thoughts, you will be able to see a difference in your life.

Do I really need a challenge?

To live well is natural for humans from our society, different than what movies and television series may show. We all want to have a place in which we feel safe, peace of mind and we want to be surrounded by people who give us the sensation of protection.

Paradoxically, our society stimulates us to leave our comfort zone and it encourages us to DARE, to live life as an adventure: check the movies! Check the TV series!

So, how to balance both ideas? Do we really need a challenge right now? Should we stay in our comfort zone eating popcorns while watching something?

In fact, both things are not exclusive – to want to live well and comfortable, and to want to live as an adventurer – and they can be easily complementary.

First of all, focus on your inner side, that space inside your mind… and feel the peace that is there. It is yours. It is you. Going there is a very special adventure…

Second, challenge the things that don’t contribute to that peace – watching movies, TV series, popcorn. That is the real daring, because even though they give you the sensation of external peace, as soon as they are over, that peace goes away too. Challenge them and start an innovation in your life by meditating, studying something that enriches you or learning some wonderful new skill.

Then it is possible you feel a wave of boredom, after all you have had a habit. Just remember: you have that inner space, full of peace, just inside you. Think of it and you will be there… Much better than a watch party!

Inside, outside

Most of us are under the influence of what happens outside: climate, economy, company of another person, and so on.

But what not many know is that what takes place within also influences the outside… Many years ago, I was working in a company and the photocopy machine had a paper, in which it was written something like: Calm down, this machine reacts to your mood.

Have you noticed it? When you are anxious, things get stuck and they don’t work properly; when you are angry, things tend to break all over…

Well, you could say that your state of mind influences how you act and this is why there is damage, but anyway, that is the influence from inside to outside.

It is not only the bad reaction. Try this whenever you are facing a very bad situation:

• Calm down by thinking positively, focusing on the solution or just breathing in a controlled way.
• Smile! Yes, smile… just think of something funny or tender.
• Look ahead, face slightly high.
• Open your hands and arms, don’t cross them. If you are uncomfortable, occupy the hands by writing or holding something.
• Speak less, speak with care towards others

After that, just check what is going on around you. It is possible you will see things turning better…

No waste, only the best

There is a very interesting way to manage waste:

• Whatever you are going to throw away, check if that is REALLY not useful; if it is useful, just put that away, nicely… (no hoarding)
• Instead of throwing it away, maybe another person can benefit from it and a short time spent by checking in Internet can give you many ideas.
• If it is really rubbish, check how to dispose it properly.

In this way, you are turning waste into best… almost.

Now, let’s check in relation to our thoughts, words and actions:

• Before thinking (yes, it is possible), speaking or acting, will that thought, word or action really important, relevant, funny, thought provoking, inspirational or valuable for the other person. If it is not, keep it away in your inner shelf and think what to do with it (maybe reflect upon it, share it privately with that person, share it with another person who can appreciate it; no inner hoarding).
• Not everyone will appreciate what you have, so save anything for the right person who can turn a little pebble into a diamond.
• If the only thing you have does not look relevant, important, etc. for the other person or the environment you are, maybe you are in the wrong place or with the wrong people. We always have something valuable inside; go look for the right people and right place.

Do this and you will feel what you are, someone so important who always contributes with the best…

Peace and prosperity

The connection between peace and prosperity is obvious; if you look the world map, the peaceful is a country, the richer would be… more or less. In fact, one of the most violent regions in the world is not that poor and some of the poorest countries do not lack peace.

However, in terms of an individual, the peaceful the person is, the more prosperous he will be… right?

Again, it is not a definite affirmation; I am sure you know many people who are EXTREMELY peaceful and they are in bankruptcy too!

However, in a subtle level, when you are in peace, your mind works in a different way… it is more concentrated, focused and thoughts come not as a storm, but as a soft breeze…

The more peaceful someone is, their perception will be clear and so, to make decisions will be much easier than without that feeling of peace.

Besides, because the person is peaceful they will have a tendency to spend less time, energy and money, saving the most they can.

That’s right, at least in a subtle level, prosperity comes with inner peace.

So if you feel you have not found the key to prosperity, or you have lost it, just give it a try and experience meditation or other techniques that help you to be peaceful.

Xenophobia: when we are all foreigners

This morning, while walking around the city in which I live, I saw two families that touched my heart and I started to think of how the fear (sometimes a bad feeling) against foreigners can create problems for us and, of course, for them as I am sure at least their children are not going to any school…

This blog is not a political platform; rather than that, I try to raise awareness.

It is not for a social awareness either, but self-awareness… because, you see, we are all foreigners.

Our civilization has becoming an expert on splitting us, humans, into different categories and the land in which we were born is one of them. By this reality, I am Brazilian, a foreigner living in Colombia.

But my relatives are not original from the green giant; I have at least German and Spanish roots. In a way, I am a foreigner in relation to the land I was born!

Besides, I am human; how many species have been displaced for me to be where I am right now? We are all foreigners in relation to them.

And so on! In whichever way anyone looks, we are foreigners living at a place we shouldn’t be… should we?

Let’s look from another perspective: as a human, I can help other species to thrive, I can help them to live longer or to have better health.

As a descendant, I see the influence of my ancestors’ people everywhere in Brazil: food, language, lifestyle, etc. The impact is profound; it has changed the profile of a Brazilian.

As an immigrant in Colombia, I have been serving these people for almost 30 years and I am sure, some impact was done…

In other words, we as foreigners, change our reality. As the foreigner you are, which type of impact have you created?