Problems and our inner dialogue: the need for reflection

How do you work? How do you improve your productivity? What is the way of dealing with children? Why to forgive others? 

There are many questions in people’s minds, creating lots of internal noise as we try to navigate the troubled waters of present society, making things even worse. Before, it was much simpler as you can see by these possible answers…

I work as I was told to.My productivity is fine, thank you very much, and I will stay at this company until my retirement no matter what.I speak, my children obey.Forgive others??? Are you mad? They should be killed. I just need my family.

Those were the simpler times and although many people would cringe when hearing some of this, it was like that in our civilization for millennia.

Now, in these very complex times, we may just sit down and cry over past times, or learn new ways…

I do my best in my work, learning as much as possible. I fail and I win, that is how it works. Sometimes it is boring, but I have to live. Will they fire me? I endeavor to improve my productivity. Or not… it all depends if I like my job or not, if my boss is nice to me or not, the money... If it is OK, I will make my best. My children… sometimes I hit the target and I am able to satisfy them. Other times… not so lucky. Wow, it hurt. It really hurt. What that person did… but I need them in my life. What would I do without friends or family? Maybe I can just ignore them and keep some distance. Forgiveness? That’s too divine for me.

That is a present possible inner dialogue.

Now, let’s put some silence in between… Let’s put some reflection between the question and that inner dialogue and see what happens.

Of course, first we need to understand reflection very well. It can be in the form of journaling, meditating or just talking with a good friend, but it means I take the situation as if it is my own reflection – I put aside too much judgement and I accept who I am, what the situation is, and I develop it internally, talking with myself and reaching to some conclusions; not final conclusions, but at least my hair is combed; that is, the situation is clearer in my mind.

By putting some silence, the inner dialogue could go like this, at least at the beginning:

How do you work?…SilenceLet me think deeply in relation to my work. If I don’t like it, why am I still doing it? No, I like it, it is just that there are times I don’t like it. What can I do to make those times more pleasant? To change my boss or even to change my job is not possible or at least it is not instantaneous. Maybe a better attitude is on my reach, so by changing the way I think, I am sure the results in my work will change too… How do you improve your productivity?…SilenceI understand productivity as gaining more by doing less. Often I just focus on one of the sides of that equation (doing less), but let me think it in a different way: What am I attaining by doing this work? There has to be something and this is why I am here. By understand it I can refocus my actions, thoughts and energy towards that. If I work thinking of my achievements, I am sure I can produce much more and much better… What is the way of dealing with children?…SilenceI like the saying that parents are the bows, but children are the arrows. I am just taking care of them and by doing that, I am creating a strong bond, but one day, they will be on the air. The difficulty lies in that they have issues and I am aware I am not really qualified to deal with them. What can I do? Well, I can be a good parent, I am a good human being and I can at least provide them with a space and time, so that they can solve those issues. I can be present… Why to forgive others?…SilenceIf someone does something bad to me, it hurts, and many people have hurt me. If I am honest, I have hurt many people too and I would love to be forgiven by most of them at least. I would love them to look at me with no hatred, with some understanding of my mistakes and situation and hopefully a few of them would even extend their arms and embrace me again. If it is so good for me, I just wonder how good will it be for them if my eyes don’t show any hatred, I am able understand them and look at them in a different way, I can even hold a few of them…

Try this and see the results yourself.