Negotiation skills when dealing with situations

Situations come up from time to time in our lives. As someone said once, the world is like the ocean and you can't control the waves...

Some situations are easier than others; some last longer than others, and some can even take you into desperation. But, at least in some cultures, there is nothing worse than crisis somewhat provoked by other people.

Yes, it is awful to lose your job or be in danger of losing that house you would love to live in, but what about when your wife is critically ill or your boss is preventing you to make the deal of your life?

There is a whole school in management for negotiation, which can help you to deal with those situations where humans are a main factor. With those skills well developed you can negotiate some time off your job to take care of your wife properly, or perhaps invite some relatives to help caring of her.

But, I would like to focus in the skill of persuasion, which would be very useful for you in convincing your boss to help you with that big deal.

Persuasion can be understood differently according to intentions and even culture. Its interpretation can vary from charisma to manipulation, but its real meaning is probably located midway.

It is basically the ability of convincing people to do something they wouldn't otherwise do. It is so important that Warren Bennis used that same concept while defining a leader. For the skill to be developed, you need some training in:

• Understanding situations deeply. Don't stay in the surface; merge into the depth of anything happening, understanding its roots, development and consequences.
• Trying different perspectives. If you want someone to be convinced of something, you need to understand their point of view, with respect and without judgment.
• Patience and perseverance. No negotiation can really happen without this wonderful couple of human qualities. Whilst patience will enable you to wait for the effect of your talk, perseverance will facilitate you to try different tactics.
• Having a "win-win" mentality. Although I personally don't like that expression, as it reminds me of the possibility of win more than another person, it is extremely useful in negotiation, especially at the time of persuading others. The idea is to have a focus in the profit you and the other people will receive by doing what they are doing.
• Being flexible. Yes, at any negotiation you will have to compromise. There is no way out for that. The idea behind flexibility, talked in another post, is to understand the limits you can go without hurting the negotiation for either side.

Charisma can be understood as some kind of "exuberant persuasion". Although many so-called leaders use, especially politicians, it does not fulfill the former criteria completely. Same happens with manipulation and amazingly as it is, both usually lack the understanding of others' perspectives...

Some people are natural negotiators; others need to train and train harder. Whatever the case, it is a powerful skill and not that difficult to mature.

Flexibility, as a skill

An interesting fable turned into a cartoon, which I watched when I was a little boy. It remained in my memory all these years because of its deep meaning.

In a certain rural area, an oak used to live along with some reed. Whenever a wind was blowing around them, the reeds bowed to it, whilst the oak kept straight and tall. The oak used to mock the reeds and boast about his strength.
Time went by and one day, a storm came. This time, strength was not enough and the oak was uprooted. After the storm ends, reeds were still there, alive and shining under the sun, but the poor oak would never be able to resist to any wind again...

To think of flexibility as a skill, you need to focus on two aspects of this fable:

• Strength is not always the main thing. In fact, we all have a particular strength, but sometimes that is not enough - it can be intelligence, a way of dealing with people and even professional skills. Sometimes, it is necessary to understand in order to empower the team; you need to accept others doing those things for which you are normally the expert. This will help others to increase their own self-esteem and will guarantee that when the storm of crisis comes, they will be there to protect the company, family and even you.
• The trick is the roots. One aspect very few notice is that reeds have long and deep roots, so it is not easy to uproot them. When I used to swim at small rivers in Brazil, I used to see their roots coming out in the water. What are our roots? That is, what is that we won't compromise, no matter what? For this skill, you need to have total clarity in relation to your own values and principles. In this way, when crisis comes, you will be able to resist to them.

Experiment with the present situation you are dealing now. Try to be flexible, try to put others in front and don't compromise your values. Check the results and smile as the reeds after the storm.

Proactive problem solving

When we deal with situations, the normal approach is reactive: we wait until things happen, and then we act.

What if we act BEFORE things happen? After all, we have so much knowledge, experience and intuition to understand if what is coming is a storm, hail or just a drizzle, and with that knowledge we can dress properly.

This skill requires a deep sense of observation and a lack of labeling. It requires a wide openness from your side, as things sometimes don't show their real appearance and you need to be open for anything that happens.

You have to be careful to not become paranoid... Proactivity is not based on fear, but on trends and observation. Let's see some examples of this skill practically:

• You can sense your son is going to have a hard time in his exams. Fear can generate an attempt of control from your side and you can even try to bully your kid into more and more study. Proactivity helps you to deal with that situation before it happens, so you can help your son emotionally making him understand he is loved no matter what, and you can show him you are available whenever he wants, if he needs some help with his studies.
• One of your salespersons is going for a big client and you can see he won't be able to make the deal. An afraid boss will decrease his employee's self-esteem by giving bad suggestions ("Why don't we send Jane instead?") or offering himself to go with him, but not with the right attitude ("Let's go together, so when things go south, I can fix them."). Proactivity will help you to invest more time in training, to dialogue with your people and to show respect for them in all situations; in this way, the salesman can look easier for help and prevent a failure.
• You can feel your health is not that good... Fear can make you either go for a doctor for any pain you feel, or hide from all doctors as you don't want to hear their diagnose. Proactivity will make you go to a doctor in a regular basis, keep a diet and a routine of exercises that help you to feel healthy, so when you really feel something worse is happening to your body, it is easier to detect, accept and go through a treatment.

Start right now: don't judge, just watch. Be open for changes in life and be prepared, but not afraid of them.

Leadership skills, for dealing with situations

We, humans, have an incredible ability to create "mess" in our lives... Somehow, problems seem to pop up at any moment, destroying the little comfort we create around us. Whether it is a situation that emerged in your familiar life, with some friend, in your work or something is happening in the country, and it is affecting you; your own leadership and the relevant skills can be your only way out of that.

But it is not only "dealing with the situation". The "John Wayne" style, of shooting then asking questions, is not working any more. It is not only the situations which are complex: we are too. People nowadays want to be happy, light in their lives; you will seldom find someone who wants to sacrifice himself or herself.

Therefore, what are the main skills a leader must have to deal with the situations and remain happy?

• Focus on results, work on processes and empower people. This is a key skill - to concentrate in getting results, but to improve the processes and empower your people. Normally, when there is a crisis at a company, they first fire people, then run to get results and don't bother about processes...
• Constantly updating. OK, not like a cell phone, but this leadership-related skill is vital for organizational survival. That means a constant will and ability to study and research, and come with innovative solutions.
• Future perspective. Especially when situations are too "gruesome", this is useful as it projects you towards the future and detach you from the present. This helps the person to keep focus and raise above all obstacles.
• Supporting and motivating. And situations will come. And come, and come... Support and motivation are two sides of the same skill that only works when it comes from the depth of heart, when the person really wills it. It is not only for others; a real leader will keep motivating the self and supporting the self as much as he or she can.

Out of these, I personally think the last one is the most important. When you are able to support and motivate both, yourself and others, it is easier to handle any circumstances and find a positive solution.

That means you need a different attitude in relation to people. For instance, if someone is giving you trouble, look at the person and think: what can I do to help this person? In this way, you will develop a strong bond between you and others. Thinking of future, when crisis arise, these people you supported one day will be there to give you their support.

For this skill, you have to:

• Train yourself to think positively about others and always give them another chance.
• Imbibe gentleness and kindness; learn how to approach people especially when you need to give them bad news.
• Learn how to reward others in a fair way.
• Learn how to be beside others when they fail, showing your teeth by smiling, instead of snarling.
• Understand very deeply the meaning of being a leader.
• Love, love and love, from your heart, everyone who is around you.

Do that and have a better experience at the time of dealing with situations.