The capacity for resistance I - Tolerance, The Pathway towards Self-Leadership

To resist is the ability to withstand the effects arising from external and internal causes, without getting hurt. A material is measured by its resistance to electrical and thermal effects. "Burn the resistance" means that the material could not bear the load that came from outside.

For resistance, there is a formula you all have learned at school:

R= V/I

Where V is the voltage and I is the intensity with which the current passes. Talking in terms of human change, the most important is the voltage difference, that is, the difference of potential. It can be the difference in the consciousness, as the current (external and internal processes) cannot be controlled; sometimes they are stronger, sometimes weaker.

An example is a person who allows himself to be influenced by his job. I believe day by day this happens more often; the work should be our server, but instead has become our master.

In this situation, there is no way to prevent work pressures. Obviously I can accept some changes to relief the burden, but there is a moment when these changes don’t work anymore. In fact, any energy I apply in a negative form in my work (complaining, for instance), comes back to me.

If you open a shower and put your hand in front of the water, it deviates and keeps moving. However, the closer you put your hand to the shower, more the water pressure will wet the whole bathroom.

The same happens with work: by trying to put obstacles in front of the pressures, you are increasing it even more until it explodes. Paradoxically, we are increasing the current, instead of diminish it. And, by observing the formula, by increasing current, you are decreasing resistance, that is, the effect is opposite to the one you wanted.

So, what is the solution to increase resistance? According to the formula, the simplest solution is to increase the difference of potential.

A very interesting person I’ve met in Brazil was Dr. Roberto Shinyashiky. He is a transactional analyst, author of several books, one of which is Padres e filhos, companheiros de viagem (Fathers and sons, travel companions). In this book, he describes the experience he had with one of his sons who was born with some deficiencies. Depressed, feeling powerless, Roberto travelled to the United States to work with his son in therapeutic processes. In the extent he went over the therapies, he found out some aspects that helped him to clarify the moment he was living.

A few days later, whilst walking, Roberto faced a very strong wind. It was so strong that did not allow him to mover further. He tried to take some steps but he was forced to go backwards. It was then he found out a unique truth: you cannot go against the inevitable. The wind was inevitable as his son’s illness. From that moment, Roberto changed his consciousness and started to love him unconditionally, without bothering how he was.

Roberto transformed his ideas, he started to accept the reality and found other ways to live with them. Just like the Beauty, he embraced the Beast, that is, his situation and turned it into another beauty. In other words, he increased the difference of potential between his consciousness and the reality.

Unfortunately, I see people nowadays walk with their difference of potential almost in zero, even negative. That is, the reality dominates and determines the pace of life.

When I realize that fighting against the wind does not help anything, I start to love it and I take those moments to do something useful; in that instant, I become stronger than reality.

I want to go back to the example of working. The more I blame it for my present state, I am giving it strength and power and my consciousness is lower than the work pressures. How many of you have seen a more elevated spiritual person to be worried with something that another person who is in a lower state can do? Resistance is stronger when the consciousness is more elevated than reality. A person who is rich internally won’t bother with someone else’s insults; a saint won’t bother with someone else’s defamation; a true leader won’t bother with provocations from certain critics.

The change of perception makes individuals to transform their environment as it increases the person’s resistance in relation to opposite forces. The bigger is the resistance, the bigger will be the tolerance. The more tolerant you are, more open you will be towards the changes, because tolerance is the front door that helps you to meet those changes. It is a cycle:

• The change of perception increases your resistance.
• The resistance increases your tolerance.
• Tolerance helps you in changing your perception.

The moment I realize the work is not guilty, your family is not guilty, the neighbour should not go to jail just because he likes loud music, neither the employee nor the employer are guilty… only then I can start a transformation process. I increase my inner resistance in relation to all the outer “attacks”, it does not matter how painful they can look like.

(partial extract from the book El Camino hacia el Autoliderazgo)

Tolerance, The Pathway towards Self-Leadership

“Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom. Mastering others is strength; mastering yourself is true power.”

Tao

How many problems do we have with others? We live in a world of differences. Everyone has their own opinion, their lives and their inner and outer world. We live with people who are different; who do not think as we do, nor they want what we want.

After looking into the self, we have found what we have. Now, it is time to go out, face the reality and to live with it. Tolerance works as a powerful armor that does not allow we get affected by what comes from outside.

For our defense, we can build castles of sand, which are so tall that we can live in them, but they won’t stand to the slightest change of tide. When a strong wave comes, the dream is over.

In the ancient times, fortresses and castles were made in such a way that enemies could not access easily. However, human fortresses are fragile and they go down with any wind. It seems the world  is now at a battlefield where bosses fight against employees, parents against their children, governments against their people; all are against all. If not externally, internally we live in prevention. And it is now, more than ever, when fortresses must be reinforced, but not with sand and rock; with positive qualities.

The quote from Tao, which means literally Pathway, is in itself the basic key for tolerance; to be wise and to have power. Tolerance is not a state of supreme effort in which a person hates whatever he or she has to tolerate, looking at the watch all the time to see when that is going to end. In this world where we live, none wants to be a martyr, all of us want to be happy and we have to accept that.

If we do want to be happy, we can reach the conclusion that the other person who is causing us such a problem is upset with something; his or her own happiness was stolen. But through tolerance, I am able to give them that happiness back. Tolerate does not mean to create wrinkles, but to avoid them, to have a healthier physical and mental life.

(partial extract from the book El Camino hacia el Autoliderazgo)

A personal model of self-leadership

For me, self-leadership is the key to everything in terms of managing your own life.

Along the years, I have been working on several models of self-leadership. And I know this is something that won't end today... But, as it is for today, this is my present model, and its outcomes:

• My self-leadership is based in a model of 8 basic attitudes. I call them "spiritual powers", and I have written a book on that in Spanish and Portuguese.
• I understand self-leadership as the basis of actual leadership. When problems arise, I always look at the leadership that comes from inside.
• Empowerment is key, and self-empowerment is irreplaceable. I get that from 3 main sources: meditation, constant study and blessings (yeah, you heard right!).
• Blessings are the main fruit of self-leadership. It means a positive and powerful energy that comes from other people as a result of your service to others, and it is a complement to self-empowerment.
• Checking. Nothing is perfect, a leader of the self is always checking the self.
• Changing and transforming. To be a leader of the self means to change from your own will and to embrace transformation as a positive step, always.

I will be talking about each item later. Take care.

Do you want to be vegetarian?

I guess after the "crazy cows", swine and bird sicknesses (flues) and the recent "horsemeat scandal", many people have decided to be vegetarian, at least in those countries where these facts took place.

And if that happened, I am sure many of them - most of them - are back eating meat...

Why is that? Vegetarianism is not something you can decide just like that as it takes time and organization, courage and creativity, some good recipes and a very deep desire for changing.

Why? We live in a non-vegetarian society and eating meat is considered healthy, it means you are good financially and it is... well, normal. In fact, just before I myself became vegetarian, a couple of friends have became that and I used to tease them... So, believe me, I know all the reasons why not be a vegetarian.

If a person wants to go through that change, or any strong change like that, need to be deep, very deep. Yes, I do believe the world is on a vegetarian route. I do believe that many pressures will make people realize the value of avoiding meat in their diet, but on a personal level, your change must start from inside, from your own attitude and consciousness.

In my case, the turning point was spirituality. As I have embraced, spirituality implies the practice of vegetarianism because of non-violence and the dharma of the self. Dharma happens to be my reason, my deep reason, as it means the way I really am.

If change just happens because situations are making it happening - like the fear of eating horse meat, for instance - then it will "unhappen" at some point, making you go back to what you were before. But if a change comes from the change of attitude, then you will have an ally inside yourself that will help you to stand when the wave of change tries to go on a different way.

The reason is that if you change your own consciousness, that change becomes part of the self.

Do you want to be vegetarian not as something temporary but out of a deep realization? Work on your awareness, on your own dharma, and that will be more effective.

Improving the health in relationships

Something I've learned from spirituality is that we are complete beings originally, that is, you really do not need anything from anyone. I'm not talking physically, where we need to eat, sleep and keep the body's biological system working. What I mean is the spiritual, emotional and mental points of view - we are complete beings with an inner source of peace, love, happiness, power and purity.

However, many have taught us otherwise. They even told us to look for a companion and business focus went from the cult of personality to promoting teamwork.

Apparently the two ideas are contradictory, but I've learned many years ago that contradiction is something that does not exist in spirituality. The development of the self has a lot to do with the stage and the time the person is living, and the consciousness with which he or she does things.

From a spiritual point of view, relationships with others do not provide anything extra. What they do is ENCOURAGE something we already have internally. For example, through unconditional love, our mothers encouraged the love that we had internally; perhaps, without a loving mother, that love we already have would not emerge, and other behaviors will replace it, like conditional love or selfishness.

That means your interaction with others is essential. It is like certain elements that are in the body, but for its process, the body requires sunlight or some kind of external stimulant.

And it is in this awareness that relationships' health is based. If my consciousness is that I will be supplemented, or I have to give something to someone, at some point I will be let down when that person does not use what I gave her or him, or when I get less than I expected. If my consciousness is that my relationships are all the stimuli I need, I will accept whatever I receive with pleasure and love.

When relationships are healthy, they will teach and enrich. If relationships are healthy, other people will feel it is an honor to be with you, they will feel richer for being there.

If relationships are unhealthy, it's time to find a "vitamin", even an "operation" that heal it. Cutting a relationship is like cutting off an arm; it is the last resort.

I hope that you can always have healthy relationships.